


Tell me who you who am I

by MidoriNoHebi



Series: Ateez's Alternative Universes [4]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Arguments, Backstory, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Enemies, Gay Male Character, Hate to Love, Heartache, High School, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Love/Hate, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Near Death, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:21:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 96,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27962957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidoriNoHebi/pseuds/MidoriNoHebi
Summary: Three years ago, San and Mingi insulted Wooyoung, Yeosang and Yunho when they came out as gay, pansexual, and bisexual. They took different paths, and tried to forget about the years of friendship that had been destroyed in a few seconds.Three years later, San and Mingi, with two new friends, change High School in the middle of the year to try and get a fresh new start, away from their problems and their demons. As it turned out, they chose the same school their three old friends attend.Maybe fate decided it wasn't the end of them ? But in three years, they all had a lot of time to think, and if some see an occasion to move on and give second chances, others decided to show how hurt they have been and spit their hate on the two boys as much as possible. Between love, hate and friendship, this typical teenagers life can make you open your eyes on more things than you think.Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Jongho will try their best to fix this mess, but can they ? With so many unspoken words and missunderstandings ? Only one way to find out(The subject is heavy, and important things are discussed, but the ending is happy. Read the tags !!)
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Ateez's Alternative Universes [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898290
Comments: 65
Kudos: 142





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys ! I guess you can say I'm back ! Unofficially lmao  
> But this ficiton has been sitting on my laptop for a while and now I finally have enough chapters written and ready tp start posting ! I won't post as often as for the other fiction, but I'll try to at least twice a week !
> 
> This fiction is heavier than the others, it doesn't happen in a fantastic universe but in real life, and the subject I speak about is one I hold to my heart. I wanted to speak about it through different eyes, because a lot of people from the LGBTQ+ community aren't like me, in a welcoming, understanding and supportive family and it breaks my heart to think about it. 
> 
> TW for this chapter : mention of self-harm, smoking, depression
> 
> So here we are. You will probably hate me because (as usual) I'll torture our dear Ateez a little bit, make some of them meaner than they actually are, but it's only for the story, and because I can't write a sad ending (I can if everyone dies, it's either all happy and alive or all dead no in between x) ) this will of course end probably in the way you want. I hope you will like this story as much as you did the others, for anyone new here, welcome and I hope that I'll be able to kidnap you in the fantastic world that is my imagination !
> 
> Feedbacks are of course, very much welcomed (as long as their constructive criticisme) and kudos are appreciated as well. Thank you all, and enjoy this first chapter as a setting of the universe !

Jung Wooyoung and Kang Yeosang were best friends since kindergarten. Seeing one without the other was extremely rare, but not impossible, and not worrying. They had always been in the same class, doing the same things, and at some point, had been mistaken for brothers by at least all the parents of the other students in their class, as they always came to school and went home together.

Their parents were high school friends, so that their son would be best friends was not surprising at all. Separating the two boys was something they never tried to do and frankly, didn't even want to try. They weren't only children though. Wooyoung had an elder and younger brother, and Yeosang had en elder sister. And even if they shared everything with their elders, Wooyoung and Yeosang could only find a solution to their problems when the other was the one helping.

They also had this tendency to show up at the other's house unannounced, but being considered family, it was never an issue. Especially when it was rare for the boys to show up without announcing themselves at least a few minutes prior.

It was also a common sight for one of the parents' couple to check their son's room looking for the boy whom was missing. Yeosang and Wooyoung lived next door. Their bedroom's window might not have been facing one another, but they could easily slipped through theirs to climb up the other's without hurting themselves or alerting the whole houses. That's why the boys both slept with their windows closed but always unlocked, in case their friend was feeling down.

As it was the case with Wooyoung right now, apologizing to Yeosang's mother.

“It's fine Wooyoung, they never really get worried when it's not the two of you missing, we know you switch from one house to the other,” laughed the woman. “But are you alright ? You look a bit pale and tired, and your mom says you haven't been eating well lately ?”

Like I said, they became the other child of their friend's parents.

“I'm fine Kang-Eomma, just stressed for tomorrow,” answered the boy from where he was, under his best friend's cover and in his arms.

Tomorrow Yeosang and Wooyoung would go back to High School after their summer break, a day like the others, starting the second semester of their third year of High School - known as Junior year. Normally, high schools in Korea only had three years, but they were in an American-like school.

Nothing to be really stressed about, but Wooyoung knew Yeosang's mother would worry if he didn't serve her something to bite on.

She still seemed skeptical and eyed the two of them, but seeing how they were already morphing into one another, she knew they'd be fine.

“Alright, well if you need anything let me know, I'll ask your father to bring you two cups of hot chocolate Yeosangie, that's OK ?”

“It's perfect mom, thank you,” the boy answered with a small but bright smile.

Eomma Kang closed the door and sighed joyfully. She still had mixed feelings about her son's pink hair, but since Yeosang and Wooyoung had fought with their other childhood friends, nothing was the same anymore. She had met the Senior boy whom took care of her son and his friends since the first day in High School, and even if he was a bit unusual, she knew Park Seonghwa had helped the boys in a way neither she and her husband nor Wooyoung's parents would've been able too.

Behind the door, the boys were hugging in silence, until Wooyoung decided to break it.

“I miss _him_ Sangie ... I miss him but I don't want to ...”

Yeosang ran his fingers through the purple lock of his friend, sharing his memories and the melancholy that came with them.

“I know Woo ... I miss them too ...”

Them being Song Mingi and Choi San. A touchy subject ... An  _ I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it _ subject ... A painful subject ... They had been close, the four of them and Yeosang and Wooyoung's other friend, Jeong Yunho. They had been five unbreakable friends.

They had met in 4th grade, had made up a 'pop' band in 6th grade, and had fought and hurt each-other in 8th grade. 4 years of friendship ... Of laughs, cries, parties, songs and dances, bickering, love ... And that had been the thing to set them all on fire. Love.

When Wooyoung, Yeosang and Yunho had started to feel weird about the ones around them. When Mingi and San had started to talk about girls, and Yunho always thought “ _ Boys are as good _ ” and Wooyoung “ _ I don't find any interest in girls _ ”, when they had been confused, lost, when they had found answers, thanks to their amazing parents ... When they had came up as bisexual, and gay, without even saying the words, and San and Mingi had been insulting, and mean, and hurtful. When Yeosang, with the same questions as the oldest and youngest, had kept silent to not be caught in the crossfire, but still had because the words that came from Mingi and San had burned into his being. 

When San and Mingi had been homophobic, after years of fighting discriminations and bullies side by side ...

And then, High School had started. Mingi and San had left for a private school. And even if the plan was for the five of them to go to that school, all together, Yunho, Wooyoung and Yeosang had chosen the public school of the town. They couldn't keep the two in their sight. Not after what had been said.

The parents only knew about the big lines. They were saddened, but not surprised : the few times they had been able to talk to the Song and the Choi parents, they didn't appear like particularly nice people. Not open-minded either. Rather conservatives and old-fashion. Had almost been out of line when commenting how physically close Yeosang and Wooyoung always were.

Even if it came from the way they had been raised, nothing would excuse Mingi's and San's words on that fateful day before the February break.

“I still don't understand why,” Wooyoung's voice broke slightly, and he nuzzled in Yeosang's neck to hide his tears. Yeosang only held him closer.

“I don't know either Woo ... Sometime, people act in a way no one can understand ... And it hurts more to hang on than to let it go ...” the pink hair knew how much worst it had been for Wooyoung. The day before their fights he was confessing San had been the one to cause all the questions about the youngest's sexuality. Practically confessing his feelings about San to Yeosang. All that, to have his heart broken in the worst way possible the day after. Wooyoung had never recovered. That's why, three years after, the memory and that precise name always brought tears to his eyes.

Wooyoung's phone rang, a Shawn Mendes song rising in the silence of Yeosang's room, and it was the later who took it to check the ID.

“It's our third mom,” he said with a smile. That immediately caused the youngest to chuckle.

“You can pick it up,” he sniffed, trying to compose himself.

“Hi mom-hwa,” started Yeosang, already putting the eldest on speaker.

“ _Yeosang ? Did something happened to Wooyoung ?”_

Always one to worry. This guy had a fucking sixth sens.

“No he's just next to me, he's just ... A little down ... y'know ... that _thing_.”

They never told the eldest what it was about, and he never pried. He accepted to put up with their moods and the moments they felt down without asking questions, only comforting as best as he could. Just like the parents, he knew about a fight with close friends, but never had either the names nor reason for that fight.

“I'm fine Seonghwa,” said Wooyoung to not worry the boy.

Park Seonghwa. Their eldest of one year, the fourth to their group, and most importantly, Yunho's, Yeosang's and Wooyoung's mom.

During their first days in High School, the three Freshman had shown a bolder and wilder way of being and holding themselves, not taking shit from anyone, and being extremely defensive. Seonghwa had never been one to be alone, always surrounded by numerous boys and girls, but he never had  _ real friends _ . He didn't know that's what he'd found in the three boys when he decided to help them around the school. He had noticed how they were distancing themselves from the other students, looking at them as if one would try to attack them. 

One day Wooyoung had broke down in the middle of mathematics, and had run away, only to stumble into the empty music room. Or so he thought. Seonghwa was here, alone, but practicing chords, and had been shocked to see the young boy in such a state. Wooyoung had only gave him his phone, begging him to call for a Yeosang and a Yunho, as he couldn't do it himself. The boys had been suspicious and had held their distance with Seonghwa at first, not understanding what the Sophomore wanted, but without any of them noticing, they had all been drawn into this weird quartet.

The eldest had often talked about his desire to be part of a music band, even if it wasn't to last, and the three Freshman had jumped on the occasion, missing doing music way too much to refuse. But they had changed their style. Seonghwa was a rock-head and a punk/goth at his lost hours, a style Yeosang was familiar with, much more than Wooyoung and Yunho. But in the end, they had worked through it, and except for Seonghwa who already had his hair bleached, the three youngest decided a make-over would do them good. Not only for the ''needs'' of their new band, but also for their own good. Turning a page and closing a book.

That's how Yeosang ended with pink hair and two helix on his left ear, Wooyoung with purple hair and one ring on the right ear (“ _ I know I'm not an American gay in San Fransisco in the 70's, so what ? I can't have a sign of recognition ? _ ) as well as one helix on his left one, and Yunho with very flashy blue hair, but no piercings. He liked rings better. Wooyoung and Yeosang often exchanged chokers with Seonghwa whom had a collection of them, while the eldest had taught Wooyoung how to make his eyes darker. The four liked to wear black, but they also let a few colors in, especially Yunho and Wooyoung, while the two others liked to stay in whitish grayish shades. Their band name “Matz”, soon became the School's official band and they had already won prices at Inter-High School competitions. They also opened and closed most of the School's event, like the end-of-year Ball (Prom Night but for every grade), the sports-meeting, football games (before the pom pom girls of course) and other things like that ... They were proud, but the three youngest always felt like something - two persons actually - was missing. They never talked about it though ... It hurt to much. 

Little did they know it that they'd soon need to talk about it ...

“ _Ah I see ... I hope my problem-child is not crying ?_ ” Seonghwa's voice wakened Yeosang from his thoughts. 

“What do you mean problem child ? What does that make Yeosang and Yunho ?!” screamed Wooyoung in his high-pitched voice.

“ _Yunho's our puppy of course, and Yeosang ... I guess he's the favorite child-”_

“WHAT ?!”

Seonghwa and Yeosang had burst out laughing while Wooyoung had stolen his phone back from his friend's hand.

“ _I'm kidding Woo, of course I love all my sons equally, now, how about we call Yunho and do something about that state of yours ?_ ”

Wooyoung's mood dropped down again, and Yeosang quickly took the phone back. The youngest plopped deeper inside the bed and wrapped his arms around Yeosang's waist, hiding in the pillow.

“ _Is he hiding behind you while cuddling ?_ ” asked Seonghwa in a sight. 

“You know him too well,” sighed back Yeosang with a small smile dancing on his lips when Wooyoung protested from his pillow.

“There's nothing that can make me feel better,” he mumbled.

“Mh, nothing ?”

“Nothing ...”

Yeosang took his computer and turned it on, already searching through his Amazon Prime list.

“Not even _Mean Girls_ ?”

At that, Wooyoung jolted back up, tears still running down his cheeks but also warmth in his heart.

“Okay, maybe _Mean Girls_.”

“ _Mean Girls ? What's that ?_ ”

Wooyoung gasped and stole the phone once more, yelling in it as if he could yell in Seonghwa's ears.

“You're a chaotic gay and you don't know _Mean Girls_ ?!”

“ _First of all, I'm not chaotic, second of all, I'm not gay, we talked about it already, and third of all, no._ ”

Wooyoung turned to Yeosang.

“Call Yunho, this is a crises.”

Laughing, the eldest tried not to wince when Wooyoung started a very animated discussion with Seonghwa about his cinematic culture, gasping and being outraged when the tomorrow-to-be Senior said he was not more familiar with _To All the Boys I've Loved_ or _Call Me by Your Name_ while explaining the situation to Yunho.

“ _We are the ones who should have educated you !_ ” had agreed the blue hair. 

“ _Not you too ! Look, I'm more interested in horror movies and thrillers than your stuff, you can't be mad at me for that_.”

“We can and we will ! _Mean Girls_ is the center point for a LOT of Internet and meme references, and I use them a lot !” replied Wooyoung, already setting Yeosang's computer.

They had switched to use Skype and share Yeosang's screen so all could see the movie playing and have a good sound.

“ _Like what ?_ ”

“You know what he says every time you take us to the mall ?” asked Yeosang rolling his eyes.

“ _You mean '_ ** _get in losers we're going shopping_** _' when we are all already in the car ?_ ”

“Yeah that ...” he chuckled, dodging a pillow Wooyoung threw his way.

Now able to see their friends' face, the purple hair felt better, seeing the half-pained smile the eldest was making while Yunho was hiding his laugh behind his hand. They finally calmed down and started the movie, all in their beds, but Yeosang and Wooyoung in the arms of each-other.

“ _I'm jealous, you always cuddle like that even when we're not all together_ ,” joked Seonghwa with a fond smile. 

“ _Don't worry, give it another year and you'll be used to it_ ,” deadpanned Yunho. 

Yeosang pulled his tongue out while Wooyoung only pulled him closer to make them even more jealous.

At some point in the middle of the movie, Yeosang's father came as promised with two hot chocolates, and they had to pause because Yunho and Seonghwa wanted some too. The end of the evening was them commenting on the best part of the movie, sipping their chocolates like old women were sipping tea while spilling some, until Seonghwa reminded them tomorrow was a day of school and they should all go to bed before looking like zombies.

“ _And please, wait at least one week before hunting the Freshman Woo, the poor kids don't deserve that_.”

“Hey ! I'm not that bad !”

“You're just a flirt,” teased Yeosang. “And hot, and you know how to use that hotness, so keep it away from the new students for now,” added the pink hair with a raised brow.

Another consequences of San's words on Wooyoung ? The boy had needed a way to share all the love he was feeling and found it by becoming the School's fuckboy. He was always respectful and attentive, one thing that made him a good lover, and never did anything on school's ground (nothing more than making out maybe a few blow-jobs and hand-jobs here and there), but his friends knew that unlike Yunho and Seonghwa, whom also liked to sleep around, Wooyoung wasn't healthy about it. But that was another problem Yeosang wanted to deal with later in the year.

He fell asleep with his best friend glued to him, nose in his neck, body pressed against his, and preyed for the new year to be calm and gentle with them.

He should have prayed harder.

*

San was looking at himself in the mirror. Or to be more precise, he was trying. Soon, he felt the tears come and gave up.

San had always been aware of his pretty face, dimpled-smile that made everyone crazy, and good shape of body. People always complimented him on his looks, and San was always one to be a fashion victim and be the best dressed, but never cared about his hair or face. The full body-mirror he used in his room was place in a way that cut his head, perfect in his opinion. His father had found it a little weird, but he had placed it the way his son wanted.

Now in his bathroom, San was forced by his own mind to look down and stop staring at himself. He could almost forget what he looked like. Almost. But he was always able to look at himself for at least three minutes before the sight of his reflection became too much, and he started to be disgusted by himself.

He had seen a therapist. His parents had been there for him. His friends Song Mingi and Choi Jongho too. But Kim Hongjoong had been the one seeing the real problem in San's mind.

Since the fight that broke their friends' group and band apart in 8th grade, San had never been able to really look at himself in a mirror. He always remembered the words he had thrown to the one he considered his soul-mate for a long time, and always felt disgusted.

Saying he and Mingi had been disturbed to enter High School only together would be an understatement. On their first day they had already broke into a fight with other students, and were constantly sent to the Headmaster's office during their first months. Their parents had been confused, had not understood what could have happened to their quiet boys. Sure, the fight with the other kids had been bad, but it could not only be that, right ?

The Songs and the Chois were good parents. They had always been supportive of their son, listening to them, ready to do everything needed to make them feel better. But the fact is, the Songs and the Chois were a little out of reality ... They called themselves accepting of things they would never let happen in their own household. They had always made sure Mingi and San were raised in the best way, to be perfect gentlemen, polite and gallant ... to women. Because of course, Mingi and San would marry women, and have children. It couldn't be any other way, right ? That's how they had been raised after all, so it should be the good way ?

Unconscious of the pressure they laid on their boys. And how it messed up with their minds and social lives.

San had been the must touched one. Maybe because in silence, he too, had been confused about his sexuality, wondering why he thought Wooyoung was prettier than the girl he had dated in 7th grade. Why he had thought of the boy when he had kissed her for the first time. Worst, why every time he was looking for a girl to flirt with when going out, he was looking for girls only a bit smaller than him, with thick thighs, sharp features, strong eyes and high cheekbones. Why their smiles, as charming as some might have been, only looked faded compared to the memory he had of Wooyoung's.

Don't get him wrong. Choi San was very much into girls. He had never felt repulsion or disgust when touching a girl, privately or not. The thought of him being with a girl was a good thought. As good as the thought of him being with a boy. Really, if San listened to himself, he could answer the lustful eyes some men lingered on him instead of hiding his attraction by a disgusted glance, generally offending said men.

He couldn't help it. He didn't want to, but he felt like he had to repulse that side of himself. He felt like it would disappoint his parents. He knew it would, he had heard them talk about it enough for him to understand they probably wouldn't understand.

So he stayed silent. And for every boy San had ever let his eyes laid on, with desire behind his heart, he cut.

He had five scars, one longer than the others, on the inside of his wrist. The longest was for the first boy he had ever wanted, Wooyoung.

The others were for boys he had wanted to kiss, or touched. The sixth he drew tonight was for the guy he met this summer and had wanted to fuck.

San felt miserable doing this. But he didn't know how else he could express what he felt inside. San was a sensible boy. The only thing he wanted was to love. Unconditionally, without boundaries, limits, San wanted to  _ love _ . He thought it was unfair to be limited to women, when he knew he could also love men. 

But he stayed silent, because he knew his parents wouldn't approve.

He cleaned the fresh cut after his shower, not even wincing anymore, and only putting on his boxers, went to his room.

“Don't forget your alarm San !” reminded his sweet mother with a caring smile. She kissed his forehead and took a look at the thick leather bracelet on her son's wrist. “Do you wear it even when showering ?”

“What ? Ah that ... No I don't, leather doesn't do good with water,” chuckled the boy with his plastic smile he knew oh so well how to do.

“I don't understand why you wear it all the time ...”

“I just like having something around my wrists ... I'm thinking of maybe having it covered with a small tattoo ?”

“Well, think about it deeply first, your father and I aren't against it you know it, but we don't want you to ink your skin with something you will regret.”

It truly was unfair. Some parents would rather have their children gay than tattooed, for San, it was the opposite. His parents were still open-minded on a lot of things, like tattoos and piercings, as San already had at least four of them on each ear.

“Go to sleep now, tomorrow is a big day. Are you sure changing school was a good idea ?”

It was a little ridiculous asking that almost _now_ , but San didn't mind.

“I'm sure mom. The other school was much more restrictive, and they even have a dance club in that one !”

“As long as you're happy.”

She kissed his forehead, told him goodnight, and went to her and her husband's room. San waited, sitting on his bed with a book open for his father to come.

“Don't forget-”

“My alarm, yes I got it,” laughed the Junior.

“Ah, your mother already came ?” smiled San's father.

“Yeah she did.”

“Well, I guess I don't have much to say, she already said everything !”

“A little word could still be nice ...”

San's father smiled and sat on his son's bed taking him into his arms.

“You'll do fine. Mingi is with you isn't he ? Plus, you got Hongjoong, he's a good kid, helped you a lot when you were in trouble. He'll know how to keep you out of them. As for Jongho, well, _you_ are his hyung, you'll have to keep _him_ out of trouble.”

“I will.”

San's father left, closed the door and the boy was alone with his mind once more. Feeling all the voices and bad memories coming in, he decided to kill them before they could even make him cry and took a cigarette out of the pack hidden in his schoolbag. He pulled out the lighter Mingi bought him for his birthday (Hongjoong hadn't been happy, saying it wasn't good to encourage him in smoking) and lightened his cigarette.

San wasn't a big smoker. He liked one when he felt so stressed he could rip the skin of his face, or when he had very stressful tests coming in. Or on most occasions, when he didn't want to eat, and used to cigarettes as appetite suppressant. That didn't happen a lot though, San liked to work out with Jongho and for that, he needed a full stomach. No San smoked a lot when his thought were becoming overwhelming and oppressing. Like now.

He sighed deeply, feeling the smoke fill his lungs, and after three drags, fill his brain. It was only at this moment that he took his phone out, and quickly shot a text as Hongjoong saying '' _ I did a sixth one _ ''. 

Two seconds after his ring tone made him open his eyes, and he lazily picked up, not even checking the ID.

“ _Put that cigarette down, you firefighters' training building_.”

“Good evening to you to hyung. How did you know I was smoking ?”

“ _That's what you always do after cutting Choi. You told me about a sixth one but you only had five the last time I saw your wrist. Now put it down._ ”

“No can do, I just started it and it'd be a waste of my money.”

He heard the other scoff on the other side of the line, but didn't mind. Mouth closed, he watched the white smoke he exhaled from his nose and opened his window. He shivered slightly feeling the cool air of the night, and lost his eyes in the stars.

“ _You shouldn't San. I know why you do it, I understand, but it's not good for you._ ”

“I can't write my feelings the way you do Joong. You and Mingi got your rap, I need my nicotine.”

“ _You need it because you became an addict !”_

“Probably yeah ...”

There was a small silence, and then :

“ _Look San, I know where you stand and where your parents stand. But I don't want to have to call Jongho a second time to help you throw up the sleeping pills you stole to the school's infirmary and gulped at lunch before gym class. This was the most fucking terrifying thing I ever had to do, and I'm not even talking about Mingi slamming the door of my classroom open to call for me because you wouldn't wake up. I won't do that a second time, neither will you. Just because you had kissed a boy ..._ ”

“I won't do it a second time, I learned my lesson.”

“ _San fuck no ! Don't act dumb like this for God's sake ! This situation is killing you !_ ”

“You know what else would kill me ? Starving in the streets because my parents would've thrown be out.”

“ _They wouldn't-_ ”

“You don't know them like I do Hongjoong. Fuck-”

Taking a deep breath to calm himself and not disturbed his parents with his loud voice, he took another drag of his cigarette and let the smoke out while adding :

“I don't want to know what will happen if I tell them girls only satisfy half on my needs,” it was said in a whisper, just in case one of his parents would be ear on his bedroom door.

“ _I won't mention it again but I swear San, it's killing me to see you like this ... It's killing Jongho and Mingi too ..._ ”

“Well, until there's another solution, the three of you will have to suck it up.”

San knew Hongjoong wanted to reply that  _ there was another solution _ , but was glad when the eldest didn't. 

San's father had been in the right. Kim Hongjoong had been San's savior, in more ways than one. When Mingi and San had ended up at the Headmaster's office for the tenth time during their Freshman year, Hongjoong had been the Sophomore in charge of keeping an eye on them and make sure they wouldn't cause problems. San and Mingi were brilliant, the two best of their class, and that's what gave them a sort of immunity to being fired. But that wouldn't last, and Hongjoong made sure to tell them at least once a day.

The Sophomore had not only made sure they wouldn't be little shits, no, Hongjoong had decided he'd take them under his wings. He was most of the time alone, because of his general appearance (a mullet, in the 21st century, no wonder people stayed away), his painted clothes and ripped style. People always assumed he was a bad omen, but the boy was cleaner than a religious child. Never smoked, done drugs or anything illegal, he was just a free mind, with an imagination bigger than the world, and a care for what people thought of him close to the absolute zero. He was a fresh breath of air when he arrived in Mingi's and San's dark world, wrecking the boys with colors and support until their eyes were open enough for them to be thankful, and start building a solid friendship with Hongjoong.

The boy seemed to have a sixth sens for those things, because he had felt right away things weren't like San and Mingi let them seem, meaning the two of them being problem children. He didn't dig or pried when the youngest had only told him about their friends and the fights that happened just a few months prior, but Hongjoong had soon discovered San was more touched by it than Mingi. Having already witnessed it, he understood right away after a small talk than San was internalizing a huge part of himself, and could even be homophobic when he felt attacked on that part. Long phone talks had been necessary for San to stop being such an ass towards people from the LGBTQ+ community, but when it was about himself, the youngest was ready to be sick about it. Even now.

Hongjoong had been the one helping him deal with his dark thoughts, the depression he started, the therapists he had asked his parents to see. But even to them San was never honest about the real problems.

_ How do you want them to help if you don't tell them the truth ?!  _ Hongjoong and Mingi had been mad. Mingi more silently, as he too was struggling with some of his likings he couldn't understand. But unlike San, he was dealing with it a healthy way. He had been honest about the way he felt when talking to his therapist, but neither the doctor nor the boy had said anything to Mingi's parents. 

They were still stairs to climb, but he was already halfway there.

Choi Jongho came the year after. A Freshmen when he and Mingi were Sophomore and Hongjoong a Junior. Like the two Sophomores, he had started High School by striking hard, as he had beat down a Senior, yes, a  _ Senior _ , whom was being racist towards another Freshman. Somehow, Hongjoong had adopted the actually very sweet and gentle boy with a surprising strength, and that's how they had become the quartet they were now. Fortunately, Jongho and Hongjoong were able to be two pillars for the group, because San's mental instability and Mingi's sensibility would've destroyed their friendship sooner or later. They still felt closer together, but they knew it would've explode at some point, if it had been only the two of them during their whole High School years. 

After the incident of last year, when San had sort of tried to kill himself - even if he wasn't seeing it as such - Hongjoong had proposed to change School. For the four of them ... It hadn't been easy. Hongjoong's parents were ready to do what was best for their son's education (and their bank accounts ; they were adorable people don't think less, but like every parent, they knew their son's University bill would be far more expensive and any money they could save was welcome), Jongho's were surprised but didn't mind, as long as it wouldn't affect his grades, while San's and Mingi's had been more reluctant to change them in the middle of the school year.

It didn't really take long to change their minds : the public school proposed more activities that'd look great in their fills, and they hadn't had a good start with the private school anyway.

The four of them had been accepted thanks to their grades, and they were now preparing to enter a new environment.

“ _New school, new people, you'll see, it'll be good for you and Mingi. You might be able to meet someone else_ ...”

Ah yeah, San had also recently broke up with his girlfriend. Why ? She had cheated.

That didn't help his confidence at all. He didn't love her per say, but he still felt things for her and it had hurt him much more than he would've want so.

“I hope so hyung ... Did you have Mingi or Jongho on the phone ?”

“ _I had Jongho yeah, he's a little nervous, you know he's kinda like me, never made friends in his year, so he hopes he'll find some in this new school_.”

“And if he doesn't ?”

“ _The boy's a worker, pretty sure he'll do everything he can to jump a year and graduate with you guys.”_

“It'd be weird next year ... To not have you,” confessed San, dragging the rest of his cigarette before it started to burn his fingers. He let it fall in a half-empty water bottle in which laid a dozen of cigarettes stubs.

“ _You'll be fine San, you'll have Mingi and Jongho. And we're not even next year yet, let's enjoy this year first alright ? We can worry about next year in February._ ”

San smiled. He wished Hongjoong a good night, hung up, and exchanged a few nervous and excited text to Mingi before collapsing and sleeping.

He really hoped this year would change things for himself. He hated feeling the way he did. He only managed to feel free when he was singing with the three others at Hongjoong's place, writing their raps and making their own music. Because of the private school they couldn't make an official band, and San really wanted to be heard. If he couldn't do that by talking, he'd do it by singing his heart out.


	2. Chapter 1 : Welcome Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 is out ! This first chapter as well as the second one will mostly be a set of the environment, the people that will appear a few times in the story, so they will be "quiet" for now, drama and angst light but heavier starting chapter 3. Also I'll publish every Tuesday and Friday ! Once I have more chapters ready I'll be able to post three times a week but for now I can only do two,  
> Hope you'll like it !  
> Enjoy !

When Wooyoung woke up, he felt his eyes puffy.

Damn tears ... He really chose his night to cry.

Yeosang groaned and turned around to shush the very loud BTS song that was screaming in his room, cursing Wooyoung out loud for being an Army.

“Sorry not sorry Sangie, let's not get grumpy for the first day of school yeah ? Seonghwa-hyung won't be thrilled about it.”

Groaning more Yeosang pushed his cover away with his feet, almost falling off the bed when he tried to roll over on his stomach.

“Woo ! You took all the place last night !”

“You say that every night since we're six !”

“Well maybe you should start listening !”

“Maybe you should stop being so-”

“Boys ! Stop screaming and actually get ready ! I won't wait for you forever !”

“Yes noona sorry noona,” Wooyoung was quick to move after hearing Yeosang's sister, Yeosin, and his best friend didn't hesitate to mock him.

“You know she doesn't eat men right ?”

“She's a very loud lesbian, I'm pretty sure she _did_ eat all the boys who tried to ask her out !”

“Coming from an equally loud gay that's hilarious,” stated the older, only receiving a tongue pulled out as an answer.

Yeosang chuckled but finally moved too and got himself ready. He pulled out a ACDC black and gray top he put on top of a long-sleeve fishnet shirt, black ripped jeans, his black rangers, and brushed his pink hair, enjoying the spring appearance of the whole thing. He made sure his birth-mark on under his left eyes was visible under the pink locks, and only put on a red-colored chap-stick.

Turning, he saw his friend hadn't listen to his advice about revealing clothes. Well, it suited him like hell so why not.

Wooyoung had styled his purple hair back, only a few wild locks were falling in front of his forehead. He was wearing a very loose red and black shirt with snake's skin patterns, tugged in very tight black leather pants. A silver belt and long chains on his hips completed the attire, as well as his small heeled boots. He had wrapped around his neck a simple black velvet choker, and wore a few rings.

Yeosang also put on a choker, but a very small one, almost like a ribbon.

“Black or red ?”

Turning to his friend, he saw Wooyoung in front of his dressing table, his make-up spread in front of him. Checking his phone, Yeosang noticed they had a few minutes to spare and sat down next to the boy.

“Mmm, black. But light Wooyoung, not you're smoking hot smoky eyes. Not the _I wanna fuck any living boy in this room_ one.”

“The edgy goth one then ?”

“Perfect,” Yeosang and Wooyoung stared at each-other before laughing.

A few minutes later they were eating breakfast at the Kang's family table and more minutes after they had cleaned their teeth and where waiting for Yeosang's sister in her car. Her university was a little further, and she also dropped them when her schedules let her. Like today.

“So, nervous ?” she asked, starting the car.

“Not really no, I mean, it's just another the second semester,” shrugged Wooyoung from his backseat.

“I just hope Seonghwa will let us do more content, our own I mean. I like covering pop songs and singing our favorite rock songs, but I think it'd be nice to sing our own songs,” said Yeosang absently, eyes on the streets behind the window.

“You got things to say lil' demon ?” asked Yeosin, still focused on the road but also on her brother.

“Who doesn't ? It's nothing bad really, I feel like Kurt Cobain, I just want to sing what I think.”

“I got you, let's start by asking Seong-eomma more lines for us,” laughed Wooyoung.

Yeosang pouted.

“Yeah that too, he and Yunho also have the mic most of the time.”

“Well Seonghwa's your leader, so it's normal if he sings the most, no ?” Yeosang's sister stopped at the red fire, and checked her look in the rear-view mirror.

“Yes, and he has an amazing voice, but me and Wooyoung are more background noises than actual singers sometimes ...”

“Did you tell him that ? Knowing Seonghwa he probably doesn't do it on purpose.”

“Of course he doesn't, but ...”

Yeosang bit the inside of his cheeks. He might be called the truth-teller by his friends as he was the first one to drop facts about them, but when it came to speak about what he had inside, it was another story.

“You know your brother noona,” sighed Wooyoung. “But don't worry, I'll back you up Yeosangie !”

Yeosang chuckled but his cheeks reddened slightly at his friend's called out.

The route was quick, and in less than twenty minutes Yeosin had dropped them in front of the school.

The two youngest didn't see the group of four walking their way, composed by two familiar heads whom stopped the second they spotted them.

“Guys ? You alright ?” asked a short red-haired boy.

“You must be shitting me ...” whispered a very tall one.

“What ?”

“It's nothing, nothing really,” said another one.

“San you just turned white, what's going on ?”

“I think this year is going to be a nightmare ...”

Wooyoung and Yeosang didn't notice them in the crowd of students in front of the school, and rushed in to meet Seonghwa and Yunho, already sitting on their bench behind the biggest tree of the courtyard.

Seonghwa was just what Wooyoung had been denied by Yeosang : smoking hot. But when was he not ? His now black hair was styled in an undercut with long locks on top of his head, swiped on his left elegantly. He was wearing a puffy sleeves white shirt, on which he had put on a red sleeveless sweater with black harlequin patterns. He also had black jeans, a small chain around his neck and waist as a belt, a thin leather band as a choker, numerous rings on his fingers, and black Creepers.

Yunho was sober, but as eye-catching, with black slacks, classic black band shirt, low black Dr Martens. He had a long necklace with a tiger eye at the end, and black straps around his wrists. Like Wooyoung he was wearing a light black makeup that only underlined his puppy eyes without taking the sweetness away from them. His flashy cyan hair were the only touch of color.

Seonghwa was also wearing a light make-up, but light in the colors, as he had red shadows on the sides and the bottom of his eyelids. He also smelled weird ...

“Is this woman's perfume ?”

“Is that really the first thing you want to ask Jung,” replied with a smirk Seonghwa.

They all had their leather jackets either on them or next to them, and were quickly identified as the rock band by the Freshmen at the beginning of the year a few months ago. On all their jacket was a little flag pins with their color and what they were defending. On Yeosang's laid a pansexual flag, on Seonghwa's and Yunho's a bisexual one, and on Wooyoung's a gay one. It was pinned to the lapel of their jackets, small detail but present, and the meaning known to a lot of students. They hadn't really meant to out themselves, that's not what their group was about, but a lot of students had red through the lines of some of the songs they covered and asked, in an attempt to look for comfort. A comfort and a support the group had been eager to provide.

“So, are you going to explain why you smell like a woman ?” asked Yeosang, flopping between Seonghwa's and Yunho's legs. The eldest were sitting their asses on the backrest and their feet on the seat.

“What ? I can't change my perfume ? Smell being different from man to woman is an illusion, we have the right to wear fresher perfume too.”

Yeosang raised a brow while Wooyoung let himself fall on Seonghwa, the eldest intercepting him as usual and opening his arms for the boy to crawl in. That was another thing that surprised people : how touchy they were between each-other. They had been asked a lot if they were dating, only to surprise when they said they weren't. They just craved contact and hugs. And didn't care if they were in public when hugging.

“Alright, I hadn't realize I was out until this morning, and my brother's perfume is too strong for my taste.”

“So you took your mother's didn't you ?”

“Yeah, yeah I did ...”

The guys laughed and soon fell back in their usual talks. Even after three years of friendship they always had things to say and were never out of subject. Their main on this morning was the movie they watched last night, and Seonghwa had made the discovery of his life.

“I swear, when she fell in that trash bean I thought I was gonna die !”

“And when Regina is told to try Sears ! Her face !”

“Exactly yours every time someone assume your straight.”

Yunho exploded in laughter after Yeosang roasted Wooyoung once more, while the two just bickered and Seonghwa tried to quiet down Wooyoung's very loud and high voice. The new students (mostly transfers) were already scared of them and they hadn't even sung yet.

The oldest's eyes caught a glimpse of redness in the crows of students coming inside the courtyard, and he couldn't help but stare. Seonghwa never had the pretension to say he knew everyone, but he felt like this one was knew. He was shorter than him, but in the sea of boring black hair, his pink-red locks caught eyes.

Further, Hongjoong tried to make his way between the students while ignoring some weird looks. He was happy to see people stared less, maybe because it was a public school, but he had not really seen other students with a different style.

“Hey Hongjoong,” San seemed nervous when he turned to look at the youngest.

“You okay ? San you're even whiter than before, and Mingi too ! Guys I'm worried what's going on ?!”

“Nothing, just, too much people, let's get inside yeah ?”

Hongjoog complied but exchanged a knowing glance with Jongho : something was definitely off. It's when the boys ran to pass the big double doors and he shook his head at their childish behavior that he saw him. A brunette, with a definitely not common appearance. Everything in him, the way he looked, dressed, held himself, everything caught Hongjoong's eyes. And apparently, he had caught his, given how he was being stared at.

The brunette quickly turned his head when a boy with purple hair - his boyfriend probably, given how he was hugging him - called him, and Hongjoong also turned away to catch Jongho.

Such a shame, he could see something happen with this one.

“Seonghwaaaa,” whined Wooyoung, “pay attention to meeee.”

The eldest snapped his head back to his friends, shaking it a little upon seeing their surprised faces.

“Sorry I just saw a boy with flashing red hair ...”

“Yeosang, do you hear it too ?” asked Yunho.

“I think I do Yunho.”

“Hear what ?” asked Seonghwa.

“The sound of a string being pulled,” started the blue hair.

“And a arrow flying through the air and-”

“I'll stop you right there” cut Seonghwa, holding a hand up. “Not gonna happen. Now- aaah shush demon spawns !”

The loud protest he received only worsened everything and he had to run away laughing to escape his friends.

“I'll see you at the show ?”

Every first day after the holidays the Headmistress was giving a little speech she'd conclude with Matz playing two or three songs. The afternoon was made to chose a club to sign in or not, and for the possible new transfers to take their marks in the unfamiliar building.

“Sure, we'll try to bring Wooyoung too !” assured Yunho.

“I swear if you're late on the first day Woo,” threatened Seonghwa.

He didn't look like it because he was a nice boy, but Seonghwa was scary when he was pissed, and it's an experienced none of them wanted to try again.

“I won't !” quickly promised the purple hair. “I will be on time !”

“Good !”

And with that, Yunho, Yeosang and Wooyoung went into their classroom, saying high to Miss Wang, their chemistry teacher, and sat at their usual spots, meaning Wooyoung at the last rank, Yunho on his left and Yeosang in front of him. It was easier to have the smartest a rank before them to teach. Chatting with their other class friends, they didn't see the Headmistress at their door until a knock surprised them all. Immediately, they all sat correctly and went back to their places for the ones who weren't.

The Headmistress smiled, proud.

“I hope all of you had good summer vacations, you'll probably be able to tell them in an assignment your Korean teacher won't miss to give you,” she laughed at the whines that followed the statement, “this semester won't be any different from the first one. Next one will be the real challenge, as you'll have to validate your classes to get in your Senior year. But for now, the usual. More will be expected of you, and we will be ready to answer any question or need for tutoring you will ask.”

Yeosang furrowed his brows. The Headmistress was usually not walking around classes to give that speech. It was her 'Welcoming the Transfers' speech she was suppose to give later. Believe it or not, they often had transfers ; the school was very popular and despite all the activities, had the best ranking grades of the town.

“I see some of you are surprised by my presence and you have every right to be. But this semester we are welcoming two new faces, four actually, but you only need to worry about the two that will be a part of your class now.”

She unfolded a small paper and turned to the open door.

“Choi San and Song Mingi, is that right ? Come on in boys !”

Yunho's and Wooyoung's heart dropped, Yeosang widened his eyes, and the world stopped. They couldn't believe it. In Korea, it was usual for people to have the same family name, hell they knew three different Kang in their class, but the name ?! No that was just too much of a coincidence.

When the two boys entered the classroom, Wooyoung felt his heart clench painfully. He wanted to cry. He didn't, and he knew Yunho felt the same. Yeosang reached a hand and grabbed his, holding it like he would die otherwise.

Wooyoung _felt_ like he would die. San was beautiful. He hadn't change one bit, except getting more handsome and growing into a fine man. He was built harder, more muscular than he remembered, and he also noticed the lifeless expression in his eyes was new. The boy had piercings, but didn't touch his hair. He had a thick band around his wrist, but the rest of his outfit was very simple. He you could call a black top with black cargo pants and boots. He wasn't wearing any jewelry, except for the small chain he had also wore since his thirteenth birthday. It was a gift from Wooyoung. He noticed the discreet movement San made to hide the necklace in his shirt, and his heart hurt even harder.

Yunho was fixed on Mingi. The boy was taller, maybe as tall as him now, but thiner. He had lost weight. But he had grown very well. Wearing simple white loose shirt, loose jeans and fake glasses as accessories, a few black locks falling into his eyes, with green and blue dyed ones.

They looked comfortable, until they crossed eyes with the three boys at the back of the class. Their eyes widened slightly, and they looked mortified.

“What the hell are they doing here ?!” whispered furiously Yunho.

“How the hell should I know ?!” answered as furiously Wooyoung.

“Guys enough the Headmistress is still here.”

San felt like dying too. He needed to smoke, and he needed to smoke right now. His stomach had dropped the second he laid his eyes on the familiar face, only thing he remembered from the loud boy he once knew. They had changed. Mingi could feel it too. And it didn't have anything to do with their appearance.

San eyed the purple hair on Wooyoung's head, and one of their long night discussion popped back into his head.

- _Hey Sannie ?_

_-Yeah ?_

_-What's your favorite color ?_

_-Why are you asking me that ?_

_Wooyoung had shrugged._

_-Just curious ..._

_-Purple. I like purple a lot ..._

_They had been silent for a while and then :_

_-Do you think I'd look great with purple hair ?_

_San had laughed at his friend's question, happy and fond._

_-You'd look good in any color Wooyoungie._

_-Yes but purple ?_

_-Why purple in peculiar ?_

_-You like it, don't you ?_

_-You don't need purple hair for me to like you Woo._

If only he had known how these words had affected the youngest. How ignorant he had been to assume and say that. He felt the chain around his neck heavier than it actually was, and the need to breathe became urgent as he caught himself almost having a panic attack. Mingi grabbed his hand discreetly, tightening his grip on it, and soothed him by caressing his skin with his thumb. He could feel the tallest's hand shaking in his own, and tightened back.

They knew. The second they saw Yunho, Yeosang and Wooyoung they knew they wouldn't be able to escape them. They knew fate would throw them under the bus without a second thought. Hongjoong had been so wrong. This year wouldn't save San. It'd kill him.

“Class, be nice to San and Mingi, if they need help don't be shy and propose it, you know how this works yeah ? I'll also need one or two students to show them around.”

Yeosang, Wooyoung and Yunho looked panicked, and the Headmistress caught it and fortunately, thought it was for something else.

“Don't worry Mister Kang, Jeong and Jung, I know you're busy with the School band I won't bother you with that.”

San and Mingi eyed them with a mix of curiosity, fear, and horror. The free seats were at the front of the class, so that still made a distance between them, but the three rockers weren't done being upset.

Seonghwa was looking through the window, ignoring his teacher's speech about how important that year was for them. The Headmistress' secretary knocked on the door and brought Seonghwa back into the real world.

“Sorry to disturb you,” he started. “It will only take a minute. Good morning everyone, no need for the usual speech it's not your first rodeo so I'll make it short. You will have a new student in your class, be nice to him and don't turn your back if he needs help with anything. Kim Hongjoong, you can come in boy.”

Seonghwa's breath was caught when the red hair from earlier presented himself. He bowed deeply and introduced himself.

“Hi everyone, nice to meet you.”

Seonghwa could already tell the entire class was in love with his honest smile and gentle face. He was beautiful. He had almond eyes that gave him sharp as well as caring eyes, pointy nose and small pink lips. His hair was reddish and pinkish, depending on the light, and even his brows were dyed. He was wearing a simple red t-shirt tugged in straight cut jeans, white socks showing from his faded navy blue creepers, and a very long jacket with stripes patterns. He looked hot.

That's exactly what thought Hongjoong when catching once more the brunette's eyes on him from earlier. Even if he thought the other had a boyfriend he was still excited to be in the same class as he was.

“Mister Park, I know you're busy with the school band, but as my best student I'd like you to show Hongjoong around, if that's okay ?”

Even if he was internally screaming, Seonghwa didn't miss a beat when he answered :

“I will find the time to.”

“Amazing,” answered the secretary, and he left. The teacher introduced himself next and told Hongjoong to sit where he wanted. Turns out he didn't have a lot of choices. There was only one sit free and it was the one next to Seonghwa.

This would be interesting.

Hongjoong dropped his bag and silently took place, paying attention to what the teacher was saying. Seonghwa too was trying to pay attention, but it was hard, as he really wanted to take one last look at the new Senior. He figured he'd have all the time in the world when he'll make him visit, and finally focused on the teacher's words.

“This year is your last one. At some point before the last semester, we'll need to know what you want to do in order to help you to apply to the good Universities. Don't stress too much, it won't matter if you don't have a precise idea right away, some interventions throughout the second semester will be held to help you find what you want to do.”

A girl raised her hand.

“Will they be obligatory ?”

“No they won't, but they will be strongly advised, especially for those of you still indecisive. Other questions ?”

No one else raised their hands and the teacher dismissed them. Knowing the Sophomores teacher's speech was a little longer, Seonghwa thought about waiting for them on their usual bench, but of course, he sort of had a mission first.

“Ah um- excuse me ?”

He turned, curious, only to meet with two big nervous eyes looking at him. Hongjoong's to be more precise. Seonghwa focused hard so his cheeks wouldn't get the color of his sweater, and answered :

“Yes ?”

“I know the secretary asked you to make me a tour, but you seem busy with the School's group so if you don't find the time it's fine-”

“What ?” Seonghwa puffed. “I will absolutely not fail to my assignment. It doesn't bother me to show you around, Hongjoong. I'm glad, I like my school.”

The boy seemed relieved, and held his hand towards the dark-haired.

“You already know that but I like proper introduction. Hi, I'm Kim Hongjoong !”

Seonghwa smiled warmly, softened by the other's attitude.

“Park Seonghwa,” he answered, shaking hands. “Nice to meet you to. If you don't have anywhere else to go, I have a little bit of time before my friends will join me, we can start the tour now ?”

“You're sure it's no problem ?”

“None, I swear.”

Hongjoong nodded and they headed towards the center of the school. They were four different way of entering it, the North Door, East Door, West Door and South Door. Of course, each door had it's wing, and each wing had it's floor. The Freshman were in the North Wing, Sophomores in the East, Juniors in the West, and Seniors in the South. Seonghwa didn't like that system. He could never cross path with his friends between classes as they had always been a year younger.

“Really ?” said Hongjoong surprised. “They're not Seniors ?”

“No. Never find my own interesting,” he glanced quickly at Hongjoong, the red hair not missing it or the way he added, “until now at least.”

Smiling slightly, the youngest said : “I didn't come alone in KQ High. I also have three friends with me, and none of them are Seniors either.”

“You changed school the four of you ?!”

“Yeah,” Hongjoong shrugged. He knew it was impressive to be able to do that, but it was still not that big of a deal in his opinion. Seonghwa whistled.

“What a friendship, pretty sure we'd try something like that too if we wanted,” he laughed, shaking his head at the thought of his chaotic friends.

“What grade are they ?”

“All 11th. Yours ?”

“Two of them are 11th too, and the youngest is 10th.”

“Oh maybe your friends in Junior ended in my friends' class.”

“I hope so, it'd be great,” the sentence was not over, but Seonghwa didn't pry, supposing Hongjoong didn't want to expose his hope for a possible friendship, but it was kind of obvious. Seonghwa would be lying if he said he didn't think about it. Hongjoong was very nice, and when the eldest had been done talking about the School, they had reached the bench Seonghwa and the others would sit on and they had started talking about themselves, music in particular.

“So, you're part of the School's band.”

“I'm actually the leader and founder,” laughed Seonghwa. “My friends had a small band back in 8th grade, but they had an argument with other friends and they broke the group. They missed music, and even if they hadn't stop doing some, it wasn't the same as being in a band.”

“What type do you play ?”

“Rock, in general. We can go through some metal songs, or punk when we feel like it. We kind of work our way around pop covers when performing in school though, the Headmistress likes it better.”

“Nice, you sing ?”

“Yep, main vocalist. I also play the bass when we need one. You play an instrument ?”

“Piano, for a while. I started guitar not long ago but I'm not very good at it. I sing too.”

“What kind ?”

“I'm more the rap type,” smiled sheepishly Hongjoong. Seonghwa made a falsely pained face.

“Rock and rap, how can we mix that.”

“Eminem is the good balance if you want my opinion.”

Seonghwa's eyes widened and he laughed. “I was thinking the same thing ! If I'm being honest I don't have anything against rap, really, I just don't like most lyrics but Eminem's !”

“That man is a genius,” nodded Hongjoong.

They kept going on, switching from music to movies, learning they both had a thing for Dreamworks' movies, and sharing how they friends had nicknamed them.

*

Back in Junior's class J2-A, Wooyoung hadn't stop staring at San's head since the later had sat down. Yunho stole glances at Mingi's. Yeosang was once more caught in the middle.

He had mixed feelings. He felt bad, very bad, remembering how they had ended up tearing each-others apart the last time they met, remembering the painful words, the disgust in their eyes.

And he felt glad. Glad because they were now older, hopefully wiser, and he had missed his friends. He hoped that maybe, just maybe, things would finally go their way and Yeosang was a very instinctive person, and right now he felt like this year might be the one to solve all their problems.

Unlike Wooyoung and Yunho, only seeing how bad it would be straight away, Yeosang had taken the time to see San's and Mingi's reactions. The two had been shocked. They hadn't expect to meet with them three here, and if they had changed High School it probably meant they were looking for a fresh start knowing the two younger. Meaning something bad had happened at some point.

Yeosang was sure they had been hurt as much as he and the other two had, and the guilt in San's eyes when he met Wooyoung's was enough proof for Yeosang to not feel as angry as he thought he would if meeting San and Mingi again.

“Alright class dismissed. I'll see you at the book club for those of you interested, Mr. Kang, do I sign you right in ?”

Yeosang jumped and shook his head trying to find the source of the voice. Meeting his teacher's face with a raised brow, he was quick to answer, “Y-yes of course. Thank you Miss Wang.”

“No problem. Now go, you have a concert to give,” she winked at him and put her papers away.

Miss Wang was the type of teacher who'd act a lot like a mother, and Wooyoung, Yunho and Yeosang always had her in Chemistry since their first year in KQ High. Seonghwa only had her when he was a Junior, but he often came to say hi when waiting for the three youngest.

Yeosang smiled at her, not missing the curious look of San and Mingi. Yeosang had always been a book worm - probably why he loved the character of Hermione Granger (or Emma Watson) so much - and had always been in the book club of every school he was in. San and Mingi probably remembered that. The two had been quick to take their bags and almost run away from the classroom.

Wooyoung and Yunho on the other hand had been slow, and were now walking on each side of Yeosang as slowly.

“I can't believe they are here ...” whispered the light blue-haired.

“I can't believe it either. It feels like a dream,” said Yeosang.

“Or a nightmare,” replied Wooyoung bitter. “Do you think they made it on purpose ? They decided they would ruin our lives and come into our cchool when we thought we were finally rid of them ?”

_Rid of the feelings for them you mean_ , thought Yeosang, last night's talk with his best friend fresh in his mind.

“I don't think they did,” he said instead. “They looked surprise and shocked.”

“That's an act ...”

“Woo ! They might have been assholes but they never faked anything. They are not this type of people.”

“They were not back then, but we don't know what happened during three years. They might be now,” supported Yunho.

Frustrated the pink-haired kept silent and clenched his teeth. He knew Wooyoung and Yunho would be disturbed and would react strongly, he just hoped they wouldn't jump on San and Mingi at first sight.

“Let's focus on the concert for now, we have a lot of presentations to do and we can't forget our lines,” he reminded, feeling the usual before-show nervous feeling crawling in his stomach. Fortunately, his distraction worked and soon Wooyoung and Yunho were circling around students and being playfully flirting while reciting the ground rules of the school.

They finally arrived at their bench, only to see a red-haired boy exchange number with Seonghwa. They stopped, looking how their friend had his flirty smile and slightly narrowed eyes, full on _hit on_ mode while talking to the smaller boy. The later also seemed interested, given how he looked back at Seonghwa once they parted. The oldest hadn't noticed his friend, and only watch the boy go. At some point though, he crossed path with Wooyoung, Yeosang and Yunho, and that's when Seonghwa's eyes caught sight of them, and he turned entirely red, mouth open.

Yeosang raised a brow and they joined their friend, Wooyoung already attacking :

“Who was that ?! Never saw him before but you two seem to hit off pretty well ! How did you met ? Let me guess he's on the swim team ?! No, no with his hair dyed it wouldn't be practical, oh he's a Freshman isn't he ?!”

“Jesus stop you're giving me a headache,” complained Yunho, sitting on the bench next to Seonghwa.

“It's nothing like that really-”

“Really ? Then why were you on 'I want to put you in my bed' mode ? You only have those eyes when we're going in clubs !” Wooyoung looked at him with suspicion.

“I did not !”

“Did so,” stepped in Yeosang.

“He's new ! He's a Senior, thank you very much, and he changed High School so he's new ! The secretary asked me to show him around when I had the time, and I did, as you took longer than us, so-”

“So you definitely did not talk about KG High much and focused on what each-other is interested in, starting with one another's phone number ?”

Seonghwa flashed dark eyes at Yeosang, cursing the youngest.

“It went to that yes, but I did talk about school before ! You know I'm not that type.”

“Definitely not, but wait, wasn't he the one you talked about before ? The one with red hair ?” rhetorical question asked by Yunho he better not answer.

“That's none of your business anyway.”

Wooyoung and Yunho loudly complained : “So when it's about who I fuck it matters but when it's you it doesn't ?! No fair !”

“Yours get you late every fucking day to practice Jung Wooyoung ! Talking to a boy and taking his phone number won't get _me_ late !”

Wooyoung made a high-pitched gasp and the other two just exploded in laugher. Seonghwa had a point. As well as being a student and the drummer in their band, Wooyoung was also part time fuckboy, and it would often get him late. He did not really paid attention, and even if he never properly slept with the person on school ground, they still liked to get some - and usually finished at one of their place, didn't really matter.

“Well I won't be late today, so that's that.”

Wooyoung pouted, and they all had to move to get ready for their opening show. Seonghwa passed an arm around the youngest shoulder, laughing and teasing so he wouldn't be sulking anymore, while Yunho and Yeosang did last minute check on what they were supposed to talk about.

The concert happened on the football field, big enough to hold all the students and teachers, and the scene had already been set, as well as their instruments brought.

But not connected to the speakers, and that always made Wooyoung react.

“For God's sake we always leave the instructions clear ! Why can't they do something as simple as plugging a jack in the good hole !”

“Maybe because they don't know which one is the good one ?” suggested Seonghwa, checking the mic.

He turned to see Wooyoung looking at him in disbelief and throwing his arms in the air before Yeosang pointed the said holes, above which were scotched papers that indicated clearly what had to go where. Seonghwa made an apology smile and started to work on his voice with Yunho. Plugging everything and warming their instruments, Yeosang and Wooyoung soon joined in, Yunho switching to taking care of their instruments.

“There are new kids in our class too,” dropped Yeosang like a bomb without really meaning too.

“Really ?” asked Seonghwa in surprise, not seeing the horrified face of Wooyoung and Yunho.

“Yeah ... must be the year,” added the pink hair, bitting his lower lip. He couldn't keep that to himself, and didn't understand how Woo and Yunho could. Seonghwa had never knew about San and Mingi, but with the two now intending their school, keeping their secret away would be the hardest thing to do, and Yeosang being someone really frank and honest, he couldn't stand to stay silent about that anymore. Especially since it had brought so much pain to them in the past. Staying silent about it only strengthened that pain, and kept them from moving on. In Yeosang's mind.

The other two saw things differently, but Yeosang was done playing their game and decided it was time they played his.

“Hongjoong told him he came with friends !” the oldest was still clueless about the triangular tension with the three youngest. Yunho broke eye contact with Yeosang for a second.

“Hongjoong ?”

“Ah ... the new Senior ? The boy you saw me with.”

“He said he came with _friends_ ?” asked Wooyoung slowly.

“Apparently yeah. Two Juniors like you and a Sophomore. Didn't tell me why though. We don't know each-other that well so I didn't ask,” shrugged the dark-haired.

Wooyoung turned to Yunho, already 100% done with this situation.

“That means they're in your class ! That's great ! You'll be able to meet Hongjoong !”

“No thanks hyung, we're fine as we are. The four of us is plenty enough for me,” cut Wooyoung, keeping every discussion away when he started to hit the drums. Seonghwa shot a worried glance at Yeosang and it only took him a second to understand something was wrong, and not only with the youngest, but with the three Juniors. Students started to come in the field, so he kept his questions to himself and only made sure his make-up was still clear.

“So, we agree on this opening song ?” he asked, handing his play-list of the day to the guys.

“Definitely ! It'll set the mood for the semester, Headmistress is gonna love it !”

“I doubt it Woo, but it'll make her laugh”, smiled Yunho.

“Alright, let's get in line boys, we have to talk before we can sing.”

As the School's band, Matz had another job, and it was passing the teacher's message to the students when the later wouldn't listen to the adults. Seonghwa caught Hongjoong in the crowd easily, shooting him a shy smile and a small nod, and he missed how Wooyoung glared at him and the ones at his side.

For ten minutes they introduced the School to the transfers, talked about the different clubs - sport, book, arts, music but not the band, how the gym was big enough to have an actual work out part and dance studios, and the different events that'd take place during the year, starting with the Halloween Feast in late October.

“But we will probably talk about it again in a few weeks with more precision, for now we don't have a lot, and the organizers don't have either,” winked Wooyoung at the boy he knew was the responsible for the School's events. The boy smiled back, Yeosang rolled his eyes and the others laughed (all the students).

San had furrowed his brows upon seeing Wooyoung's behavior but kept silent. What could he say anyway ?

“Another thing, the Student's Council lost its President when Kim Namjoon graduated last year, so elections are open until the 31st, and then a vote will be organized. If you want to be President don't be afraid to apply ! Every idea could be welcomed, and as the entire Council as to be reformed, even the ones who wouldn't be elected can still be one the next President's list to help them in their future tasks !” encouraged Seonghwa.

“Yeah, don't be afraid and trust yourselves, no ideas are bad, except if it's about burning the school to the ground, and if you have more questions, or doubts, if you want to know more about what can be expected of you, don't hesitate and come ask us questions directly ! We're not the Council but we ask as replacement until the new one is up !” completed Wooyoung.

“Even the transfers and Freshmen can apply, no discriminations once again, but of course, no racist, sexist, antisemitic or against the LGBTQ+ community will be accepted,” somehow, Yeosang's eyes had lost themselves looking at San and Mingi but he quickly drafter them away before his thoughts could be caught by the other two.

The Headmistress applauded, followed by all the students, and came on stage to give her final speech, finally leaving the entire stage to the boys.

“And now, please, loud and warm applauds for KG High's band, Matz !”

Everyone screamed and cheered, some people even jumped, and the four boys couldn't smile brighter when they settle behind their instruments.

“You ready ?!” asked Seonghwa loudly, making his deep voice roar, sign he was switching to his singing voice.

Yunho started to play and at the first note of the pop song, another wave of cheers exploded. Slowly starting the piano, Yeosang's eyes caught the red hair Seonghwa had been talking to, and how close he seemed to three other boys. He knew the first two ones but not the third. The Sophomore if he was correct. He looked cute. Like, _I-want-to-squish-your-cheeks_ cut. Focusing back, he moved his fingers across the keyboard so the notes would match perfectly Seonghwa's deep voice. The song they chose was _Break the Rules_ from Charlie XCX, and their leader wouldn't have any problems going higher at the chorus.

Seonghwa started the first lyrics alone, then Yunho joined for the next two lines, guitar still light.

Wooyoung started the drums and the punch he had surprised the Freshman. Even San and Mingi didn't know the boy could play drums, so they had been more that surprised to see him play like that. They sure were a rock cover band.

Seonghwa went back to singing alone, and Yunho joined again just before the chorus.

Wooyoung and Yeosang made sure the mic were far enough so even when they sung their lungs out they would only be background and support voices to Seonghwa and Yunho, and they stopped playing, Yunho setting a beating with his guitar.

Wooyoung only hit the bass drum to accompany Yunho, and all the students felt the music pilling up in the air. The next lyrics were spoken low and promising of something big.

All music had stopped when Seonghwa sang the last line of the chorus and he stepped away from the mic, leaving one hand on it, and shook his head to the rhythm Wooyoung had set up before coming closer to the mic and finally feeling the music, getting into the wild animal he was on stage. Full on feline eyes, dark eyes, singing lips parted only slightly so he knew how to catch his publics attention, both hands on the mic, partly hiding his face, hair already falling on the side of his head ... No really, a lot would have been disappointed if Seonghwa hadn't been bisexual.

_I don't wanna go to school  
I just wanna break the rules  
Boys and girls across the world  
Putting on our dancing shoes  
Going to the discotheque  
Getting high and getting wrecked  
I don't wanna go to school  
I just wanna break the rules_

The four boys sang, Seonghwa's voice being as high as Yunho's, Yeosang's being the deepest and Wooyoung's the highest, but all sang on the same note, as one. How they let each of them have their own part but were able to model as one was something that always amazed their crows. Hongjoong was mouth open, slightly shivering under Seonghwa's rock star gaze, trying to understand how it was humanly possible to have such a duality. Seonghwa looked nothing like the guy he had talked to earlier and yet, it was him !

He also noticed the rest of the band also knew how to play with that duality, seeing how different they were now from when they had talked to the students before the show.

“They are amazing,” he whispered to his friends, to focused on Matz to realize how uncomfortable and weird San and Mingi felt. Only Jongho answered :

“They are ! And those vocals ! That boy knows how to use his voice !”

“You're one to talk,” laughed the red-haired. “And he's your hyung, so don't refer to him as a boy.”

“He is though.”

“Jongho.”

“Alright dad.”

Hongjoong rolled his eyes at the nickname and focused back on how Matz was driving students into a festive and totally exhausting night mood in broad day light. He really was eager to see their effect on people at night. The song ended and they had to apologize as they could only do one for now, order of the Headmistress, but that they would be back soon.

They also seemed to own the music class, as they said they could be found there at any hour of the day during breaks if anyone needed anything.

“Except at lunch, food is sacred,” said Wooyoung, stealing the mic by pushing Seonghwa away. Yeosang pressed his head against his best friend's, squishing their cheeks together and added :

“Don't mind him he's just a walking stomach.”

“I'm not !”

They started to bicker but Yunho stole the mic away so Wooyoung wouldn't turn anyone deaf with his high screams.

“Sorry about that y'know how they are. Anyway, as Joey Tribbiani here said, food is important so we probably won't be at the music class during lunch break except if we're done early, which is the case most of the time. Just don't ask for Wooyoung, we never know where he is.”

“We _do_ know,” corrected Seonghwa, finally taking the mic back after Wooyoung yeeted him again. “But it's something we don't talk about,” he said, winking at the crows and earning a few more screams and laughs.

“Alright boys, wrap it up,” asked the Headmistress, a smile she was trying to hide on her lips.

“Yeah yeah I'm trying to Miss but when you raise three children and are a lonely mother things get complicated,” the dark-haired cringed when the three in question loudly protested next to his ear but pushed them away, walking away as well with the mic so they wouldn't have it.

“Now guys, don't forget, and for the new students, Matz is a very supportive LGBTQ+ band. I'm shy, bi, and ready to cry.”

Wooyoung jolted on him and directly took Seonghwa's hands to move the mic in front of him and proudly showed the pin of his lapel :

“Let's get one thing straight kids, I'm not !”

His smile was the one of a boy finally free with the chains he had tried to wrap around himself, saved by his best friend and family. It was the smile of a boy who accepted himself and who was accepted by the people around him, and it was smile that pained San as he was the one who had made it fade once. His heart had broken when Wooyoung's proud and happy face had dropped under the words he spit out. He felt tears in his eyes seeing the smile Wooyoung was wearing today, and knowing he was not one of the person who helped bringing it was maybe what hurt the most. Wooyoung's eyes made a point to cross sight with everyone in the crowd to let them know they could suck it up if they didn't like it, but they didn't stop on San or Mingi once. The later reached for San's hand once more, and both needed each-other's support right now, especially when Yunho was the one who took the mic next, winking and doing finger guns :

“I'm bi-conic bitches !”

“Mr Jeong !”

“Sorry sorry,” laughed the tall boy, causing the Headmistress to shake her head as she knew he'd say it at their next concert. Yeosang was the last one to speak, and he made peole laugh by how bored he looked when Wooyoung dragged him in front of the mic. Sighting loudly in front of the thing, he took it and forced a smile.

“I put the pan in panic ! Now leave me alone !”

More laughs erupted, and Hongjoong swore he saw Jongho smile while looking at the pianist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I have no idea what Yeosang's sister's name is in real life so I gave her one : Yeosin actually means Godess  
> I have big doubts about the end of this chapter so please, tell me how you liked it
> 
> For the rock cover I chose the cover from XLM official


	3. Chapter 2 : We meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ! I was able to post today and not tomorrow because I'll be a little taken with finals, but Wednesday will be my last day before holidays so the updates will start being more numerous ! This chapter is also setting the atmosphere and intriducing the first 'angst wave' for next chapter, TW for intrusive thoughts, panic attack and unhealthy coping mechanism,
> 
> Hope you'll like it,
> 
> Enjoy !

After the show, like always, Yunho and Wooyoung jumped in the crowd for walkabout, leaving Yeosang and Seonghwa all alone to deal with the rest. Focused on unplugging the machines and putting everything in the right boxes, they didn't noticed two boys coming next to the stage.

“That was amazing !”

They both snapped their heads up towards the new comers, Seonghwa smiling wide when he recognized Hongjoong, while Yeosang observed from afar, hidden in the shadows as he was further into the stage to take care of the wires.

“Hongjoong ! Glad you liked it.”

“I can see why you are the school's band, you deserve that title.”

The brunette's smile only widened and then he realized Hongjoong wasn't alone.

“Oh hi ! You must be one of the three friends I heard about ? I'm Park Seonghwa !”

Curse their elder brother and his ability to make friends with everyone, thought Yeosang when Seonghwa kneeled on the stage to shake the boy's hand. He was a little taller that Hongjoong, barely, but was more built than the Senior, and it was obvious the boy had some strength.

“Choi Jongho,” introduced the other with a polite smile. Yeosang tilted at the Choi name, but he new he couldn't be related to San in anyway as they never heard about him before. But he had clearly seen Hongjoong and this boy talking and laughing with Mingi and San as if they were friends, so he had his reservations. What did exactly those two knew about them ? Did they even knew about Wooyoung, Yunho and him ? And if yes, what had San and Mingi told them ? They didn't seem homophobic as they came to talk to them directly even after Matz had thrown their sexuality out in front of an entire school (for the third consecutive years and the hundredth time probably).

Seeing how Yeosang was glaring from behind him, Seonghwa sighed and took things in hand.

“This is Yeosang, he's a little shy. Yeosang, meet Hongjoong, I told you about him earlier.”

Not one to like physical contact Yeosang stayed away but nodded in the two boys' direction.

“Nice to meet you.”

He went back to the boxing, leaving Seonghwa talk with Hongjoong and Jongho while still cleaning as well. Listening discreetly, he learned that Jongho was the Sophomore (he kind of expected it), that Hongjoong had no idea where his two Junior friends went as they were right behind him when they walked towards the stage (knowing San and Mingi, they had run away), and that it was he who pushed their little groups to change School.

“Let's just say we hadn't had the peacefullest first years in our private School, and freedom was craved, so they trusted me to find a better school and I think I honestly did a good job.”

Mingi and San probably thought so too at first, before entering their old friends' classroom.

At some point Jongho and Hongjoong had came up on the stage to help them, following Seonghwa's and Yeosang's instructions to the letter, and it was done rather quickly. Glancing at Yunho and Wooyoung, he saw the purple-haired already taking some phone number and rolled his eyes. Maybe Wooyoung would see one day that he's only hurting himself by doing that. Yunho had shot a weird look to Hongjoong and Jongho, but had still came to say hello and help with the rest of the equipments.

“Wooyoung should be doing that,” scolded Yeosang seeing the tallest taking two boxes in his arms.

“Yeah well Wooyoung is finding his new toys for the next two weeks so someone has to do something,” replied Yunho in a chuckle.

Scoffing the pink-haired tried to take the box holding the tom racks of his friend's drums, only to almost fall on his ass when the box didn't move at all. Too heavy. Yeosang grimaced, popping his back a little in the process and tried again. He really felt weak for not being able to lift this single box, and even if he knew Wooyoung needed the help of at least one of them usually, he thought he'd be able to take care of this himself.

“Need a hand ?”

He almost jumped out of his skin, too focused on his issue, and turned to see Jongho, smiling sheepishly.

“Sorry,” apologized the other.

“It's fine don't worry.”

“So ... need a hand ?”

Yeosang watched the frustrating box and sighed. “I do. Usually it takes two of us to lift it.”

“Why not asking for help right away ?”

“I thought I'd be able to do it alone,” shrugged the oldest blushing of embarrassment.

“Ah I see,” laughed the other. “Well there's nothing wrong with that. I can help ?”

“Sure, please.”

Yeosang thought Jongho would wait for him to lift the box but no, the Sophomore straight up took it with both hands and lifted it as if it weighted nothing. The rocker's eyes widened and his jaw dropped slack, shocked by the sight in front of him. Jongho had taken another small box filled with heavy wires and multi-tap and just put it on top of the one he was currently carrying.

“So, where does that go ?” he asked. He didn't react to Yunho and Seonghwa mirroring Yeosang's expression, and they all broke out of their thoughts when Hongjoong's laugh reached them.

“Jesus Jongho I told you to warn people before doing stuff that,” the oldest really tried his best to keep his laugh inside but seeing the other three so shocked finished him.

“I-it goes in the music room. I-I'll show you,” managed to blurt out Yeosang once he got a hold back of himself.

Seonghwa watched the two youngest walk away and he turned to look at Hongjoong with his eyes wide.

“He can also break an apple with his bare hands,” added Hongjoong like it wasn't a big deal, only to bit on his lower lips to not explode in laugher when he heard Seonghwa scoff and throw his arms in the air. Other school staff came to help and Yeosang chased Seonghwa and Yunho, saying he'd stay and help.

“But the staff-”

“I need to sort things out hyung, I'll be fine it's just stocking, nothing I never did before. Now go ruin your lungs like you've been dying to do since the day started.”

Seonghwa smile apologetically. He had this bad habit of smoking he started when he was in 10th grade. Seonghwa had always been a lonely boy, never finding friends among his own grade, and never really wanting too, feeling they wouldn't understand his way of thinking and seeing the world. But even if some person liked to be alone, none really supported it. Seonghwa found his way of coping. by smoking. Alone. In his room, at school, only strengthening his _don't-talk-to-me_ vibe, and only Yeosang, Yunho and Wooyoung had passed through it. Knowing he was screwing with his health, he tried to stop after the three boys repeatedly asked him too, and he had almost completely at the end of his Sophomore year. Then Junior year started, and with it Seonghwa met someone who made him happy and with whom he finally felt human with - he had the boys of course, but Seonghwa always had too much love inside of him and so little people to give it too. Unfortunately, this first and only relationship ended up in flames, literally, and Seonghwa went back to smoking even more than before he had stopped.

And this time, nothing his three desperate friends said to him helped. When it came to his smoking habits, Seonghwa would shut them out entirely, and even become aggressive about it. So they never brought it up again, much to the youngsters' dismay.

Hongjoong shot him a curious glance but was quickly distracted by a buzz on his phone. Checking out his message his eyes widened in panic.

“I have to go, something urgent came up !”

Jongho snapped his head from where Yeosang had let him help and shot a knowing glance to his friend.

“Is it San ?”

Yeosang and Yunho tilted their heads at the mention of their old friend's name, and Yeosang felt his heart dropped. He was usually good with his instincts, and everything in Hongjoong's and Jongho's behavior screamed that something was seriously wrong and that it was usual.

Hongjoong only nodded to the youngest and the later immediately asked :

“You need me ?”

“Don't think so, it's a simple p.a. but I don't see what could've caused it, I'll go check on him now-”

“Everything alright ? You need help ?” cut Seonghwa, brows furrowed in concern. Hongjoong seemed to remember they weren't alone and stutter an apology.

“N-no it's fine nothing for you to worry about, just have to check on one of my friend, I'll see you in class !”

“We don't have class this afternoon !” reminded Seonghwa screaming, Hongjoong already running towards the West Wing.

“I'll text you then ! Bye !”

Seonghwa watched him run away until he disappeared from view and shook his head slightly, amused by the boy. He didn't know what had happened, just hope it wouldn't be too serious. He turned to Jongho :

“Something wrong with one of your friends ?”

Jongho had lost his smile even before Hongjoong left, and the way he looked at Seonghwa was even more alarming to Yeosang.

“Nothing that concerns you,” he answered, not bitter or harsh, so it would still be polite but make Seonghwa understand this was none of his business. Being an amazing human being he only nodded.

“Alright. Well then, thank you for helping Yeosang clean the rest of this mess. See you in music class at four Yeosangie, and please try to have Wooyoung with you.

Yeosang scrunched his nose.

“If he's late it he's fault, I don't have to baby-sit him.”

“Don't worry hyung,” said Yunho with a smile. “He's never more than ten minutes late anyway !”

Seonghwa shrugged laughing and made his way to the front of the school, by the gate, where a smoker area had been set up. Finding his favorite spot empty, Seonghwa sighed. Even if this was a public school, most people didn't smoke, and the ones who did were always accompanied by their none-smoking friends. Seonghwa never asked the boys to come - not that the smell disturbed them, but he knew how much they hated to see him ruining himself like this.

*

Hongjoong ran toward the corridor, cursing when he realized he was probably not authorized to be in the Junior's Wing, but couldn't bring himself to care. San had a panic attack. First day of school, barely two hours after it had begun. What could have triggered it ? What did San saw or heard to be feeling like that again ?

“Hyung !”

Hongjoong snapped out of his thoughts when the bathroom door opened to reveal an overwhelmed Mingi. Mingi was also an emotion sponge, him having to deal with San was not a good idea. He was good at comforting the other afterwards, but when San was having his episodes, Mingi would almost follow him right away.

“You stay outside until I call for you !” ordered Hongjoong, bursting inside the bathroom to see a girl kneeling next to San. He didn't let that disturbed him and went by his side.

“San ? San hey answer me, look at me, I'm here look at me !”

The girl turned to look at him and he noticed she had a wet tissue pressed on San's neck.

“Sorry, I just saw him like this and tried to help,” she said quickly, probably scared she'd be insulted.

“Thank you, so much,” genuinely whispered Hongjoong. “But isn't this the boy's bathroom ?”

“No, it's the girl's, I think he didn't pay attention when he busted in here. I won't report it don't worry.”

“Thank you,” repeated Hongjoong, San's head on his shoulder. The youngest seemed to have understand what was going on and realized Hongjoong was here because soon his fist gripped the red-hair's jacket strong and didn't let go.

“What's your name ?” asked Hongjoong between two soothing words for San.

The girl smiled, amused. “You must be new. I'm Park Chaeyoung. But call me Rosé. That's what everyone does.”

“Park ? Like-”

“No, no relation to Seonghwa, but we're good friends.”

“How did you know I was new ?”

“Well, just like everyone knows who Matz are, me and my friends are the School's cheerleaders. And the responsible of the Dance club.”

“Oh, well nice to meet you, sorry it had to be like this.”

“It's fine don't worry. You are ?”

“Kim. Hongjoong.”

“Well it was nice seeing you too. I'm glad you showed up, your other friend didn't seem to know what to do with him,” she said standing up. She had long candy pink and straight hair, and was wearing a black turtleneck with a simple white plaid skirt, white socks and back creepers. Hongjoong liked how Rosé didn't sound like she was throwing Mingi under the bus, and really just stated a fact she had witnessed. Apparently cheerleaders here were nicer than in their previous school.

“Most people don't,” said Hongjoong.

Rosé smiled and left, leaving the two boys without judging or being a bitch. No really, Hongjoong didn't understand why San was triggered. Focusing back on his friend, he noticed his breathing had stopped, and he used the wet tissue Rosé had gave him to keep freshening his friend's nape.

“Hey San, you back to me ?”

“Hyung.”

“I'm here San, I'm here.”

“He was there, he was- I didn't- I saw him and then-”

“Calm down,” he shushed, feeling the younger's heart beat faster and his breathing stutter again. He had to make sure he wouldn't have another episode. San was almost back to normal if it wasn't for the puffy eyes and few sniffles. Hongjoong took another tissue and used it to clean his face. He was humming with a deep voice one of San's favorite song, knowing the familiar sound would comfort him. “Can you tell me what's wrong now ? Remember, you don't have to, but if it can help-”

“I'm fine hyung.”

Hongjoong snapped his head back to San to see his eyes dark and his face cold. His had completely let go of the older's jacket and was even trying to push him away. Seeing this the red-haired immediately understood what were his attention and furrowed his brows.

“Oi no San, don't do this, we talked about it you can't do this-”

“I'm fine !”

They both stood up and Hongjoong saw San grab his bag.

“San I get that you don't to talk about it but maybe we should-”

“You don't get shit !”

It wasn't the first time San snapped at him after one of his episodes. It only happened when those episodes had been about one peculiar subject though, and the older internally cursed himself for not seeing this.

“San-”

“No ! You don't know what it's like to see the person you hurt the most come back into your life like this ! You don't know how it feels to have them so close and yet so far from you !” as if realizing what he had said, San froze and pushed Hongjoong aside. The later, a little too stunned and the gears of his brain working only heard Mingi's faint voice calling San's name.

Remembering he also was in the girl's bathroom and the Junior's Wing, he snapped back to reality and quickly made his way out. Mingi was waiting for him, confused and worried.

“Just let him be. I think he needs time. I'll text him where we're going and he'll meet us there. Do you have any idea what could've triggered him ?” Hongjoong was already looking on his phone and didn't see Mingi's face go white, as well as his nasty habit of biting his lower lips nervously.

“Mingi ?”

Hongjoong had stopped and so had Mingi after seeing his hyung looking at him expectantly.

“You know, don't you ?”

Curse Hongjoong and his inhuman instincts.

“I think I do, but I don't think it's my place to tell.”

Hongjoong thought for a moment, remembering what San had said. Something clicked :

“Does it affect you too ?”

“No.”

“Can it ?”

“... Maybe ?”

Hongjoong didn't say more and just nodded and made his way back to the football field. Of course it was empty of the stage and Seonghwa, but the tents for the clubs were being set up and not finding Jongho, he thought he and Mingi could overlook over it a little. This School really was peculiar, expecting students to pop in at any moment of the year, the first day of school after the holidays was like the first one of the year : made for the newies to discover the school, and giving an opportunity for old students to change their clubs.

*

San had been miraculously running towards the exit and stumbled close to the smoking area. Right where he wanted to be. He tried to hide his eyes behind his bangs and make his way through the students, finding an empty space between groups of friends. He found one but realized it was actually a little bubble a dark-haired guy had built around himself, and he froze when he realized this guy was the singer of Wooyoung's, Yeosang's and Yunho's band.

He didn't know if this guy knew about him, nor if he cared, and frankly, he realized he didn't either. He wanted to smoke, he wanted to do it now, and it wasn't this guy that would keep him from doing it.

His anxiety on the other hand. The guy glanced at him worriedly when he saw how hurried San was, and it was obvious he could see his shaking hands from where he was : there was barely enough place to fit San in the man's bubble.

“Do you need help ?” San was struggling with turning his lighter on because of the tremors of his hands, and even if he hated that he needed the guy's help, he stayed polite and cool about it.

“Yes please,” cigarette between his lips he leaned forwards until the tip of the stick touched the flames of the other's lighter. He took a very long first drag, held it, then let it out slowly. “Sorry, I must be out of gas,” he lied.

“I understand, happened to me too,” the guy was putting the lighter back on his bag and San found impressing how he could keep smoking with the cigarette between his teeth. He took it back soon after between his long and elegant fingers and the younger was entranced. “You should try and invest in a zippo.”

“I would, but a friend of mine offered me this lighter,” answered San, looking down at Mingi's purple lighter.

“Ah I see,” chuckled the Senior, “mine offered it to me too. They hate that I smoke but they said that if I had to do it, at least I could do it with style.”

It ripped a smile from San's lips. He could totally see Wooyoung and Yunho say it, Yeosang rolling his eyes in the background.

“Can I see it ?” it escaped from his lips before he could think of holding it back. He tried to act natural about it and took another deep drag, his cigarette burning faster than the other's, but fortunately it seemed the man didn't care and nodded enthusiastically.

“Sure !”

The zippo was beautiful. Copper, like an old steam-punk gun, and a dragon carved on one of the sides.

“It's amazing,” breathed out truthfully San, cigarette out of his mouth for the first time.

“Thanks, I'll tell them that. They didn't want to ruin the design but they still carved their names on the bottom of it. Every time I refill it with gas it reminds me of their disapproval. I'm sure they did it on purpose,” lost in thoughts and smoking, the guy didn't see how San froze when he saw the six letters. YS. JY. JW. It could only be his three friends. Or ex friends. He handed it back to the guy.

“Oh wait I know where I saw you,” that didn't help San at all. His fear that the guys had talked behind his and Mingi's back might have been true ?

“I don't see how, I'm new here,” he maybe shouldn't have said that.

“So I was right ! You're one of Hongjoong's friend, one of the Junior, isn't it ? I saw you two together with Jongho and the other Junior back on the football field !”

San's eyes opened wide and he realized with a cruel irony that Hongjoong's first and only friend in his own year was his ex friends' friend.

“I take it you're Seonghwa then ?”

Seonghwa seemed surprised that San knew his name.

“He talked about you. Said he met someone nice we'd like to meet,” the youngest definitely didn't miss the little smile on the black-haired's lips. “I'm San,” he knew it probably wasn't a good idea to be introduced to _their_ friend, but he couldn't see the wrong. He wouldn't have to smoke with Seonghwa at every break, and with a little bit of luck the guy was actually an asshole and would make Hongjoong run away.

_Come on be realistic, Wooyoung wouldn't be friend with an asshole. Proof is ? He's not friends with_ you  _anymore !_

San closed his eyes to chase the painful thought away and took out a second cigarette he immediately light up. He knew he'd feel sick after this. He knew that smoking two cigarettes after the other was not a good idea. He didn't care.

Seonghwa seemed to also know that it was dangerous and that he didn't care. He still took an apple out of his bag and handed it to San.

“Probably not my business but you look pale, and you will need it after smoking two of those,” he pointed to the burning stick. “If you need anything you can find me in the music class. You probably heard it earlier but that's where me and the band are most days.”

San only nodded and Seonghwa left. The apple felt heavy in his hand. Maybe because he saw that Seonghwa couldn't be an asshole. Maybe because he could see how this whole year would be going, the closeness between his hyung and Wooyoung's, how they would probably want to converge groups, and how it would end up in flames because of him.

He felt sick already. He didn't even finish his second cigarette and threw it away - in a bin, no pollution - after crushing the tip, and bit angrily in the green apple. He really wished he could be Snow White right now. He texted Hongjoong and Mingi to know where they had gone, and was surprised to learn they were back on the football field.

He had a small heart attack when he saw Yeosang and Jongho working together with Yunho to empty the stage and clean it. God bless his hyung who hadn't got back to them.

“Hey San,” he saw how Hongjoong tried to _subtly_ sniff the air around him and frown when he smelled tobacco, but everything in his eyes was benevolent. “Feeling better ?”

“Yeah ...” he lied, avoiding the other's gaze and giving himself out almost immediately.

Hongjoong bit on his lower lip, Mingi looking like a kick puppy at his side.

“How about we grab Jongho and go get lunch ? You must be starving ?”

“Actually your new friend gave me an apple.”

Hongjoong looked confused and surprised.

“Seonghwa,” specified San.

“How did you-”

“Met him by the smoking area,” the boy really felt bad when he saw a little light break in Hongjoong's eyes. He hated people smoking and avoided them like the plague, San being the only exception, and he seemed to wonder if Seonghwa was worth it or not.

“Oh well that's ... great, I guess.”

San kept silent but exchanged an embarrassed gaze with Mingi.

“I'll go get Jongho, we'll meet you in front of the school.”

That actually pleased both youngsters as it meant they wouldn't have to come closer to Yeosang and Yunho.

A dozen minute later and they were all together, Jongho speaking eagerly about the new boys he met. If only San and Mingi could tell him they already knew all about them.

“They really look like nice people !” he concluded, to Hongjoong's amusement.

“Well that's good, how about trying real music then ? You can try and enter the music club, your voice deserves recognition,” encouraged the oldest.

“So does your rap or Mingi's ! And San's voice harmonized very well with mine as well, it'd be a waste if only I went ...”

“I don't feel like doing music right now,” said San.

They had decided to go to a fast-food restaurant at just ten minutes walk of the school, and while they ordered Hongjoong remembered something :

“Ah San ! You remember the girl in the bathroom earlier ?”

He tried to ask the question softly, as San could be sensible when his panic attacks were mentioned. He didn't seem to care and shrugged :

“Yeah vaguely, why ?”

“Well, she is in the dance club, if music ain't your thing why not try dancing ? You've always loved doing that.”

_Yeah, with Wooyoung and Yunho ..._

“Sure, maybe I'll go take a look this afternoon ...”

“Do you know how many clubs you can sign in ?” asked Jongho to no one in peculiar.

“Hu ... I don't honestly, I should have asked Seonghwa ... We'll ask him later if you want ?”

As Hongjoong, Jongho and even Mingi at some point started to eagerly talk about the new school life, San really couldn't find it in himself to share their eagerness. Mingi's was a little more controlled, but it seemed only San was truly impacted by the presence of their ex friends in their new school. He knew that he had been the most touched by their fight and everything it had meant, how the words he had thrown to their friends were still haunting him, but he didn't think it'd be to the point where Mingi wouldn't seem to mind. It was wrong of course, Mingi was really trying to keep a front, and for now was managing it well. He felt that San's state was weakening this front and so he tried to keep his mind off things as much as possible.

The afternoon had well started when they finally step foot in the school again. San wondered how long he'd be able to do this, when he felt the fear of crossing path with the three boys at every corridor or new face appearing in his sight. It would be a worst year than he thought.

“I'll go check the dance club like you said,” he managed to break from the others, Mingi following his example soon after.

“I'll come with you, I saw they had sport activities I'm interested about.”

“Can you check the American football for me hyungs ?”

“Sure Jongho.”

“Thanks !”

Hongjoong and Jongho went for the music room/club while the two others went straight for the gymnasium.

“How are we supposed to do this Mingi ? They are here, and I feel like I could fall on them any second,” as to imaged his words he looked frantically around him.

Mingi linked his arms with his and tried to sooth him :

“Breathe San, I know it's stressing, believe me the second I saw them in the class I wanted to turn around and run far.”

“Why didn't you ?”

“You're legs are shorter than mine, you wouldn't have been able to follow,” San shoved Mingi away playfully, the taller laughing and being happy to see his friend smile as well. The mood was lightened a bit, but they weren't stupid : neither of them had answered the question because they didn't know how.

They reached the gymnasium and saw that it was quite crowded ; not surprising really with all the sportive activities being the most taken. San caught sight of the girl he remembered being in the bathroom earlier : at least he hoped it was her.

He saw in her eyes the spark of recognition and prayed hard for her to not be a bitch, but she only smiled nicely at him. Her friend were busy talking with other students, so she welcomed them.

“Hi again, can I do something for you ?”

San had wanted to go straight to the point but having the girl in front of him right now, he changed his strategy :

“Ah yeah, actually I wanted to say thank you, for ... earlier ?” he had whispered the last part and she smiled a little differently, not of pity, but more understanding.

“It's nothing really, don't thank me for that. I'm glad you seem better !” it was genuine and San could only smile back.

“I'm also actually here to check the dance club ? I heard you and Hongjoong talking earlier.”

“Yes it's correct. Do you have a bit of experience or are you totally new ?”

“I've been dancing for a while now.”

“Alright, you here for dancing too ?” Rosé asked Mingi but he shook his head negatively. “Okay, here, fill this little paper, it's just basic information to send you everything you'll need ! We cover almost every type of dancing, with more or less people depending on the popularity of course, so I hope you'll find what you like !”

San signed in name, address, email and other random infos like this. He saw a question about making competitions or not and got surprised :

“You guys do competitions ?”

“Of course !” it's not Rosé but a girl with short black hair and a fringe who answered. She was wearing ripped mom jeans, a light green crop top and sneakers. “The school does every year ! Not everyone does though, that's why we're asking if you want to or not ! You can always change your choice after the beginning of the year so don't worry. I'm Lalisa Manoban, but call me Lisa !”

“San.”

“Mingi. You're not Korean ?” asked the taller curious.

“Nope, I'm Thai, moved here when I was little.”

“Cool !”

“Yeah !”

“San, if you'll sign in let me introduce you to the other leaders of the dance club, Lisa already introduced herself, girls, new meat !”

The last two turned curiously and smiled widely at the two boys.

“Hi there, I'm Kim Jennie !” she had black hair, shoulder length, with only two very bright white locks around her face, the rest of the black locks held in a high ponytail. She was wearing a white turtleneck underneath a red dress with very thin strap and high-heels.

“I'm Kim Jisoo, the eldest,” she had long black hair and was wearing loose black pants, an over sized white and pink flannel shirt, and black Converse. “Nice to meet you, I hope I'll see you in class.”

She handed him the schedule and San was done. They moved so Mingi could check his pilates - and he was jumped on by a small but energetic boy who revealed to be Yeo Hwanwoong - and the American football for Jongho which was led on by a very charming boy named Bang Chan.

“Oh hey San !”

Mingi stayed focus on what Chan was explaining to him but he wished he had to. Of course Seo Changbin would be in the same High School Wooyoung was. They were friends for almost as long as Yeosang and Wooyoung, and he was an important person of the lilac-haired's life. Needless to say they haven't spoken since they were in 8th grade, and Changbin looked way more muscular than he did back then. So did San so it made him feel better.

“Hi Changbin.”

“You changed High School ? I don't remember seeing you around before ...”

“Yeah no I moved in this year with some friends,” he said showing Mingi. Changbin knew Mingi only from hearing, and hadn't met him personally like he had with San. He was afraid Changbin would talk to him about their argument, but he also remembered the boy was very discreet about other's business and never meddled unless necessary.

“You want to do football ?”

“No, one of our friends do so we take infos for him.”

“That's nice ! Here let me- hey Chris !”

Surprising both San and Mingi, Chan turned around and made a recognition sign at Changbin.

“I know him, just give the boys the tryout dates and the fliers instead of boring them,” joked the blue-haired boy.

Chan's were a bright red, and he laughed while giving the papers to Mingi.

“How about you go annoy Hyunjin ?”

“Can't, he's hanging with your boyfriend and his crush,” snickered Changbin. “Maybe he'll finally score Innie this year, who knows.”

“As long as they don't end up being as gross as Minho and Jisung,” threw back Chan with a fatherly smile.

They didn't knew anyone or anything, but it felt good to be drowning in the sea that was a real teenage life. Their old high school hadn't felt like that either.

After finally having everything they needed they walked back to the principal building, and checking his phone San realized they had been gone for a good year and a half.

“Damn Hongjoong has no text filter, what's so urgent that's he'd leave 15 messages,” scoffed Mingi.

San shrugged, “Don't know but he's calling me now. Hey hyung what's up ?”

“ _ Guys I have amazing news, are you done ? _ ”

“Yeah we just did,” he moved a little to avoid students before sticking back to Mingi so the other could hear too.

“ _Great, Jongho and I are waiting for you in the room S015 !_ ”

S meant South Wing, and 015 meant lower floor. They were quick to go there but froze when they saw the gold plate with written : MUSIC ROOM _.  _

They knocked, entered when they were told too, and felt like dying : their worst nightmare had happened sooner than later. In the room, Hongjoong, Jongho, Seonghwa, Yunho and Yeosang were looking at them, the first three with big smiles, the last two with a mix of anger, confusion and surprised.

They moved a little further into the room and closed the door behind them, only for it to be slammed open again by none other than Wooyoung, who was panting like he had run a marathon, and harboring a hickey he did not have a few hours prior. The huge smile on his face disappeared in a second when he saw the two frozen boys, and he turned to his friend with a pissed expression :

“What the fuck is going on here ?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't precise it, but I decided that Jisoo and Jennie would be Seniors and Lisa and Rosé Juniors,  
> Chan is a Senior, Changbin and Minho are Juniors, the 00' and 01' line of Stray Kids are Sophomores with Jongho.  
> Hwanwoong is a Junior too


	4. Chapter 3 : Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my finals are over, that means I'll publish more. That and I'm two of three chapters from being done with writing the ficiton, so it'll go way faster for the updates !  
> TW in this chapter for homophobic insults
> 
> Hope you'll like it, 
> 
> Enjoy !

Sensing how the atmosphere of the room had switched in a second, all lost their smiles and Seonghwa got up to come closer to Wooyoung.

“You left a little soon earlier, Hongjoong and Jongho came to introduce themselves. I told you about Hongjoong.”

The drummer eyed the red-haired, seeing how uncomfortable he was making him with his scrutinizing gaze : his eyes had this power.

“The Senior ?”

“Yes. Jongho is the Sophomore from his group of friends.”

Seonghwa wanted to be happy to introduce everyone but there was a weird tension around his three friends he realized had appear after the arrival of Hongjoong's Juniors.

“San and Mingi just arrived, we thought it'd be a good idea to introduce everyone,” said Hongjoong standing up. He too was more reserved than at first under Wooyoung's furious eyes.

The lilac-haired turned to look at a distressed Yeosang and an equally angry Yunho.

“He's joking right ?” he asked the two boys, making Seonghwa even more confused.

“Wooyoung is everything alright ?”

“He doesn't know Woo, you can't blame him,” tried to excuse Yeosang.

“And him ?!” answered back the younger pointing at Hongjoong.

That gesture was not really appreciated and many brows were furrowed.

“Hey what is this ? Guys you're being rude, what's wrong ?” insisted Seonghwa.

“It's _them_ hyung,” finally said Yeosang after a while, Mingi and San - whom had no idea where to go - froze and turned in horror to the older.

“Them, who them ?”

“Our friends from 8th grade.”

And if as if a switch happened in the whole room, the hyungs and maknae showing different faces of understanding over the situation. Hongjoong and Jongho watched the three other 99 with a weird expression, and even if it proved that they weren't more advanced than Seonghwa in the fight between the five old friends, Wooyoung couldn't believe their ignorance.

“I can't believe you have the audacity to come here ! Where we're studying !” he turned to the two bots whom were holding hand and wanted to be everywhere else but here right now.

“We don't owe the school Woo stop being ridiculous,” snapped Yeosang, surprising his best friend.

“I'm sorry, what ? You're not actually defending them are you ?!”

“Wooyoung stop it, I know this situation must be awkward and weird but don't think it's an opportunity for you five to fix things ? It's been eating you up ever since we met, and I'm sure it must have been the same for them,” tried Seonghwa but before he could ad anything Yunho stood up too.

“You have no idea what happened that day or what was said ! I'm sorry but I can't stand this any longer, I won't stay in the same room as someone who thinks I'm disgusting.”

Hongjoong gasped and went to his friends :

“Seonghwa is right maybe apologies-”

“Apologies can't cut their homophobic asses !” yelled Wooyoung looking straight at San, and Hongjoong took it as a personal offense.

Seonghwa was trying to puzzle the pieces together but it was a little hard. Hongjoong seemed slightly more aware and that just made everything worse.

“Don't talk to him like that you have no idea how it was for him after you broke apart,” his voice was cold, as well as his eyes.

Woyooung scoffed, disbelieved : “Oh I'm sorry, was it really ? I can't see why ! The only thing he had to dealt with was forgetting about his fagot friends ! His words not mine !”

Even if Hongjoong hadn't known in details the insults San had thrown that day, he took the word like a shot to the chest. His stuttered a little over his words :

“He would've never-”

“You weren't there !” snapped Wooyoung, near hysterical.

San's eyes were wide as he watched helplessly his old friend break in front of him, slapping Seonghwa's hand away.

“Fuck this I don't even know you I don't owe you shit !” and he stormed out of the room.

Yeosang had a small tremor as if he would followed behind, but tired and hurt he fell back on his chair, head low. Yunho was the one who followed, but didn't forget to ad :

“If you think you know them so well how about you ask them what happened that day ? We trusted you,” he was looking mostly at Mingi, “We thought you'd accept us but you just stabbed us in the heart.”

And they left. Hongjoong and Seonghwa appeared to be in a very complicated place, and Jongho and Yeosang even more. Because the Sophomore could tell his pink-haired hyung had also suffered from this, but hadn't hold a grudge like his two other friends had. Hongjoong stubbornly refused to hear their words.

“No, San suffered from this too, they had no right to bring this back on,” he looked up to Seonghwa's eyes, defying the older to counter-attack.

“This fight broke them apart for a reason Hongjoong. If your friends are homophobic then-”

“They're not !”

“How can you tell ?!”

“If they were then they're not anymore ! It's in the past”

“It's not something you can turn on and off ! Their words affected my friends to the point of fucking them up ! I'm the one who had to pick up the pieces !”

They weren't even accusing each other's boys, no they were just at each other's throat right now and Mingi didn't like it. Hongjoong had made a friend and he shouldn't ruin that because of them.

“I picked up the pieces too ! Your friends have no idea how it affected them, they're not the only one this fight broke apart ! We all have our problems, reasons to do what we do-”

“I can't see a reason why someone would spread hate. Homophobia is about that.”

Yeosang knew Seonghwa was going too far, both hyungs were but the situation had slipped in a matter of seconds and right now his brain wasn't working fast enough to caught onto it.

“I won't take lessons from a smoker,” finalized Hongjoong, but realized his mistake when he saw Seonghwa's shocked face. It's not that the insult was heavy no. But Hongjoong had no background story, no context as to why Seonghwa was smoking, and ever since his ex girlfriend it was a very, very sensible subject for him. Hongjoong did not know that. Now he would.

Seonghwa left the room without another word, probably off to Yunho and Wooyoung, leaving Yeosang with the other four friends. For the first time he raised his eyes and took the time to really observe his old friends. They looked tired, San especially. But not the _I-woke-up-too-early-for-my-liking_ type of tired. The _tired-of-life_ type of tired. Yeosang didn't like to see that. He noticed San had one bracelet on his wrist but not the other. He didn't think about it too much.

Mingi turned to him as well, remembering he was here too and opened his mouth but Yeosang raised a hand while standing up :

“Don't. I don't want to talk right now but ... I'll be honest, I don't see things the same way Wooyoung and Yunho do. But you still hurt me. A lot. So it'll take some time but eventually ... I'll come around.”

Jongho stood up too, trying to think of something to hold Yeosang back, but the older gave him the reassurance he needed :

“I'll see you tomorrow Jongho,” and he exited too.

The four friends were left alone in the silence of the music room, Hongjoong and San shaking, both for different reasons.

The silence stayed on for a few more minutes, none of them daring to move, until the oldest broke it :

“Tell me you didn't.”

Not knowing who he was talking to the three others stayed silent but he went at it again :

“San. Please tell me you didn't say that.”

The tears in the boy's eyes finally fell and he bit on his lower lips. He knew. Hongjoong knew San had been an asshole being off his internalized sexuality. Deep down, he had just hoped it hadn't been as bad as San was letting it show.

“I said much worse hyung, I said horrible things,” cried the black-haired.

“Tell me. Both of you ... please tell me.”

And so they did. Jongho locked the music room and they all sat down, on the floor not the chairs, and Mingi and San confessed. They told everything to Hongjoong and Jongho about the fight, the words exchanged, how it had gone to hell, how the parents even had to meddle at some point, only with the promise their children would never meet again and then they were done. They were done and San wanted to smoke, Hongjoong was ashamed, Jongho and Mingi didn't know what to think or do.

“Why ?” whispered the red-haired once they were done. “Oh God why ...” the question wasn't made to be answered, Hongjoong just needed to express his thoughts.

It took a while for all of them to calm down, and once it was done, the afternoon was slowly switching to the evening.

“It's getting late, we should head home,” the hyung finally said.

They all followed silently, Jongho keeping Mingi close to him while San had been taken by the hand by Hongjoong. It wasn't a big gesture but it still mattered for the younger, who feared his friend would hate him. He'd probably die it it wasn't for Hongjoong, and he didn't know if the red-haired knew this, but he had truly been San's anchor.

Jongho and Mingi left them, and Hongjoong should have parted from San at some point too but decided not to. San stopped in the middle of the street, confused.

“Hyung your house is the other way, what are you doing ?”

“You know I don't hate you San ?”

“What ?” the other's blood froze.

“I can understand self-hatred, but I didn't understand yours until today. But be sure that I don't hate you. And that despite what you said to your friends that day, you shouldn't hate yourself too.”

“Hongjoong-”

“No. I understand that it was violent and they took it how everyone would've taken it. But explanations can fix things. You were younger, surrounded by a homophobic environment, they should understand too. It doesn't mean they will forgive, but at least you'll come clean.”

San sighed, feeling emotionally exhausted again.

“They won't want to. Just remember how they looked at me. Except Yeosang they're not ready for it.”

“Then we'll start with Yeosang. It doesn't matter how long it takes San-ah, as long as it's done. But you have to take care of yourself. Please. I know you want to smoke and probably hurt yourself but don't, please don't.”

Hongjoong had taken San's nape and pushed their forehead together. San couldn't answer. He was ready to explode and the only way not to was to go against Hongjoong's words. Feeling it the later didn't insist, and only kissed the boy's forehead with a sweet :

“Call me if you need anything alright ? No matter what time it is.”

“Will do hyung.”

“I'll help you fix this San. I promise.”

San wanted to tell him that it wasn't his business to settle, but he knew he'd be useless ; Hongjoong had his mind on it already. He'd give up once he'd realize it was hopeless.

San went back home, like a zombie saluted his parents, locked himself in the room, declined diner with the pretext of being tired, smoked, and cut himself. A basic Monday night for him ...

*

A few streets away Wooyoung had come home slamming the door, surprising everyone in his house.

“Wooyoung darling ?” his mother was in the leaving room with his little brother and his father showed his head from the kitchen door.

“Something happened with Yeosang, son ?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled and went past them.

The parents exchanged worried glances but a second after someone was knocking at the door and Wooyoung's mother went to open.

“Oh hi Seonghwa dear !”

“Hello Mrs Jung. I'm sorry I must be surprising you and you probably have other things to do right now-”

“It's about Wooyoung isn't it ?”

Seonghwa shut up in guilt and nodded shyly.

“You can come in of course. Should we expect Yeosang or Yunho ?”

“No, just me for tonight,” that worried the Jungs even more. It wasn't surprising for Seonghwa to be here but Yeosang would always be either with Wooyoung already or with the elder boy.

The dark-haired made his way to his friend's bedroom, and came in without knocking at the door. He didn't expect to be hit with a pillow the second he'd come in.

When the pillow fell he saw the mess Wooyoung's room as well as the lilac boy was in, and he closed the door silently, breathing deeply at the sound of broken sobs. As he came closer he noticed Wooyoung was sitting on the floor, back against his bed, holding a big plush toy in his arms. An angry bird. How fitting that Seonghwa was here now.

“Hey Woo,” the boy raised his head and Seonghwa's heart broke a little when he saw how smugged his makeup was, or how desperate he looked. He sat next to him and ended with a lap full of the boy in a second.

“Why ? Why did he have to come back ?! I was doing fine without him ! Without them !”

It was a lie and they both knew it. Fortunately Wooyoung had left some cottons and makeup remover on his bed side table and Seonghwa grabbed them in order to clean his friend's face. Still having some hiccups from time to time, the younger let him. His room was already a mess half of the time, but now that he had thrown things around it was worst.

“Your parents are worried y'know ?”

“I do.”

“You should tell them once you feel better.”

“I will.”

“Good. Why is Yeosang not with you ?”

Wooyoung shrugged. “He didn't come and I didn't try to go to his place. And his curtains are closed. I don't think he wants to see me right now.”

Seonghwa guessed that the pink-haired needed time to comprehend the situation as well, and was proud to see Wooyoung understanding that Yeosang wasn't angry at him.

“He seemed more at peace than you and Yunho earlier.”

The younger bit his lower-lip.

“Yeosang has always been quiet you know it. When we fought with San and Mingi back in 8th grade ... he was too. Yunho and I took most of the hits because we talked back, but the insults crossed. He took them for him too. I guess ... he was not as emotionally invested as I was ...”

“And Yunho ?”

“He won't admit it but I know he had a thing for Mingi too at the time. Now I don't know ... we never talked about it and I don't think it'd be a good idea to.”

Seonghwa nodded and stayed quiet again.

“Hyung I'm sorry.”

“What ?”

“You got caught in the cross-fire and shouldn't have. Hongjoong seems like a nice person and because of me and Yunho he probably thinks your an asshole.”

“Oh I'm sure he thought that before.”

“Hu ?”

“You and Yunho had already left but we argued a little afterwards.”

“See ! We ruined everything !”

“There was nothing to ruin Woo. We were only starting to know one another but that was a mistake.”

“Why ?”

Seonghwa sighed and avoided Wooyoung's gaze, which was unusual for him. There wasn't a lot that the dark-haired was ashamed off, and even when there was, he was strong enough to not let show it affected him. Except when it came too-

“He said he wouldn't take any lessons from a smoker.”

Wooyoung gasped.

“He didn't ?!”

“He doesn't know Woo it's fine-”

“No it's not ! He did the same with San and Mingi how can he judge without knowing ?!”

“I won't talk to him again it's not a big deal. I barely know the guy Woo I swear it's fine.”

And it was really. The two oldest didn't owe shit to the other, so technically even if they had seemed fitting to be friends, this was just a proof they weren't. After the younger boy had calmed down and fell asleep, Seonghwa let his parents know he'd probably be a little late for dinner and left the Jung house. He lived at twenty minutes by bus from Wooyoung's, and so he plugged his earphones and turned on his music. When he checked his phone for the first time since he had left the school, he was surprised to see messages from Hongjoong. Frowning he put on his music and then opened the text.

**Hongjoong**

_Hey it's me, Hongjoong. I hope this is Seonghwa's number ?_

_I don't know if you're not answering because you're busy or because you don't want to, but if the last one please, I think we need to talk_

**Seonghwa**

_I was busy._

_But I still don't see what you would want to talk about. I thought you didn't take lessons from guys like me ?_

**Hongjoong**

_I'd better start apologizing about that then ... Look I'm sorry I just ... have this thing ? With people that smoke ?_

**Seonghwa**

_Judgment ? Stereotypes ?_

**Hongjoong**

_I'm sorry ! I really am ! I just don't understand why someone would feel the need to smoke_

Seonghwa didn't answer right away. Hongjoong was making an effort to come to him and he didn't understand why, especially if the other had such a large reason as to why he hated smokers. Not that the older could do anything about it.

**Hongjoong**

_You don't have to tell ! That's not what I'm asking I'm just telling you ..._

**Seonghwa**

_You're aware I won't stop smoking for you right ?_

The red-haired must have been busy with something else because he didn't reply for a few minutes, leaving enough time to Seonghwa to check on the others. When Wooyoung's anger had hidden sadness and Yeosang had straight up showed the overwhelming confusion he felt, Yunho's anger had only been that : anger. He seemed furious, and not only about San and Mingi, but also about Hongjoong. Seonghwa was not about to defend the smaller man when they had just met ; not yet at least. He didn't have a reason to so far, so he only focused on calming Yunho down.

Hongjoong answered.

**Hongjoong**

_Totally not what I had in my mind, don't worry_

**Seonghwa**

_Good, happy to know we're on the same page_

_You said you wanted to talk so is there more or are we done ?_

**Hongjoong**

_Well ..._

_Actually yes ..._

_I don't know how much you know about this story, but I want to talk about the boys_

Seonghwa thought a lot about this. He didn't answer until he got off the bus, had diner with his parents and brother, and was clean and ready to go to bed. This was something big, and one wrong step could make everything blow away. But at the same time, he couldn't be the proud asshole and not see Hongjoong's point of view. Clearly the boy seemed like a fair person and not someone who'd try to justify his friend's shitty action for shit. It didn't even engaged him in anything right ? He could hear Hongjoong out, and if he wasn't agreeing with whatever he had to say, then he could always brush him off. Easy.

**Seonghwa**

_Sorry, I needed to think._

_I don't really see where you're going with this_

_But I hope you realize my friends will be prioritized in this story_

**Hongjoong**

_So will mine, but that's the whole point_

_Is it okay if we talk about it face to face tomorrow ? It'll be long to type it and even for you I think you'd be more comfortable_

_If I'm correct !_

_We can keep going on my messages if you prefer_

The dark-haired boy took a dozen minute to think and then typed a quick answer :

**Seonghwa**

_No you're right, I'm tired and it'll be easier like this_

_How about first break tomorrow morning ? We're in the same class so no need to look for one another_

**Hongjoong**

_Ah yeah sure ! Works for me_

_Hey hu ..._

**Seonghwa**

_?_

**Hongjoong**

_I forgot to go fetch my schedule with everything that happened ... Can you send me yours ?_

Seonghwa couldn't stop his snore. He had understood with the few stories told by the red-haired that he was naturally someone with his head always in the clouds, and with Yeosang also being like this from time to time, he found it amusing.

**Seonghwa**

_First day and already forgetting things x)_

_/picture download/_

**Hongjoong**

_Thank youuu_

_My savior T^T_

**Seonghwa**

_Don't be dramatic_

_I'll see you tomorrow_

**Hongjoong**

_Thank you again, for agreeing to meet with me. I'm sorry I was rude before, I can be sometimes when I don't understand certain things_

**Seonghwa**

_If I understood what you want to defend about your friends tomorrow, you should try and be more accepting. Sometimes, people have good reasons to do what they do, and we don't ask you to understand them. Just accept._

Hongjoong didn't answer but Seonghwa felt like it wasn't necessary. He just hoped that like him, the following day would be a conversation between two mature persons.

*

The next morning came rather quickly and with it, a nervous ball in his stomach for Hongjoong. He hadn't realized how bad he wanted this to go well until he was sitting in his classroom, waiting for Seonghwa to come in with a trembling leg. He was a little early and had told the guys he had something important to do. Which was half a lie. He had something important to do. Only this thing was only to happen during their first break ! Which was two hours away. He just couldn't stay with the boys. San looked paler and more tired that the day before, Mingi just seemed on edge as soon as they passed the school's gate ... Jongho was surely taking in everything the others were letting out.

Five minutes before first period started, Seonghwa finally came in. He was the last one before the late students, which seemed to be normal. Hongjoong smelled the smoke coming from him when he sat right next to him.

“Hello Hongjoong.”

“Hi,” his voice sweat nervousness.

Seonghwa raised a surprised brow as his shaky voice :

“You know I'm not going to eat you right ? We're just going to talk.”

“I'm sorry ... It's just- It's really important for me.”

The black-haired kept looking at him but said nothing more, only nodding to close the discussion. He took a look at Hongjoong's outfit of the day too, and damn did he look good. He had a bright red t-shirt almost as flashy as his hair, short-sleeved so it looked like a top, and _danzig_ was written in black letters on it. Simple light blue jeans with a black belt hanging from his thin waist, black converse he had obviously customized, and a simple black leather jacket. His hair looked really fluffy, and unlike yesterday weren't styled, falling freely around his face.

The class begun, and Seonghwa quickly focused back on their Korean class.

*

Two hours later and they were exiting through the exit door of the South Wing which led to a little field of grass, right before the football field. Seonghwa stood in front of Hongjoong which was back against the wall, bag between his feet on the floor and arms crossed. He looked as nervous as he did when he asked Seonghwa to show him around the day before.

“I don't really know how to start this ... I know where I want to go but I don't know how ...”

“How about you tell me how you met San, Mingi and Jongho ?”

And they told each other their story of how they met the other half of the ex group of friends.

“So Jongho is as clueless as you ?” asked Seonghwa.

“Yeah, like I said we caught him only last year.”

“Which explains why Wooyoung and Yunho had nothing against him.”

“Yep ...”

“OK, do you know how to get from here to your idea now ?”

“I think so ...” Hongjoong took a deep breath. “Look, I'm not saying your friends didn't, but San and Mingi took their arguments hard too. Things don't always happen the way they're supposed too, and despite what you might think, they suffered. Still do,” he whispered the last part, San in mind.

Seonghwa's brows furrowed : “You're going to need to be more precise if you want me to sympathize. The only thing I have for now are my LGBTQ+ friends having been insulted by their old friends of every insult they could have gotten.”

“Do you know how your friends' family are ?”

That question took Seonghwa aback. The light in Hongjoong's eyes had changed, he was no longer nervous, he was determinate.

“I do. I don't see what that has to do with anything ?”

“You're from a loving family aren't you ? Open-minded parents, accepting ones, Wooyoung, Yeosang and Yunho must be too, right ?”

Seonghwa nodded.

“You know everyone doesn't have that chance ?”

It hit him. He wasn't stupid, he knew hundreds of kids were mistreated by their parents for this. He was aware. But somehow, when you don't live it directly, it can slip your mind.

“Some families are not acceptant, they're not safe places.”

“Is it what was going on ?”

“It's still going on but that's not your business. San and Mingi regret every words they said with every fiber of their being. I'm sure I could've seen them regret it the moment they said it had I been here to see the argument. But I wasn't, you and I both, and we have to deal with the aftermath.”

“If they don't want to see each other we can't force-”

“Maybe we should ! San- _they_ didn't forgive themselves ! There is only one way to do that !”

Seonghwa scoffed, “You want my friends to forgive them ? You know that won't be done easily right ? I mean ... Yeosang seems to not hold the biggest grudge. He was insulted by people he trusted and for that, might be cold, but he seems ready to forgive.”

“I don't know what was their relationship before all of this, but Wooyoung and San were really close,” informed Hongjoong.

“From what they told me I could only guess too ... only Yeosang knows the real extend of the thing between them.”

They went silent for a second and then Seonghwa sighed.

“I don't know if trying to patch them up is the brightest idea, but,” he quickly added seeing the other ready to retort, “I'm willing to try. Because you are right, some families are not safe, and maybe they had an ulterior reason for their insults. But I swear Hongjoong, if my boys get hurt more than they already are because of this shit-”

“I'll take full responsibility,” promised the red-haired but was surprised to see Seonghwa shook his head.

“No, I decided to help you and expose them to this, so I'll take responsibility too. But if this ends up badly, we'll say goodbye, and I never want to see or talk to you again.”

At least Hongjoong knew what to wait. For now, he and Seonghwa were only acquaintances, but the reason he wanted both their groups to converge was also because he saw a good person and an interesting mind he could be friends with. And he wanted to get to know San and Mingi's old friends. So yes, maybe if you squinted a little, you could see selfishness in Hongjoong's action. But in Seonghwa's eyes, he quickly came to understand that the boy in front of him, was only a very selfless person.

“We can't just force the two groups together. We need to proceed in steps,” said Seonghwa. “As long as they can't stay in the same room without radiating hateful energy that won't work. We need to take them one by one.”

“Right ... well of what I understood, Yeosang and Jongho will be the ones easier to scout closer. Jongho is a very good singer so he'll probably spend all the time he doesn't spend with us in the music room.”

Seonghwa nodded : “For the others, Yunho is in the dance club and works out a lot at the High School gym.”

“That's great ! Jongho does that too ! San signed up for the dancing classes too, I hope it'll be alright ...”

“He seems to look more for Mingi, but it might be tensed too because Wooyoung often comes to either help the Freshmen with the moves or just hangs out. He knows half of the leading team.”

“Ah shit ...”

“How about Mingi ?”

“Mingi's more discreet ... But he liked to read a lot so maybe he'll sign in for the book club. He's taking calculus class too.”

“Yeosang is our nerd so he does both as well, maybe it's better if he has a softer approach from him.”

“It's San I'm worried about ...”

“Because he smokes ?” Seonghwa didn't mean too but he needed one last bullet sent in Hongjoong's way for yesterday's comment.

The glare he got back made him smile. “It's not only that but yes. He doesn't smoke for a good reason.”

“Who smokes for a good reason ?”

“People who think it's cool.”

“How is that a good reason ?”

Silence. “OK that was stupid. What do _you_ smoke ?”

Seonghwa's eyes looked deep in Hongjoong's, and he was brought back a year back, lost in memories. The question the younger hadn't asked him yesterday.

“Probably for a reason as bad as San's.”

He didn't like how panic settled in the chestnut eyes in front of him, and thought that he had done maybe too much. He didn't know why San smoked, but with a little bit of common sense and considering half of the teenagers had the same reason to smoke, Seonghwa didn't felt like he was mistaking.

Third period started, and they had to go back to class, their ideas ready in their head, but praying for fate to be good to them. Their “plan” only consisted of interactions they had no control over and they really hoped everything would go well and pave the way for an easy path. Or as easy as possible as least.


	5. Chapter 4 : Things might not be what they seem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, chapter 4 is up ! 
> 
> We'll see more of San's emotions and the other boys' too, a lot of what San will describe will be from my own personal experience, everyone deals with things differently so don't go on protesting loudly if something is not like you think it should be. I'm trying my best to make this as realistic as possible without forgetting lots of "details" like the time skips I can do and the different things I stated in previous chapter,
> 
> Hope you'll like it, next chapter in two days, think this one will pick your interest a bit more,
> 
> Enjoy !

October had started, and found the boys approximately in the same place they were a month prior. Jongho's birthday had been celebrated quietly by the boy and his three friend, like they did every year. If for some people like Yeosang and him, things were going pretty smooth, San and Mingi didn't see it that way.

First of all because Yunho was one of the few student-teachers in the dancing lessons San had taken. Hongjoong had to drag the boy to his lessons to make sure he'd attend them, because despite knowing how tensed it was between the two boys, he knew San needed this and would enjoy letting his mind go free by doing something he liked. Seonghwa seemed to have done his part or maybe it was a spontaneous act from Yunho, but the older was respectful, helping, basically treated San like any other student. Mingi wanted to join, he missed dancing too, but he knew his position with Yunho was more delicate than San's and didn't dare. He still had his pilates class, in which he had made a few friends, a group of six boys from which Hwanwoong and Keonhee were a part of. The first one always seemed thrilled to see Mingi, and if he didn't try to not think about it, he'd guess the smaller student had a crush on him. Hwanwoong was very open about it though.

When Hongjoong was in classes, Jongho at the gym and San in dance class, Mingi always found refuge in the library. Like Seonghwa had said, Yeosang had been quick to spot the boy, be it in the filled with books place or their calculus class, often leaving opportunities for the younger to reach for him. Mingi was a bit confused at first, but Hongjoong encouraged him and soon, he and Yeosang started to talk again. You could tell there was a sort of tension, words needed to be said on one side, but until then, they were still polite and even laughed together a few times.

Seonghwa and Hongjoong tried to meet discreetly, as they were in the same class it was easy, and they also texted a lot, Hongjoong's friends completely aware of who he was texting, while Seonghwa preferred to keep it a secret - he was bad at keeping secrets - fearing their reaction.

Jongho met with Yunho a few times at the gym, and even Wooyoung. The two elders really wanted to stay away from the young Sophomore, but after seeing he personally made no sign to approach them, they realized he might not be a spy for Hongjoong like they thought, and also said hi every now and then, even when they crossed paths in the corridors.

Things started to get an interesting - to not say dangerous - turn when Yeosang's group started to realize how close he and Jongho actually had become. Since that one time he helped the Junior with the material, he always seemed to be around.

Wooyoung entered the music room with Seonghwa at his side. The Halloween Party was coming up, and they needed to practice more their songs and actually chose their final play-list. Which meant that they were spending more time in the music room, which apparently, had become Jongho and Yeosang's little secret place. As they approached the door they heard one voice they didn't know sing high notes, the most impressive they had ever heard. A deeper voice could be heard too, joining in and somewhat, harmonizing with the high voice in an entrancing way.

“Is that, Yeosang ?” asked Seonghwa surprised.

Wooyoung nodded but a little stunned didn't react too much. He just opened the door and both the voices stop. Jongho was sitting on the piano's seat and facing Yeosang whom was on his drum seat (he and Wooyoung had exchanged positions, Yeosang being more comfortable with the drums while Wooyoung trained hard with his guitar to join Yunho). They had smile on their faces even after they stopped singing but Yeosang's eyes avoided Wooyoung's when he realized who had came in.

“Hi hyungs, coming to rehearse ?” asked Jongho, not bothered.

“Hi, yes actually. Were you the one singing just now ?” answered Seonghwa.

“Yes. I wanted to ask you something ... I signed my name up for the music club but never actually had the chance nor time to speak with you all,” Jongho was watching as Yunho entered the room, looking at the youngest confused as well.

“About ?”

“Well, Hongjoong me and the others also like to do music. Far from us the idea to steal your place as the School's band, we just would like to sign to sing for the Halloween Party. If that's okay with you of course !”

“I told him I didn't mind,” immediately added Yeosang as a back-up.

Seonghwa was only seeing good out of this, but Wooyoung didn't like what he was seeing : he had a feeling this was not the first time Jongho and Yeosang were here together, and even if he tolerated the youngest, he was still a friend of San's and Mingi's. That he had a hard time to swallow.

“I don't see why not, what do you think guys ?” Seonghwa turned to Yunho and Wooyoung.

Yunho's brows were furrowed but he threw his bag on the floor and went to his guitar :

“Whatever, I don't care.”

Seonghwa was frustrated with them. It wasn't a no but it wasn't a complete yes either.

“Do as you wish,” also added Wooyoung.

He could feel his two friends thick head thinking about San and Mingi, and as much as he loved them, he wouldn't let them ruin other boys' nights because of this.

“I'll talk with the Headmistress as soon as I can,” assured Seonghwa to Jongho. “What style do you play ?”

Jongho looked at him in surprise : “You don't know ? I thought Hongjoong-hyung would've told you ?”

Seonghwa froze and cursed internally, suddenly feeling heavy gaze on his nape. He knew Hongjoong was into rap, but didn't know if all his friends were too.

“No, he didn't. We didn't really got the chance to talk lately.”

Jongho seemed to find it weird but just shrugged it off and left. He did something that not only got Wooyoung's and Seonghwa's eyes to widened and Yunho's jaw to open slack, but he also froze Yeosang when he kissed the pink-haired boy on the cheek.

“See you tomorrow hyung !”

Wooyoung was pissed, and as soon as the door was closed, he stood in front of Yeosang :

“What the hell was that ?”

Yeosang's cheeks were dusted pink but he acted as if nothing happened :

“I don't see what you're talking about.”

“Oh come on ! You don't get all the boys of the school to kiss you on the cheek Yeosang !”

“So what ? What do you want me to say ? That maybe he's interested in me ? What if I say yes ?”

“Are _you_ interested in him ?”

Yeosang's eyes turned dark and everything in the way he seated showed defensiveness :

“What if I say yes ?!”

“Yeosang he's friend with San !”

“I am aware thank you very much.”

“So you don't care ?”

“Don't put words in my mouth Wooyoung. You know better than anyone that I do. Jongho is not San.”

“You don't know that.”

Yeosang violently stood up, and sometimes, Wooyoung forgot that his best friend was actually taller than him :

“How would _you_ ? You don't even talk to him ! Hongjoong was right, maybe they changed.”

Now Yunho stepped in :

“You're serious ? You think it's that easy ?”

“Have you even tried talking to San since the beginning of the dancing classes ? Or you Wooyoung, to Jongho ? None of you spoke to either of them, how can you know what's going on ?!”

Seonghwa felt the tension rising and the last thing he wanted was for them to tear each other apart.

“Because of course, you mighty Yeosang do !”

“I speak to Mingi at least every week !”

“What ?!”

“He's in my calculus class what am I supposed to do, ignore him ?!”

“Yes !”

“Don't be stupid ! I'm sick of this so I'm going to be clear : I am not forgetting what happened. Never. What I am doing is giving them a second chance at proving they are better than the assholes who insulted us back in 8th grade. I'm giving my friendship with them a second chance. This not a decision I'm taking for the three of us. I'm taking it for me. Because I know damn well that it will eat me more to just act cold towards them, than to have an explanation on what happened. You're still lying to yourselves but when you'll be ready to admit that you miss them as much as I do, maybe you'll open your eyes.”

He stood up, took his drum sticks and sat behind his drum.

“But I will not have you judge me. I want to move on. If you don't agree with me then we won't talk about any of them, but I hope you will be mature enough to not show me a cold shoulder,” his eyes begged Wooyoung especially.

The two boys didn't know what to say and so stayed silent, taking in the information. They didn't like this. But they couldn't have the whole school to hate San and Mingi, this would be too cruel. They couldn't understand Yeosang's point of view yet, but they decided to brush it off.

“Should we decide on the play-list then ?” cut in Seonghwa, thankfully changing everyone's attention point.

Like Yeosang wanted, they all put it aside and focused on working for the Halloween Party. A lot of the songs that were picked treated about broken love, and even if he didn't say anything Seonghwa felt like this was a sort of distant harassment on San and Mingi. Knowing the boys probably didn't mean any harm by this and just wanted to sing their hearts out he didn't say much, but after talking with Hongjoong and observing for himself, he was afraid of how San would react.

San was actually a very sweet boy, a little sensible, maybe too much for his own good, as he often took things at heart. Hongjoong hadn't said much about San's personal life issues, but Seonghwa could guess he had a heavy package if the older was that protective over him. Mingi too was sensible, but unlike San seemed to know how to deal with it and not hurt himself for days about something that upset him.

Once their repeat was over, lunch break had started. Yeosang was the first one to leave, probably disappearing in the library again.

Yunho stayed with Seonghwa to go over some of the lyrics again, and Wooyoung needed a break. As he left the room, his mind directed him towards the football field, on which he knew he'd meet with his other friends.

Changbin had always been there, even if for less time that Yeosang. He was a constant in Wooyoung's life, the way he had hoped San to be one. He was not surprise to see Changbin as well as all the others from the football team named Stray Kids training, even in the cold air of October. The boy stopped as soon as he saw Wooyoung, and when Chan saw him too, they all called it a day and walked to the younger to say hello.

“So, getting ready for the first match this season ?”

A loud roar answered him and made him laugh. Felix, a small boy full of energy and sunshine walked behind the Captain, Chan, and wrapped his arms around.

“Oh God you two are still so disgustingly cute.”

“We're worst,” proudly said Jisung, hanging to Minho, the older acting like if he wasn't panicking inside to have his boyfriend so close.

Hyunjin, a tall and handsome boy with long blond hair was also hanging at someone's neck, Jeongin, or IN for the closest friend, Innie for Bang Chan, but they weren't dating (yet) to the older's grate loss.

“Yeah they make me feel very single all the time,” joked Changbin. Usually he would be backed up by Seugmin but today, the boy was speaking with none other that Choi Jongho.

He had made it to the try-outs with very good scores, and only an idiot would have refused him in the team.

“Yeah I know what you're talking about,” said Wooyoung between his teeth.

The others had left after saying hi, understanding they needed some friend time alone.

“What do you mean ?” asked Changbin confused.

“Yeosang, he's getting ... closer, to someone.”

The older gasped :

“Who ?!”

Wooyoung tilted his head and showed behind the Senior's shoulder, the later's mouth and eyes opening wide :

“He's interested in Seugmin ?!”

“Not Seugmin you _pabo_ !”

“Jongho ?!”

“Apparently. And it seems to be reciprocate.”

“You're not happy about it. Why are you not happy about it ?”

Wooyoung didn't even try to deny it and sighed.

“It's not because he might have a boyfriend. It's because of who it is.”

“You don't like Jongho ?”

“He's friend with San, Changbin. And Mingi.”

It was Changbin's turn to sigh.

“Woo, you can't hate every person who does much as look at him.”

“I can try.”

“Don't be ridiculous. I know what happened, but people changed.”

“Seonghwa-hyung said that too ... He was supporting us when we had this weird confrontation in the music room back on the first day, but now he doesn't talk about it at all. I'm sure he's hiding something.”

“You're even becoming paranoid with it my God Wooyoung let the boy live ! I spoke with him briefly when he checked out football for Jongho, and he was nice. I know that he was an asshole, but maybe Seonghwa's right. And even if he was an asshole because that's just who he is, if Jongho in interested in Yeosang, it clearly shows that he's not like San. We both know Yeosang. He wouldn't meddle with someone who can hurt him, he has a good nose for people like him.”

“He told us he had been talking with Mingi.”

“See ! He wouldn't try to make contact again if he thought it'd go down just like in 8th grade. And without mentioning _that_ , you'll only hurt Yeosang if you don't accept Jongho.”

“I'm not hurting him-”

“But you will. You're troubled I can tell. You and him already had an argument about it didn't you ?”

Wooyoung grumbled and cursed his best friend.

“Barely an hour ago.”

Changbin had a small smile which meant : _see, told ya_ , and it annoyed the lilac-haired.

“So what do I do ?! San didn't even come to apologize ? Am I suppose to just, let it go and act like if nothing happened ?!”

“Of course not, but I know that you can be a bit ... harsh, about the people you dislike or who hurt you. I'm not saying he didn't deserve it, but is bullying San and Mingi really worth it ? You're better than this ... Don't forgive if you don't want to, but what is your goal here ? Knowing you and Yunho I'm sure they already regret changing school, you don't have to make them miserable, do you ?”

Changbin didn't say more and Wooyoung stayed silent, watching Jongho training with the others from afar. He needed to think about it for sure, and no, he didn't want to lose Yeosang for some stupid argument about a boy, none the less. He'd need the reflect.

For now, he'd stop thinking and get his mind fucked out of him. After Changbin left to go practice again, he took his phone out and dialed the number of his only friend with benefits.

“Hey Yeonjun ?”

“ _Hey Woo, what's up ?_ ”

“You, me, the Junior's Wing in five minutes.”

There was a very quick silence on the other end but then he heard his blue-haired friend make a lot of noises, probably throwing all his stuff in his bag or something.

“ _You sound angry, I'll be the one getting it ?_ ”

Wooyoung thought about it for a moment, passing the double doors of the school and welcoming the warmth again.

“No, I need you to fuck my brains out, too much to think about lately. Oh by the way, Yeosang says hi.”

Yeonjun chuckled and they hang up. He and Wooyoung sort of had a sex friend thing going on ever since that one party back in Freshman year, same party during which Yeosang also had scored one of Yeonjun's friends, Taehyun. They hadn't keep it a thing, but it was still obvious the two were weak for one another, and if they were drunk enough, they didn't mind sleeping together again. Wooyoung guessed Taehyun would need to say bye to Yeosang with Jongho now in the picture. Yeonjun was the only one he had slept with more than once. His others booty calls were just that, booty calls, but with Yeonjun he took the time to build a real friendship.

As he made his way he crossed path with Blackpink, the four cheerleaders happily waving at him : they were his favorite lesbians. Yeosang could say whatever he wanted about his noona, but Blackpink were sweeter.

He also crossed path with Mingi, arms filled with book, whom was waiting in front of the Juniors' boys bathroom. Unfortunately, that's also were Wooyoung waited for Yeonjun, and at the same time he saw the blue-haired boy come towards him, he saw a familiar face getting out of the bathroom : San's.

_Knowing you and Yunho I'm sure they already regret changing school, you don't have to make them miserable, do you ?_

Changbin's words came back to him, and he felt sorry for his friend to have so much faith in him because the second San crossed eyes with him, Wooyoung caught Yeonjun by the hem of his sweater and pulled him in a kiss. Right there in the middle of the corridor. Not surprise the slightest as it happened all the time, Yeonjun kissed back with as much eagerness, hands on his waist.

When they parted, San and Mingi were still behind them, the taller trying to look at anything but then while San seemed to be forced to do the opposite.

“Come on,” said Yeonjun to Wooyoung, “I found an empty classroom on my way here and checked the schedule, we won't be bothered.”

Wooyoung had called Yeonjun to stop thinking. So no, he did not care about San on this instant. The only thing he was seeing was his handsome friend ready to fuck him.

As he disappeared in at the corner, San finally looked at Mingi.

“He has a boyfriend ... How did I not noticed he has a boyfriend ...”

“I don't think that's what it is,” tried to help Mingi. But San needed Hongjoong right now. The oldest was the only one to know about San's sexual tendencies and possible crush on Wooyoung.

“I need to smoke,” he lied.

“Lunch break is over soon.”

“Not mine.”

“Ah shit I always forget about my calculus class !”

“It's on the other side Mingi !” called San after his friend, both exchanging a laugh before San's face fell.

He dialed Hongjoong's number and started walking. His first guess would be the music room but he was afraid he'd cross path with the others too. He still went, happy to see only Seonghwa with his hyung. Those two were really close when no one was around.

“Hyung,” San hated himself for sounding so pathetic, but Seonghwa was nice, and he immediately put on a worried face. Hongjoong snapped his head up at the sound too :

“Sannie ? Everything alright ?”

He hesitated, looking at Seonghwa and Hongjoong back and forth, the black-haired understanding.

“I'll let you know how much time the Cheers will let you play, but they're very nice so I'm sure you'll be able to sing three or four songs,” said Seonghwa, picking up his bag.

“I'm sorry,” said San but Seonghwa cut him with a hug, which surprised the younger very much.

“Don't worry. You're not chasing me away I was about to go anyway, Lisa needs to know which play-list we'll be playing for the Halloween Party.”

Ah yeah, San had heard about it. Seonghwa left with a wave of his hand, and San was pushed in by Hongjoong.

“You're on the verge of tears what's going on San ?”

He was more than this. As the days passed, San was paler, had lost a bit of weight, and smoked more. Hongjoong wasn't under the impression this was a good school year at all. He knew why now, but he just wished Mingi would stop being so tense when going in class. Hongjoong felt that they were fragile dolls ready to break the second he and Jongho would leave their sides. It couldn't go one like this forever.

“Wooyoung, he ... this is stupid-”

“No San tell me, whatever made you upset is valid.”

“He was kissing someone. And then they went away, and I'm pretty sure they're fucking right now. He's ... he's taken, right ? I really don't have any chance to fix this mess do I ?”

Hongjoong sighed, a little bit in relief because he was able to make San a little better :

“Wooyoung doesn't do relationships. Seonghwa, told me about it one night. Wooyoung and Yunho both have this fuck-boy agenda. They didn't fuck with the whole school, but if someone is interested in them and they're interested enough, they don't mind it. But they never dated. Yeosang is more ... restricted about it. He's not searching to be in a relationship but he has this friend with whom they get along _very well_ when drunk.”

San, sweet San, immediately forgot his own problem :

“But what about Jongho ?!”

“Seonghwa told me it'll probably change. Yeosang never had anyone he was interested in, and he's not the type to hurt someone.”

“He physically can't,” remembered San with a sad smile. “I miss them hyung, I miss them so much ...”

Hongjoong took San in his arms, letting the boy hang to him like a koala to a tree.

“I know San. I know. I promise I'll find a solution.”

Yeosang, whom had forgotten his calculus book in the music room, hadn't dare entered when he heard who was in. Now back against the wall, tears in his eyes, he decided his calculus book could wait.

*

When the day was over, Wooyoung felt freshen up. Fucking with Yeonjun and spending a little time with him had been efficient enough for him to forget his problems for as long as wanted, but even then, he felt them coming back too soon. And they came back in the shape of Yeosang walking alone outside the gates of the school. He sighed and ran to catch up with him.

“Yeosang wait !”

The pink-haired stopped and curiously watched his best-friend approach.

“You were about to go home without me ?” accused the younger with a fake shock.

Yeosang eyed him carefully : “I wasn't sure you were in the mood to walk with me.”

Wooyoung grimaced and they both started to walk again :

“About that, I thing I owe you an apology.”

Yeosang didn't hide his surprise.

“I was unfair with you, and you were right about one thing ...” he took a deep breath : “I can't blame on Jongho what San and Mingi did. I just ... it's just weird for me, to think that they're connected you know ? Like, he's so sweet and open about liking you, and he's friend with _them_.”

Yeosang bit his lower lip, the conversation between San and Hongjoong still in mind :

“I stand by what I said earlier. I'm sure there's an explanation we don't have yet. I don't want to turn my back on them a second time.”

Wooyoung avoided his gaze.

“I'm not doing this to hurt you Wooyoung, I'm only trying to move on.”

“I know Yeo, I know, I just- I can't wrap my head around it ... I trusted them, him, with all my being, and they just stabbed us in the back.”

“I'm not saying it's not a valid reason, but don't you think it's starting to get old ?” said Yeosang lightly.

Wooyoung was half-amused and half-angry so Yeosang raised his hand in a peace sign.

“Not talking about it again, got it.”

“You know there's one way to forgive this.”

“There is nothing to forgive,” Wooyoung hear Yeosang roll his eyes in his voice. “But go one, shoot.”

“Let me choose your Halloween costume !”

Yeosang chuckled to himself and smiled when Wooyoung wrapped an arm around his neck.

“I'm going to regret this later, but fine, let's go this weekend.”

*

That's how them, alongside Yunho and Seonghwa, ended up in the mall to shop for their Halloween costume. What only Seonghwa and Yeosang knew was that Hongjoong, San, Mingi and Jongho were at the same mall, the same day, at the same time ... for the same thing.

They had been here for quite a while, and yet, no sign of the other group yet, which was, let's be honest, a huge relief for the only four who knew about the others' presence.

“So did you decided yet on my costume ?” asked Yeosang to a very happy and jumpy Wooyoung.

The four of them out were always a sight : not only did they always caught the eyes with their clothes, but they had an aura to them, that let everyone know in a ten mile radius that they were here. Yeosang was wearing a knitted black sweater with tartan red and green pants, doc martens, a spiked choker and a big fluffy white and black jacket. Wooyoung was in a gray shirt three buttons opened, black leather pants, boots, a light gray vest and a black coat on top. He was a chilly baby despite being born in Fall. Seonghwa and Yunho, the tallest and most intimidating with their resting bitch face on, had gone for a full black outfit, the older wearing a black turtleneck with black high waist jeans, boots and a long coat with white stripes, while Yunho was wearing a simple black shirt, black ripped jeans with a graphic design on the left thigh, and a short denim jacket. He and Wooyoung both had a very thin velvet ribbon as a choker, but he was the only one to wear a simple harness which wrapped around his torso and left shoulder underneath the jacket.

“I do but I won't tell you until I find what I'm looking for,” said Wooyoung loudly.

“I thought we were all suppose to chose on each other's costume ?” reminded Seonghwa.

It was a sort of tradition, that they all decided together who would wear what. This year, there would be a tiny exception for Yeosang's costume. They had decided that Seonghwa would go as a vampire, Yunho as a scarecrow and Wooyoung as a witch. They didn't want to go to normal costumes shops, preferring shopping in casual shop to put together their outfits, which was usually the best idea. But for Yeosang's costume Wooyoung had insisted that they'd need to go in one ...

“I am not wearing that !” said Yeosang, shaking his head vehemently.

“He could've picked worse,” said Seonghwa, looking at the Harley Quinn costume Wooyoung was holding. It was not the Harley Quinn from _Suicide Squad_ , it was the Harley Quinn from _Arkham City_. Which meant that it had a corset and very very tight pants, low waist pants none the less.

“You will not make we wear that I don't care,” pouted the pink-haired.

“Oh come on ! I always wanted to see you with blond hair !”

In reality, Wooyoung had only decided what Yeosang would wear right before they got out. He hated it but he knew Seonghwa was talking with Hongjoong, and so he told his hyung to tell Hongjoong to tell Jongho to wear a very peculiar costume for Halloween too. Once he had the confirmation that Jongho had accepted - without knowing where Hongjoong had got this marvelous idea of course - Wooyoung got his plan in motion.

Yeosang wanted to bleach his hair for a while now, to test it, they all knew it, but it was still unfair that his best friend was using it against him.

“Even Wooyoung will get a new hair color if you accept to wear it ?” smirked Seonghwa.

“Even Seonghwa and I !” added Yunho.

Yeosang pouted for a while but seeing Wooyoung taken aback by this he took advantage of the situation :

“You buy me chicken too.”

Wooyoung sighed but agreed, and without a word, Yeosang took the costume and paid for it. Then they went to all sorts of different shops, Wooyoung buying a new make-up palette, Yunho a bunch of clothes he would reform later, and Seonghwa fangs and lenses. They were all off to the hair saloon in which they would buy the products to dye Yeosang's hair when Seonghwa's phone vibrated in his pocket :

**Mingi Hong**

_Hey, how you doin' ?_

**Hwa**

_Did you just quote Friends on me ?_

**Mini Hong**

_Did it work ?_

**Hwa**

_Depends on what will follow if I say yes ;)_

**Mini Hong**

_Oh God x)_

_Just wanted to let you know that we're by the coffee shop on the third floor. We're all settled so we probably won't meet_

**Hwa**

_Are you done yet ?_

**Mini Hong**

_Hum yes almost, the coffee shop was our last stop. You ?_

**Hwa**

_We need to get new hair products and then we'll go. Yeosang's mother is our coffee shop x) What will you be for Halloween then ?_

**Mini Hong**

_I'll show you mine if you show me yours ;)_

**Hwa**

_Oh god terrible phrasing x)) I'll be a vampire_

**Mini Hong**

_...._

_Why am I not even surprise ..._

_Like-_

_You as a vampire ? God fucking yes !_

Seonghwa was not paying attention to his friends anymore and a stupid smile had crawled on his lips. Yeosang saw it and smirked, elbowing the two others to point at him.

**Mini Hong**

_It would've been funny if you had gone as a werewolf_

**Hwa**

_?_

_Why ?_

**Mini Hong**

_Because I'll go as the Red Riding Hood_

Seonghwa's mind went places. He froze and finally noticed his friends' mocking eyes on him, making him blush even more. He needed a diversion so Hongjoong wouldn't suspect anything.

**Hwa**

_I believe you forgot a 'little' there somewhere_

**Mini Hong**

_And I believe I'll chop your ear off_

**Hwa**

_Just kidding, I'm sure the hood will go well with your hair_

**Mini Hong**

_Ngl, that's why I picked this costume idea_

“So, Little Red Riding Hood hu ? You know it's not too late to change your costume idea,” teased Wooyoung, an elbow on Seonghwa' shoulder.

The black-haired tickled his annoying little brat, Yeosang and Yunho paying for the hair dye.

Hongjoong was smiling to himself, the others three sitting around him knowing what was up :

“So, what's Seonghwa going at ?” asked San.

“A vampire !”

“He would look so hot,” agreed Jongho.

“Wouldn't he ?”

San and Mingi seemed a little embarrassed. They weren't against it far from it, but it wasn't in their education to be so open about it, and when they were still risking punishment at their house, it was difficult to be comfortable.

They had all ordered hot chocolates or hot coffees, enjoying the warmth before going back into the cold.

“He said something about hair dye too ?”

Jongho whined at that :

“Yeosang is so pretty with pink hair !”

“I believe it's for his costume.”

“You know what it is ?!”

“No,” he answered with a smirk.

“Hyung !”

“I was sworn to secrecy !”

“Bullshit !”

“If Yeosang asks, you should keep yours a secret too,” advised the older.

“Why ?”

Hongjoong shrugged absently.

“For the surprise effect !”

“Speaking of effects, hyung I'll need you in my house at least an hour before the party. I can't pull the zombie make-up on by myself,” begged Mingi.

“Of course, but I have a better one, you'll all come to my house to get ready. I'll have my make-up with me and it'll be easier !”

“Hyung, my parents said I could dye my nape hair in gray like you asked,” informed San with a small smile, locking his phone.

Internally he was thrilled. He had always wanted to dye his hair, have piercings like Hongjoong. He had shyly ask the day before, and after a long conversation, they agreed, saying that he was old enough for these things. It was in moments like these that San had crossed feelings for his parents : they weren't complete assholes whom never let him do anything, he was relatively free. But then he remembered that despite all of this, the most important freedom, the freedom to be who he really was and love who he really wanted to love, was still an illusion.

“That's amazing San ! I think I still have a bit of dye at home.”

They were sitting right next to each other, and while Jongho and Mingi started talking about a video game, Hongjoong worried about San :

“How are you doing ?”

“I don't know hyung. I just feel ... empty ... like it doesn't matter if I feel good or bad, it's all the same to me. When I'm with you and we laugh together, spend moments like this, I take a break, a breath of fresh air, but when it's over ...”

Hongjoong nodded to show he was following and took San's hand in his. He was wearing a jacket but the older pushed up the sleeved to gain access to the strap around his friend's wrist.

“You know what my thoughts about this are. You should see someone. It can help.”

“Help in not the problem hyung. My parents will want to know what's going on.”

“They don't have to.”

“They'll pay for the rendezvous.”

Hongjoong sighed, and he pushed his thumb right under the leather of the strap, brushing against the bandage.

“Did you do another one ?”

San didn't answer, but he reeked of smoke and had blood in his eyes. His night hadn't been peaceful.

“Is it because of what happened with Wooyoung and this boy ?”

San stayed silent again, but Hongjoong smiled at him.

“It's alright San. I promise you'll be alright. I'm here, I'll make sure nothing happens.”

Little did he know, he wouldn't be able to protect San.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their hair color will often change but I will definitely not do them is a chronogical order x) I like to have fun with this


	6. Chapter 5 : Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is sort of a two part thing, the second part being the 6th chapter I'll post in two days. I have a good rhythm and the fiction is almost completely written so I can update the story more often. If you red the tag you saw the "it gets worst before it gets better" and this one will be applied in Chapter 9, so now we can start the countdown ; C-4 until disaster. 
> 
> Wooyoung is pretty much me in this fiction, like, he has a lot of my own reactions so yeah ... oops
> 
> Anyway hope you'll like it,
> 
> Enjoy !

They didn't have a Fall break, but the end of October arrived, and with it the Halloween Party. Yeosang hadn't dyed his hair yet, as he wanted to surprise Jongho - he would never admit it - which led to the situation he was in : sitting on a stool with Seonghwa, Yunho and Wooyoung behind them, bleaching their hair, the Saturday of the party.

“So, blond aye ?”

“Blond, white ?” asked Yeosang.

“You're going to look like an angel,” snorted the younger.

“Bitch I already do, between us you're the devil everyone knows that.”

Yeosang's sister cheered from the bathtub she was sitting in.

“What are you going for Seonghwa ?” she asked the oldest.

“Hm, I didn't want to lighten my hair too much, so gray. It goes with the whole vampire thing.”

“It also goes with your age,” joked Yunho.

“Remember I'm the one dying your hair next Yunho, it'd be a shame if something bad happened don't you think ?” that shushed the boy up and made the two best friends explode in laughter.

The Party was the same night, and they were all with constant news of Lisa, Jennie, Rosé and Jisoo to make sure everything would be fine. During the week, Yeosang had gone out with Jongho a few times, mostly spent his time with Wooyoung and called Seonghwa a lot, not minding to hear about Hongjoong for _hours_. Yunho and Wooyoung had worked on the next dance they'd teach at the club, and Yunho even had a few conversations with San about one dance the younger was preparing. Things had gone ... smooth. For them at least. They hadn't crossed path much with the others, only Yeosang and Seonghwa had a few contacts with them, and maybe it was for the best.

Because ever since that day with Yeonjun, Wooyoung couldn't help but think of San when he was being intimate with the blue-haired - with anyone really. Yunho had confessed Mingi had caught him and a Sophomore in one of the empty classroom because he had mixed his classes, and even if he didn't say it out loud, they all understood that he and that girl hadn't gone further after Mingi's interruption. It wasn't the first time Yunho had been interrupted though, but by Mingi ... was something else. They didn't talk about it of course. Refused to. Seonghwa and Yeosang never pried, but deep inside they hoped it'd push things a little.

As everyone knew, nothing better for that then a Party. Needless to say both boys had high expectations for tonight, and they were ready to give their best.

Once the bleach was resting on their heads, they exchanged places with Wooyoung and Yunho and bleached their hair too. The younger wanted to go with a dirty blond, silver, while the older wanted to go back to a darker color. Even Yeosin stole a bit of the bleach left to give herself Rogue's locks from the X-Men.

“Is it done yet ?” asked Yeosang's dad.

“No, we're almost finished !” answered back Yunho.

They had just washed their hair of the dye they were so not finished. They had bleached in the morning so they could leave their hair dry during lunch, and be back at it before the party. Once everyone had the good hair color - Wooyoung's hair might have stayed a little bit purple with the silver - they focused on the make-up. It was heavy for all of them considering their costumes, and weirdly the lightest was Yeosang's.

It was a deep smoky black eyeshadow, a blood red lipstick, and a very white foundation. He had to use a spray dye to color half of his hair tips red and the other half black. Then he put on the rest of the suit, starting with the tight pants and the thick leather belt, the corset that despite his non existent breasts held his chest perfectly well, the high gloves, the chokers, and then he put on his Dr Martens. He couldn't deny that he looked very good. He looked smoking hot even, he thought as he looked at himself in the mirror of his room. Wooyoung was at his dressing table doing his heavy make-up while Yunho and Seonghwa shared the bathroom as they had more graphic effects.

Wooyoung had also done a very smoky eyeshadow, but unlike Yeosang it spread a lot around his eyes, even falling like tears on his cheeks. He drew a crescent on his forehead and painted his lips black.

“Is the lipstick really necessary ?” teased Yeosang already feeling pretty in character with his natural sarcasm and savageness. “Yeonjun will ruin it in a second when he sees you.”

Wooyoung flashed him dark eyes, and Yeosang raised a perfectly drew blond brow, his blue-lensed eyes showing challenge. He watched his best friend put on a very loose and ripped black shirt, with tight black velvet pants. He wrapped a cloth around his waist and let it hang on one side to make it look more wild, had a very thick choker with a pentagram around his neck and made sure his hair was all messy. Yeosang braided a few locks with black ribbons in them and tied a few hair jewels too. He looked like a wild witch, and it was more or less the look he was going for.

They went to check on Yunho and Seonghwa, both already in costume but struggling with their make-up. The younger's was mostly done, numerous layers or liquid latex giving the impression his cheeks had been cut in a sinister smile that had been stitched up, as well as triangle patch on his left eye. He had colored the skin a little grayish to give a rotting impression, and fake blood was pouring out of the fake stitches. His jet black hair were perfect for this costume not disappearing beneath the scarecrow hat they had found at the mall. He wore a red flannel shirt and ripped jeans with some patch-up here and there, a few strings of hay carefully glued to not move.

Seonghwa was ... like Yeosang, very hot. They were all ! Really ! Just ... Seonghwa and Yeosang wore costumes that showed more their charms. His paled skin and now gray hair along-side the faded peach lipstick, red eyeshadow, and black suit was just perfect. The sleeves and collar of his black Victorian shirt had black puffs, and his high waist deep red slacks were showing off his thin waist but thick thighs and making his already long legs look even longer if that was possible. Some straps were hanging from his shirt, and his hair were thrown back, only a few strands falling on his forehead. He had struggled with the fangs but in the end managed to stick them to his canines, moving them with the tip of his fingers to make sure they wouldn't fall during the Party. He would see as he spoke how it was hanging :

“Please do us all a favor and especially Hongjoong, don't suck any dicks tonight,” pleaded Wooyoung with a smirk.

“You little- Hongjoong and I don't have this type of relationship, and unlike you I don't sleep with every one I can get,” there was no bite behind this, no insult, just reality.

“Doesn't mean you don't like getting some.”

“Yeah well not tonight.”

Yunho snickered as well before Seonghwa chased them out off the bathroom to the leaving room. They were ready to go but as none of them knew how to drive yet, it was Yeosin whom had proposed to take them.

“Have fun little demons ! And don't forget-”

“Yeah yeah, I'll call you if something is wrong, and if we need a ride home, don't worry !”

His sister smirked and left. She had drove them off at the corner of Lisa's house - always the one to host parties - and they slowly but surely made their way in, meeting some other students on the way It was already very crowded, and it was not even 8 yet. The alcohol wouldn't be out before 10, Lisa made it a rule, so people could start having fun without being drunk and only drink if they really wanted to. No one minded, Lisa's parties were always successful and people talked about it for days after.

The house was already half-full, and considering it had a first floor it was impressive. The first floor was only for Lisa, her closest friends who stayed the night, and generally Matz, the boys using it to get ready, rehearse a little before the concert and stock their instruments. Only today, four other boys were waiting too.

Yeosng bumped into Seonghwa's back, the older having freeze when he saw Hongjoong's costume. He looked like that one art of Ciel Phantomhive and Sebastian Michaelis from Black Butler as the Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. Meaning he was wearing _shorts_. The whole costume had a strong Victorian accent to it, with a short-sleeved white button-up, a brown vest with gold ribbons on the front ; the shorts had golden roses sued on the legs, and two pretty bows close to the knees. He had simple black rangers from which could be seen knee-long harlequin patterned socks held bu legs clips around his thighs. He of course, was wearing a long red hood which followed his every move and hid his pretty red hair nicely. He had done a rather simple eye make-up, with very pale shades of red and black, drastic contrast to the three claw marks they could see on his right cheeks, fake blood pouring out of it.

“The Red Riding Hood was attacked by a wolf ?” asked Yeosang, peering over Seognwha's shoulder,” the elder still drooling at Hongjoong's sight.

San, Mingi, Jongho and Hongjoong all turned to see them, the two first shyly retracting into the room to leave place to the others. Yeosang finally pushed Seonghwa in but also froze when he saw who Jongho was dressed at :

“Well, looks like I'll have a Harley Quinn after all,” joked the youngest, brushing back a few strands of green hair. Yeosang was very glad his skin was whitened, otherwise everyone would've seen his blush. He turned to his best friend :

“You knew about this !” he said between his teeth.

“Me ?! Of course not ! How could I, I don't have Jongho's number !”

But Seonghwa had Hongjoong's ! He turned to his eldest and saw him smiling sheepishly, Hongjoong just as guilty next to him.

“No wonder you forced me to dress as him,” smiled Jongho.

He was dressed at the Joker. The fucking Joker. And Yeosang was Harley Quinn. Like a couple costume ! The blond felt like dying from embarrassment. Jongho looked very good in his purple suit and orange bow tie, the problem wasn't there.

“You look amazing,” complimented the boy in question.

“Thank you. You look really nice too,” managed to say the blond.

“I hope it's alright ? I didn't know you were coming as Harley, but if it makes you uncomfortable-”

“No ! No please it's fine ! I was just ... surprised. I really don't mind,” he smiled genuinely, and Wooyoung high-fived Yunho, oblivious to Yeosang but something that Jongho very much caught.

Then, they couldn't help their eyes to wander to the two hidden boys. San was dressed as a black-haired Draco Malfoy, his nape an unusual silver, which made Wooyoung think that the dye was recent. The hair were thrown back, and as they were long, it really made San's fox eye more visible, especially since - as surprising as it was - they were underlined by a subtle yet visible black eye-shadow on his upper lid and at the corner of his eyes. The Hogwarts uniform suited him well, the green and silver tie not entirely closed around his neck but let loose, as well as the three buttons of his shirt he left open. Wooyoung's eyes caught San, and he snapped his head on the side, not wanting to give the other man the satisfaction to see he had any effect on him. Because really, Wooyoung had a crush on San since they were 10, never stopped, and was now seeing him hotter than ever but hell no, Wooyoung was NOT sensible at all.

Yunho on the other hand, didn't want to make Mingi the favor. His idea was to make the other uncomfortable by shamelessly checking him out, helping himself in the process. How could he not ? Mingi's now bright red hair gave the impression someone had been running their finger through them numerous times, and his paled skin and lips made him amazing. The white contact lenses didn't help, his eyes appearing then times more intimidating than they actually were. With that he was wearing a black and white stripped jumper which had seen better days, maybe, but now ripped at some places, letting huge pieces of Mingi's tones stomach and arms showing. He had black cargo pants and boots with it, and a few fake bruises on his cheeks to make the whole thing more real. He was a very hot zombie for sure.

Blackpink was speaking with them and Hongjoong and Seonghwa, making sure they all had the good time to begin their concert and that they had all they needed before they would go downstairs and welcome their guests. They were dressed as the Powerpuff Girls, Rosé as Blossom, Jennie as Bubble, Lisa as Buttercup and Jisoo as Bliss.

“So, what's your play-list for tonight ?” asked Mingi, trying to avoid Yunho and Wooyoung.

“We're keeping it a secret,” winked Yeosang, who was maybe a little too much in his role, “but our opening song is Say Amen,” he was hanging to Seonghwa like an annoying doll, not feeling comfortable enough to do it to Jongho.

Wooyoung snickered at this, knowing his friend would only need one or two tequilas to get to this point.

“Panic! At the Disco ? I love this band !” said San.

“Who doesn't ?! We totally wanted one of their song for our opening, we always try to have at least one song from a singer openly LGBTQ+,” agreed the blond.

San furrowed his brows at that, confused :

“Brendon Urie's gay ?”

“Nope, pansexual, like me !”

“Why, will you stop listening to them now ?” snickered Wooyoung, arms crossed on his chest.

Yeosang and Seonghwa flashed him dark looks while Hongjoong took San's hand and squeezed it, not missing how the younger's smile fell.

“Of course not, that would be a stupid reason.”

“Let's get ready, we're up in a few minutes,” cut Jongho, making sure Wooyoung was far from his friends.

“Can you tone it down ?! This was a free hit he didn't deserve !” scolded Seonghwa angry once they were alone.

“Oh please, everything in his reaction only proved my point, he didn't change a bit !”

“He was _surprised_ for fuck's sake Wooyoung ! We're not the most welcoming countries for people like us and the sexuality of artists is not easily thrown into our news flash !” Yeosang too was annoyed, Yunho silent, torn between agreeing with one or the other.

“His question was harmless. Hongjoong had no idea either and was as surprised. Being surprised doesn't mean it's a bad thing. You need to stop being so on edge around them. If not for them do it for you, it must be impossible to live,” closed Seonghwa before sighing. “Let's check their music out.”

A heavy rap was resonating in the living room when they arrived, the boys singing _Do Re Mi_ from Blackbear, Hongjoong and Mingi rapping, Jongho and San singing. They had forgotten how angelic San's voice was, going high but never breaking, harmonizing easily with Jongho's even more experienced voice. Mingi was rapping fast but the words were all discernible and understandable, making Seonghwa whistle in appreciation.

Wooyoung and Yeosang caught sight of Yeonjun and Taehyun with the rest of their friends, Soobin, Beomguy and Hueningkai. They were dressed at the emotions from Inside out (yes the Disney movie), and it suited them very well. Soobin was as Disgust, Hueningkai as Fear, Beomguy as Anger, Yeonjun and Taehyun were as Sadness and Joy.

“Hey, nice costumes guys !” Yeonjun was nicely checking out Wooyoung's ass, while Tayehun welcomed Yeosang more gently.

“Nice, makes you smoking hot, not that you're not already,” he winked, and Yeosang chuckled.

“Easy there tiger, I have a Joker with me,” he said, pointing at Jongho on the scene. It came out as a joke but he still stuttered when he realize how ambiguous that sounded. “I mean- we're just friends !”

Taehyun laughed. They enjoyed the rest of the boys' music, discovering that Jongho and San could also rap when Eminem's _Lose Yourself_ , then they switched to something less rap even if just as fast with _Natural_ from Imagine Dragons.

Then Jisoo announced that it was Matz turned to go. Despite everybody's screams for them, people had been nicely surprised to discover four new boys, enjoying the association of the heavy rap and the light voices of the vocalists.

As promised, they started with _Say Amen_ , everybody starting to really dance, and Lisa finally getting in the alcohol. Yeosang and Wooyoung hadn't spoken to Seonghwa about their desire to sing more, but this song was pretty much all of them together a lot. The second one, _Trouble_ by Taylor Swift was mostly Seonghwa, and the elder cursed himself when he realized why he ad chosen this song. It reminded him of his ex, but somehow his eyes kept darting to where Hongjoong was, the red-haired's attention on him and him only. Seonghwa had accepted Wooyoung's demand to have a solo song, and taking his bass out for the first time since a long time.

Before the song started though, Yeosang felt nervous. He spun his drum sticks between his fingers while keeping an eye on his best friend. He knew Wooyoung needed this song to be a sort of outlet, singing his feelings out with such rage, but Yeosang wasn't sure the song chosen was the good one. Because as the first notes of _I Hate Everything About You_ started to play, he saw, once more, San at the other side of the room, looking like he wanted to disappear in a hole and never come back.

Wooyoung had insisted on this song. Maybe they shouldn't have let him. Soon, Mingi was rushing after a distressed San, Yeosang seeing them take the bathroom's direction, Jongho and even Changbin (?) closely behind.

The later couldn't believe Wooyoung had done this. It looked so innocent and ridiculous to anyone outside, but to him, and San, who knew the story, it didn't. Everyone who knew the story, knew how much Wooyoung meant by these words. And despite supporting him for years, Changbin couldn't stay.

He rushed past a surprised Mingi and banged on the door of the bathroom San had locked himself in.

“San ! Let me in ! San please !”

“Changbin the fuck are you doing here ?!” said Jongho irritated.

“I know San, I'm one of Wooyoung's close friends, didn't Yeosang speak me ?”

He had.

“That doesn't explain why you're here.”

“Wooyoung is a little shit and no one deserves the amount of hate he throws at them. I just want to tell San that it's not about him-”

“But it is !” came the muffled voice from inside.

“He doesn't mean it like this ! Believe me when I say it San, it's more complicated for him than you think ! He doesn't hate you !”

Right after that the chorus of the song could be heard through the house and Changbin let his head bang on the door, San voicing everyone's thoughts :

“That's what he's singing though.”

“He wants to hate you because you hurt him. This is just pay-back.”

“Why does he have to do this ?!” asked Jongho.

“I don't know, I'm not him ! That's just how he's always been ! If you hurt him he'll find a way to hurt you ten times more than you did, and make you wish you never had done anything to him !”

“He doesn't need to do this for me to regret. I regretted the moment I did it,” San's voice was quieter but tears could be heard.

“Does he know that ? San did you ever apologized ? Or you Mingi ?” Changbin said, turning around to see Hongjoong storming in as well.

“We never got the chance. They won't let us come close, and the last time we had a semblance of conversation ...” answered Mingi head lowered.

Wooyoung had finished singing and Seonghwa's voice could be heard again. People really were all around the house. They were dancing even in the kitchen and dining room where the music could be heard, some were talking in groups, like Stray Kids, that Jongho saw hanging in a corner, Felix keeping an eye on Changbin. The later sighed at the red-haired's answer.

“This can't keep going. It's eating all of you.”

Hongjoong wanted to throw a fit at Wooyoung but he knew by Seonghwa that Changbin was right. Seonghwa's voice sang loudly the chorus of _Heatens_ by Twenty One Pilots. San finally got out, eyes red and a bit of his make-up spread on his cheeks. Changbin didn't hesitate and took him in his arms, surprising everyone.

“I'll have a word with Woo-”

“No ! I can handle myself !”

“So you'll convince him to speak with you ? You and I both know were you left it off San, this situation hurts him too despite his stubbornness to not show it.”

San was a little confused by this, not understanding what Changbin was meaning by that. He wasn't under the impression his friendship with Wooyoung had been between two pictures before they broke things off, but then his very well hidden came back to him.

_That was only you,_ reminded his mind. 

_Wooyoung's gay, maybe not._

_Don't take your dreams for reality boy_ .

They heard from afar Lisa asking everyone to applaud, the rock music fading in the distance and Jennie coming with a friend of hers to start the DJ. That meant everyone was off the scene. The corridor they were in was on the right when you left the leaving room, and San knew Matz would be looking for them. 

And he was more or less right. They were all sweating because of the performance, but that didn't stop Wooyoung from jumping in Yeonjun's arms, San ignoring the painful tug at his heart. They were laughing with Yeosang, Yunho off to take a drink, Seonghwa looking around. He smiled when he saw Hongjoong and the others but his smile fell when he saw San's state. He immediately turned to Wooyoung, who had seemed to follow his sight, expression unreadable as he looked at San from afar.

Deep inside it hurt. Seeing San like this, he knew the older had cried. Even from where he was standing, he could see the red eyes, he could follow one of the tears' path on his cheek. And he hated himself for it. But just like the first time, he wouldn't let the other do that. Why was San even crying ? What right did he have to cry ? Wooyoung should be to one crying.

Still keeping eye contact with San, he whispered something in Yeonjun's ears before downing the boy's alcoholic drink. The blue-haired seemed surprise but he was also starting to be a bit drunk so he didn't think about it too much, and definitely didn't notice Wooyoung staring at someone else when he took the younger's face and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.

“Wooyoung-,” Yeosang was astonished by his best friend's behavior, having also noticed San.

But Wooyoung only closed his eyes after a while, and even then, everything he was doing, wrapping his arms around Yeonjun's arms, bringing closer, shamelessly making out with him, was to put on a show for San.

And the boy couldn't take it anymore.

“I need air,” he said, before disappearing between the people, aiming for the back door leading to the smoker's corner he had noticed when arriving. Seonghwa came just in time to stop Hongjoong from running after him.

“Lisa's garden is closed, the only way he can leave is by the front door, he won't go anywhere,” he assured. “I'm sorry about him-”

“Don't Seonghwa, he's not sorry at all,” cut Changbin, pissed. Yunho had came back but was also hanging to someone, not drunk yet but clearly on his way with the shot he was holding. The girl was petite and very slander, but was struck Yeosang was her ginger hair. His friends really were idiots.

“Care for a drink tonight ?” asked Taehyun to the blond.

Yeosang had an apology smile : “Sorry, not tonight. I want to spend times with my new friends.”

“I understand, don't worry.”

He smiled and joined the other, calming down Changbin. A few hours later things and everything was even worse. Wooyoung was nowhere to be seen but a lot of people were complaining about one locked bathroom on the first floor, Yunho was making out with the girl on his lap, oblivious to Mingi sad-drunk ass whining to Jisoo and Lisa, the others not in a better state around them. Hwanwoong dressed as Harry Potter had found him, and the both of them had been eagerly drinking since then, the blond wizard inviting a Chucky dressed Seoho and a Snow-White Xion to speak too, Mingi being familiar with the two others as well thanks to pilates. Hongjoong had been worried for San and had decided to not drink too much - and also because he was a light-weight - and Seonghwa had agreed to do the same thing, and so they were looking at the mess their friends made. Yeosang had finally accepted Jongho's invitation to dance, the DJ now playing a slow.

“I'm glad we get to live this, even if it's not in the best conditions,” confessed Hongjoong.

“Your previous school didn't have this type of things ?” asked Seonghwa.

“We had nothing, just classes. Not clubs, not distractions. It was just plain school. And very strict rules. San and Mingi broke them only a few days after they arrived. They were so messed up Seonghwa I-, even now I regret that I can't do more for them.”

He hadn't told the elder about their homophobic families, it wasn't his place. But with the way things were going, he feared he'd need to spit out the truth sooner than later.

“You do as much as you can with the means you have. You're extremely smart, maybe even too much for our age, but don't forget, you're only 17 Hongjoong. You can't make miracles. You can't snap your fingers and expect everything to fall back in place. That's not how life works. The only thing you can do, is be here when they need you to, leave them be when they ask you to if you know they won't be a danger for themselves, and most importantly, help them make the right choices when they rely on you.”

“That awfully sounds like what a parent should do,” noticed Hongjoong with a smile.

Seonghwa shrugged, smiling too : “In a way we don't always see, friendship can be like that. Our friends show us a side their parents don't see. And for some families, what they think their child is and what they really are, are two different persons altogether. I can only assume, with the little you told me, that this is what San and Mingi are going through.”

Hongjoong's smile faded, and he watched the red-haired looking at Yunho from afar.

“Yes. Mingi's not at San's place yet, but I know that one day, his feelings will appear clearer. I just hope I would've figure out what to do with San so it doesn't fail with Mingi too.”

San had came back a few minutes ago, not only smelling like tobacco but also like vodka and rum. He was very drunk, and a very drunk San, never was a good thing.

“Oh God,” Hongjoong hastily put his glass on the closest table and ran to his friend, catching him before he hit the ground. “San ! Is everything alright ?”

His sleeves were raised a little with his shaggy appearance, and he had lost his thick bracelet, his scars now open to the world. Seonghwa - whom had followed Hongjoong - gasped when he saw it, eyes widening his horror and breath cutting short at the realization of how heavy the situation they were in was. Hongjoong seemed overwhelmed, trying to maintain his friend standing while protecting his integrity. Hopefully except Seonghwa, everyone around was either too drunk to remember, or too sober to pay them attention.

“Please don't tell anyone,” begged the red-haired, his hood no long on his head. By anyone he of course meant Wooyoung and Yeosang.

“Hongjoong-”

“Seonghwa I beg you ! Not even Mingi or Jongho know about those, please !”

Seonghwa needed a few more seconds to calm down, and nod, slowly.

“Promise it !”

“I promise Hongie, I do, I swear.”

The younger seemed momentarily relieved.

“His bracelet, he must've lost it in the house, can you take care of him I'll try to see if I can find it !”

San was mumbling incoherent things when passing from one set of arms to the other, and when Hongjoong left, Seonghwa thought the best would be to just sit on the ground. He found an empty and clean cup, grabbed a bottle of water and forced San to down it to clear his mind.

“Hey San, you alright ?”

“Peachy hyung, peachy- oh wait you're not hyung. I mean yes you're hyung but not small hyung, you're tall hyung. You're mama hyung ... Seonghwa !”

“Yes Sannie, easy,” the boy was so happy to see him he had straighten up and thrown himself to hug him. Thank God Seonghwa had made them sit.

“Why don't you hate me ?” the question was muffled in his collar where San had pressed his nose, and Seonghwa needed a moment, between the music and the people to understand.

“Hate you ? Why would I hate you ?”

“Because I was an asshole ... I called Wooyoung, Yeosang and Yunho names, horrible names, things I didn't even mean ...”

“Why did you say them then ?”

“Because I didn't know what else to say ... I was scared you know ? Like why can't I say it if they say too ...” Seonghwa figured he was speaking about their sexuality. “I was afraid and mean. You should hate me for that. You care for them.”

“You're right about something,” he had pushed San to lay down, head on his lap, while he ran motherly fingers through his hair. “I do care about them. And you were an asshole,” San's eyes filled with tears and he turned his head to face Seonghwa's stomach. The elder forced it back to look at him : “But I don't hate you. You're not that asshole anymore are you ? I know, I _understand_ , that those things you said, you said them because you had a reason I can't know about yet, even if it's not hard to no what it is. I don't hate you because now, you're only being nice, and trying to apologize when it's Wooyoung who's being the asshole.”

“I understand him, I would hate me too.”

“He doesn't hate you.”

“I do.”

Seonghwa's brows furrowed.

“You do what ?”

“I hate me.”

Seonghwa's breath hitched, and Hongjoong chose that moment to come back, a familiar leather bracelet in his hand he put back on San's wrist.

“I'll have to make sure they're covered by bandages again.”

“Do you want me to call a cab ?” asked Seonghwa. He had came from his surprise of San's confession, and took not in a corner of his mind that he'd need to tell Hongjoong about it.

“I'll see how Jongho and Mingi are and maybe we'll-” he didn't finish, mouth opening slack and eyes widening instead, looking at something on their right. When Seonghwa looked too, Yeosang and Jongho were kissing (not making out, _kissing_ ), both sitting on the ground, the blond on his knees with his hands on Jongho's chest while the younger's left hand was lost in blond locks. 

“They're going to regret this,” cursed Seonghwa, feeling the headache coming.

And indeed, the second they parted away, Yeosang was visibly blushing, but also very confused, as he apologized, quickly got up and ran off to elsewhere. Jongho didn't seem to really understand what was going on, only falling on Mingi and probably telling him about Yeosang as if the red-haired hadn't just witnessed the scene. Seonghwa watched in horror how his blond friend collided with Taehyun's back, the other turning around in surprise, before he was taken by the hand and led upstairs by Yeosang.

He sighed, Hongjoong clearly unhappy about it by his side.

None of them, not even him, were functional or good with their feelings. This was at least, one thing the eight boys had in common.


	7. Chapter 6 : The next day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C-3 until disaster. Some of you might be confused by the "it gets worst before it gets better" because yes, it's already a shit show but believe me chapter 9 will be the bottom of the pit of this fiction !
> 
> Until then, I leave you with the boys facing - or not - the consequences of their actions, and a few things are starting to puzzle together slowly ! Next update in two days, I might make one on the 25th too as a Christmas present,
> 
> Hope you'll like it,
> 
> Enjoy !
> 
> TW for self-harm and blood

The aftermath was ... a disaster ...

Hongjoong had brought San home - the boy had his keys hallelujah - and managed to sneak him into his bed, a glass of water and painkillers on his night table, and sneaked out by the window without wakening San's parents.

Wooyoung was one of the guests who enjoyed on of Lisa's numerous guest room with Yeonjun, waking up the next day with a terrible feeling of guilt settled in his stomach, Yeosang in the room next door waking up at Taehyun's side with even more guilt and even regrets.

Seonghwa had kept an eye on Mingi and Jongho waiting for Hongjoong to come back, Yunho collapsed with the girl he was kissing on a couch, and when the Senior came back, they got everyone else that wasn't sexually busy or already asleep home.

Hongjoong had kissed Seonghwa on the cheek when the boys finally parted, not really realizing what he was doing and the inner turmoil he'd send the oldest in when he'd remember, rested and more sober - even if he was practically sober already.

Waking up the next morning hadn't been fun for anyone. Yeosang's head was throbbing and his back was hurting. Naked and ashamed, he tried to make his way out of the bed discreetly but failed, having only the time to put back on his underwear before he heard Taehyun's voice.

“Leaving early ?”

He turned to see the boy still half-asleep, as knowing smile on his face.

“Tae ... I'm sorry. I really am ...”

“That would be the first time you apologize for sex. If it is what I think it is ... I owe you an apology too.”

“What ? Why ?”

“You're saying sorry because of that new boy, what's his name, Jongho ?”

Yeosang nodded slowly.

“I saw that you were interested, both of you. But I was a little drunk too and as soon as you kissed me I forgot to stay decent.”

“No no, you can't blame yourself for this-”

“Then why are you blaming yourself ?”

“Because it's my fault !”

Yeosang was very upset with himself, mind painfully working to find a solution to his mess. He hoped so hard that Jongho wouldn't be mad at him.

“He kissed me and I panicked !” he confessed to his friend.

Taehyun sat up, eyes looking at the sheets but frowning, a distinct sign that he was deep in thoughts.

“Did you have a reason to do so ? Not just running away because you didn't want him ?”

The blond opened his mouth but Taehyun cut him : “Don't tell _me,_ if you have a reason tell _him_. But you're smart enough to know only a conversation can make you walk out of this one safe.”

“I know ... But I'm still sorry ... I feel like I used you.”

“To ... do what exactly ? Run away from your problems ?” when Yeosang nodded silently again Taehyun had a snort. “We use each other all the time Yeo. That's the goal of a friends with benefits relation. Don't think you used me more that I used you last night. I don't resent you for this. But seriously, speak with Jongho. He can understand.”

And Taehyun laid down again, eyes slowly closing. Yeosang took a deep breath and went back to dressing up. That's what he loved about Taehyun. He had been a little scared at first, because he knew the song : between friends with benefits, it could never end well, one would always fall in love with the other. But of what he knew, _he_ wasn't in love, and if Taehyun was he was either hiding it well or lying when he confessed one night that he had feelings for Kai. Which Yeosang knew was true.

So yeah, he was glad his sex-friend thing didn't end badly, and instead thought it'd be a good idea to stop it if they both had other crushes anyway.

That didn't stop Yeosang from being afraid of what was happening with Jongho. He had never done serious relationships. OK that was a lie, he had tried to date a boy in Freshman, they lasted three months. Then he and a girl had a sort of weird thing going on for a few months before they slept together at a party back in Sophomore, only for the girl to move out of the city. And this year there was Jongho ... the first person he was really feeling close too, without knowing if it was a good idea to come closer.

He was not an idiot. He knew that Seonghwa's issues with his ex, Wooyoung and San, as well as Yunho and Mingi in the end, were just special cases, but it made a lot of special cases around one life. So yeah, what if Yeosang thought he was cursed or something because of the love experiences around him ? He had the right to be afraid to be hurt, it was human. On the other hand, running away, maybe hurting Jongho, was not the solution he should have chosen and he knew that now.

Blinking back the tears he felt coming, he closed the door quietly behind him, dialing his sister's number.

“Hi noona, I didn't wake you I hope ?”

He only now checked the time and saw 9 am ; he had definitely woken her up.

“ _Notatall_ ,” she mumbled. “ _Whas'sup ?_ ”

“Need a ride but forget it, I'll take the bus, go back to sleep.”

“ _What kind o' noona would I be if I let you take the bus mh ? M'ere already wait f'me_ ,” he heard her get out of bed. “ _'youngie coming too ?_ ” she asked, and Yeosang realized he had no idea were his friends were.

“I'm not sure-” he turned around when he heard a door open, only to see Wooyoung sneak out of a room just like he had done. Both froze like deers caught in the headlights of a car, watching each other until Yeosang spoke again : “Actually yes. He'll be with us.”

“ _Sweet, 'm comin' just be nice and wait a'ight ?_ ”

“Yeah.”

They hang up and Wooyoung looked elsewhere. Yeosang sighed.

“I won't throw a shoe at you, I just got out of bed with Taehyun, I'm not better.”

The younger's eyes widened :

“You slept with him again ?!” he screamed perhaps too loudly, Yeosang shushing him and taking him by the hand the next second.

He led them outside to sit on the sidewalk in front of Lisa's house. He checked his phone to see Seonghwa had left messages saying who was where and what had happened when he was gone, the last one being this morning :

**Mom-Hwa**

_Hey, are you alright ?_

Seonghwa really had a sixth sens and it was fucking insane.

**Favorite Child**

_I'll call you as soon as I can_

_But no, I'm not sure I am_

_Not after this ..._

_God I feel so bad_

Yeosang explained the situation to Wooyoung, leaving his phone on the side. As expected, his friend was disappointed but understanding, and didn't throw a rock at him.

“Taehyun really is adorable. And right. You totally have to speak with Jongho.”

“I thought you wanted me to have nothing to do with him ?”

“First of all that's a lie, you're making me a bad friend here, and second of all I want you happy more than far from the friend of someone I don't like. If he makes you happy then go on. He was drunk too, maybe he doesn't remember.”

“I should tell him though, even if he doesn't remember, no ?”

“I would tell you not to, but you always say I'm not good when it come to this, so I think that yes, you should tell him,” they smiled a bit.

“We both are such wreck with our love life,” mumbled Yeosang, head falling on Wooyoung's shoulder.

At that the younger really wanted to counter-attack, but he knew his friend was right. They were destructive when it came to that, only because they never found the right person. Or because the right person for them happened to be an asshole.

“Why did you do it Woo ?”

“Why did I do what ?” asked the other confused.

“Sleep with Yeonjun. Not the other times, just tonight. You told me yourself, you didn't want to get involved sexually with him tonight, but you did. Why ?”

“Felt like it ?” Wooyoung shrugged, moving Yeosang's head in the process.

“You're lying,” it wasn't a question. “I was honest with you, I expect you to do the same, I thought ten years or so of friendship would've made you understand.”

Wooyoung sighed, not realizing Yeosang had slithered his hand in his until there was a little squeeze.

“He was watching.”

“He ?” Yeosang knew who _he_ was but he needed, and Wooyong too needed to say it. Hear it. 

“San. He was watching us, and I just ... couldn't hold it. It was stupid really, why would he care, if anything I must have been even more disgusted ...” he sounded sad saying those words. There was an interesting and disappointing contrast to Wooyoung's feelings and Wooyoung's actions. “I wanted to hurt him but I should have known better, he didn't care-”

“He was crying Wooyoung. I realized only after, when I saw everyone around him, but remembering his face it makes sens. His eyes were red and puffy. His make-up messed up. Everyone around him was worried. The song you sang made him sad Wooyoung. He left as soon as he recognized it and heard the first words coming out of your mouth.”

“Why would he care ?!”

“You two were closer than you and I ever were ! Don't deny it's true ! What we have and what you had were different, yes, and it was deep. Imagine for a few seconds that it was us two whom had a fight. And years later, as you try to apologize for being an asshole, I sing that with my eyes darting in the depth of your soul.”

“That's not-”

“Yes that what it was don't lie to me, I'm a drummer. Meaning I'm always in the backseat, with the best place to see everything happen. I saw you, I saw _him_! It broke his heart !”

Wooyoung didn't say another word. He still couldn't understand how San wanted to apologize. Why he would want to apologize. He needed the boy to understand how much he had hurt him, the pain he had to suffer from. He was completely oblivious to the one San had been in, and how could he know ?

“You need to speak with Seonghwa. And Hongjoong-hyung. He was a fucking mess. And not even drunk yet. Changbin was furious. Believe me, he'll come for your ass tomorrow.”

Yeosin pulled out right in front of them, and they both entered silently.

“Wow, everything fine you two ?”

“Hangover,” half-lied her little brother, Wooyoung nodding in the back.

“Anything interesting happened ?” she asked again, not really looking at them as she watched the road.

The two boys exchanged a glance in the rear-view mirror and this time, it was Wooyoung who answered.

“Something like this yeah.”

“Seonghwa sent you a message ?” inquired Yeosang.

“Yeah, told me he and Hongjoong brought everyone else home in one piece.”

The blond nodded as the same time his sister furrowed her brows :

“Why didn't you call me last night ?”

“We were still partying,” said Yeosang not missing a bit.

“How was Jongho's costume ?” she had a smirk and when Yeosang saw the look she gave Wooyoung he opened his mouth and eyes wide.

“You knew too ?! Wooyoung ! How many people did you got into this ?!”

“I didn't do anything !”

“Oh please ! I know Seonghwa just didn't come with the idea himself ! He helped you yes but that's it !”

“Are you sure ? Son of a bitch is kinky too, he had _fangs_ last night,” pointed out Wooyoung with a raised brow. 

“Wooyoung !”

“Only your sister !”

“Liar,” the sister in question snickered. “The parents know too.”

Yeosang blushed, mortified, and hid in his hands, muffling a scream, making his sister and friend explode in laugher.

“I'll kill you Jung Wooyoung, I'll make this an oath.”

“Don't be so dramatic,” replied the silver-haired.

“Did anything happened between you and your dear Joker ?”

Yeosang lost his smile for a second.

“About that ... I did something stupid and need advice.”

They were coming close to their house, and Yeosin slowed down in front of Wooyoung's house.

“No Wooyoung is staying over. I need both your opinions,” confessed the blond, shy from their confused and surprised eyes.

Wooyoung smiled, relieved, and thinking that really, after all these years, he should know better that to assume Yeosang was angry at him when he reproached him something. He was his friend.

“I'll go fetch clothes and take a shower first,” he said, Yeosang nodding.

*

San felt like shit. No that was not even remotely close from what he was feeling. He might have been drunk as fucking hell, but he remembered everything. The conversation with Seonghwa and how the other had seen his scars included.

He thanked Hongjoong internally for the water and painkillers he downed in one go, deciding every problem of yesterday could wait until he took a shower and eat food. That was a lie, he was a second away from a panic attack at the thought of someone else than Hongjoong knowing about his scars, but he brushed it away, occupying his mind with other thoughts. Like taking a shower.

Hongjoong had taken his make-up off and stripped him to his shirt and underwear - nothing he ain't seen before - and San made a mental note to really thank his hyung for this. He took a hot shower, skin red from the heat after a while, losing himself in his thoughts.

Seonghwa knew. If Seonghwa knew, he'd told Wooyoung about it. San didn't know how to feel about this. Fuck it, he did : he was terrified. Terrified that the boy he loved would accuse him of being a self-centered person whom only wanted to bring attention to himself. Wooyoung was not so different now than before, believe it or not : the boy had always told San that sometimes, when people hurt him, he felt the desire to hurt them back. Wooyoung knew ever since he was a child that unlike Yeosang, he wasn't a forgiver, or a forgetter. He remembered. He would always found a way to make people pay ; for him, vengeance was the best answer. He couldn't just let it go. And San had never seen it happen before, despite Wooyoung's words, because no one, until him, had hurt the boy enough to force him into this kind of behavior.

And no matter how hard he wanted to pretend this Wooyoung wasn't  _his_ Wooyoung, wasn't the boy he knew but truth be told ... this was the worst of him. And just like every human being, he had a dark side. This was his. This was one San needed to accept. But it was hard ... not because he didn't want to, but because he was on the receiving end. 

And God, did Wooyoung know how to be cruel.

“San honey ?”

His mother's voice startled him and he jumped in surprise, one hand shooting at his chest to steady his heart-beat.

“Yes mom !”

“I'm happy to see you came back last night. Did you have fun ?”

He ignored the lump in his throat when he answered :

“Yeah, everyone was dressed in amazing costumes and the music was awesome, it was really nice !”

“I'm happy to hear it darling ! Will you join us for breakfast ?”

“Breakfast ? What time is it ?”

“A little half past nine.”

Damn, he thought he had slept longer.

“I'll be down in a minute !”

“Alright ! I'll let your father know !”

Nothing like a Sunday morning breakfast with your family aye ? San liked it. He would have loved it even more if he didn't need to hide his true feelings from his parents.

It brought him back to the even of last night, and Wooyoung. Wooyoung kissing that boy, with a clear intention to go further, like that day back at the school. And San ... San hated himself for feeling jealous. He hated himself for being hurt, letting himself be vulnerable enough to feel hurt by this. He shouldn't. Wooyoung was a friend, had always been, and if San had to apologize to get him back, he'd get him back as a friend.

And that ... was nothing but another lie. Closing his eyes he turned the shower off, and stepped out. He dried himself, and once he was fully clothed, he eyed the razor blade he kept on the sink. He took it, and meticulously, drew an eight line on his wrist, numb to the pain, but loving how the red of his blood tainted the white of the sink. It could be called art, if it wasn't so morbid.

This one was for wanting to be at this boy's place. This one was for being hurt by Wooyoung's behavior because deep down, he was finally accepting this : he loved him. And just for that, a ninth line found it's place, longer, deeper, similar to the first one, balancing all the other lines.

He'd need to smoke. After breakfast.

*

In was 10 o'clock when Mingi came back at Lisa's house, having taken the bus. He had forgotten his coat, too drunk to be think about it last night, and now regretting it in the cold air of November 1st.

“Hi Lisa, thank you,” he said immediately as the door opened on the tired dancer.

“Hi Mingi, it's fine really. Thank you for texting before coming unannounced, a lot of people don't have the same delicacy,” she huffed, gently closing the door behind. “Don't be too loud, others are still asleep.”

Mingi nodded. His coat was left in the living room, in which he froze when he saw a familiar brunette. He cursed internally, insulting his karma and luck for this. Yunho was waking up with a girl on the couch they had slept on, same couch on which Mingi's coat was. It was not under them, as it was folded and settled on the back of the couch against the wall, but he'd still need to come closer to the other male, something he didn't peculiarly wanted to.

“Here's your luck he's waking up,” said Lisa with a smile.

Yeah, right.

“Hey Yunho, need some painkillers ?”

The man grunted, the girl at his side laughing.

“'m fine. Didn't drink that much. My back is killing me though.”

“Mine too. Sorry but you're not that comfortable sober,” joked the girl.

Mingi noticed they both had the same hair color, she and he, but didn't comment on it. She was rather tall too when she stood up, and left without a second glance for the other man, going to the dining room.

“Need somethin' ? I'll help clean don't worry,” said Yunho, stretching, a few bones popping.

“You should know by now I don't make my guests clean Yunho-ah ! I got Rosé and Jisoo for that ! Mingi here just needs to take his coat, we'll be off your feathers after.”

At the mention of the other male, Yunho's eyes finally opened entirely and focused, head moving to meet Mingi. It became extremely awkward. Lisa, bless her soul, noticed and went to pick Mingi's coat at his place.

“Hi,” said Yunho, surprising Mingi. He looked at him in a way the younger didn't manage to understand. He couldn't see hate, like Wooyoung looked at San, but there wasn't love. It was somewhere in between : Yunho always seemed to be in conflict when looking at Mingi, which often led said male to feel weird too.

“Hi,” he answered in a breath. He took his coat from Lisa, thanking her, and was about to leave when Lisa stopped him :

“Oh Mingi ! I forgot because well, party but last night I wanted to ask if you wanted to come to the dance club ? I know the year already started a while ago, and that some of the competitions are soon, but I saw you dancing last night and you're good. Plus I know by Hongjoong that you _do_ dance a bit more experimentally.”

Mingi didn't know what to say, he loved dancing. If he was honest with himself he didn't came with San into the dance-club because he was a chicken and didn't want to face Yunho as his mentor. The brunet made sure to look at him while Lisa was speaking.

“Thanks. I'll think about it I guess.”

“Mingi,” Yunho's voice calling his name felt funny, felt right. The sound was nice. Why was the sound nice ?

“Yes ?” his eyes never left the ground.

“You should really come. You dance well, you and I both know it, and I know you love dancing so please. We can try something to see how it can work out.”

Lisa understood she didn't have a word to say anymore, and gently backed off, standing on a chair and taking off some of the decorations. Mingi finally raised his eyes to meet Yunho's pleading one. This situation was wrong. Mingi should be the one pleading Yunho to do something. 

He guessed that despite his resentment, Yunho couldn't help but have his heart on his sleeves. He knew what dance meant to Mingi. He had always pushed him to do his best for it, why would it change ?

“I-I'll think about it'” he repeated, unsure of what to do with himself.

Yunho smiled. Shyly, unsure as well, but he smiled.

Mingi was a goner.

He flew out the door, thanking Lisa again and rushing to San's house. He arrived at half past ten, and knocked on the door out of breath. Yes, he had ran all the way to San's house. Yes, it was far from Lisa's house. He needed the air anyway.

“Mingi ?” San's mother was surprised, but the red-haired was just glad he wasn't disturbing them during breakfast.

“Hi, sorry to show up out of the blue like this ... I hu ... needed to see San ?” he had to recognize, he had acted a bit on an impulse. He could've just called, instead of being dramatic like this.

“Of course boy, you know you're always welcomed. Do your parents know you're here ?”

San's dad went at the bottom of the stairs to call his son.

“San ! Mingi's here to see you !”

“Yeah yeah, I had to go and get something at the house we were partying yesterday,” answered the boy.

“Hu, can you send him up please ?” oh, if San asked this it meant that he was smoking.

San's mother snorted and shook her head.

“You know your way up,” she told Mingi, whom just bowed to thank her and rushed upstairs.

As soon as he opened San's door, the smell of smoke and the cold air of November hit him hard. He slammed the door closed before coughing.

“Jesus San ! How many did you smoke it smells like Lisa's garden !”

“Maybe too much,” admitted the older boy, lying on his floor with his eyes unfocused, a half empty pack of cigarettes next to his head.

Mingi hated seeing him like this. He didn't know everything Hongjoong did. He knew there was a reason for San to smoke, other than just being unable to write his feelings down like Mingi.

“So, what is so urgent that you barge into my room without a text ?” there was no bite, San was exhausted from last night and still very much in an inner conflict.

“I forgot my coat at Lisa's and went back this morning.”

“OK ?”

“Yunho was there. We talked.”

San sat up in a second, cigarette forgotten between his fingers.

“You did ? He doesn't even talk to me during practice. Just a smile when I do something great but that's it.”

Mingi shrugged. “We didn't say much. He said hi. God it was so awkward, even Lisa felt it ! I was about to leave when she told me I should join you guys.”

“At the dance club ?”

“Yep.”

“Yunho mustn't have liked that.”

“Actually ... he wanted me to join too. I was thinking the same thing you did, but then he just told me the same things Lisa did, that I danced well, and that he knew I loved it and should try.”

San's mouth fell open, completely shocked.

“He did not ?!”

“I totally did. San, it was so weird.”

“I can guess ...”

“No you don't understand, _I_ was so weird. I'm scared ...”

San immediately frowned and threw his cigarette in his special water bottle, coming to sit next to Mingi on his bed.

“What are you not telling me ?”

“He _smiled_ to me San. He smiled, genuinely, and he was nice, and I just ... my heart did this weird thing, it was like I was affected ! But not in a friendly way, y'know ?”

Oh San knew, he knew the feeling off too well yes.

“San ... I think I feel things for Yunho ...”

San's world started to spin. He had smoked perhaps a little too much. That he had doubts was a thing. Mingi though ? That ... was way too much for his poor little soul ... both of them were so screwed.

“Mingi ... I think I have something to confess, but you can't be mad at me.”

“Just because you asked this I'm going to be mad at you.”

“You're an ass ...”

“Just your friend. Come on, I'm waiting for a reaction here ? You don't ... hate me, for this do you ?”

San felt terrible. Of course, Mingi's first reaction was to fear San would push him away. He would be afraid of the same thing. Hell, he was, that was why only Hongjoong knew about San's likings in the first place.

“I'm in love with Wooyoung,” he dropped, still staring at his ceiling, now laying on his bed. His voice had came in a whisper, afraid of anyone that could hear when they weren't suppose to.

Mingi fell silent, San trying hard to not cry - laying down didn't help actually - before the younger stood up and turned the music on on San's computer. Loud enough so their voices would be covered, but low enough so San's parents wouldn't complain about it.

“Say it again.”

“I'm in love with Wooyoung.”

“Since when ?”

“Probably since 7th grade.”

“No idiot, since when have you known ?”

Thinking about it, he had no idea. He remember feelings starting to make sens a little bit after they entered High School but that was it.

“I don't know. I just know that it's not just him.”

“Men in general ?!”

“Women too.”

Mingi laid down next to him, and took one of his cigarettes. San turned his head to see him lit it, taking a deep drag and letting the white smoke through his nose.

“I don't think that's the same for me. This ... it only happened- happens with Yunho.”

“You don't need a label if you don't want one Mingi,” comforted San. “We should call Hongjoong. And Jongho.”

“Why ?!” panicked the red-haired.

“Not to out you ! I'll never force you if you're not comfortable, hell only Hongjoong knew about Wooyoung before you. I'm not even out myself. I don't even think I'll ever be. All I do is denying it.”

“Can't blame you. Probably what I'm going to start doing too.”

San looked at his friend's hair, noticing how they were more orange-red, contrary to Hongjoong's strawberry red.

“So why do you want to call them ?”

“There's something you and Jongho don't know, and with what happened last night ... I think I need to be honest with you guys,” said San, texting his two friends.

*

Jongho didn't know how to feel. A lot of people did that nowadays. The subject of his problems : Kang Yeosang.

He was drunk yes, but Jongho held his alcohol the best out of all the people he knew. He was nothing but a bit tipsy when he decided to kiss Yeosang, which might not have been such a good idea considering that the other was way more drunk that he was. The last thing he wanted to pass for was a profiteer. He was not mad at Yeosang at all for running away once the kiss was done, he was stunned himself by his own actions and so knew better than to hold the older back.

What he was mad about though, was what happened right after Yeosang left him. The blond had gone to another male, and led him somewhere private. Jongho tried hard to not think about why.

They weren't officials or anything, but yet, he still had the feeling they were onto something, or on the way of ... yeah something.

Maybe he was wrong ? After all, nothing had confirmed him Yeosang felt the same as he did. But nothing confirmed the opposite either, which led him in this very complicated situation. He didn't know if he was the one who had to send the first text.

Listen, when you're 16, this is a life or death situation. Especially when it's about your crush. So, he did the one thing he knew was necessary : he called his hyung. His hyungest hyung. He called Hongjoong.

“ _Yeah I know, Seonghwa and I saw it happen._ ”

It was official, he wanted to die. He exposed his point of view and different feelings to the oldest, whom let out a few hums every now and then to show he was still following.

“So what do you think ? I just feel like an asshole for kissing him like this, but tell me if I'm wrong, he went to screw another guy right after ... I know we weren't anything, but ... it hurts ...”

He realized it now after saying it out loud. It hurt. Because he thought he and Yeosang were on the same page and to know the other had reached to another man to run away from him was the worst. Jongho was actually a little mad.

“ _I think you have the right to feel bad for this, but on the other hand, him running away doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you kissed him. I think you guys should talk, as you're the one who as the most to reproach, maybe reach out first. Tell him you two need to talk. Yeosang is not the type to say no, and you'll know in a second if you can work this out or not._ ”

“Thank you hyung.”

Both of them received a text at the same time, surprising him.

“Is San also asking you to come by ?” asked the youngest confused.

*

Seonghwa was lying on Yeosang's bed, the later and Wooyoung hugging on his right, Yeosin and Yunho on the other side. Yunho seemed weird when he came in, cheeks flushed and not only from the cold, heads in the cloud which rarely happened to him. He brushed it off, saying he was tired after spending the night on a couch with a girl on top of him and his friends left it at that, for now.

Yeosang was conflicted.

“I don't know what to do, I feel terrible. He'll think I just ran away from him or think I don't like him- oh God I feel so bad.”

“Yeosang, you were drunk, panicked because this is new to you and went back to familiarities. There's nothing wrong about that,” said Seonghwa.

“What if it hurt him ?”

“You probably did, yes, Hongjoong and I had other things to take care of so we didn't really focused on him. But apologize.”

“Will it be enough though ?” he breathed out worried.

Silent until then, Yeosin came closer, taking on of the little brother's hand in hers.

“There's something I have to tell you. I was in your place once. There was this girl I met in my last year of school. She was nice, and smart, and so on, you know the song. But I was so used to crushing on straight girls, being silently fond of them and never saying anything about it, than when I crushed on her, I didn't even deal with it. It was just another stupid crush that would fade. But we became closer and closer, until one day, she asked me out.”

Yeosin took a deep breath and smiled sheepishly.

“You know what I did ?”

“You ran away ?” asked Yeosang.

“I did. I told her that I didn't feel the same thing. And then I literally run. I felt terrible for it, because I had lied to her, because I thought I had ruined everything between us, and because for the first time in my life, I had the opportunity to be with someone, but I ruined it. I cried a lot than night.”

“I think I remember it, but I never knew why.”

“The parents were awesome. They comforted me. That's when I came out of the closet to them. They were so nice and supporting, just like for you. And they helped me fix it. The next day, I immediately went to her, to apologize an set things right. She was more sad than angry, so she accepted. At first she thought me backing off from what I had said what a joke, and that's when she got angry. So I did the last thing I could : I told her about my insecurities, my state of mind when she asked me out, I gave her every tool so she could be in my shoes for a second. If she couldn't understand, than too bad, but at least I'd have tried.”

Yeosang nodded, understanding what she was telling him : he had to try. He wanted to fix things, so he'd be honest. He'd tell everything he felt to Jongho with the hope that he'd understand.

“How did it end ?” asked Seonghwa laying on his stomach, his hopeless romantic self wakened up.

Yunho seemed eager to know too, now on his hyung's back. Yeosin laughed.

“She accepted my apologies and we started dating.”

“They stayed together for a while !” reminded Wooyoung impressed.

“Yeah, broke things off before those three entered high school,” she pointed at the three Juniors, “but we parted on good terms so I don't have regrets,” she was still smiling sadly, but you could tell she had many happy memories with her.

Seonghwa smiled, his cheek stinging with the reminder of Hongjoong's lips there. He felt that sooner or later, he'd need to be honest with the younger too.

But not now. Not when San was taking most of the place in both of their minds. What Seonghwa had seen was more than worrying, and keeping silent made him feel bad. He felt guilty, because for him, the others should know, especially Wooyoung. He needed to stop biting San every time the other was in the same room, this could not make things better for the older's mental state. He'd need to speak with Hongjoong as soon as possible about this.

*

Hongjoong hugged Jongho, the younger fighting with himself to not yell. San had confessed to him and Mingi about his scars. He had opened up once more to his close friends, and it hurt. Mingi hated himself for not seeing it sooner, Hongjoong saw it from here.

“Mingi,” he called gently. San and him were hugging, the red-haired crying because this was too close to his own internal wreck to not touch him on a personal level like this. Jongho was just pissed because he had not seen, and also because “ _what the fuck San ? Do you think it's a way to deal with your problems ?”_ which Hongjoong had immediately stopped. Yelling on someone depressed was never the good way to help them. “Mingi this is not your fault, you know that ? San hid it from all of us. I did not know until he had done three scars either. That bastard is good as keeping his secrets.”

San smiled sadly, a hand lost in Mingi's hair.

“I'm sorry. It's the only way I feel. I only see this window to escape. Your music is your window, but not mine.”

“You're a dancer !” replied Mingi angry.

“Not the same, not enough,” said San shaking his head. “Hongjoong. Seonghwa-”

“He knows yes.”

“You told him ?!” now Jongho was angry at the Senior now.

“Of course not !” defended San. “I was drunk as fuck last night ! I lost my bracelet and my bandages. When Hongjoong came to take care of me Seonghwa followed, and he saw them.”

“Jongho, you should know better than to accuse me of that,” scolded the red-haired a little hurt.

“I'm sorry hyung, it's just ... it's a lot, happening in a short time.”

“I know. And San, don't worry about Seonghwa. He won't say anything. He promised me. And we can trust him,” assured the eldest with severe eyes.

San nodded silently, but it showed that the thought of someone else than his close circle knowing disturbed him.

They didn't talk about Wooyoung. They knew it was a sensible subject, and they had just gotten San to stop smoking before he started his fifth one of the day. They'd just need to keep an eye of both me, Hongjoong hopping strongly that Seonghwa would talk to Wooyoung and get him to back off.

*

“Wooyoung ?” Seonghwa and Yunho were about to leave, but the oldest still had one last thing to say to the youngest. He gestured to his phone discreetly, Yeosang and Yunho not seeing a thing, and then the door closed.

“You're staying for diner ?” asked him Yeosin, already setting the table with the Kang's parents.

“Thank you but no. I haven't seen my parents since last night so I'll go home and enjoy the evening with them !”

“Say hi for us !” said Yeosang's mother, as if Wooyoung's mother and she weren't meeting everyday like their son.

After getting home, he checked his phone before taking a shower.

**Angry Bird**

_We need to talk_

_Just the two of us_

_Can I call you ?_

**Demon spawn**

_Sure, I'll let you know when, I have diner first_

**Angry Bird**

_Of course, so do I_

Seonghwa loved spending some quality time with his family, enjoying his brother's presence before he left for his military service. But Woooyung knew that one word of him and Seonghwa would answer his phone. So he waited for the evening to be well over before saying that he was free.

“I would say hi but I feel like we've done this before,” Woooyung was nervous. Seonghwa seemed really serious and was usually warmer by text. So yes, it got the silver-haired a tad worried.

“ _We did. Do you know why I wanted to talk ?_ ”

“I'll take my shot and say San ?”

“ _Do you know why San ?_ ”

“I'm not sure ... you surprisingly have a lot to say about San for someone who barely knows him and pins on his hyung ...”

“ _Wooyoung ... I know your Sagittarius ass is telling you to make a joke to crack the tense atmosphere but don't. This is serious, please._ ”

“I'm sorry ...”

There was a loud sigh, one Wooyoung recognized as a tired mother's sigh. How Seonghwa, whom was a single, 17 year old boy, could make the same sound as Wooyoung's mother of three sons for more than twenty years was beyond any understanding.

“ _Don't apologize. That might have been a bit harsh ..._ ”

“I know this isn't about this, but are you alright hyung ? You seemed tensed earlier, and I know it wasn't about Yeosang's business.”

The silence that followed was more than enough for Wooyoung to understand.

“ _I'm fine,_ ” this was a lie. “ _Just have a lot on my mind lately._ ”

“You know, you're always our shoulder to cry on, but it's OK to rely on us too ...”

“ _I know Woo, thank you. Back to business ?_ ”

“Yeah, San”, he felt his heart beat faster. “What about him ?”

“ _I don't know why you think it's a good idea to harass the poor kid like this, but you need to stop._ ”

“I'm not harassing him !”

“ _You sang a song about him, that is called_ I Hate Everything About You _! Sorry but it's confusing ! I'm not even talking just about that, but hell, you're worst than a territorial cat ! Every time you see him, you find a way to hurt him with your words._ ”

“I'll stop you right there, he doesn't care hyung, I don't hurt shit.”

“ _What if you're wrong ? Your actions have consequences Wooyoung. You think they don't affect San, that your words, don't affect him ?_ ”

Honestly ? No he didn't.

“He doesn't care about _me_ !”

“ _I need you to get your head off the gutter for one second and see ahead of you. Did he look like he didn't care last night ?_ ”

“Seonghwa-”

“ _He was crying for fuck's sake Wooyoung. He smokes too, did you know that ?_ ”

Wooyoung felt a pinch.

“No-”

“ _He smokes a lot. But not all the time, like me. He smokes when he's anxious, stressed, he smokes when he feels overwhelm. I'll let you pick on which one he felt when he went smoking after you and Yeonjun started sucking each other's faces._ ”

Wooyoung had tears in his eyes he refused to let them fall. He had cried enough for that asshole.

“I never asked for him to care. He didn't three years ago. Why would he now ?!”

“ _Maybe he did three years ago too. Wooyoung, you just need to hear him out. This situation is heavy on all of us, even Changbin got involved. You need to accept that whatever hate you have towards him, it needs to stop. Because you never know what goes on in someone's life. Especially not in the life of someone you had no news from for three years._ ”

Seonghwa spoke as if he was aware of something Wooyoung was not. As if everything Wooyoung would say about this, would be the solution to a problem he didn't even know about, but that could relief Seonghwa.

“I can't do that ... I loved him Seonghwa. Not like Yeosang, Yunho, or you. I loved him. And he broke my heart the worst way possible.”

He heard Seonghwa sucked in a breath, and closed his eyes.

“ _I hear you. I do. But if there's till a part of you that loves him, don't keep doing what you do. I beg you Wooyoung, it will only end in tears, it will only end badly. And I don't want you to regret what you did later on. Please Wooyoung, please, stop. Your hate won't help any of you._ ”


	8. Chapter 7 : Apologies pt.1, Success

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to move and C-2 until disaster ! Like promised, I'll also make an update tomorrow for Christmas, until then I hope you'll like this chapter,
> 
> TW for mention of suicide attempt at the end of the chapter,
> 
> Hope you'll like it,
> 
> Enjoy !

A week had past since the party, and things started to change again. For good, for bad, it was too early to say, and most importantly, they all wouldn't have the same point of view on it.

For San, things were not getting better, but they were not getting worst. Despite crossing path with Wooyoung several times during the week, the younger always looked away or simply ignored him. He didn't know if it was relieving or worrying, so he opted for a third option : not think about it. He threw his all into dancing, enjoying a tad bit more now that Mingi had joined him.

Because yes, Mingi had accepted to join. Yunho had tried hard to not show any reaction, but the red-haired had seen his eyes lit up slightly more than usual. Lisa and Rosé were really happy with them, encouraging them to sign up for the dance competition that would take place in December, but the boys were still a bit shy. Another thing too, was that Wooyoung, actually another member of the dance club, had also decided to join.

And shit he was good. Both he and Yunho made a perfect duo every time, and San and Mingi always admired them for that. They started to feel a bit scared when Blackpink pointed them as the students' most promising duo, not making any shadow to Wooyoung and Yunho only because they were teachers. Wooyoung was often absent, only showing when new moves were learned, and those lessons were always a bit suffocating for San. He was always scared he'd ruff the other's feathers the wrong way and end up with something biting him.

Seonghwa had been clear though, Wooyoung had to tone it down. And so that's what he did ; maybe Changbin yelling at him in the middle of the football field had helped too. Seonghwa's hurried warning had alarmed him though, and that's one of the reasons he started to pay more attention to San. He had noticed the other always wore a thick black leather bracelet at his wrist, even when they were practicing, but didn't think too much of it. Yunho always had a ring on his finger after all, so why would he care about a bracelet ? The only thing he remembered was that he had never seen this bracelet on San before, and guessed it must have been new.

Yeosang had decided to go a tad faster, taking the two oldest by surprise when they saw him waiting as they came out of one of their classes.

“Hey Yeo, you're not with the others ?” asked Seonghwa, Hongjoong nodding politely to salute him but stayed a bit behind.

“Wooyoung and Yunho are dancing hyung, and I was with Mingi in calculus.”

“Oh yeah. So, you need something ?”

“Actually yes, but not from you,” his eyes were settled on Hongjoong, but they weren't intimidating ; if the older refused, Yeosang would respect the decision.

“Sure. I have a bit of time before the next class. I'll catch up in literature Hwa ?” said Hongjoong.

“Ah uh yeah of course. I'll see you then,” Seonghwa waved goodbye and left, Yeosang looking between the two, especially at Hongjoong since he was still smiling like an idiot while looking at the oldest's back.

“Hwa uh ? The nickname came easily,” smirked the blond.

Hongjoong snapped his head back to him and smiled awkwardly.

“Yeah I guess.”

The younger made a sign for them to walk outside, but not towards the entry of the school but the yard.

“There is something I wanted to speak with you about, without Seonghwa here, just us.”

“I suppose Mingi and San are the subject ?”

“Indeed.”

“I'll be honest, I won't say anything about why they acted like they did, it's not my place to tell.”

“That's not what I'm asking. I won't be long I just need to know. Is it worth my time and effort to try and give them a second chance ? Are they not just going to stab us in the heart again ?”

Hongjoong stopped and made a point to stand in front of Yeosang, eyes meeting with a strong determination :

“What happened in 8th grade, happened at a bad time of their lives. It was maybe _only_ three years ago, but they're older, wiser, they're not surrounded by the same people and their state of mind isn't the same. I know it must hurt to hear that, considering for how long you knew each other before _this_ happened, but-”

“No don't go on, I understand. It hurts yes but I'm not Wooyoung. I understand that sometimes, for an equation to work, certain conditions need to be check at the right moment or the result won't be good.”

Hongjoong blinked a few times, a little stunned.

“I ... suppose you said what I was thinking about yes.”

Yeosang chuckled a bit at that. He was the brain of the group. He and Mingi had always gotten along very well for that, and they used to make awful scientific puns only they laughed at but they enjoyed it anyway. Yeosang had a mathematic logic way of seeing life. Wooyoung was more the artist type, things weren't as strict and closed for him as they were for Yeosang, and somehow, they believed that this difference is one of the things that made their friendship so well balanced.

Speaking with Hongjoong was relieving, but something was still troubling the blond's mind.

“Do they regret what happened ?” he asked, biting his lower-lip.

Hongjoong seemed pained again.

“More than you think.”

“Why ...” he fell bad asking this but he needed to know, considering how San and Mingi had been acting he needed the least of explanations he could get. “Why didn't they come to apologize ?”

“They tried to. That day in the music room.”

Yeosang grimaced when he remembered how it had turned to shit in a second.

“And San ... Wooyoung has shown a little aggression towards him, which doesn't make him really comfortable to come apologize ... He's sure it won't be accepted,” now it was Hongjoong's turn to seek an answer from Yeosang.

“He won't ... Wooyoung doesn't want to understand they're sorry. He's just scared to be hurt again. He and San were really close. At this time, Wooyoung had four pillars in his life. His family, me and Changbin, our group, and San alone. When he came out of the closest, he was breaking down, and he needed those four pillars to be here for him ...”

Yeosang didn't need to finish out loud, but Hongjoong needed to hear it, so the Senior completed :

“But one of them didn't ...”

“Yeah ... Somehow, even if he doesn't want to show it, he didn't take San's pillar away. It's still somewhere, but he ignores it. Even Yunho didn't react so badly to Mingi, it's really just between them.”

Hongjoong nodded in understanding.

“Mingi wanted to apologize for a long time, but once more, Wooyoung's behavior got him scared of Yunho.”

Yunho hadn't been as rejecting as Wooyoung, but he wasn't welcoming either ; he wasn't speaking but the eyes he usually darted on Mingi the first days did it for him. He started to ignore him altogether after the fight between Yeosang and Wooyoung in the music room about Jongho, until he didn't with the Halloween Party. Speaking of Jongho ...

“Hey, hu, have you seen Jongho ? I don't have any news since Saturday and well ...” Yeosang played with his fingers, afraid of Hongjoong's reaction.

“He didn't text you ?” the older seemed truly surprised.

“No ?”

“He told me he would, he was supposed to really ...”

“I should have been the one texting him ...” said the blond feeling guilty.

Hongjoong had taken his phone out and was typing furiously but still spared a sorry smile to the younger.

“Nothing you can't fix I'm sure. We're all a little messed up, but as long as we take care of each other we'll be fine.”

**Dad Hong**

_JONGHO !_

_The fuck you didn't text Yeosang ?!_

**Youngest child**

_Shit no I forgot !_

_Wait_

_How do you know ?!_

**Dad Hong**

_Because I'm w/ him and he asked about YOU_

**Youngest child**

_Shit shit, OK I'll text right now, no problem_

Hongjoong snorted and Yeosang stared at him a little confused and worried.

“Don't worry it'll be fine. I have to go, my next class is soon, I guess I'll here from you soon ?” he winked, talking about Jongho.

Yeosang dusted pink a little but grabbed Hongjoong before he could leave.

“Wait ! You're right about something, we're all a little messed up, more or less, but that includes Seonghwa too.”

Hongjoong froze, eying the young boy curiously :

“What do you mean ?”

Yeosang sighed and dropped his hand.

“He'll kill me if he knows I told you this. I can't say much, like you said, it's not my story to tell. But Seonghwa also had his personal baggages, and I'm not sure you're ready for how heavy they are ... I'll be honest with you, you and Jongho seems to be the only one who don't have a problem here.”

Before answering anything Seonghwa related, Hongjoong needed Yeosang to understand that this was not a problem. He took the blond's hand between his hands.

“Yeosang, none of you have a _problem._ We're teenagers, we have _life_ not problems. There's nothing wrong with being scared of your feelings, or confused about what to do, there's nothing wrong about loving someone and hating them the next second alright ? All of you are just human, and even worse, human with too many feelings and not enough self control.”

Yeosang was wide-eyed and maybe they were a little shiny. Maybe. But none of them talked about it.

“Thank you Hongjoong.”

“Don't mention it. And don't worry about Seonghwa, I'll take care of him-”

“Hyung. He's like Wooyoung and I, he's difficult, he'll run away and he'll push you away. He won't let you take care of him.”

Hongjoong only smile with a light in his eyes that meant everything and nothing at the same time.

“Don't worry. Trust hyung. I'll be fine. We'll be fine.”

And he left, waving in tiny with his thumb in his palm. Yeosang sighed, and took his phone out after sensing it vibrate.

**Jongie**

_Hey Yeosang ? Can we talk ?_

_I feel like there's a lot we need to discuss ..._

_Sorry for not texting you earlier_

**Prettiest Hyung**

_Hey, don't worry about it ... I should have texted first ..._

_And yes, I don't mind meeting, we do have to talk_

_I have a free period right now ?_

**Jongie**

_I'm on the football field, practice ends in twenty, you don't mind waiting ?_

**Prettiest Hyung**

_Not at all_

He slowly made his way in the cold air of November, tightening the scarf around his neck and closing his coat further up, hands seeking the heat of his pockets. There was a light wind, and it felt nice, despite making the air even colder. Yeosang enjoyed walking, taking long walks in the woods was his favorite thing to do and no weather could stop him, making his parents and Wooyoung annoyed most of the times. As he and Hongjoong had exited from the South Wing, he only needed to go west to reach the football field.

He could hear people screaming and the noise of a whistle. Chan was energetically leading his teams through another training, and Yeosang gladly took a seat on the bench to look at the end of the training. The boys were wearing their winter uniform already, with longer sleeves and pants under their clothes but Yeosang didn't know if it was providing that much warmth. The first match was suppose to be happening at the end of the week, and the blond had no doubts that he would end going.

He easily spotted Jongho standing next to Changbin, both with the same shape. They had a few grass stains here and there on their white uniforms, and he could see a red stain on Jongho's left elbow, making him frown. American football was a violent sport. This training, he was in defense, and if Yeosang remembered correctly what Changbin had said about positions, Jongho was playing middle linebacker, Changbin and Chan on each side of him as outside linebacker.

His nose was turning pink from the cold, and he put up his scarf on the lower part of his face. The game kept going on and it ended with nothing much to worry about, except maybe when Jeongin had been tackled by Felix rather violently, making Yeosang wince ; he didn't look like it but Chan's little ball of sunshine could crush you if he wanted. Jeongin too.

It seemed that Jongho had spotted him before he needed to make himself known, the younger grabbing his towel, bag and water bottle and jumping on the step to join him. At this time for the year, it wasn't really full, so they could talk without being disturbed.

“Hey,” welcomed Yeosang, suddenly tensed and feeling nervous.

“Hey, hope you didn't freeze too much ?”

“No I'm fine. How's your elbow ?”

Jongho looked surprise, taking the sight of his bloodied body part with a raised brow.

“It's superficial, I have everything to clean it in my bag.”

He settled in at his feet and sat next to Yeosang, whom immediately reached for the pocket where he'd find the medical supplies. Jongho stayed silent but smiled as the blond started to clean his injury.

“So, you wanted to talk ?”

“Yes, but first, is there anything you want to tell me ?”

Yeosang stopped for a second, looking at Jongho's dark eyes, seeing a plea for something. He didn't know what it was exactly, but he could sens it was important. Adding Jongho's question, he could only guess the other was leaving him a chance to speak about what happened the night of the party.

Yeosang sighed, switching to wrapping the wound in a bandage.

“I think I owe you an explanation. And an apology.”

“The explanation I wouldn't mind, the apology though ?”

“You'll understand once I explain.”

He finished to wrap the bandage, Jongho put on something hotter to keep his from freezing, and Yeosang went back to his nervous habit of playing with his fingers.

“Don't interrupt me please, let me explain it all and then ... then I'll guess you'll see what you want to do ...”

Jongho nodded and the blond took a deep breath.

“So, let's start with the beginning. I've never been in a serious relationship. I've played around left and right, made out a few times, lost my virginity with both males and females when I was comfortable enough with them, and the closest thing I've had of something constant and repetitive in my life was the friends with benefits thing I had with Taehyun. I met him in Freshman, same time Wooyoung met Yeonjun, his friend with benefits. Taeyhun dated a few times, so nothing happened between us during those time, and really, the number of times we've slept together can be counted on two hands' fingers.”

Jongho didn't say anything but when Yeosang saw his face, he knew he didn't think less.

“We've never been romantically involved, I've never been romantically involved with anyone, and I guess it scares me a little. Because ...”

_Come on Yeosang, it's now or never. The worst thing you can get is a no_ . 

“Maybe I like you more than I want to admit. And it scared me because people around me don't do well when they like other people. I've seen wonderful pairs tearing each other apart in the worst way possible, I've seen promising love blooming into hideous things or crashing down. But that's doesn't excuse nor explain my behavior Saturday.”

He took another deep breath and for the first time looked at Jongho in the eye :

“I didn't hate you kissing me. I ... quite enjoyed it even- anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I ran away because it's not something I've done before. Not kissing, I've done this before, but like, kissing with a meaning. Not just kissing to make-out or rile up. Just to kiss. And because it was with you, someone I cared about and don't want to hurt ... I guess I went against my better sens and fucked up everything ... God Jongho I'm so sorry ... Going to Taehyun was not premeditated, I just needed to feel familiar and safe, and I guess despite being drunk I saw than neither Yunho, nor Seonghwa, nor Wooyoung could give me this so I went to the only other person I knew and it was Taehyun ... I'm sorry if I hurt you, it was the last thing I wanted to do, and I really hope it didn't ruin things entirely between us. I realize it now but I want an us.”

Jongho was speechless, still processing everything Yeosang had said and sorting the informations in boxes internally, trying to connect his dots and find the good thing to say. Hearing his silence the blond got nervous again and added :

“I-I'll understand though ... if you don't want that anymore given what happened. I wouldn't blame you.”

He then fell silent, waiting for Jongho. When the younger finally new what he wanted to say, he hugged Yeosang. It confused the other a little bit.

“Thank you, for being honest. And ... I get where you're coming from. I do. I can understand that it's scary, that some people fear things about relationships other don't. I could freak out because you're the first guy I'm interested to, some people would, but I don't. I don't know why. I just ... don't freak out ? But maybe if I had, I would've been like San or Mingi, trying to hide behind harsh words.”

He didn't say much about it but Yeosang stocked the precise words used by Jongho in his memory.

“I will be honest too, I was angry at you for going to someone else right after I kissed you. On the other hand, we're not anything, so what right did I have to be angry ?”

“Jongho, you had the right, something was still happening, and even if there aren't rules for it, it's an unspoken agreement that you don't go looking for someone else. I should have respected that but I didn't ...”

“If he hadn't been there, what would you have done ?”

Yeosang was surprised by the question but answered it truthfully.

“I would've probably run outside in the gardens to take some air. Maybe call my sister to have her pick me up. I would have stilled run away I think.”

“But you wouldn't have gone to anyone else ?”

“No ! Of course not ! I just needed comfort ...”

“I just want to be sure, before I say anything more, that it won't happen again ? If something else moves forwards between us but you don't understand it or you're scared of it, you won't run to Taehyun ?”

“God Jongho no. I learned my lesson. If something is bothering me, or if I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'll do what I should have done first : go to you.”

Jongho was smiling, and Yeosang couldn't help but smile to, more shyly, until his fangs were showing and he was looking away in embarrassment.

“You said you liked it when I kissed you, right ?” asked the younger, suddenly feeling a boost of confidence.

Yeosang groaned and hid his face in his hands.

“Why are you reminding me this ?! Yes I did !”

“Great, because I want to do it again.”

Yeosang dropped his hands and stared at Jongho, blushing, but the younger was deadly serious. Slowly, the blond came closer, and a hand reached for his nape, pushing him delicately to Jongho's lips. Knowing the power these hands held, it was dizzying to feel them so tender and sweet on him.

Not drunk and actually aware of what was happening was the best way to be kissed by Jongho, and to kiss him back in Yeosang's opinion.

He was glowing, literally glowing when he joined with his friends in the cafeteria. For once they were all around, Yunho coming in with him, coming back from a quick fuck with a random Senior boy.

“He wanted my number ? Like what ? How many guys did you fuck in the bathroom and ask the number ?”

“Maybe he was looking for something else,” suggested Yeosang rolling his eyes.

“Relationships that start with a quick fuck in the school's bathroom don't make long relationships. Plus he wasn't my type.”

“Do you even have a type ? Be it men or women they never look alike, you don't have a type ... oh wait maybe that's your type ... men and women !”

“Ha ha hilarious Yeosang.”

“Am I wrong though ? We all have a type, even Wooyoung.”

“It's not wrong to not have a type !”

“That's not what I said. But don't go saying he's not your type if you don't have one.”

“I like tall guys alright ? And tall girls. Slender.”

“I won't even ask for their personality because you don't stick with them long enough to know about that do you ?”

“Are you biting me for sleeping around ?”

“No I don't, why would I ? I'm only stating facts.”

“You sound more savage than usual what happened ?”

They had finally joined Seonghwa and Wooyoung whom also were eagerly speaking to one another, the blond rolling his eyes when he sat down next to his best friend, Yunho mimicking in front of him.

“Nothing special happened.”

“Something happened ?” asked Wooyoung a fries still hanging from his teeth.

“No,” denied Yeosang.

“He's been weirdly happy when roasting the shit out of me. And he was very motivated to do so !” counter-attacked Yunho.

“Oh god something did happen,” said the youngest dramatic. “Why are you so happy ?”

“Does it have to do with Jongho, by any chance ?” Seonghwa had a knowing smirk and oh Yeosang was going to kill Hongjoong.

“He didn't,” said the blond, Seonghwa's smirk widening as he answered :

“He totally did. Come on you owe us this ! We all ended at your house last Sunday for this you can't leave us hanging there Yeo !”

“Wait you lost me, what are we talking about ?” asked Wooyoung.

“Isn't it Jongho ?” pointed out Yunho.

“You talked to him ?! Oh my god how did it go ?!”

“Stop harassing me you harpies !” laughed Yeosang, pushing his friend off his shoulders. “Fine I'll talk !”

He told them the story, not seeing that another group of four boys had made their way in, and just at the other end of the room, so they would see each other if they turned their head.

“And then he kissed me,” finished Yeosang.

He was not ready for the laugh that exploded out of Wooyoung. God he had lost his hearing on his left ear. The whole cafeteria turned to them and Seonghwa kicked the other in the shin to make him stop. Yeosang crossed eyes with a very amused Jongho and felt heat on his cheeks.

“That was not necessary hyung,” whined Wooyoung.

“Neither was you screaming bloody murder !” said Yunho before Seonghwa could reply.

At the other end of the cafeteria, Jongho had a wide smile, and his friends knew already what it was about.

“See, all you needed to do is talk,” smiled Hongjoong.

“He did most of the talking,” admitted Jongho.

“Well, I sure hope he did !”

“He had more things to reproach himself than you, didn't he ?” asked Mingi.

Jongho nodded, before their attention was caught on Wooyoung's loud ass.

“Poor Yeosang, Jongho your boyfriend will come with an ear missing now,” winced Mingi.

“Was he always so loud ?” asked Hongjoong.

“Always. That's a part of his charms,” they all looked at San distractingly poking his fries, and when he realized the attention and what he had said, he added stuttering : “I m-mean, I'd guess ?”

Hongjoong smiled while Jongho laughed. San had been eating less, and even if it was not dangerous yet to the point of making him faint at the dance club, it was still worrying. Mingi too was lost in thoughts, not about Yunho though. His mind was on Jongho's and Yeosang's new relationship. Now that the blond had became very close to one of his new friend, Mingi thought it was the good time to try and befriend him again. He had seen the discreet and shy reaching Yeosang had done during their calculus class, or even when he sat at the same table at him at the library to study, even if they never talked. Yeosang had always been leaving an opening to Mingi, leaving him to understand that he could come to him if he wanted to.

It was the right tome to finally do it.

The bell rang again, and he said goodbye to his friends in a hurry, not noticing their curious glance. He could also see Yunho watching him from afar, but he ignored that. This would be a problem for another day. He needed to be early to calculus. They weren't a lot in Junior to follow this class, and everyone except Yeosang and him were always late. He needed to get mentally ready before the blond arrived, so he quickly made his way through the students, still taking the time to wave at Blackpink from afar.

He had pilates at the end of the day, and it was a class he hated missing because it was so much fun, and if he was being honest, it truly helped him with his back problems.

He had been walking back and forth in the empty classroom for the past ten minutes before Yeosang showed up, surprised and brows frowning in concern when he saw Mingi's state.

“Hello,” he saluted like every time.

“Hi.”

Mingi had frozen, the 'hi' being almost a whisper, and Yeosang settled his things at his usual table - which was by Mingi's side - and asked :

“Are you alright ? If you're sick you can go to the infirmary, I'll take today's lessons for you.”

Ah Yeosang, so selfless.

“No no I'm fine, actually,” the red-haired sat down, “I wanted to speak with you.”

Yeosang didn't feel any bite or aggression behind these words, and he felt relieved for two reasons : 1 it meant it had nothing to do with his and Jongho's relationship (he hoped) and 2 he would hate to that Mingi had to be an asshole right when Yeosang had asked Hongjoong about him.

“Sure.”

“Look ... I don't know how to say this ...”

Mingi took a few deep breath and clenched his fists.

“I wanted to apologize.”

Yeosang stayed silent, expecting, so he went on.

“For what happened in 8th grade. When you three came out to us, it scared me. I come from a very conservative family and ... these things ... were never discussed. The rare time I heard about it was always followed by my parents insulting everyone who was ... like this,” he gestured, making Yeosang raise an offended brow.

“ _Like this_?”

“It's not my words ! I'm only quoting my parents, sorry that was clumsy,” sighed the taller. “I just- ... I don't think any of those things. I didn't then, I don't now. I was a stupid kid who only spoke of what he had heard at home for years, I never wanted to hurt you, or Yunho, or Wooyoung.”

“How do you feel now ?” asked Yeosang delicately.

Mingi understood it was not a trick question but a genuine one.

“I don't know. I'm not against it, if that's what you want to know. I'm not ... extremely comfortable with the subject either but only because I don't know much about it ! It's nothing about finding it _unnatural_ or _disgusting_. I grew up realizing that it didn't matter from who you received love, as long as you received it and gave it back in a healthy way. You shouldn't be restricted in who you're authorized to love and who should be authorized to love you just because of genders or shit like this. I won't ... openly be supportive though ... Because my parents ... God ... I don't even know what my parents would do to me if they knew-” he shut himself up once he realized he was about to confess about Yunho to Yeosang, but the blond understood it only as a voluntarily non-ended sentence.

“I guess you accepting me is good enough. Why are you apologizing now though ? Not that I appreciate it, on the opposite, you have no idea for how long I've waited this. But why now ?”

“I've been thinking about it for a while. I never found the right time. You and Jongho getting together felt like the right time”, shrugged Mingi, not really able to explain his feelings himself.

Yeosang had a soft smile and teary eyes. Fuck, he had made cry Yeosang.

“Oh shit I'm sorry if I said anything-”

“No it's fine. I'm alright, I'm just happy that things are moving forward. I've missed you, you dork,” and he reached to hug Mingi.

The red-haired stayed stunned a little bit before hugging back, fighting back his own tears : the last time they had done this was before the whole fight, and before, he had always found hugging Yeosang very special. He had this way of tugging his chin on their shoulder, that just made them even closer. The knowledge of a bisexual Yeosang didn't change anything in Mingi's mind about his hug, and he was proud of himself.

They parted right when other people started to come in, and smiled throughout the whole class. They were less stiff, more comfortable. They helped each other more without hesitating or fearing the other's reaction.

When they class was over, they got out together, speaking about the lessons but also about things they had been doing with friends.

“Hongjoong has always been the one taking care of us, it's nice to see Seonghwa-hyung do that for him to. He doesn't let us because he says he's the older,” Mingi was pouting but Yeosang could tell it was a real frustration for him.

“I get what you mean, Seonghwa is the same ... even if Hongjoong-hyung is younger though, I have the feeling he'll let him take care of him too.”

There was a silence during which they took the informations in, and then :

“They really are like parents no ?”

Yeosang giggled, making a few people turn their head at him and Mingi cooed -the power of Yeosang's giggles - and nodded.

“They do ! It's crazy ! Oh and you can tell the others that if they want to use the music room you can. Just because we made it our HQ doesn't mean no one else can come in.”

Mingi thanked him and then he was off to dance class. Yeosang made his way to the music room but then he heard their two hyungs inside, Hongjoong at the piano, Seonghwa singing, and he swore he had never heard a better harmonization that this. Hongjoong played the piano with his heart and soul, he could tell, and Seonghwa's velvet and high voice almost seemed to carry the shiest note of the piano and made them more powerful.

Yeosang felt his heart tug in a good way when he recognized _The Story Never Ends_ by Lauv. It was one of Seonghwa's favorite song, and yet he had never tried to sing it before because he feared that it was too high for him. He might be the main singer of their band, but he was always in doubts, had to work hard on his confidence before their first concert, and even now, pushed himself to sing songs he wouldn't have dared before.

He was glad that Hongjoong was by his side for this. Because this song was also one Seonghwa listened to when he felt down and was reminded of his ex. He never listened to it with them, and when it passed on the radio, he either changed channel or turned it off completely.

Yeosang smiled to himself and then decided that music could wait. He'd go to the library waiting for Wooyoung and Yunho.

“Your voice is amazing Seonghwa, I don't know why you were scared, I didn't hear one false note,” congratulated Hongjoong when the last note of the piano finally died in the air.

Seonghwa turned around to hide his blush.

“I just didn't think I couldn't do it. It's really high.”

“You have a high voice.”

“And I can rap as deep as Mingi.”

“True,” they laughed, but then Seonghwa asked a question that took Hongjoong aback :

“Do you write some music ? Or compose ?”

“W-why ?”

“I don't know, you seem the type. You already told me that music was - with fashion - one of your passion that went further than just singing and playing. You also said that when you felt down, you wrote some stuff.”

“I do. I write lyrics with Mingi yeah, I might have started a few compositions as well, but I don't have enough material. My mic for example, it's an old one and I need to change it,” grimaced Hongjoong, thinking about the broken thing hidden in a drawer of his desk.

Seonghwa immediately got an idea, but also had a small heart attack :

“Wait, when's your birthday ?”

“Tomorrow, why ?”

Shit, they were already the 6th of November ? Shit shit shit, he'd need to find something for Hongjoong and quick.

“Oh uh do you .. celebrate it ?” _nice catch Park, as if he won't see right through you,_ he thought with a mental face-palm.

“About that,” Hongjoong fidgeted, nervous. “I never do something big, but my parents let me bring the guys over for the night. I was thinking that, in addition of Jongho, San and Mingi, you could come too ?”

Seonghwa saw how much it would please Hongjoong, and of course, he'd be thrilled to come too. He had spoken to the others a lot, but felt like he didn't knew enough about them. This could also be the occasion to learn more.

“I'd invite Yeosang, but San and Mingi are still processing the whole thing, and even Jongho thinks that it might not be a good idea ...”

“Don't worry. I understand. I wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable and neither would Yeosang.”

“Jongho said the same thing,” smiled the now silver-haired.

It made him look like an angel. He had gray hair but the dye looked faded compared to Hongjoong whitish and silver one.

“They'll be good for each other,” confirmed Seonghwa.

“Yes, I'm glad they could talk and fix the misunderstanding.”

“If only Wooyoung could kick himself in the ass and do the same,” sighed the oldest.

“Don't worry,” he put a comforting hand on Seonghwa's knee, making the other's heart skipped a few beats. “He'll come by, eventually. As long as he doesn't hurt San anymore.”

“About that ... Hongjoong ... we can't let San is this situation ...”

“It's been like this for years Hwa. Don't you think I've tried ? Ever since I discovered about it I fought with him every day to make him stop. He doesn't. And that's why he smokes. After every new scar, every time he's anxious, stressed. I hoped that coming here would reduce his smoking, but it only made it worse.”

“I know where this is going and you can't feel guilty for that. You didn't know.”

Hongjoong nodded, as if saying _I know_.

“He tried to kill himself once,” he confessed in a whisper, and Seonghwa came closer. “Last year. We were in classes. San ... has been dancing around his sexuality for a while. He had kissed a boy that day. They were friends, but he hadn't seen that the other wanted more. He kissed him and disappeared right after. He and Mingi had a free period while Jongho was studying in the library.”

The memory was painful to Hongjoong. He was digging his nails into his palms and closing his eyes.

“We don't know how, or why, but he had managed to steal some sleeping pills from the infirmary. He had locked himself in the bathroom, and it took Mingi half an hour to find him. When he did San was sleeping, his pulse was weak, the new bottle was empty as his side and he wouldn't wake up. Mingi had called Jongho to not disturbed me, but when they saw how critical it was ... It was the worst day of my life ... I was in Korean class, and Mingi busted in, I swear Seonghwa he didn't give two shits about the teacher, the students. He was crying and begging me to come. He only told me _It's San_.”

Seonghwa slithered his hand in Hongjoong's.

“I left all my stuff and ran. Jongho had already called an ambulance, and together we tried to wake San up waiting for them, putting water on his forehead, but we had no idea what to do.”

He took a deep breath to prevent a sob from passing the barrier of his lips.

“They came in, took him, and his parents were called. I don't know how it's possible, but the doctors didn't find out his scars. They didn't take his bracelet off and saw when his parents arrived, they only had the visible part of the iceberg to take care off. They love him, but they're the type of family to proclaim tolerance, but not in their own house. They don't care that I'm pansexual they accept me as such and as a friend of their son. But if San was ...”

He didn't need to finish. Seonghwa understood : he had been right. Everything that happened, happened because of his parents. Probably Mingi's too.

“Did he ever went to spoke to someone after this ?” he asked.

“He didn't have a choice. The doctors forced him too. But he didn't say the whole truth. He spoke about the stress he had for his future, the tiredness from high school, his fear to disappoint his parents ... he never mentioned his sexuality.”

“And that's what's eating him,” it wasn't a question, more a vocalized affirmation.

“I don't know what to do anymore Seonghwa ... I don't know how to help him ... what if he tries again ? And succeeds ? I can't- I can't-” he started to sob uncontrollably and Seonghwa pulled him closer, hiding the younger's face in the crook of his neck, one hand gently caressing his nape and the other keeping him close by the waist.

“It won't happen. San loves you, and you all love him. I'll talk to Wooyoung about it. I won't say anything that San wouldn't want him to know, but I'll say enough to make him understand how serious the situation is.”

Little did they know, they would need to act fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're confused I sort of took the same calendar as we had this year, so the 31st of October was a Saturday, and this chapter takes place the Friday of the week after, the 6th November !


	9. Chapter 8 : Hongjoong's birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone ! Hope you're all having wonderful times with your families, that you got all you wanted and that you're happy and healthy !  
> As promised, this "present" in the shape of chapter 8 ! C-1 until disaster, I see a lot of you are worried about San ... I can't say you(re wrong to worry about him but don't worry, I took good care of him (you might hate be a bit before though)
> 
> Hope you'll like this chapter,
> 
> Enjoy !

The weekend came by and with it, Hongjoong's little get-together for his birthday. Not only would it be Seonghwa's first time in Hongjoong's house, but also the first time meeting his parents. And even if he would be introduced as a friend - that's what they were after all - he couldn't help but feel nervous. Leaving a good impression on his friends' parents was important for him, but it felt especially important for Hongjoong's.

That's what led him to be shopping the Saturday 7th afternoon, day of the sleepover. He had Yeosang with him, the younger having some things he wanted to speak about, and they were both looking in a media shop for a present.

“These are all hella expensive,” commented Yeosang checking everything around him impressed.

“I know, money isn't the problem though, but I'm only a singer, I know jack shit about recording so I have no idea what to get him ...”

Yeosang grimaced, knowing he wouldn't be able to help more. Then he thanked his genius brain for thinking about it.

“Wait, you said Mingi worked with him yeah ?”

“Yeah, Hongjoong told me they often found themselves at his house at ungodly hours to record, why ?”

“Well, we could ask Mingi ?”

“I don't have his number,” pouted Seonghwa, previously smiling.

“I do, you giant baby. That's what I wanted to tell you about actually !”

He took his phone out and directly called Mingi, deciding on not loosing time.

“ _Hello ?_ ”

“Hi Mingi ! Sorry to call without notice, I hope I'm not bothering ?”

“ _Not at all, you need something ?_ ”

“Yeah actually. Me and Seonghwa, well Seonghwa alone actually, is looking for a mic for Hongjoong's birthday, but none of us know anything about mics. Can you help us ?”

Mingi had a small laugh :

“ _Of course. I'm actually out to find him a present too, where are you guys at ?_ ”

Yeosang looked at Seonghwa with a look that said : _all your problems will be fixed in a second and weirdly_ , that did not help the older to feel better.

“We're at the media shop at the mall.”

“ _The one of the second level ?_ ”

“Yep.”

“ _I'll be there in five minutes top, my bus just arrived_.”

Small world. Yeosang reported his exchange to the gray-haired, same male being partly thankful and embarrassed.

“So, you and Mingi ?”

“Ah yeah ... he apologized to me.”

Seonghwa's eyes widened.

“Apologized ? Like ... _apologized_?”

“Yes. It was before my calculus class yesterday. He explained to me why he said what he said, and ... I can't hold it to him Hwa ... because I understand that people don't have such an understanding family like mine and Wooyoung's and yours and Yunho's. And even if he's straight, he can still hear a lot of dumb shit at home and he's my friend, I missed him and I can't hold this to him.”

Yeosang's eyes were red, Seonghwa thought in horror that he was going to cry and took him by the hand to find a darker corner where they could be more discreet.

“Hey I won't say anything, I'm happy Yeosang, for both you and Mingi, it was eating him up it showed.”

“I'm sorry I just- Wooyoung doesn't know,” he whispered the last three words like a curse and Seonghwa sighed.

“This reign of terror that he has on you can't go on like this forever Yeosang. You and Jongho almost didn't get together, he makes San go insane with depression because of his behavior and he keeps you from forgiving old friends. We need to have a word with him.”

“I know ... please just- let me deal with it first. I want to be the one to tell him, and then you can interfere all you want.”

“Of course Sangie.”

Yeosang looked behind Seonghwa's shoulder and quickly cleaned his eyes, took a deep breath and put a smile on his face.

“Mingi's here.”

They turned around and surely, the tall red-head was looking for them. He had a wide smile when he saw Yeosang coming to him but you could tell there was still restrain in his movements. So he was caught a bit off guard when the blond hugged him. Yeosang was not very touchy with others than close friends, so Seonghwa understood the confusion but stood there smiling. Mingi wrapped his arms around Yeosang too and finally, the tension broke.

“Hey Mingi, glad to see you. Thank you for helping.”

“Of course, anything for you hyungs. So, a present for Hongjoong ?”

“Yeah he told me his old mic started to die on him, so I thought about changing it.”

“That shit isn't cheap.”

“Seonghwa's rich,” said Yeosang.

The gray-haired didn't comment and only rolled his eyes.

“All your presents are expensive don't be jealous on me Kang Yeosang.”

“Yes mom.”

Mingi helped Seonghwa find a new mic for Hongjoong - and it was expensive, but he didn't care. Mingi had even tried to make him buy something less good so he wouldn't spend too much but it was not knowing Seonghwa. They also went to a clothing shop for Mingi's present idea, Yeosang finding surprising that he grabbed random clothing.

“The clothes don't matter. What does is what he'll do with them. I need to buy a few things for customization, he told me his black marker ran out.”

Two hours before the sleepover, and they were enjoying the rest of the afternoon in a coffee shop, Yeosang and Mingi with bubble teas and Seonghwa with an actual tea. It was mostly the two youngest talking but he didn't mind, on the opposite liking to see them so carefree.

He checked the time and almost jumped out of his seat.

“Shit, I have some cooking to do !”

“Hongjoong provides food you know ?” teased Mingi.

“I do ! It's my first time meeting his parents, I want to cook a little something.”

“They'll like you even without food,” said Yeosang.

“Can I leave you two alone ?” said Seonghwa unbothered.

“We're not children !”

The gray-haired raised an unimpressed brow before taking off.

“See you later Mingi ! By Sangie !”

“Later hyung !”

“By mom !”

“Is it a thing to call him mom ?”

“Kinda, we just feel like we have a second mom with him,” shrugged the blond.

“Don't you mean third ? You and Wooyoung practically grew up together,” reminded Mingi with a smile.

“We did. Hey I wanted to ask ... Do you plan to apologize to the others too ?”

Mingi played with his straw, poking the tapioca pearls in his cup.

“I do. Yunho first. Wooyoung I'm still scared. I feel like he'll bite my head off before I get the chance to tell him.”

“Unfortunately, I can't say he won't ... You can start with Yunho though. How are the dance classes going ?”

“Very well. It's the only times he speaks to me actually. Always telling me I'm doing a good job. He seems to put his hate apart and see me as a dancer. He was always the one being the bigger person,” chuckled the red-haired.

“He was, still does, probably why he doesn't mind recognizing your skills as a dancer. He's the type of person to think it'll be stupid to not encourage someone in the things they're good at just because they had an argument with this person.”

Yeosang drank his tea a little before checking his phone, Mingi doing the same. The blond scrolled back to some texts they had exchanged with Yunho three days ago.

**Puppy**

_I can't do that ..._

_Fuck Yeo_

_Why did we split up in the first place ?_

**Sangie**

_I'm going to need you to give me more context because I'm more lost than you in the middle of the forest back in 7th grade_

**Puppy**

_First of all fuck you, it was fucking terrifying_

_And second of all_

_Mingi_

**Sangie**

_? Mingi ?_

_What about Mingi ? Something happened in dancing ?_

**Puppy**

_He happened ! He dances so well, God how could I forgot ? Like ... he's the best break-dancer we have, and we have Wooyoung_

**Sangie**

_O_O_

_Never tell that to his face or you're dead meat_

_But yeah, I remember_

_Just, don't go on hating him like Wooyoung does San and we'll be good_

_But don't forget that he was an asshole_

**Puppy**

_I'm not ..._

_I just_

_I want to speak with him again_

_I want to ... laugh with him again ... his laugh was the best sound in the world ..._

**Sangie**

_While you're at it, maybe try and recognize that you DID have a crush on him back then_

_Do us all a favor plz_

**Puppy**

_I can't ... you know it's right but I can't ..._

_Wooyoung will kill me ... He just ... I can understand where it's from, but I can't understand how vehement he is abt San like wtf ..._

**Sangie**

_This isn't about Woo it's about u_

_And what u want_

**Puppy**

_I wanna talk to him but I don't want to do the first steps_

_It's not right y'know ?_

_In the line of the story_

**Sangie**

_I get u_

_Wait. See what happens. Mingi has always been surprising, maybe that didn't change_

Yeosang thought back of this conversation and looked up at Mingi's face, which behind a sweet smile and collected feelings, were visible the frowns of concern and worries that had seemed to stick with him since 8th grade.

“He doesn't hate you,” he couldn't help saying.

“Hu ?” Mingi raised his eyes from his phone screen, trying to connect the dots of the conversation. When he did the blond could see surprise on his face flash, followed by a strike of melancholy.

“Yunho. He doesn't hate you. He just doesn't understand. He's like me you know ? Well, me before you explained and apologized. Confused and hurt. But not hateful. Never.”

And Mingi seemed to be reminded of this peculiar fact : Yunho couldn't hate people. He wasn't born with the possibility. But it didn't essentially made the boy feel better ; what if Yunho couldn't hate him, but would if he could ?

“Take your time but eventually, you'll have to talk to him too.”

Mingi knew that, he did. And he had felt ready to, but considering Yunho's behavior it shook his whole world again. He didn't think he deserved Yeosang's forgiveness. So it made sens that he thought he didn't deserve Wooyoung's either. For Yunho it was harder. He had a guess as why it was, but tried to not think about it. He couldn't and ask Yunho for forgiveness and ask him for a relationship ; and let's be real, what were the odds that the tallest felt the same way ? Close to 0 in Mingi's opinion. And he wasn't as brave as Han Solo, ready to just ignore those odds. He was like Yeosang, which meant that everything he did or said needed to be calculated so the outcome was as predictable as possible.

It's with this mindset that he arrived at Hongjoong's house in the blooming evening. As usual, the Kims were more than happy to welcome him. Hongjoong's older brother, Segye, was gone to do his military service a few months ago, and since then, the house had been a little quieter. Segye and Hongjoong were always brotherly bickering with each-other, sharing their love for music meant that their parents had to constantly tell them to lower the sound of Hongjoong's synthesizer and Segye's electrical guitar. Now only the lonely sound of the piano could be heard.

Mingi made his way upstairs with the information that San and Jongho were already there, Hongjoong's present in his backpack. He wasn't surprised when he opened the room to chaos. Jongho and San were already fighting with on Smash Bros, Hongjoong painting on his bed completely undisturbed by them. San was the first to see him :

“Mingi-ya ! You're late !”

“Sorry, I was out,” he said sheepishly, eying Jongho whom just winked at him.

Yeosang had probably rated him out, the little devil.

“And he's not late, otherwise that means that Seonghwa is late and Seonghwa is never late,” said Hongjoong, putting his paint aside. Mingi noticed he had a drop of red paint on his cheek, but said nothing, as he'd probably have more if he kept painting. Except Hongjoong - the host - they had all done a slight effort of dressing, putting on buttoned-up and jeans, while he was in baggy pants and an oversize sweater he had stolen from his brother, all covered in paint.

“Does your father know in what state you're receiving us ?” joked Mingi, putting his bag aside and making himself comfortable next to the oldest on the bed.

Hongjoong, in all his glory, pulled his tongue at him.

“Fuck you it's super comfy. And no he doesn't. But I guess he'll know soon, Seonghwa told me he'll be here any seconds now.”

Jongho mocked him from his place on the ground :

“You don't come out of your sacred place for _us_. I guess Seonghwa is _that_ special.”

Hongjoong chuckled nervously and his cheeks darkened :

“I guess. I'm not going to lie, he's smoking hot, and past that, has the voice of an angel, is the most devoted person I've ever met to his friends, and he's smart and cultured as hell.”

“That reminds me of someone else,” said San in a playful tone, acting as if he was thinking. Then he snapped his fingers and pointed his hyung : “Ah yes, you ! Don't you dare say he's too good for you.”

Hongjoong laughed and shook his head :

“I was not. Yeosang told me he has his own fair of heartbreaks, and I don't want to be another one. I just don't really know how he feels about me ? Like, if our friendship growing into something else is just an illusion I have or if it's real.”

“I haven't seen you two together often, but you don't have this type of impression for nothing Hong', maybe you're right,” said Mingi.

“And I'm not even talking about your mother, the second she sees him, she'll beg you to court him or whatever,” said San, going back to the PS4 with Jongho.

“She's not that old fashion.”

“Of course not, but she likes to trick you into thinking she does, and as her son it's amazing you haven't noticed yet,” threw back Jongho before cursing and shoving San off to make him lose.

“Hey cheater ! I'll tell Yeosang !”

“He'll be on my side !”

“Maybe as her son it's also my role to make her think I believe in her little games !” defended Hongjoong.

“That's why you're paler than before at the thought of your mother getting her claws on Seonghwa ?” snorted Mingi, looking at his two friends playing.

As if on cue, the door bell rang and looked at Hongjoong, whom eyes were staring at his door. Then they heard the father :

“You must be Seonghwa ? Hongjoong talks a lot about you ! What a handsome boy you are !”

And Hongjoong was out, jumping over Mingi on his bed and almost ripping the door with how hard he opened it. His three friends were all laughing their asses off, clearly not ready to take pity on their poor hyung. Hyung _s_ , even, because really, there was no way Hongjoong's mom would not try to kidnap Seonghwa to marry him to Hongjoong if the boy didn't do it himself.

He was a tad too late when he arrived in the entry as the poor Senior was trapped between his parents. He had a bouquet of black flowers in one hand and a little box filled with ... were those cookies ? Home made ? Oh God he was perfect ...

“These are for the whole family. And these too, they're paper flowers, like this they won't die and as they're not made of plastic they won't pollute,” he said, hanging the flowers to Hongjoong's dad and the cookies to his mother.

“Wow, he surely found a rare pearl. Thank you a lot for the gesture Seonghwa.”

The gray-haired bowed, and his polite smile became one of joy when he saw Hongjoong.

“Hi.”

His parents turned to see their son standing in the corridor and jaw slack. Now, understand that Seonghwa was an unfairly handsome man, and that despite Hongjoong telling him to not come overdressed, he was still very elegant - too elegant for the poor boy's heart - in clothes that he would find random considering his style. But for anyone not dressing with a Gothic or Victorian style, seeing Seonghwa wearing a high waist jean with a thick belt/corset, in which he had tugged a pirate-like Victorian black shirt similar to the one he was wearing at Halloween - but he had a simpler collar - would say he was overdressed. And he was not even talking about the deep V neckline that went with the shirt and gave a good look on his chest. In Seonghwa's mind, he was randomly dressed.

He knew his parents wouldn't have any misplaced gaze over the older, as they were used to Hongjoong's colorful style, but the later could tell his father was finding the difference entertaining.

He had came closer and helped take Seonghwa coat.

“Were you painting ?” asked the older.

His parents had retreated a little, but kept careful eyes on them.

“Ah uh yes, sorry the clothes-”

Seonghwa chuckled :

“I don't mind the clothes. You just have a stain here,” he said, bringing his thumb to Hongjoong's cheek and brushing the red away. “Ah, it's still fresh. It won't stick.”

He took a tissue out - could someone take out a tissue more elegantly ? Hongjoong was whipped - and gently took Hongjoong's chin between his fingers and cleaned the paint with his free hand.

He had seen Seonghwa do this gesture to Yeosang at lunch dozens of time. Yet, the motherly vibes coming out of Seonghwa when he was cleaning the younger blond weren't the one he was letting now as he was cleaning Hongjoong's cheek.

As if it was nothing, he rolled the tissue in a ball and put it in a pocket of his pants. He hadn't realized he had been staring until his mother cleaned her throat.

“Hongjoong ? Maybe you can help Seonghwa settled in your room ,” she suggested, hiding her knowing smile very very badly.

“Ah yeah s-sure.”

“Diner will be ready soon.”

“Do you need help ?” immediately asked Seonghwa.

“No, you're our guest tonight. Don't worry,” said Hongjoong's father coming out from the kitchen with a frying pan.

They went upstairs, the elder worrying than he was late when he saw that the younger boys were all already here :

“Don't mind them, they just like to come here so they're way too early every time.”

They all got Hongjoong's previous point about Seonghwa being smoking hot when they saw how effortlessly fancy he was. They put on the blankets and pillows around, the gray-haired realizing that he had not taken his ; Hongjoong had not told him.

“You'll sleep with me, it's fine.”

So. Yes they were 17 and knew that words had different meaning. But. They were _17_ and had they hormones rocket skying every hour, so when Hongjoong said that Seonghwa's mind went places and his face turned a deep shade of red, making Jongho explode in laughter from his place on the floor.

Hongjoong was back turned to him so he didn't see the problem right away but when he saw how panicked Seonghwa looked, his eyes widened, he too blushing and he quickly stuttered out :

“J-just sleeping ! Like going to sleep y'know ?! Nothing else !”

Then he realized that it maybe wasn't what Seonghwa had in mind and looked at the elder in shock, before throwing himself on his pillow and yelling into it, the muffled sound being the last straw for San and Mingi who couldn't hold back their laughs either.

Seonghwa, still shy but smiling because of his mistake, sat on the bed and shook Hongjoong's shoulder.

“Hey Joongie ? It's fine don't worry. I was caught off guard. I don't mind sleeping with you,” right in this instant, both of them had no idea what _sleep_ Seonghwa meant, but he didn't elaborate and let the younger's imagination do the rest. At some point they had to threaten the youngsters to stop laughing already :

“How can you laugh on my pain ?! I'm your hyung !” complained Hongjoong.

“Jongho, I'll call Yeosang and tell him you're being mean,” threatened playfully Seonghwa.

“Go on, call him, we'll see whose side he'll take but we both know it'll be mine,” the gray-haired grumbled as he knew Jongho was right.

The rest of the night went quietly. Hongjoong's parents' cooking was delicious, and they had done plenty, needing to feed five growing teenagers, and the subject of conversation went from Seonghwa's hobbies to Hongjoong's new tracks.

“Hongjoong told me you sing amazingly well, didn't he ask you to sing for him ?” asked his mother genuinely curious.

“He never did no,” he turned to look at the man, busy fighting with San. “I would love to hear what he composes.”

Hongjoon's father sighed : “Us too.”

“You never have ?” questioned the teenager surprised.

“No. Only his brother has. Mingi neither. He raps for him but I'm not sure he ever heard the result. Hongjoong is very private about his music.”

“Music was made to be shared,” thought out loud the boy, confused.

The father gave him a sympathize smile.

“Not for Hongjoong. It's his Garden of Eden. Sometimes, people need one thing only to themselves, to let out their feelings, express their emotions, to not bottle up you know ?”

He did. He had found his things in smoking, and sometimes singing, but the later didn't made him feel like smoking did. So he nodded.

“Hongjoong's is music. It's a family thing. I used to do the same,” said his mother with a tender smile.

“If ... If it's not too indiscreet ... do you keep doing it ? Did you ever share your music ?”

Hongjoong's father got up to clean the table a bit and she eyed him before getting closer to Seonghwa :

“We didn't have the things you do now to compose. But before his father, no one had ever heard me sing or play the piano. I stopped when I married. Music was a liking but not a professional passion like it can be for my son. Hongjoong is a lot like I am. I feel like he's waiting for the right person too. When he'll be able to open his music to this person, he'll be able to open it to others. I believe that is what will make him a great composer one day. If it's the road he wants to pursue of course.”

Seonghwa smiled at her, looking back at the laughing man and thinking that it was a beautiful sight. People often say that you fall in love my making someone laugh. But seeing them laugh because of something else that isn't you is also a good way to fall in love. To see them so carefree, not controlled by whatever reason they could have to hide their laugh or act around you. He smiled, ignoring Hongjoong's mother's knowing eyes on him. The presents came - the boys would give theirs in the intimacy of the other's room - and Hongjoong was jumping in excitement when he saw new paint brush, empty canvas, and a hard-drive ; he needed more space to stock all his compositions.

When the five got back in the silver-haired's room, they changed into their pajamas and started to change the atmosphere to something more cozy. They waited before the night was well begun to put on the movie, knowing they'd lose Hongjoong soon after.

They were in the middle of a sober Never Have I Ever when Mingi confessed something :

“Never have I ever,” started Jongho thinking, “apologized to someone I cared for something I did.”

It wasn't targeting everyone. They had all lower one finger when Hongjoong had said _Never have I ever been an asshole_ and he wasn't throwing Mingi or San under the bus. Yet, the red-haired felt like this was his moment. Seonghwa lowered a finger, bitterly saying that he regretted the apology, when Mingi did the same, catching Hongjoong's eyes.

“Really ? Who did you apologized too ?”

Mingi and Seonghwa exchanged a glance and the older nodded in comfort.

“There's something I need to say, it's not big, but I think it's still important considering everything going on lately,” he took a deep breath. “I apologized to Yeosang.”

Even Jongho seemed surprised. Weirdly, Mingi thought he'd knew.

“Wait really ?” asked San.

“When ?”

“Mingi I'm so happy- he accepted it right ?” said Hongjoong happy but careful.

The red-head laughed.

“He did. We have calculus class together the Friday, and I apologized before class. I told him the truth. About my parents, and why I had said those things and how I felt.”

“You gave him all the cards the forgive you or not,” stated Jongho, remembering how Yeosang had done the same.

“Yes. He accepted. It had been so long and yeah, I think he was happy.”

“He was,” confirmed Seonghwa. “The only thing Yeosang was waiting from you was the occasion to close a chapter of his life he had to leave open. It doesn't mean that he doesn't want you in the other chapters, but for that to happen, he needed you to come clean.”

He said it as if San had apologized too when he had not. The guilt of it eating him clear on his face, not understanding why he couldn't be as brave as Mingi.

“San, don't feel pressured by anything. He doesn't care when it's done as long as it is. And I can tell you want to apologize.”

Seonghwa said those words so gently, a hand cupping San's cheek and the younger looking at him with wide eyes. He then tugged the boy closer until they were hugging, Seonghwa's arms around San's shoulder, the later's nose in his neck.

It felt so ... motherly ... it was surprising how familiar it felt. But Seonghwa had never hugged him like that. His mother on the other hand, had. But since 8th grade, he had drifted away from his parents, putting some physical distance when he couldn't do it emotionally. And having Seonghwa hug him like that, like a mother who knew her son was hiding secrets that weighted on him but gave him the time and comfort he needed, made him tear up. He blinked a few times, trying to stop the tears but when a sob past his lips and Seonghwa hugged him closer, he gave up, closed his eyes, and cried.

Hongjoong was smiling, despite the situation. Because even if it was frustrating, he was glad to see San was able to get from someone else what he couldn't get from him. Hongjoong was words before actions ; Seonghwa was the opposite. And sometimes, actions were better than words.

When San had calmed down Hongjoong handed to Seonghwa a wet cloth the older used to clean San's face and make him cool down, the headache from his crying already throbbing.

“Enough games, I'm too tired for my presents now, how about you give them tomorrow ?” said Hongjoong.

“Really ? You could pass up presents ?” said Mingi.

“Of course, the important is to have you here with me guys.”

There was a silence then he added :

“Was I convincing ?”

“Almost.”

“Yes you got me there.”

“Your acting sucks hyung.”

“Hey San-ah ! Respect your elders !”

“No,” answered the boy, pulling his tongue out and making Seonghwa chuckle. Then they moved and settled for the movie.

Shyly San asked if he could cuddle Seonghwa and ended with his head on the older's laps, a pillow between his head and the other's thighs, while Hongjoong made himself like a ball on the other side of Seonghwa, the three on his bed. Jongho and Mingi sat side by side on the mattress at the foot of the bed.

The movie was one of the _Pirates of the Caribbean_ because Hongjoong had an obsession with pirates, but San needed to do something before he could focus on the game.

*

Yeosang, spending his Saturday night like most weekends with Wooyoung, this time in the younger's bedroom, was surprised to see a message turning his phone screen on. Jongho and Seonghwa were at Hongjoong's, so he didn't expect it was from them, Yunho was spending some quality time with his younger brother and Wooyoung was with him.

Speaking off, the devil that called itself his best friend was painting his nails. They were watching the _Addams Family_ , so he could check his phone.

What he saw not only made his heart jump, but also surprised him :

**Unknown number**

_Hey, Yeosang ?_

_Jongho gave me your phone number, I hope it's alright with you ?_

_I wanted to talk a little ?_

_If it's OK ?_

**Yeosang**

_I'm sure I know you, but who are you ?_

**Unknow number**

_Ah sorry it's San_

Yeosang took a deep breath, glanced at Wooyoung, whom was quoting Morticia's lines word by word, and went back to his phone.

**Yeosang**

_Hi San_

**San**

_Hi_

_So, it's OK if I speak a little ? You don't have to answer it's fine_

**Yeosang**

_Of course not. I don't bite San don't worry_

**San**

_Jongho says otherwise_

Seeing the little attempt to crack a joke to break the atmosphere, Yeosang was more than willing to answer it.

**Yeosang**

_He's a liar don't listen to him_

San sent a laughing emoji and Yeosang smiled.

**San**

_I wanted to do this by message because I don't have half of Mingi's courage_

_But you don't deserve this_

_I want to do it in person_

_Do you have a free period on Monday ?_

The blond could guess was all of this was about, and he knew that the decision he'd make right now would either change his life in a good, or bad way, and possibly San's, and all the people around them touched by this.

**Yeosang**

_I do. We have the first in common and I have the sixth ?_

**San**

_I finish at 4 so I'll see you for the sixth I guess ?_

**Yeosang**

_Sure ! We're on the same class remember ?_

**San**

_..._

_I do_

_I swear_

_You have calculus with Mingi on seventh period ?_

**Yeosang**

_Yep_

**San**

_OK_

_Cool_

_Thank you for, agreeing to see me._

**Yeosang**

_Don't thank me for that. Maybe we'll need to meet at the library though, Wooyoung and Yunho will be here too_

**San**

_Haven't thought of that_

_OK great_

_See you Yeosang._

**Yeosang**

_See you San._

_Thank you for reaching out._

_*_

San smiled, cursing internally at the tears that made his screen blurry, quickly wiping them before turning his phone off for the night. He'd start slow, like Mingi.

“I should have known really,” said Hongjoong still focused on the movie.

“Known what ?” asked Jongho.

“That my crush for both Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley was a sign.”

“That you were bi ?” this time it was Seonghwa.

“I'm pan, not bi. But yes, at first I thought I was bi too.”

“What made you change your mind ?”

“When I realize that I made no distinction between men and women. That it wasn't just men and women but the person in general.”

Seonghwa nodded.

“How did you know you were bi ?” asked Hongjoong.

“When I turned around to look at people on the streets but never knew if it was the girl or the boy which attracted me,” laughed the elder, ripping a chuckle from everybody else in the room.

“I don't think I'm gay, or bi, or pan. I don't really do labels,” said Jongho, Mingi nodding in approval for himself quietly at his side. “It's just Yeosang.”

San stayed quiet, and was glad that no one asked him. He was also glad that it didn't gave the impression they held back to ask him. The conversation stopped naturally after Mingi, not feeling the need to ask anything. San was really grateful for that.

He was exhausted by his week, and as usual, never got a lot of restful sleep at night, his mind keeping him awake for ours and only weighting heavier on his shoulders, and so his eyes were fluttering close by the time the movie was thirty minutes in.

Seonghwa's arms had somehow gone around Hongjoong's shoulders, the smaller already nuzzling to him had only gotten closer, his fingers lost in San's hair, the boy's head still on Seonghwa's lap.

“Thank you for earlier,” the birthday boy whispered.

“No problem,” answered Seonghwa. “He's not precious for me like he is for you, but I understand him way too much to not react.”

Hongjoong sighed.

“I just wished he had a way to express himself, instead of bottling up everything and ending like this every week,” Seonghw couldn't see it but the younger's eyes went on San's covered wrist. “Better than this at least ...”

“We'll find something. We just need to keep him away from Wooyoung until he's ready.”

Hongjoong nodded, his hair tickling Seonghwa's chin.

“Hey Joong ?” called the older.

“Yeah ?”

He took a deep breath, and still in a whisper, asked with a wavering voice : “Can I ... Will you make me listen to your music ? One day ?”

Hongjoong was reaching his breaking point as well, Seonghwa could see it in his tired eyes when he unglued himself a little bit to look at the other in the eyes.

“I don't make anyone listen to my music.”

Seonghwa's heart skipped a beat, and he ignored the string of pain-

“But you're not anyone,” Hongjoong kissed his cheek gently, before falling asleep on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS : I know I named Hongjoong's older brother Segye but it's imaginary, I have no idea what his name is irl, and Segye means world, which sort of goes with Hongjoong's own name so yeah


	10. Chapter 9 : Apologies pt.2, Disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy sh- here we are. The chapter y'all been waiting for ... C-Chapter, the one where shit goes down ... It sorts of happens in a 2 part thing, with the consequences of what happens in this chapter in the next chapter, but it can at least give you a bit of idea of what will happen ... I think the tags are very useful then, I might ad a few now or wait until the next chapter, idk I'll see.   
> Anyway, you're probably going to hate me a bit, it's alright I'm used to it during my fictions x) 
> 
> TW for suicidal thoughts
> 
> Hope you'll like it,
> 
> Enjoy !

He didn't know if it was something in the air, or something he ate, but Wooyoung had the feeling something was going to happen today. Good or bad, it was too soon to tell, but it felt like something that would change how his life was running.

Maybe the way Yeosang kept giving him side glances like he was a ticking bomb and biting his lower lip - something he only did when he wanted to say something but hesitated to do so - made him more suspicious. Ever since they had met in front of Yeosang's house to go to the school together, the boy seemed tense. Like he too was a ticking bomb ; or like he was expecting something.

And it made Wooyoung nervous. Because he couldn't tell what was going on his best friend's head, or why it was there.

They had a free period the Monday morning, and so did Seonghwa, so they met all the four of them in the music room in order to prepare for the first football game of the season that was happening next weekend.

“Hey hyung, so, how did Hongjoong liked the mic ?” asked Yeosang, almost running away from Wooyoung to Seonghwa.

“Hey ! He loved it. At first he was adamant to not accept it, he knew a bit how expensive it was, but it was a gift and I reminded him that he could not refuse gifts,” chuckled the other.

“A mic ? Hongjoong ? Are we missing something ?” Yunho looked at Wooyoung to see him just as confused.

“Oh hu Hongjoong's birthday was Saturday, and he invited me over.”

“Alone ?” Wooyoung's brow was raised with the Intel that his subtext was dirty and Seonghwa threw him one of Yeosang's drum stick.

“No ! His friends were here.”

“How did you know about Seonghwa's gift ? He didn't tell us about it,” asked Yunho again, very innocently unlike the way Wooyoung was craving for answers.

This right here only strengthened his feeing that something had happened, was happening, was about to happen, or maybe all three at once.

Seonghwa discreetly looked at Yeosang : they couldn't tell that they had gone shopping and met Mingi, they didn't want the drama that would follow. Yeosang fortunately already had a plan, and the way Seonghwa was looking at him with a question in his eyes could pass as personal curiosity as well :

“Jongho told me about it yesterday !” he lied smoothly and flawlessly.

“You two seem to be well,” smiled the taller Junior, taking his guitar out and according it.

“It's been barely four days, everything is fine for now.”

“And I hope it stays that way !”

Yeosang chuckled and they got ready for practice. Except, Yeosang was not done yet.

“Hey Seonghwa-hyung ?”

“Yeah ?”

He glanced at Wooyoung but the boy knew it had nothing to do with the other glances this time :

“I was wondering ... I would like to sing more in the band. I understand that Yunho and you are the main singers, but I want to be more involved too. Not just a side voice ...”

Seonghwa had seen the exchange between the two youngest and asked Wooyoung :

“You feel that way too ?”

“Yes,” he confessed.

“You guys know that it has nothing to do with us wanting to sing more, Yeosang you told me you weren't feeling comfortable with long lyrics and Wooyoung your tone of voice, this was just a respect of your choices, not a will from us to steal the light.”

“Of course hyung we know, that's why we wanted to tell you about it.”

Seonghwa nodded and Yunho made them understand that of course it was fine with him too.

“I will take that in consideration for the lyrics repartition now,” smiled the older.

Yeosang and Wooyoung smiled at each other, the later forgetting about his weird feeling quickly. They had to chose their opening song and of course, made their own play-list, as they usually played during the whole game. Fortunately it was a High School game so it wouldn't last that much, but enough for them to be exhausted at the end of it.

So far, they had _Gogobebe_ from Mamamoo, (Seonghwa would do Moonbyul's parts, Yeosang Hwasa's, Wooyoung Wheelin's and Yunho Solar's), then Panic! at the Disco's _Greatest Show_ , and any others that would keep the crowd entertained for the game, and made sure they all had the same amount of lyrics each (more or less).

“Rosé sent me a text, she and the girls will dance on Mamamoo, so we have to make it our second opening song,” said Seonghwa while they were putting everything back in place after the repeat.

“Great, I'm fine with it,” said Yunho.

Yeosang quickly left, Jongho waiting for him. Seonghwa had just a few minutes before class he decided to spend on smoking, and Yunho wanted to go settle in the classroom right away.

“Yeah sure, let me go by the dance class, I forgot my water bottle last Friday !” said Wooyoung.

When he arrived, he expected it to be quiet and dark, like it usually was a Monday morning close to 9 o'clock. What he got was a lightened and musical dance classroom. He didn't want to bother whoever was inside, but still needed to check to make sure it wasn't someone who wasn't in the dance club.

The breath was forced out of his lungs when he saw San.

He was motionless, waiting for the music he had re-started to begin. A music Wooyoung was very familiar with.

 _Lovely_ , by Billie Eilish and Khalid. And if Wooyoung was right, San was about to dance the choreography by Ten and Winwin that had been released in April 2019. This performance was amazing, beautiful, it had brought tears to many, Wooyoung included. And it was a duo dance. Yet, as San started to dance what he identified as Ten's part, Wooyoung felt his heart skipped a beat.

He was amazing. The clothes he was wearing were lighter than the one he usually wore in practice, but as he was alone, he probably felt more comfortable. The white legging hugged his power legs like it should, and the oversize white shirt flew with every movement. He was naked feet, eyes closed, not even looking at himself in the mirrored walls as he danced.

Wooyoung noticed his bracelet was missing, revealing bandages. Curious place to have them, and it made the younger wonder if he always had them, or if it was the first time.

He lost himself in the contemplation of the dance once more, his eyes not getting enough of witnessing the control San had over his body. Wooyoung knew how hard it was to practice his dance alone when it was a duet, because he himself had been practicing Winwin's part for a few months now. And despite knowing his talent as a dancer, he knew his body wasn't moving as gracefully as San's (he was wrong, but he was biased).

He wanted to think that it was all a coincidence, San dancing one part and he the other, but his heart didn't want it to be. His heart wanted to believe in things such as fate, destiny ... Wooyoung's mind though, reminded him that fate and destiny brought him pain and lies.

The music stopped, San standing with his face directed at the ground, eyes still closed. The bell chose this time to ring, startling the watcher and making him curse. San's eyes shot open but before he could see anyone, Wooyoung had darted away, pulling his phone out and making his student ID card slip from his pocket. After having changed, San quickly left, but still took the time to take the card he had seen on the floor.

When he saw the name his heart stopped, and for a second he was scared that Wooyoung had seen him. He didn't know why, it was stupid to be afraid of being seen dancing, but he was in a bad state of mind constantly.

He couldn't give the card back to Wooyoung directly - he could but he was scared - so he thought about how to give it back at lunch.

When he saw Wooyoung at the back of the class, maybe his eyes lingered a little too long, and Mingi shot him a weird look ; usually he tried not to stare at the male.

“Nervous ?” asked the red head.

“A bit,” confessed San, knowing he was talking about his conversation with Yeosang to come. “What if he doesn't accept my apologies ?”

“He will. He'd be ready to just because you thought about it. It's Yeosang remember ? He's not that different from back then ...” he stole a glance at a focus Yunho. “None of them are.”

San nodded and quickly enough, he was losing himself in thoughts. It was terrible. It always happened. He couldn't think clearly for three seconds before something came parasitizing his mind and trouble him. Be it his scars, his situation with his parents, his friends, Wooyoung, all at once. He always had thousands of thoughts running and it polluted his brain, made him unable to sleep, eat, focus. Depression really was your best friend wasn't it ? Always following you and making sure you were not feeling alone ...

“Mister Choi, I know geography is not your strong suit but I would appreciate if you could day-dream less obviously,” the strong voice of the teacher startled him, and he was quick to stutter an apology, genuine and innocent.

The teacher sighed and came closer to him while the class was still focused on the exercises : “Are you getting enough sleep ?”

“W-why ?”

“It doesn't look like you do. If you have anything on your mind, you know the school's nurse always has her door open for students ?”

“I do. Thank you Sir.”

The teacher smiled and pointed at San's empty page.

“Now, would you please start “

San nodded embarrassed and went to work. Mingi eyed him worriedly and so did Yeosang, a few rows behind. He had good ears and had not missed one word of the exchange, the feeling that San may be going through something rough harder than before.

“Since when is San bad in geography ?” he asked to no one in peculiar in a whisper.

Yunho and Wooyoung stopped looking at their papers and raised their eyes to him :

“I don't know, he was not back in 8th grade but it's been a while,” said Yunho without paying attention while Wooyoung furrowed his brows.

“Why do you care ?” he asked.

Yeosang shrugged and answered without looking at him : “He was decent at the beginning of the year, but it seems that he's getting worst day by day. That's weird ...”

“No it's not. It's student life.”

After what felt like hours (it technically was, 3 hours) lunch time finally arrived. San was quick to dart away in order to find Jongho. He had wanted to give him Wooyoung's ID card during their classes but their corridors never crossed so he had to wait.

He begged the younger to give it to Yeosang whom agreed without questioning.

Seonghwa was speaking with Hongjoong when the three Juniors arrived.

“Hey hyungs, how was class ?” asked Wooyoung.

“Fine,” both answered. “You ?” asked Seonghwa.

“Fine as well, geography was sooo boring ... But literature was fun !”

“You hate reading,” deadpanned Yeosang.

“Yeah maybe, because it's fun to talk about stories and not read them !”

Yunho raised his brows, before his eyes caught something behind them and tapped the younger's shoulder :

“Yeonjun is waiting for you I think.”

And as it was, the blue-haired was looking at Wooyoung as if thinking hard about what to tell him.

“We're not suppose to eat together, it's weird.”

He went to his friend and at the same time, Jongho popped out of nowhere.

“Hey hyungs.”

Yunho turned to him with a smile while Hongjoong jumped, surprised and even Yeosang shrieked just a bit.

“I have this for Wooyoung,” he took the student card out of his pocket and handed it to Yunho.

“How come you have it ?”

“San gave it to me. Said he found it in front of the dance classroom earlier.”

“He was in there ?!” Yunho seemed surprised and Yeosang just as much.

“You guys had the first period free no ? So he went there to dance. He had time. Why ?”

Seonghwa's eyes widened : “After practice Wooyoung said he had forgotten his water bottle there Friday. He went to pick it up.”

Hongjoong looked panic, but nothing in the way San was acting gave the impression that the two males had an encounter.

“He doesn't have his water bottle right now does he ?” Yeosang answered his own question by looking at his best friend, whose conversation with Yeonjun seemed rather serious.

“No. Maybe he saw San in and decided no to. Where did you say San found his card ?” asked Yunho.

“Right in front of the door in the corridor. So it's possible.”

Yeosang's eyes narrowed with suspicion as he glanced back at his friend. He waited until the two groups were separated again as they settled to their own table for lunch, but seeing how down the youngest look he stayed silent.

“What did Yeonjun want ?” Yunho was the first to break the ice after a few minutes during which the three eldest had watched each other and back at Wooyoung confused.

“Break up.”

“You're ... not together ?”

“Break up the arrangement we have, had” sighed the other with a roll of eyes. “He said ...” he closed his eyes and put his glass of water down. “He said he fell in love ... with me. But of course he knew that I would not and conscious about us only being friends with benefits ...” he trailed off, the others understanding.

“Why was he convinced that you didn't love him back ?” asked Seonghwa.

“Because it's true ?” there was something else, something he didn't want to share, but Yeosang felt like he'd know in the end, all of them would, but not here, not when they were all together. “Apparently the last party he did with his friends was wild, and there was some drunken confessions. Yeonjun was pretty sober but Taehyun made out with Kai, and Beomgyu confessed having a crush on him but said nothing because of his relationship with me.”

“It's not like if you two were exclusive,” said Yunho. “You don't sleep only with Yeonjun, you had other fucks.”

“Yeah, but they're friends, so he probably told them if he fell in love with me ...”

“Ah ...”

“I understand that you're upset, but you didn't lose him as a friend, did you ?” asked Seonghwa again, in his investigation tone that suggested he was trying to understand the real problem.

“No, I don't know it's just- it's weird ! Yeonjun and I were friend for like a month before we started having sex, and we met each other by making out a Lisa's first Halloween Party !”

It was a change, a process Wooyoung would need to go through but eventually it'd be normal in the end. None of them said more until Yeosang handed back his card to his friend.

“Where did you got it ?! I had to pay for my lunch with my _money_ ! If it's a joke it's not funny-”

“Jongho gave it to us.”

“Jongho ? Where did he find it ?”

“San did. In front of the dance classroom.”

Wooyoung fell silent, putting back the card in his coat's pocket.

“He was dancing. I didn't want to disturb so I went to class. It must have fell out when I took my phone.”

Once more, they had nothing much to say. They found themselves in lots of situations like those lately. Because somehow, there was always something else in their mind, something they didn't dare say, afraid of reactions or decisions, concerning the other group of four males, but it was tiring. Because they had never felt like walking on eggs around each other, and it just tensed the already not flexible atmosphere even more ! When lunch was over, Seonghwa told the boys (Yunho and Woooyung) to not wait for him after class as he had to meet with Blackpink, Chan and the Headmistress to speak about the Football game's schedule. Yeosang said the same because he had calculus class.

Yet, as the day was finally over, Wooyoung found himself wanting to spy on his friend a little bit. He felt guilty about it a bit, because he was suppose to trust Yeosang, but he couldn't help it. Yeosang was hiding something. His gut feeling proved right when he saw the blond not taking the stairs leading to the first floor where his classroom normally was, but going to the library. At this hour of the day, the corridors were filled with students whose day was over, and so a lot was leaving. San was looking around, as if afraid that someone would see them, and Yeosang looking a few times too made things ever more suspicious. He knew Yeosang had a free period before his calculus class, and even if he and Yunho were done for the day, Yunho had disappeared quickly, phone in hand. Wooyoung had not questioned it, too many weird things were happening at once and he decided to focus on his best friend.

He and San were speaking. What the hell ? It was the first time he had seen them speak since 8th grade (not mentioning that one weird time in the music room) and he did not like how casual the conversation looked.

He was not really hiding ... OK he totally was : he was behind a wall, which was not the best hiding spot but he couldn't do better. He saw their attention being caught by something else, and his eyes widened when he saw Yeosang take San by the wrist - the one uncovered by the thick bracelet he noticed was back in place - and lead him further in the right side corridor. He wonder what had startled them when he saw Yunho coming from the left and going in the library without stopping.

That too was weird. In three years, Yunho had never gone to the library. _Never_.

He brought his focus back on San and Yeosang. He quickly took after them, seeing that they had gone in an empty classroom. He couldn't get in for obvious reasons, and so he decided to stay in front of it, hoping he'd be able to hear their voices. He could.

“Sorry, I thought you'd wanted it better if Yunho didn't see us,” that was Yeosang's voice, and Wooyoung could tell he was smiling.

He couldn't hear more unfortunately because a bunch of teachers arrived and he had to leave the corridors. He knew this classroom though, it gave on the side of the football field. He'd miss a lot of the conversation but he still might be able to know what was going on, so he took off outside.

San was shy, that much Yeosang could tell. He kept playing with the straps of his bracelet.

“Thank you. I don't want to lose more time than I already did. If I wanted to speak with you it was to follow Mingi's example. I have not been honest with you, Yunho or Wooyoung, and what happened three years ago haunts me.”

“I can tell,” gently said Yeosang. He was sitting on a desk and San was passing back and forth in front of him.

“I need to explain, right ?”

“Do as you wish, I won't force you to say something you don't wish too.”

“But I did exactly that. I said things I didn't want to ...”

San wanted to keep going but he didn't know how, and Yeosang, taking a bold guess, asked against his previous words :

“Why ?”

San took a deep breath and Yeosang had the feeling he was back in that room with Mingi :

“I have to start at the beginning. Before you guys came out, I have never heard, or dealt with any of this. My parents never told me about it, and reacting as vehemently as I did probably came from Mingi. I'm not saying it's his fault, but I didn't know how to react. At all. And he was the first one to speak, and as fucked up as it sounds, even if I had no idea what he was talking about, what he was saying felt familiar, and close to an atmosphere I already knew, so I took it upon myself to be as much as an asshole as him. God how much I regretted ... I regretted because deep inside, I was ready to tell Wooyoung that I cared a lot about him. I cried myself to sleep that night ... not that it has to make you feel better no, you were the victims here.”

San felt the tears come up. He didn't not only have the memories from 8th grade, but everything that had happened ever since that day, that made him miserable, depressed and self-hating and knowing that it was how he felt right now was too much.

“These last few years have been rough for me ... I've taken bad decisions, probably did more stupid and dangerous things than I should have ... I made myself sick,” his eyes couldn't meet Yeosang. He was too ashamed of himself, and not only what he had done, but what he had become, what he had let himself be.

Yeosang asked a stupid question, but he felt like it needed to be asked ; he needed to ask it to understand San :

“San. Are you OK ?”

The boy raised his head for the first time, and Yeosang could see him biting his lips to the blood. His hand was wrapped around his other wrist, and the worst scenarios played in the blond's head. This was not just about 8th grade, this went further.

“No, no I'm not,” answered the younger in a breath.

Wooyoung had not been able to find the window, so he had settled for staying in front of the door again, only hearing those last few words.

He heard movement, but couldn't guess what was going on. Yeosang's muffled voice came to his ears :

“I don't know how important what you're going through is, but you can't do this alone. San what you experience ... thousands of kids all over the planet are going through the same things. You need to speak about it.”

“To who ? Everyone who has to know already does Yeosang ... you don't realize ... my parents ...”

Wooyoung didn't have all the informations, and so it gave him no right to be angry at San's words when he had no context whatsoever. Yet, he couldn't help the feeling.

“I never meant to say all of this, I'm sorry Yeosang I'm so sorry !”

“It's OK, everything is alright San. I said it to Mingi too, but I've missed you guys, and the only thing I want is my friends back. I'm proud of you.”

It was the last straw. Wooyoung busted in, anger and disbelief written all over his face. He expected Yeosang to push San away, but his anger only grew when he saw the blond squeezing San harder and moving around, as if to protect San from Wooyoung, and that hurt the younger even more.

“Seriously ? A few tears, a few sobs, _I'm sorry I didn't mean it_ and you fall for it ?! That's how little you respect yourself Yesoang ?”

His best friend furrowed his brows, not minding San's horrified face.

“How much did you hear ?”

“That's all you're concerned about ?! I heard enough !”

“It means that you heard nothing ! You can't barge in here and demand explanations Wooyoung !”

“Oh really ? Look at me ! What the fuck 'Sang ? And you let Mingi apologized too ?!”

“They are sorry ! You don't know half of what I do, please calm down and let me explain to you-”

“There is nothing to explain ! They insulted us, spit on our faces and all you do is accept their sorry excuses for apologies ?!”

San was trembling and Yeosang hated to leave him but he had to physically step in between the two, because since the beginning Wooyoung had not once looked at him : his eyes were fixed on San.

“You don't know what they had to go through. Not everyone has a loving family like ours I told that before !”

“The parents excuse now,” scoffed the younger with a cruel laugh. “I can understand using it in 8th grade, but at 16 isn't it a bit late ?! What are you, a child ?!” he was spitting at San and Yeosang had to move in front of his friend again.

“This is not an excuse it's reality ! Open your eyes ! I had to go behind your back to speak with them, even Seonghwa knows about it, because we know that this is how you would react ! Acting before thinking with your damn impulsiveness and not trying to understand the situation ! San and Mingi are not evil Wooyoung ! They're human ! And since they arrived you have been treating them like shit !”

“They deserve to be treated like that !”

Wooyoung was a sweet person, even person he didn't like were never spoken to like this. Yeosang could understand where he was coming from but this was not excusable. He was not recognizing his friend.

“Do you even hear yourself ? You sound like an asshole ...”

“Yeah right, I'm the asshole now ?!”

“I wanted to apologize to you !” cut in San, finally finding the courage to speak up. Yeosang couldn't fight his battle for him and he had to do something before it got worst. “I wanted to speak with Yeosang first, but I needed time to get ready and speak with you and Yunho ! I have so much to explain Wooyoung ! Please !”

Wooyoung stayed silent, tears in his eyes he had no idea had gathered. He stared at San, all his memories with the older coming back, and he swore he felt his heart break a second time.

“Apologize ? You wanted to ... and explain ? You think I care ?” he had stopped screaming, but his words felt like knives.

“Wooyoung-” tried Yeosang but Woooyung was having none of it.

“You think I give a shit about _your_ excuses ?! I loved you San ! Loved you like you love for the first time of your life ! I loved you and you broke my heart ! You hurt me ! I thought I was the one with a problem !”

Yeosang felt it coming, he knew his best-friend too well to not know what was coming. Wooyoung was being hurt, and like every time he was, he'd say words he didn't mean in order to hurt back the other person more.

“I don't care about your apologies. I don't want to hear it.”

He looked at San in the eyes as he said :

“I will never forgive you. You can die for all I care.”

And San's world started spinning. He felt his breath coming short, and the only thing he could focus one were those words. He heard Yeosang screaming at Wooyoung but he didn't catch the words. His mind was too fogged up.

Dying. Die. Had he thought about it ? Of course, who doesn't ? Taking his own life ? That too. He never did it because he had his friends, and fucked up family he didn't want to leave behind. But lately, those reasons were less and less powerful, until the string broke, right here and now in this empty classroom, Wooyoung's words ringing in his head without stopping.

Before he knew it he was having a panic attack. Wooyoung had left, and Yeosang was quick to join him where he had fallen on the grounds.

“Look at me San, look at me and breathe with me San, in, out, in, San look at me,” Yeosang had cupped his face with his hands, his big brown eyes similar to Hongjoong in the worry flashing through them.

San tried his best to focus on Yeosang's words, his breathing finally coming in and out normally, but too numb to do anything else he closed his eyes. Yeosang let him nuzzle in his neck while he got his phone out.

“Hongjoong-hyung ? Where are you ? OK I need you to come back, San just had a panic attack. No it's ... yeah we were. But then Wooyoung barged in. He heard only the last part and didn't understand shit and ... he said bad things hyung. I can't make excuses for him, this time he went too far. His words were not honest, he was lying to hurt San but he went too far.”

He hang up, and immediately took San in a comforting embrace.

“Hongjoong is on his way, everything is fine San, ignore Wooyoung.”

“He said-”

“He doesn't know what he said, believe me he already regrets it, I'm sure of it.”

San sobbed a few mores times, the door opening after fifteen minutes on a heavily panting Hongjoong. The silver-haired took on the scene in front of him and aloud himself to feel relieved : Yeosang had been there and had made sure that San was OK.

He came by their side and took him from Yeosang's arms. The clock would ring soon and he'd have to go to class, but he didn't feel like he could just leave them alone, even if Hongjoong was here.

As if reading his mind, the older said :

“Thank you Yeosang. Really thanks. I know you have class with Mingi, go, I will take care of him,” he saw the blond's hesitation and added : “I sent a text to Seonghwa on my way, he'll come as soon as he's done too. Don't worry he's not alone.”

_He never has,_ both thought at the same time, Yeosang nodding and finally standing up. 

“I'll see you later San. Take care, OK ?”

San hummed distractingly and Yeosang left. Hongjoong knew it'd be useless to speak for now, but he didn't know what precisely Wooyoung had said and how it had affected his friend. The boy is question felt numb and was motionless, more or less leaving the care of his body and mind to Hongjoong to use as a puppet.

Yeosang had send a message to Wooyoung's mother saying that they had a little argument, and that it'd be nice if she could tell him as soon as he'd come back. She replied that of course she would. Meeting with Mingi felt weird. And guilty. Because the red-haired looked especially happy at 5pm and Yeosang wasn't sure what had caused it.

“Yunho came to speak to me. I wanted to go to him but he caught me first,” he confessed when the blond asked him.

_Mingi was in the library, knowing that for this period he'd be alone as San and Yeosang were having their conversation. So when a shadow blocked the light of his chemistry homework, he was confused._

_His heart skipped a beat when he saw who was standing over him._

“ _Yunho ?” he whispered - they were in the library after all._

“ _Hey, hi, I mean ... Can we talk ?” he looked rushed, and Mingi was a bit confused._

_He didn't know what to do or say but seeing or the librarian was sending them dirty looks - Yunho was the only person standing - he thought he'd be better to at least see what it was about._

“ _S-sure. Let me get my things. Wait for me outside,” asked Mingi, and surprisingly, Yunho obeyed._

_Once he was out Yunho took his hand, shocking him, and went all the way through the school to reach the dance room. Fortunately, it was empty._

“ _I'm sorry for taking you out of homework like this, you have calculus class after no ?”_

“ _Yeah but-”_

“ _Shit, I'm sorry.”_

“ _It's fine Yunho. But why ?”_

“ _I want to apologize.”_

_People did that a lot lately ..._

_Mingi's brain shut down._

“ _You- apologize- what ?”_

“ _I know. But since you came in with San, I haven't been the nicest to you.”_

“ _Yunho, you have literally no reason to be. I'm the one who should be apologizing right now.”_

“ _Me first.”_

“ _No not you first what the hell ? Yeah maybe you looked at me dirty but it's nothing I haven't had before. I won't let you apologize.”_

“ _Mingi ... seriously ?”_

_Hearing his name after such a long time ... God his heart betrayed him. Weren't we suppose to be in harmony with our body and mind ?_

“ _Yeah seriously. I don't know if you're aware - probably not - but I had a talk with Yeosang.”_

_Yunho seemed truly surprised._

“ _You did ?”_

“ _Yes.”_

“ _About what ? I-If I can ask !”_

“ _8th grade. I needed to apologize.”_

“ _And you chose him ... first. Why ?”_

_Mingi felt the slippery road he was on, Yunho's heart being torn open by the boy himself and leaving to Mingi the decision to stitch the wound or poor salt onto it. Why was he doing this ?_

“ _He was the only one who wasn't openly aggressive to us. It felt like a good start, a safe start. He wasn't against the idea to speak with us.”_

“ _I'm not against that either.”_

“ _I only understood that recently. You weren't really welcoming ... and I don't blame you ! With what happened, I understand ...”_

“ _So ... what now ?” they were standing like two fools and it was very weird._

“ _Now I apologize ?” suggested Mingi, but Yunho shook his head._

“ _I heard enough. I just need to know, did you mean it ?”_

“ _I meant nothing of what I said that day. And I regret every word. My parents are not the most open-minded people ...”_

“ _I recall,” grimaced Yunho, remembering how the Songs had looked at Wooyoung and Yeosang hugging with disgust._

“ _How about ...,” Mingi started, unsure of himself. He could see expectations in Yunho's eyes, and his heat beat faster. “How about we go back to being friends ?”_

_He was looking at the ground as he was scared of the other's answer, and so he missed the flash of disappointment in Yunho's eyes. But his voice sounded the same when he answered._

“ _Sure. I missed that.”_

_When he raised his head, Mingi was blinding by the smile on Yunho's face, making his own lit up as well. He didn't expect to be taken in a long and warming hug right after, the brunette decided to keep him in his arms until he forced himself to let him go._

_After that they exchanged numbers and it was almost time for Mingi to go to calculus._

“That's amazing Mingi ! See, everything is falling into pieces !” Yeosang was happy but deep down, he knew Yunho would be sour again soon. Being friends was something after three years of misunderstanding, but Yunho always had stronger feelings than friendship ; this would not satisfy him for long.

Mingi noticed that Yeosang was a little off, “Something happened with San ?” he asked, worried.

“Yes, but not between us. Wooyoung barged in the room we were talking and acted like an asshole again. He went too far this time, San had a sort of panic attack mixed with what I think is an anxiety one ...”

Mingi was truly lost as to what was the difference.

“A panic attack comes rapidly, while an anxiety one builds up in time. San doesn't look stable, so I think there was a bit of building up over time, but Wooyoung started it in a second. He was sweaty, shaking, didn't look like he was registering much around him, but at the same time we know he doesn't sleep well, he has trouble focusing and was really tensed when I took him in my arms,” explained the blond. “He was drained once I got him to calm down ... He was not holding himself anymore and barely did when Hongjoong came in and took him at my place.”

Knowing Hongjoong was with San reassured Mingi at least a little, but he made a mental note to send a text to his friend as soon as he'd be out of class. Yeosang got a text from Wooyoung's mother saying he was home, and the blond too could get his mind off things for a few minutes - or at least try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you guys gave no idea what Ten and Winwin's dance looks like, I give you the link you can copy and past (idk how to insert links), go check it ouf if you have not yet it's a masterpiece :  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ovHSQwp1n0


	11. Chapter 10 : Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... I'm going to be honest straight away, I'm nervous as hell right now, because of this chapter. I'm confident in what I wrote, but I fear your guys' reactions. This chapter is the heaviest of the fiction, the lowest point before everything goes up again, and all the previous chapter went down with the final goal of this chapter, so it's an important one.   
> I want to say first that the trigger warning can't be taken lightly, I tried to not be too hard core into what I described, but there is a suicide attempt in this chapter. I also want you to understand where the character is coming from, how I built his mental state ever since the prologue of this fiction, how I often describe how worst he got, until he reached this breaking point. I do not want you to think at any time that he is doing that for attention, no, he is truly in a bad place, dark place, and doesn't know how to get out. I inspired myself a lot about personal experience, and when it went too far compared to what I've been through, I took inspiration on friends of mine who unfortunately did not stop where I did and put their life in danger. Nothing I am writing is amplifying something for the drama. 
> 
> So, with that said, I hope you'll understand what I chose to make it go this far, and also that the annoyance you can have for some of the characters right now can't turn into hate. This situation is the one which will change a lot. 
> 
> The suicide attempt part will be marked by "000" like I do for my smut, so if you don't feel like you can read it, you can pass it. 
> 
> TW again just in case, for suicide attempt, blood, and self-harm
> 
> Hope you'll appreciate this chapter,
> 
> Enjoy.

They spent another thirty minutes in the room. Hongjoong speaking to San about everything and nothing, trying to make the younger react, in vain. Finally Seonghwa showed up, and immediately knelt next to the two men, worry all over his face.

“What happened ? Yeosang is in class so he didn't answer the phone.”

“Did you have Wooyoung ?” asked Hongjoong, orienting the answer to Seonghwa's question.

The gray-haired took his phone out and dialed the number.

“He's not answering.”

Hongjoong scoffed, “Of course not.”

“Hongjoong, what happened ?”

“I don't know much. Yeosang is the one with all the infos. He and San were talking, Wooyoung caught their conversations only at the end and barged in thinking he had it all figured out. He said nasty things, I don't know what exactly, but they triggered a panic attack.”

Seonghwa was thinking quickly : Wooyoung had gone too far, and if needed he'd have to speak with his parents so they could knock some sens in their son, as well as San's to finally give the poor boy the chance to finally explain himself, as well as the comfort and heal he needed, but right now, the focus was on San and San only.

“San, hey look at me,” Hongjoong had moved them so he was resting back against the desk, San between his stretched legs, and Seonghwa forced him to focus. He saw black unfocused eyes narrow a bit before looking at him. “What do you want to do ?”

There was a pause, and San's raspy voice :

“Go home. I want to go home.”

Seonghwa nodded and with Hongjoong, they helped San up, both with one arm on either side of his waist. He was mostly able to walk by himself but they had to guide him.

“Does he live far from here ?”

“No, a few minutes.”

The streets would be empty, except for a few person here and there, but no one would worry about them. San couldn't stay alone tonight, both knew it'd be a terrible idea.

“His parents will let you stay ?”

“Not like it'll be the first time. But they need to know at least a bit of what happened.”

San whined at that, a little _no_ passing his lips.

“San, this situation is not normal. You were hurt, and you need to let them know that you're not doing fine.”

“They'll hate me,” he was talking his whispers, and his face was really pale. Seonghwa was glad they could walk a bit in the fresh air of November, already seeing a few patches of color coming back to the youngest.

“No they won't. They're your parents, they're not like Mingi's, they're not _that_ much. They need to know, or they can never understand San,” backed up Seonghwa.

Hongjoong called San's mother after the other stopped complaining, and Seonghwa could hear that she was worried. It was hard for him to imagine a woman getting worried at a simple _San's not feeling at his best_ but hate her son because he liked men.

Soon they were in front of San's house, and Seonghwa knew he had to leave but hated to do so.

“If you need anything, please call me Hongjoong.”

“Of course Seonghwa. My parents know I'll stay at San, please tell the boys if you can and ... speak with Wooyoung. This is not possible anymore ... I'm not throwing the stone at him, but for this situation San is not to blame.”

“I'll wait for Yeosang to be out of class and we'll go together,” agreed Seonghwa without a second thought.

**New group chat**

**Hwa-mom added : Demon Spawn, Favorite Child, Puppy, Mingi, Jongho**

**Hwa-mom**

_For those of you who don't know, Wooyoung and San hard an argument. It didn't end well but Hongjoong is with San right now and will spend the night at his house._

**Jongho**

_What happened ?!_

**Hwa-mom**

_It's not my place to say, and I don't know much, but Yeosang was there_

**Jongho**

_I want to like Wooyoung but he's making it hard, how is San ?_

**Hwa-mom**

_Hurt_

_Lost_

_Confused_

_He's not in a right place right now, that's why Hongjoong decided to stay_

**Jongho**

_He thinks he'll do something stupid ?_

**Hwa-mom**

_I'm not going to lie, San looks like he's either in, or close to depression. Anything is possible and taking the risk is not an option_

**Jongho**

_Of course not_

**Puppy**

_I feel like I missed something ..._

_How did it ended to that ?_

**Hwa-mom**

_San wanted to speak with Yeosang_

_Wooyoung didn't like it and acted like an idiot_

**Puppy**

_We have no idea why ?_

**Hwa-mom**

_He doesn't need an excuse right now Yunho ! San had a panic attack because of him !_

**Puppy**

_I'm sorry_

_I didn't know_

**Hwa-mom**

_No it's me_

_I'm lashing out on you when I shouldn't_

_It's Wooyoung I'm angry after not you guys_

_I'll go talk to him with Yeosang once he's done with classes_

He didn't wait for more messages, glad to see Yeosang would be out any second now. Mingi was by his side when he did, both checking their phones, probably reading the new conversation.

Mingi looked worried sick but Seonghwa was quick to hug him.

“He'll be fine don't worry. Joongie is with him remember ?”

The red-haired nodded before they parted, Seonghwa silent as Yeosang made vocals to the group chat to explain what had happened and what exactly had Wooyoung said. Yunho was shocked and stayed silent in the group chat but the messages he sent Yeosang and Seonghwa were far more expressive of his anger. He also told them he had spoken with Mingi, surprising Seonghwa.

“Mingi told me about it yeah,” said Yeosang.

“How bad are we at this ... one of us steps forward but another goes backwards twice ...”

“Wooyoung is the only one who keeps going back,” groaned the blond, annoyed at his best friend.

*

Hongjoong saw how worried San's parents were. They were sitting in the leaving room, San napping in his bedroom.

“So, what happened ?” asked his father.

Hongjoong took a deep breath.

“I'm sure he didn't tell you, but when we started going at KQ high, we met with his and Mingi's old friends.”

Their eyes widened is surprised and they looked at each other stunned.

“Yunho, Wooyoung and Yeosang ?”

“Yes. Things ... didn't go very well ... They had an argument in 8th grade, not sure if you know about that ...”

“Barely.”

“I'm going to be honest, San and Mingi were in the wrong here,” Hongjoong dared say it in front of the Chois, but if was to have the same conversation with the Songs, he'd probably chose different words ; especially if it was to add behind : “Wooyoung, Yeosang and Yunho made their coming out, and San and Mingi insulted them.”

He could see the exact moment they understood they had a part in that. Hongjoong was not going to out San, that would be the worst thing to do and he was not a monster, so he kept silent about that and the boy's scars - for the scars, he'd see how San was going later.

“He felt guilty beyond measure and it has been eating him ever since.”

“The fights he and Mingi got involved into his Freshman year,” realized the mother horrified. “Oh god this is our fault. We had no idea what had happened. San came home crying and told us he had an argument with his friends, but we never knew what it was about, he refused to tell us.”

“He felt guilty,” repeated Hongjoong, not able to say anything else.

“Are those three boys bullying him because of it now ?” asked San's father.

“No, not really ... it's ... a little more complicated.”

His parents knew that, San had went to see therapists, and they thought whatever problem he had was over.

“Wooyoung was really close to San back then, and he lived it terribly too. When he saw that San was in the same school he didn't understand why. He and San don't really communicate, but our two groups sort of collide a few times, we became friends with others, but some of them are still tensed. It's not just San and Wooyoung, Mingi and Yunho had a hard time too, Yeosang was more understanding.”

He was losing himself, he needed to go straight to the point.

“Wooyoung said some ... things to San. Hurtful things, things San already felt bad about. This is why he's a little sensitive right now. It's not my place to say this but ... No forget about it.”

Hongjoong did not want to tell them to speak with their son. It was like outing San and he wouldn't.

“We can't thank you enough for befriending him. And I feel like we have a responsibility in what San said that day,” said the mother, making Hongjoong internally roll his eyes.

He could feel the conflict in them. He already knew that they weren't openly homophobic like Mingi's parents, but with how he could see their internal conflict, he knew they had a long way to go. At least, they accepted that their son had none straight friends.

“I'll go check on San,” he said, leaving the parents to themselves and their 'grown-ups' conversation they'd certainly have.

San was awake and a little less numb, eyes still red, clearly tired, and Hongjoong gently closed his door to not startle him.

“Hey.”

San seemed surprised :

“Hey.”

“How are you feeling ?”

“Like shit.”

Hongjoong grimaced.

“I get that. San if you want to talk-”

“I want to take a shower.”

The older was the one taken aback, and he blinked a few times.

“Hu sure. It's your place,” he chuckled nervously. “Can I just check something first ?”

San's eyes flashed with an unreadable light, and he lowered his head, nodding wordlessly. Hongjoong felt bad for showing his intentions so roughly, but he needed San to understand that this was not the good solution. So he went to San's bathroom - his parents had their won - and took all the blades he could see. The razors, medical pills - even the least harmful ones - and put them in a trash bag ; he wouldn't throw it away but keep it close to his eyes.

San had picked up some clothes in his closet, and Hongjoong felt the sudden need to hug him.

“You're not alone San. Whatever it is you feel, whatever you want to do, think carefully please. Wooyoung was wrong. Whatever he said he was wrong.”

San said nothing, but deep down, he thought so much.

000

As he closed the bathroom door and locked it, he closed his eyes and felt more tears coming up. How did he still have tears ? He didn't know. As he settled his clothes on the bench close to the bathtub, his fingers brushed against what he had hidden in them, a sharp yet familiar pain making him shiver. He had one blade in his room Hongjoong didn't know was there. He hated himself for taking it, but he needed it.

He started the shower to make it hot and undressed completely.

He didn't want to do anything that Hongjoong was thinking about. He just needed to give himself another scar, just another one, for the pain, to ease the one in his heart he needed one on his skin.

Yet, as he watched the shiny metal thing between his fingers, his thoughts wandered to something else.

He was a dead weight. Hongjoong, Jongho, even Mingi, all were moving in their life, but he was staying behind, weighted by his fears, and internalized likings, and he hated it. He hated to see them worried all the time, hated to see them grimacing when he smelled like smoke, hated to look at his wrist and try to guess if there was another scar underneath it.

He hated that he made them hurt.

So he thought it'd be easier not to. Maybe they'd be hurt a lot for a short time if he died, but eventually it'd end, and they'd go on in their life, without San.

And Wooyoung ... the first boy he had loved, the boy he loved now. He had hurt him. Wooyoung said he loved him, and San hurt him. Wooyoung couldn't forgive him, but he couldn't forgive himself either ... So like the others, Wooyoung would heal better without San around. He was sure he had, but seeing San had only re-opened the wound.

He only wanted to leave a little scar, but now he needed to cut. Just cut. So naked, he sat in the bathtub, the hot water running down his face and body, and he cut.

Hongjoong didn't want to be the annoying friend always on San's back, but he was worried. San was usually not that long and he couldn't hear anything but the sound of the water, and it wasn't stopping. He had a bad feeling about this.

He knocked on the door :

“Hey San ? Your mother said diner will be ready soon. She wanted to make it early so you could go to sleep earlier.”

It was not a lie, the woman had came to San's room, and now Hongjoong was looking at her going down the stairs.

“Madame ? Can you wait a second please.”

The mother turned around, confused.

“San !” called Hongjoong again, knocking harder.

“He's probably just taking a shower Hongjoong, no need to worry.”

But he was not listening. She didn't know everything he did.

“You don't know him like I do,” he didn't have time for the hurt face of the woman and tried to open the door, surprised to find it lock. Even San's mother tilted at that.

“He never closes the door,” she said for them both because it was a fact. As San's parents had their own bathroom, he didn't need to worry about them coming in, and even when the boys came at his place, it happened that they walked on him because unlike them, he never closed the door.

“San !”

Hongjoong was forcing the door open but nothing came, and he definitely did not have the strength to break it down. San's mother seemed to have understand much because she was quick to call her husband, panicked. The father didn't need explanation and kicked the door open, Hongjoong pushing past him.

“San !”

He was half-conscious in the bathtub, hot water falling on him and his numb body. His forearms, both of them, had a deep mark each, and blood was coming out of it. A lot. Making his already pale porcelain skin even whiter as the deep red tainted it. Hongjoong had no idea if the blood pouring out of the wounds was too slow or too fast, but he didn't care.

“Call an ambulance !”

Hongjoong threw himself in the tub to take San out, not caring about wetting his clothes, San's mother wrapping a long towel around her son the second they were out. Hongjoong let her take him, the mother title being more important than the friend one, and while the father rushed downstairs to wait for the ambulance, he went to San's room and changed himself in two seconds, preparing a bag of clothes for the boy as well. He worked on auto-pilot as he pushed shiber into the bag as well, San's favorite plush toy Wooyoung had won him at a fair when they were 11, tears blinding his vision.

000

He couldn't do this alone. As he finally heard the sirens outside and San's mother begged him to follow, he took his phone and dialed a number :

“It's San !”

*

**a few minutes earlier**

“Are you sure we're allowed to do that ?” asked Seonghwa as he watched Yeosang climb on the ladder outside Wooyoung's room.

“I've been doing it since I was a child hyung ! Get your ass up or go through the front door, the result in the same !”

“I hate heights !” and Yeosang knew that very well, but it'd be weird to explain after Yeosang's messages why both of them were invading the Jung household. So the blond led them to his and Wooyoung's personal back door.

Seonghwa got up right after Yeosang but had to stop mid-way because the blond was frozen in front of Wooyoung's window.

Mama Jung was in his room, holding a crying Wooyoung in her arms.

“Jesus !” she said, jumping when he saw him. “I'm never getting used to this, not even in ten years,” that got Wooyoung's attention, who's red eyes widened when he saw Yeosang.

“Is there a problem ?” asked another voice that was not the blond's.

Yeosang came in the room, and the Jungs were surprised to see Seonghwa come right after, the Senior freezing in the window frame :

“Oh uh hello ?”

“Hello,” chuckled Wooyoung's mother. “I guess you came for this idiot ?”

“Mom-”

“No whining. Me calling you an idiot is nice compared to how I'd like to call you !”

“He told you ?” asked Seonghwa.

“He told me everything.”

“Everything ?” Yeosang had a doubt as to what she meant but her knowing eyes answered.

“He told me _everything_ ,” she repeated. “You guys ...,” she sighed. “I understand that you said nothing, but you're just 16 - and 17 - you're still young, you can't fix everything yourselves.”

“Obviously.”

“I wanted to scold him but now I don't know what to say ... I have a feeling you already said everything ...,” said Seonghwa with a nervous laugh.

“I won't bite Seonghwa don't worry. My son was an idiot and he regrets it very much.”

“I don't think he realizes how much of an idiot he was,” only Yeosang could have the nerves to say that, as he knew her the longer.

“Yeosang please-,” tried Wooyoung.

“No, did you stop earlier when I asked you to ? No, you kept talking and made it worst, so don't try to shush me. You have no idea what you did ... San is not just like us. You have no idea because you hear only what you want and see what you want, but San is close to falling into depression if it's not done already. You triggered him a panic attack right after you left ! He suffocated for five minutes before it only went to shaking, crying, choking and mumbling incoherent things ! It doesn't take away the fact that he insulted us, I'm not excusing him for that, but even as hurt as you were, there are limits !”

Wooyoung's eyes widened even more, his mother torn between comforting her son and yelling at him. Yelling was not needed right now, but such behavior would not go unpunished and she let him know that much.

“I deserve it, I hate myself so much, oh my God what did I do,” Wooyoung didn't stop crying. “Where is he now ? How is he ?”

“You don't deserve to know,” said Yeosang, cold and cruel.

“Yeosang,” called Wooyoung's mother gently.

Seonghwa answered : “Hongjoong is staying at his place for the night. We thought it'd be better to not leave him alone, not knowing what he could do ...”

Wooyoung only realized now how serious it was.

“I didn't know it was like this, I didn't know-”

“You never know what someone is going through, even if it's someone you used to know, _especially_ if it's someone you used to know. Wooyoung what went through your head ?” scolded his mother, anger in her voice. “What you did is grave, do you realize ? It's bullying ! You kept on coming after him when he did nothing to you ! Yeosang is right, he might have his own apologies to make, but you can't go after him like that !”

The youngest didn't have the strength to protest, he didn't need it, there was nothing he could say ; he was in the wrong here, completely. He recognized it, the situation had gone out of control. If only he had let San apologize, none of this would have happen. But he was too pride and stupid and-

Seonghwa's phone rang and he took it, surprised and worried to see Hongjoong's name.

“Hongjoong ?”

All eyes were on him in a second, and he tried to keep a stern face but when he heard crying he slowly started to crumble.

“ _It's San !_ ”

“What happened ?!”

“ _He tried to kill himself ! He did it again Seonghwa ! There was so much blood ! I can't do this again, I can't !_ ”

“Breathe with me Hongjoong, where are you right now ?!”

“ _With his parents, we're going to the town's hospital. I-I have to go !_ ” he hang up, leaving the silence heavy around Seonghwa.

“Seonghwa ?” the boy turned to see Yeosang's eyes wide, one hand on his arm to ground him, or the blond, he didn't know.

“San ... tried to commit suicide. They're on their way to the hospital.”

The air was knocked out of Wooyoung's lungs in a second, and he doubled over, head ringing and heart beating so fast he felt like it was going to come out of his chest. He had to push his mother away and rush to the bathroom before he threw up.

Wooyoung's mother was stunned, and Yeosang felt nauseous too. Seonghwa held it together, once more, but hearing Hongjoong had broke down first between the two of them had been a shock. That plus San, the cage of guilt closed around his heart. He knew it was coming. The scars, everything ...

“What hospital did he say ?” asked Wooyoung's mother.

“The town's, we only have one hospital around. I don't know if we'll be welcomed-”

“I don't care, get Wooyoung ready we're going. I need a word with his parents anyway,” she didn't say more, but the boys were too stunned to say anything else. Wooyoung's father seem to know what is what about because he didn't say anything when the three teenagers rushed downstairs.

Yeosang's father was wordlessly looking at them from his spot in Wooyoung's mom's car, and the three had to pile up in the backseats with Wooyoung in the middle ; he wouldn't say it but secretly he was glad. He needed to feel them close, needed to touch them so he'd know this was real. They both took one of his hand and linked their fingers, making him understand that this situation was not his fault, that they didn't hate him, and that they were here.

*

Hongjoong did not expect his Monday night to go like this. Crying in the waiting room with San's parents.

He had been taken as soon as they arrived, the primal goal being to stop the bleeding, too light to be called an hemorrhage which was a good news in a sens. They had enough blood bags to not need his mother's blood, but they told her to stay ready in case they did.

“How did this happen,” said the father, in the same position as Hongjoong with his head in his hands and elbows in his knees. “How did we not see this coming.”

The Senior was fighting with himself to not lash out on the parents right now. _It wasn't entirely their fault_ , he kept telling himself, but a big part of him knew none of this would have happened if San had not been afraid of his personal environment only his parents were acting on. So he took a deep breath and closed his eyes before answering :

“He's been keeping a lot of things to himself.”

“Did you know about it ?” asked his mother.

“I did. But it was not my place to tell you. It was San's. I've been backing up as much as I could-”

“We're not blaming it on you Hongjoong. Don't worry,” she had wet eyes yet her smile was reassuring.

Hongjoong stayed silent after this, leaving the parents get up and isolate themselves in the corner of the room to discuss “parents things”. He took his phone, not knowing if he wanted to call Seonghwa or if a text would be enough.

He didn't have to answer this question because the door to the room opened, to their surprise - it was the room next to San's door so only them were in - and the older Senior appeared.

“Seonghwa ?!” called Hongjoong standing up, voice cracking and tears coming back full force. He had tried to keep them to himself but it was hard. And seeing his comfort pillow now ...

“Hongjoong,” he breathed out his name like a prayer would for God's, and went to take him in his arms.

Stunned, Hongjoong stayed still, arms bend with his hands on Seonghwa's chest before he took in the warmth around him and let himself fall. Seonghwa was here to catch him.

“Wooyoung and Yeosang ?” San's father seemed surprised, but clearly angry too.

“What are you all doing here ?” asked Hongjoong.

“I made them come,” the Senior saw a tall woman with a severe appearance but also warm eyes, looking very much like Wooyoung, come in. The boy in question looked like a mess, worse than Hongjoong, and was holding Yeosang like he was his life line and threatened to leave at any given moment.

“Hongjoong I'm sorry, I'm so sorry- I didn't know-”

Hongjoong shushed him and leaving Seonghwa's embrace, took Wooyoung in his own.

“I don't want to blame it on you but San is here because of you,” spit San's mother with hate, shocking all the children.

Yeosang's father came in right after.

“San has been keeping secrets from us, and you're the reason for them !”

“My son recognizes his wrongs. He told me what he said to San, and believe me when I say that I was livid, never have I authorized such behavior. But if San had not been fragile, Wooyoung's words wouldn't have triggered this reaction,” defended mother Jung with a firm tone.

“As a parent, don't think that we don't understand your anger, we do. But your son hurt ours just as much. Insulting them, calling them terrible names, and all that for what ? Sexual identities ? They were 13, I can't believe everything came from them, not at that age,” stepped in Yeosang's father, a hand on his son's shoulder.

“Is this a settling of scores ?” gasped San's mother, which Wooyoung's was quick to dismiss with a polite smile.

“Of course not, that's not what we're here for.”

“Why are you here then ?!”

“Because our sons know San, and despite what had been said, care about him. Wooyoung regrets what he's done, and I know without needing to ask that _when_ San comes back to himself, he'll be the first to be at his side and help him.”

“If he had not been around him in the first place, none of this would have happened !” cut in Wooyoung's father, even surprising his wife. “Your son is gay ! And even if I hold still and said nothing because despite Hongjoong's _leanings_ he was a good help to San, this is too much. One of you did this to him, and I won't let you do more.”

Ah there it was, Yeosang was curious to see how much time it would have taken them before throwing this card on the table. If it had been Mingi's parents, they would thrown it as soon as they had gotten in the room.

“You're accusing our sons but maybe you should put your own house in order,” Wooyoung's mother was cold, and a little in front of all the boys, Hongjoong and Seonghwa included.

“This is what San was afraid of,” Hongjoong decided to step in, knowing that he'd need to be very precocious with his words. “You're not as tolerating as you think.”

San's father scoffed, while his wife stayed silent, a little stunned by her husband's words and somehow thinking deeply about a possible connection it could have to any of this mess.

“We let him dye his hair ! We let him have piercings ! We were ready to let him get a tattoo for his 18th birthday !”

“All of this is artificial ! What about who he is ?! What he wants ?!” exploded Hongjoong, unable to hold back any longer. “You have no idea how much time he confessed to me being scared of your decisions if he told you half of what I know.”

“We're not like that,” for the first time since the homophobic outburst of her husband, San's mother spoke up. “We would never do anything to make San think he's not welcome, not matter what it is he has to say. And I don't believe any of you are more responsible that what has been proved already.”

She shushed her husband's protest.

“If you think so, then why was he scared to end up dying in the streets,” spat Hongjoong. He had not realized but he had been held back by Seonghwa, and found his way in the older's arms once more. “Why was he scared that you'd kick him out if he was being honest with you.”

The Chois sat down after his last words, everyone did, and they went back to waiting. Everything had been said already.

A doctor, Dr.Seo came in thirty minutes later. He was surprised to see all the new faces, but didn't lose time to tell them about San's state.

“He's been stabilized. The bleeding stopped, his wound are stitched and bandaged. We have to inform you that he had numerous scars on his left wrist, some old, some fresh. Considering how neat and regular they are, they're not from accidents but self-harm, which is why San will have to see one of the hospital's therapist before and after his release, and this is not debatable. He slept for a good part of the check up, but given his fragile mental state we could evaluate during his wakened moments, we thought it was best to wait until he was ready to come and get you.”

The Chois were taking in everything, realizing how blind they had been. The teenagers were only hearing things they already suspected, but it was still not pleasant.

“Can we see him ?” asked San's mother.

The doctor eyed her and her husband with delicacy. “San doesn't know about all the people waiting to see him. He was ... quiet distressed about all of this, the main reason being the explanations he'd have to give you for attempting to take his own life. I understood it was not the first time ?”

“No, we sent him to see a therapist afterwards. After a few meetings the therapist told us that San was doing well, we don't understand.”

“Maybe San hid some things from the specialist you went to. It happens. But right now, your presence might not be the best thing for him.”

“We're his parents !” complained San's father loudly.

“And San in my patient, which makes me - right now - the best to know what's good for him or not. He had a panic attack right after waking up and understanding the situation. A panic attack he associated with you. I suggest, before the therapy begins, that you and your son have an open-heart conversation about all of this.”

The father seemed fuming but the mother only nodded : “Will it need be with someone he trusts ?”

“It could make him feel more comfortable but that is something you'll need to ask him. For now, he called for a Kim Hongjoong,” the doctor said, turning to the teenagers.

Hongjoong got up and smiled at the doctor. “Visiting time is almost over so all of you won't be able to go and see him,” warned the man to the others.

“We won't visit,” said Yeosang's father, backed up by his son, Wooyoung's mother and Seonghwa.

The two boys wanted to see him but they understood that they were not prioritized. For now they knew that San was alive and that was all that mattered. Yeosang quickly updated Mingi, Yunho and Jongho in the group chat.

San's room was so white, even Hongjoong's hair looked faded. The boy himself had a pale skin less haunting than earlier. San looked like a child, exhaustion in his eyes, tears too, red and puffy, arms crossed on his stomach, shiber squished between them.

“Hey Sannie.”

He looked away from the window to see his hyung. He started crying again, the boy coming at his side soon. The doctor stayed in the door-frame to make sure nothing would be said or done that could trigger anything in San. He had a perfusion in his left hand linked to a bag with whatever was inside, and his forearms were wrapped in bandages. The hospital's white gown did nothing to help him look less pale.

“Shh, it's fine San, it's over, you're OK, you'll be OK,” Hongjoong had worked around the tube in San's arms and was hugging the boy, trying not to crush him.

“I-I'm s-sorry, I didn't want-t you to see,” whimpered the younger, tears not stopping anytime soon. “I j-just thought it'd be better, that you'd-d be happier without me, t-that the pain would f-fade !”

“Shush,” repeated Hongjoong. “Never in the world would that have happened San. Look at me,” he carefully took the boy's head in his hands. The scene was so familiar, yet so new.

“I will always cry for you if you die. Never will I feel less pain thinking about you. Never. You're my friend San, and I care about you, and Jongho, Mingi, hell Yeosang and Seonghwa too, they love you, all differently, all in their own ways, but they do. I swear. I'm sorry we couldn't show you enough.”

“N-no ! It's not your fault ! Y-you were right,” said San. “I should have speak. I should have been more honest to my parents but I was so scared, I _am_ so scared.”

The doctor stayed silent but took note of everything, every detail he could give the therapist as to where orient the discussion when they'd meet. San had gone too far for his future sessions to be him talking about whatever he wanted.

“And we're here for you. Some of the others are here too, Jongho and Mingi keep crashing my phone with worried messages,” said Hongjoong, pressing a kiss to San's forehead.

The younger chuckled a bit before it hit him :

“The others, who ?”

“You need to stay calm alright, I'll explain. After what happened with Wooyoung and Yeosang, Seonghwa made a group chat to explain the situation. I'll yell at him for you if you're not happy with this.”

“No it's fine, they needed to know anyway ...”

Hongjoong nodded and took on where he left off : “Yeosang was pissed at Wooyoung, all of us were, and before you say anything San, I don't know what he said because I was not in the chat but-”

“He told me he would never forgive me, and that I could be dead and he wouldn't care less. I think he was right ...”

Hongjoong closed his mouth and took a deep breath through his nose. He wanted to slap Wooyoung, but the boy already had his awakening. Seeing the consequences of his words on San was probably enough punishment. For today.

“He was wrong. Believe me when I say that he recognized it himself.”

San had stopped looking at Hongjoong. He could not understand how Wooyoung would go back.

“Yeosang and Seonghwa went to Wooyoung's house to speak with him. I called Seonghwa when we were on our way to the hospital, and I guess Wooyoung's mother must have known something because she brought them here.”

San's eyes widened in fear and his heart skipped a discernible beat, the cardiogram connected to his chest being the only constant sound in the room.

“It's fine ! San he's not here to hurt you he's here to apologize !”

“W-why would he apologize ?”

“Like you, he regrets what he said. He's a mess, I'm not excusing him and I'm still very much angry at him but I can at least give him that, he's taking responsibility for his actions, and he came here to see you, if you want to of course.”

Hongjoong turned to the Doctor for a confirmation that was quick to come, and then back at San.

“If you're not ready he can wait, he'll understand San-”

“I'm ready.”

Hongjoong nodded and left the room, the doctor disappearing with him before coming back with someone else. San was wrong. He was not ready when he saw the crying and hopeless boy looking at him like he'd break.

“Hey _Sannie_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also wanted to ad that the parents situation was made the most realistic way possible, I have no idea if it could ever happen in real life, but I figured I'd help myself and make it a bit easier by writing things with San's parents this way.


	12. Chapter 11 : Apologies pt.3, Restart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last day of 2020, none of us thought we'd see the end of it ... Anyway for this end of year here is the next chapter, I want to do somethinglike for Christmas so there will be an update tomorrow as well. 
> 
> For this chapter, I tried hard to make it as realistic as possible for San's time at the hospital, but I never was in such a situation so I had to remember what it was like when a friend of mine did. There are a few times skips blurred between two lines so pay attention to those, I don't want you to feel like the story is going too fast ^^'
> 
> Hope you'll like it,
> 
> Thank you for anyone commenting and leaving kudos,
> 
> Enjoy !

Wooyoung had a million thoughts running through his head right now. The loudest one : he was glad to finally be able to talk to San.

The doctor had warned him that he shouldn't say anything upsetting to the boy, and maybe not start right away by mentioning what had happened between them. Wooyoung had agreed silently, too stunned that San wanted to see him. He could see the fear in the older's eyes, almost like he was expecting him to stay something terrible again.

He held back his tears, but knew that they would start falling soon, even if he tried to talk about other things.

The doctor was still present, like with Hongjoong he was standing in the doorway, but both boys only had eyes for one another.

Wooyoung only realized now how blind he had been : San looked nothing but fine. Sure, he had just tried to kill himself but the bags under his eyes, the tiredness in his young features, his fingers nervously tugging at his sheets. San had been like this for a while. And thinking back to it, maybe he did see the signs. He already had doubts at Halloween, not believing Yeosang or the others when they said that San had been hurt by his behavior, but now he could see just how much he had impacted him.

He felt terrible. Like a monster. Did he even have the right to feel guilty ? He wasn't sure.

“Hey Woo,” San's voice startled him, but not as much as the nickname's use. As if nothing had happened between them, as if they were 8th grader again. But they were not. And Wooyoung had to take responsibility.

“I saw you dancing this morning,” he started, thinking it'd be light enough to not trigger San.

What he didn't know was that the older was fighting with himself to not panic. He still couldn't believe that Wooyoung wasn't here to hurt him more or make him understand how he had been hurt, and so he tried to calm down at the knowledge that he was seen. It didn't matter, even if it was Wooyoung, so he had to breathe.

“It was beautiful,” added the younger. “This choreography is exceptional, and really hard too, but you did it amazingly. I practiced it too,” he said with a little smile that made San's heart loop in his chest. Of course the cardiogram caught it right away, and Wooyoung frowned in worry.

Before he could ask anything about it San asked :

“Which part did you practice ?”

“Winwin's,” answered the boy, a light on his face. Was it because he recognized Ten's part in San's dance this morning ? Before he could keep it for himself, San whispered :

“I'd like to see you dance it.”

“I'd like to show it to you,” said Wooyoung with another smile. His eyes were still wet, but his face was slowly opening, just as San knew his posture was. “San, I want to apologize, if you'd let me.”

“Don't you think I have to apologize first ?”

Wooyoung bit his lower lip, in internal conflict, but shook his head :

“If you want to you can, but me first. What you said didn't led me to ... do something like this. What I did yes, I think I can wait.”

San didn't know what to say ; he was conflicted by that too, understanding Wooyoung's position but considered his and didn't see the logic.

“I called you names Wooyoung, we were 13, at an age where we're finding ourselves and building up the person we'll grown into and I called you the worst thing possible.”

“I doesn't matter now. Except if you will do it again-”

“Never !”

“Then we're fine.”

“I still want to apologize.”

They both stayed silent, eyes lowered on what was in front of them, before they had a common thought and spoke up :

“Together.”

It made them chuckle. Even after all of this and all these years, they could still feel the connection. They'd need time to have it back to what it was, but this was a good start.

“Come here,” San patted the side of his bed when he saw that Wooyoung had not moved away since the beginning.

He came to sat on the bed and immediately, long fingers intertwined with his.

“I don't count you as responsible for my stupid actions Wooyoung. I ... I have a lot of my mind, for a while, what happened in 8th grade being the starting point I'm not going to lie ... but doing _this_ , was not pushed by your words.”

“I can't believe that ... I can understand it was not the only thing but don't tell me it wasn't the last straw.”

“Maybe it was, maybe if I had listened to myself sooner it would have been something else. It's not the first time I've done thing Wooyoung,” San confessed in a small voice, shame in his eyes. He couldn't see the horror in the boy's face, not now. “Last year. That's why Hongjoong-hyung made us change High School. I was very tired, of everything, and I did something I liked, but was afraid that my parents would discover, and so I stole pills in the nurse's office and downed them all.”

The doctor nodded to himself in the background, reading San's files and finding his story coherent with the report.

“So really, maybe seeing you and the others brought back lots of things, and maybe my emotions have pilled up since September, but _you_ are not the reason I did this.”

“What is it then ? If I can ask ...”

San stayed silent but Wooyoung saw that it was more thinking than a desire to stop talking.

“Insulting you back then was hypocrite from me. Especially since ... I like boys too Wooyoung.”

The Junior sucked in a breath and widened his eyes, San breaking down in tears again. The Doctor fell back a little to leave them a bit more privacy, while Wooyoung took San into his arms.

Right now was about San, but if he let himself dream a little, he could almost hear his heart begging him to confess to the boy here and now. He would not. Not when he saw how distressed San was after confessing.

“I know t-there's nothing wrong ab-bout it, but my parents-”

And it all clicked to Wooyoung. San's state, from the argument in 8th grade to his own conflicts, his feelings confusing him more than anything, and the non-present support from his family ... It was stupid to realize it now only, but not everyone had the chance he and Yeosang had. Not everyone had open-minded families straight ahead. Yunho's had to wrap their mind around the idea but eventually came around, while Seonghwa had no problems with his direct family but couldn't get his uncles, aunts and cousins to stay decent when talking about his likings. And he felt stupid because ... how many times had his friends told him about that ?

What struck Wooyoung was that Hongjoong was openly pansexual and that San seemed to have nothing against it considering how close they were.

“I came to understand that it was fine, that I could not react the way I had with you for everyone who wasn't straight, but believe me, Hongjoong had to literally slap me before I started to drown in self-pity. I was such an asshole to him the first weeks we met. I didn't want to, but I just felt like this was how I had to act you know ? To protect myself.”

San was calming down, clinging to Wooyoung the best he could.

“Protect myself because I hated that he could be open about his feelings when I couldn't.”

“I'm sorry you had to go through all this San, I really am, but don't worry. You don't have to hide anymore now.”

“I'm not so sure,” he mumbled back.

Dr.Seo cleaned his throat to grab their attention :

“It won't be tonight, but you'll need to speak to your parents eventually San. You can't keep living like this. This happened twice already, and keeping secrets not only to your family, but also to your therapists won't help you.”

“How did you know ?” asked San shocked.

“As your doctor, I could see the report of meetings. And it was not hard to connect the dots, given what you're telling your friend and what you told the therapist.”

San lowered his head in shame again, but the Doctor spoke again :

“There's nothing to be ashamed of. It was not the best decision for sure, but now you have the chance to fix it. Don't you want to be happy San ? Don't you want to sort your feelings out ? There's only one way to do this.”

“But ... my parents ...”

“They already have appointments ready with the therapist. You will have separated meetings from them, so this way you'll be able to talk completely freely. Nothing you'll say to our doctor will go to your parents' ears. I understand the fear surrounding you, you're not the first kid I had to help in this situation. But your parents don't seem as close-minded as you think. And if anything, your actions shook them enough to let them open to new things.”

The Doctor smiled warmly at San, and the younger finally realized for the first time since he had woken up in that hospital, that things were about to change, and to change for good.

When Wooyoung departed, it felt like they only had gone through half of what they wanted to say, but the silver-haired promised he's come by after school. Unfortunately San's phone was taken away from him because of the circumstances of his hospitalization, but Yeosang told him he and Mingi would take turns to bring him the lessons and homework. Of course KQ High was called and updated on his situation, and San was put on a two weeks stop before he'd be able to go to class. It was better than what he expected so he took it in.

His parents were only authorized to came in two days after, and the meeting had been ... awkward to say to least ... San's father was obviously in war with himself as to accept San's likings or not, while his mother showed less signs. It was clear that it was a big moral change for her too, but as it concerned her son, she realized San's health and well-being deserved a change of heart from her.

The therapist met with San twice a week, while he met with his parents thrice. When San had asked him about it, the woman had only said : “ _You already accepted who you are. What led you to my office was the mental state you grew in by trying to hide it. You parents on the other hand, need to understand who you are, and how it's nothing unnatural. It takes a little more work, but don't worry. All three of you are doing amazing progress.”_

And San could feel it. He was stunned when he woke up one day to see his mother reading a book about homosexuality, or other subjects concerning the LGBTQ+ community, trying to understand as much as she could. They never spoke out loud about San's place in all of this, but he figured it was better for her to first accept that all of this was reality, before came the subject of _his_ reality. His father had more trouble, and San hated that what made it less worse than what it could be, was that he still liked girls _despite_ liking boys. The Choi father was a tad more harder to work around, and after a while, the therapist had to ask the parents to have separated sessions. San's mother stopped the meetings after three weeks, while San knew it would be longer, as he had his whole depression to deal with first. He also had confessed smoking, so he was trying to stop that too. San's father also kept having meetings a little longer, but soon, San could see the man attempting to get closer.

Every day he had one of his friend coming to him, sometimes two - not more were authorized - and they would talk about random things, different depending on who was visiting. Mingi liked to come alone. His primal concern was San's well being and how it was holding with his parents, and the two boys had long conversations about Mingi's own situation. San knew that he and Yunho were back to being _friends_ , but he felt a sort of frustration when Yunho came with Jongho to talk about it. A few days before San was discharged, he confessed that he had more than just friendly feelings for Mingi and that he had wished the other had realized.

“His situation isn't easy either Yunho, you and I both know how his parents are, they're worst than mine,” reminded San scolding the back-haired gently. “And Mingi ... he's not good at understanding couple situations ...”

“It took him a month to realize I was interested in Yeosang,” confirmed Jongho.

“What ?” said Yunho. “Everyone knew like, the second you two made eye contact,” teased the taller, making Jongho smack him and mumble a very nice _shut up_.

It was another thing that San liked, slowly, he could see the two groups merging. It was a special thing, and he often spoke about it to Yeosang, whom shared his vision of it :

“It feels like seeing your past and present meet to make your future,” said the blond, smiling at San.

“That's ... exactly how it feels. It's weird ... a nice type of weird though. I like it.”

Also as a double the new “parents” of their new formed band, Hongjoong and Seonghwa always came together. The former bringing a few books, Seonghwa liked to gift jewels to San - he didn't really know why though. It was generally more the two oldest talking and San listening, but it was nice too. He had no idea how things were going between the two of them, because they didn't look closer (Hongjoong wouldn't show it because _Ew skinship what the fuck_ ) but he still saw the longing gaze when one wasn't looking, the fingers brushing longer than necessary, the hidden compliments slithered in the middle of normal sentences and making them smoother than Wooyoung's leather pants ...

And Wooyoung. He also came alone. San figured he had asked for it and honestly ? He liked to have Wooyoung alone better too. Those few hours they stole at the hospital together built the stairs that led them back to their friendship. But at the same time, both were conscious that they hadn't gotten back to what they were ; after everything that had happened, it was not possible. They were building a path to a new type of relation, that - expect if it was a collective hallucination - was between friendship and romance. If it was romance, they were taking it really slow. San had not spoken again of his likings of men, Wooyoung had not asked. But if they were being honest, they were worst than Hongjoong and Seonghwa.

Two weeks after, the last Saturday, last night before San could be discharged and go back home, Wooyoung had visited him exhausted and barely holding his head up.

“Rough day ?”

“Seonghwa's been very busy with studying for the suneung at the end of the month, and so when we can practice music it's insane. We do twice more songs than we usually do.”

His parents were never around when his friends came to visit, understanding the privacy he needed, but he would always have some discreet questions from his mother after Wooyoung's visits. San had worked on talking to his parents when something they did/said was wrong of making him uncomfortable, and so he made the mental note to tell his mother about it ; he and Wooyoung were not _defined_ enough for this to be a real subject yet.

San chuckled in compassion and moved a little on the side of his bed. Wooyoung took his shoes off and stole the blanket that was on a chair, coming right between San's arms. They had been doing so for a week now, and none of them could get enough of the warm feeling their hearts beat to. San brushed a few black strands back (Wooyoung had died them a few days ago) and yawned. He was tired too.

“Hey San ?”

He hummed.

“You're a cat person, right ?”

“Yeah, why ?”

“No reasons,” and they fell asleep like that.

San's mother didn't have the heart to wake them up when the Doctor came to check on San, but neither did he. For once they'd leave the boy past the visiting hours.

*

So. Maybe it wasn't the best idea. Wooyoung guessed that much when he woke up with a sore neck and all the vertebrae in his back popping when he straightened up. San had clung to him in his sleep, a habit he had to cling on things since he was a baby, and it made a smile crawl in his lips.

“Good morning,” a voice whispered, startling him.

He turned to see both San's parents in the room, the mother busy with taking San's clothes out of the hospital closet while his father was busy on his phone.

“Good morning,” he answered to the father, a little stressed.

He had not been alone with San's parents ever since they had gone to the hospital for the first time, and even if San had told him both of them were truly more open about lost of things, he had no idea if _he_ was one of those.

“Slept well ?” asked the mother. “I didn't have the heart to wake you up when I came last night, neither did the Doctor. We thought it'd be nice to let you have this night before he comes back home. Even if I'm sure San's bed back home will be more comfortable than this small bed here,” she had a genuine welcoming smile, and Wooyoung needed a few seconds to understand everything that had been underlined here.

First of all, they didn't seem to mind Wooyoung in San's bed. Second of all, they weren't against the idea that he could come to their house, possibly sleep in San's bed with him, and they didn't sound awkward of hypocrite about it.

“Yeah,” he just said, a bit confused.

San started to stir awake so the discussion ended on that. He was a lazy ass, but once he remembered he'd be going home today he was an unstoppable ball of energy. He took the quickest shower of his life and put on his clothes just as fast, surprising the Doctor whom was speaking with his parents. Wooyoung had gone outside saying they'd meet in front of the hospital, and San couldn't wait to see the sun again. His phone was handed back to him, as well as the address of his therapist's office, as he'd still need to see her but outside the hospital as he would not be a patient anymore. Dr.Seo also specified that he could go back to school if he felt ready, but that he must not be forced to go or not by his parents. The choice was his, at the condition that he didn't abuse this power to drop out. Far from his intention to do so, he assured the Doctor that he'd be responsible.

His parents signed his discharge and he was out. He had his bag with all the stuff that Hongjoong had prepared in one hand, the second protected his sensitive eyes from the sunlight. It was even colder outside, now that they were a few days away from December, he could feel it.

Time had flown by, really ... One day he had came in the hospital after they had just celebrated Hongjoong's birthday, and now they were five days from Wooyoung's !

He'd need to speak with the guys in private to know if they were doing something for him. The first birthday he'd celebrate with his ex/new friends since their argument. He took a breath of fresh air, enjoying how the cold air immediately made his nose look pink.

“You got almost all your colors back honey,” said his mother, brushing his hair away.

He smiled, before voices caught his ears. As they made their way to the parking lot, he saw all his friends, the seven - yes Wooyoung was with them - waiting for him next to his parents' car. He could see Yeosang's sister and Jongho's father waiting in their own car, and he felt a warm feeling buzzing inside.

He couldn't believe he almost left that behind. Now that he was going a little better, he slowly started to realize how stupid it would have been.

Careful of his health he still ran as fast as he was authorized too - which was not very much - to them and fell in Hongjoong's arms head on. All the others came closing the circle, kissing his cheeks and welcoming him warmly.

“Thank you all so much, guys I don't know what I'd do without you,” he honestly said, brushing off the few of them who playfully grimaced at the love display.

“We thought it would be nice to invite your friends before the week started. Their parents already agreed, and if it's not too much for you, then how about we head home ?” said his father.

As his father's therapy went by, San had recognized the man he loved and admire as he slowly opened up more to his son. San blamed the cold for his tears, but they all knew better.

“Let's go home yeah.”

Wooyoung and Hongjoong came with him in his parent's car, Seonghwa, Yeosang and Yunho went in Yeosin's, and Jongho and Mingi were in Jongho's father's car. The two grown-ups ditched the five boys at the Choi's, and they were let inside to discover for those who had never came the Choi household. Seonghwa made San's mother fall his love with him in a few seconds by complimenting the decorations, and Wooyoung chuckled.

“As expected of him,” whispered Yeosang loud enough so all the teenagers whom were gathered in the entry could hear.

“We have a little surprise San. Your mother and I thought that it might be a good idea to show you that, despite everything that happened, nothing has changed between us. We're still a family, and we still love you the same,” the words were meant only for him as his father hugged him and whispered into his ear.

“It's waiting in your room,” added his mother with a mysterious glint in her eyes.

San looked at his friends before he rushed upstairs, followed by seven eager boys. When he came into his room he froze, but all piled up behind him until Mingi and Yunho had enough and pushed everyone in.

There was kitty, on San's bed. It was sleeping on a folded blanket, itself wrapped in a blanket, and sleeping unbothered by the boys shenanigans. It was a beautiful Siamese kitty, and San approached it very carefully, going on his bed with cautious. The kitty finally felt him and opened beautiful blue crystal eyes on him, blinking as it chased the sleep away. It stretched, coming closer to San's form, and the boy reached his fingers so the kitty could smell him. They did, and then he had a lap full of the little ball of fur, gently purring. It was mechanic for him to pet it, he couldn't believe it.

Finally it sat on San's lap, and raised its head to him before letting out the cutest little meowing all had heard, making the silence break with expression of adorableness. It was so small he was sure it could fit in his palm.

“My heart is stolen,” said Seonghwa, a hand grabbing at his shirt.

“It's so freaking cute, oh my God I want one !”

“You're a dog person Woo, you can't take care of a cat,” deadpanned Yeosang.

“Hey ! I can !”

“Is it female or male ?” asked Jongho.

“Does it have balls ?”

“Yunho !”

“What ?”

San chuckled and gently took it into his arms, the kitty's front paws coming on his chest to make themselves taller and scent his nose, mouth, until it decided to nuzzle under his chin.

“It's a female. She's a few months old, we went to a shelter to find her,” said San's mother, coming behind the boys to see the adorable scene unfold in front of her. “We didn't think they had pure-breed, but they did. And I remember how younger, you always spoke of having a cat, and that you love Siamese.”

“Thank you so much, God I can't believe you did this !” San was so happy. Smiling brighter than any sun and his eyes filled with stars ; it was all his parents could ever wish for.

“So, how will you name her ?” asked Wooyoung, sitting right next to him on the bed and waiting for the kitty to come to him on her own.

All of the boys followed, forming a circle on the bed. Jongho took Yeosang half on his lap to leave more place, and Seonghwa's eyes quickly checked on San's mother, but she only had a smile on her lips as she looked at all of them before leaving.

“I don't know,” said San, but he was thinking. “How about ... Byeol ?”

“Star ? That's cute. Does she like it ?”

San turned to the cat, whom was playing with Wooyoung's fingers, and called for her with her new name. She immediately looked at him, and jumped to him to bite on his finger.

“Byeol it is then,” smiled Seonghwa.

The rest of the afternoon happened better than anything he could expect. They all had fun at lunch, San's parents learned the name of his new cat, they spent their time in his room talking about everything and playing with the kitty one after the other or together, and when she was too tired, Byeol came to sleep in the tiny space San and Wooyoung had created between their thighs when sitting on the bed. They smiled, happy.

“OK so, guys, important ! The Christmas ball is coming in a few weeks, we need to be ready,” said Seonghwa.

“Hyung, we know you and Hongjoong are busy, we can handle the preparations, trust us. You'll only need to come, sing, and finish,” said Jongho with assurance.

“Wait, you're playing too ?” asked San, feeling like he had missed a part.

“Yeah we ... decided that we'd join bands ? Like, they'll still play as Matz for the first few songs, but then we want to introduce us eight, if you want to join, as the new school band,” said Hongjoong with a big smile.

San thought about it a lot. It only made sens now that they kept being connected to one another somehow that they'd join bands, be it friendly or musically, but he had to focus on other things lately and hadn't thought about it much.

“No pressure San, nothing will be done publicly before a while anyway, it's just preparation,” assured Yeosang.

San stayed silent a few more seconds, before he said :

“Do we even have a name ?”

That made them all smile, and Hongjoong took his phone out.

“Actually-”

“You and Seonghwa came up with a few names you'd like to discuss with us,” said Mingi in one shot without taking a break to breath, making his hyung throw a pillow at him.

“Kick in Joong,” distracted Seonghwa.

So in the end, he had 6 names : KQ fellaz (Yunho laughed hard a this one), New World, A teenager Z, BOSS, Maker and Pendant. Mingi was really inspired by Pendant and New World, as well as Seonghwa, Hongjoong was fond of Maker, San liked BOSS but wanted to change the two S's for two X's, and the others were more leaning towards A teenager Z, which was the only one that had everyone's vote.

“It's a bit long though no ?” commented Yeosang.

“We should shorten it,” said Wooyoung.

“To what ?” asked Mingi.

“We have to keep the A and Z they're the important part.”

“AteenagerZ ?” suggested Yunho.

“Still long,” pointed Seonghwa. “AZ ?” Hongjoong snickered and so did Seonghwa.

“AteenZ, Ateez ? Ateez ?!” Jongho jolted upwards, looking at the other with a round mouth.

“ATEEZ ?” repeated Hongjoong, tasting the name on his tongue.

“Yeah !” roared Wooyoung.

“That sounds very good,” agreed Mingi, nodding to Yunho.

“So Ateez ?” asked one last time the silver-haired.

He got a collective scream of yes before he wrote the name on his phone laughing.

“Do we need a leader ? Like in an idol band ?” wondered Mingi.

“That's maybe a bit too much, we're just High School artists,” laughed Seonghwa.

“You lead Matz,” reminded Yeosang.

“Yeah but it's different, it's just the four of us and I had the idea to bring you guys. We all sort of decided to be together and we're _eight_.”

“Then have Hongjoong as your co-leader ! We can have two leaders ! He was the leader of us !” said San.

“Since when ?!”

“We always saw you like one, you got to be the only one who didn't know,” laughed Jongho.

“Having the mom's group and the dad's group at leaders sounds right,” said Yeosang, dropping his hand so Seonghwa couldn't whack him with one of San's folders.

“Will you stop already demon child,” hissed with a smile the oldest.

“I thought I was the demon child ?! Find him another name !” whined Wooyoung pouting.

And chaos broke once more. When wouldn't it ? That's how they were. San smiled happily, sometimes taking pat in the bickering sometimes not, just enjoying his friend, his new kitty, the warmth of Wooyoung by his side. He enjoyed life. He still had some nasty thoughts, and his nights barely started to be better and restful, but he knew it was something in progress, and that he had no reason to not keep progressing now. He'd be able to thoroughly enjoy life soon, and he couldn't wait until that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also for those who don't know what the Suneung is : it's the University test Seniors pass in November. It's one day in november, during which they have all the subjects. It's extremely stressful, some say you play your whole careers and life on this exam, so it's not just Seonghwa stressing for nothing. The whole country is sort of pressing the pause button it's kind of fascinating you should read about it if you're not familiar with it.
> 
> Also, all the nams the boys are talking about before deciding on Ateez are actual names they thought about before they had their name, as they spoke about it when they were on Idol House.


	13. Chapter 12 : Christmas Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years y'all ! Here is chapter 12 as promised, after this one there will be two more chapters and then the epilogue, so we're getting closer to the end.
> 
> This chapter will be softer, the next two will have a bit of angst but no between two characters, more like between a character and his outside environnement, don't know if you see who I'm talking about ... 
> 
> Anyway, hope you'll like it, 
> 
> Enjoy !

A month later found our eight boys in KQ High's gymnasium, ready for their performance. The Christmas Ball was an sort of early Prom - because yes, they also had that here - and so all the students were dressed in beautiful gowns, expensive and fancy suits, with heavy make-up or not, and their most beautiful accessories. Even the teachers. Like usual, Matz wouldn't play during the whole ball so they could enjoy it themselves too, and so the school had ranted DJs for the night, a nice brother/sister duo that set the tone with gentle music at first, when everyone was arriving and discovering the room. They'd blast the heavier stuff later.

A month had passed and if things felt different, they were also pretty much the same. Wooyoung's birthday had been celebrated the weekend after San got off the hospital, and unlike Hongjoong, he had done a hell of a party. His parents and little brother had gone to the Kangs for the weekend, leaving to Yeosang and Wooyoung the house. It had been a little bigger than the close circle the Friday night, the football team coming in entirely, as well as TXT (Yeonjun and Taehyun's new group name) and Blackpink ; Mingi had also asked for Hwanwoong and Keonhee to come, and Wooyoung had not minded. It had been very nice, not much alcohol but just enough to be less shy, games like Twister, Uno - they quickly understood playing Mafia wouldn't be a good idea as they could never finish one party without someone fucking the game up - and of course, they had been a lot of dancing.

Hyunjin finally managed to ask Jeongin out, Jongho had looked from afar with Changbin and Rosé - always one for _tea -_ laughing at the blond's stuttering like the devils they were, San had made good friends with Felix and Han, but Minho had been harder to tame, the ginger staying behind his boyfriend like a guard dog, only opening his mouth when San mentioned Byeol. Jennie had joined and talked about her own dog. Seonghwa and Hongjoong had sympathized to Chan's single father of six (he couldn't count his own boyfriend) situation as they complained about the worst things they had done, Jisoo joining as she was the Unnie of Blackpink and often had to hold them around like a bunch of kids, while Yeosang and Wooyoung had taken Lisa, Taehyun and Yeonjun in a one Just Dance competition. Seugmin, Mingi and Soobin was much absorbed in a philosophical conversation, Hueningkai, Yunho and Beomgyu cheering the four dancers. Everyone had gone a bit everywhere, San still finding hard to go close to Yeonjun when he had no idea what had gone between he and Wooyoung. The later actually took him apart at some point during the party to explain :

“ _We met at Lisa's first Halloween Party back in Freshman. We hit off pretty well, after a few drinks we fucked. We ... we were sex friends for a while,”_ had confessed Wooyoung, he had been quick to ad : _“We've done nothing since this year's Halloween Party. He told me he was in love with Beomgyu and decided it'd be better to break off the thing.”_

“ _What did you think ?”_

“ _Hu ?”_

“ _Did you ... weren't you hurt ?”_

Wooyoung had seemed to consider the question for a moment.

“ _No. I mean sure, it sucked, but it_ was _better. It's not like he's the only one I slept with, but Yeonjun is my friend, unlike all my other booty calls. Our friendship would have paid the consequences if we hadn't stopped.”_

San had felt relieved to hear that. He wasn't entirely recognizing it, but he came around the fact that he did have feelings, deep feelings for Wooyoung, but tried to ignore them. Just because the boy was gay didn't mean that he loved him. Wooyoung also told him that he had stopped sleeping around all together, confessing it had been a consequence of their argument in 8th grade.

Yunho had not on the other hand, seeming more frustrated day by day by Mingi's behavior, the red-haired of course not seeing any problem.

The Saturday had been way more chilling, only the eight of them in the house, bing watching Hotel Del Luna on Wooyoung's Netflix account. Before leaving, Wooyoung had held San back and made him a proposition that surprised the older :

“ _Remember that day, when I saw you dancing ?”_

“ _Yeah ?”_

“ _I was thinking ... do you think we could, try and dance it together ?”_

“ _We'd need to train, we're both used to dancing it alone.”_

“ _Of course, and, the Christmas Ball is coming up and ...”_

San had widened his eyes, seeing how unsure the other was, before speaking the words out himself :

“ _You want to dance it at the Christmas Ball ?”_

“ _Only if it's not too much for you ! I'd be fine just practicing it in the dancing room, I swear. I just ... I really want to dance it with you San.”_

He'd deny feeling his heart skip a beat. But how could he say no ? He had been fine going back to school, only needed to come home early one day because he had not slept very well the night before, but he felt fine.

“ _I'd love to dance it with you too Woo.”_

And that's how they had signed their “contract”. San's therapist had been thrilled, almost as excited as him to learn about that, and slowly his meetings with her lowered from twice a week to twice a month, and now they were trying to only do it once a month. His parents had been very supportive and accepting, making sure to not overstep any boundaries, and correcting themselves when they could have said something out of the line. It was a slow process, but it was working fine and San felt as comfortable with his family as he was with his friends.

The hard situation was for Mingi. It was killing him to be stuck in a situation like his, but he couldn't do much. His parents weren't like San's, they wouldn't understand, and they wouldn't _try_ to. But Mingi didn't feel brave enough to just, drop the bomb. He needed an excuse, something, but he had nothing. And so day by day, slowly, he started to go down the path San had slipped on, much to everyone's dismay. Much more attentive they made sure it wouldn't go as far as for San, but Mingi seemed very detached from his parents and even if it hurt him, it was less important for him as an individual. He already knew he'd run away from home once he could, he had never wanted to stick around, but he just wished he wouldn't be thrown out before he got the chance to save enough money and find an apartment.

Currently, his mind was elsewhere. He was waiting, just like the others, to see Wooyoung and San's performance for the Christmas Ball. They knew their dance and the song, having been around multiple times when they practiced, but they knew nothing would be comparable to the final result.

There was a scene on which had been installed a mirror frame, more at the back of the stage so it wouldn't bother the two dancers when they wouldn't need it anymore.

The artificial light was turned off, leaving the intimacy for Wooyoung and San to take their places.

“You can do this,” Wooyoung whispered to San.

“I know. You can to,” said San, a smile he couldn't contain in his voice.

The lights came back, and the few students whom could've guessed the choreography were already gasping. After all of this, San had needed a physical change. His parents had let him dye his hair a flashy white, almost stealing the light to Hongjoong, whose hair had been died a pastel pink a few days before. He was wearing a large crop top sweater, and white stretchable jeans, and just like Wooyoung, was feet naked. Wooyoung, with his black hair, black turtle-neck and black jeans. A clear opposite to San. They had all decided to partook in the Polished Man Campaign when they learned about it from Hongjoong, and San's left pinky was white when Wooyoung's right thumb was black.

The music started, and the dancers in them took the lead on the teenagers in them. Their facial expressions, the way their body moves, how coordinated they were, how sensible and fluid. Everything left everyone speechless. It was beautiful. Only them could have made it this way. It was too private for anyone else to see but they could tell that they were storytelling their own story. How Wooyoung pushed San's hand away on the floor, like he had pushed San away when they had meet again. How San pressed a hand between Wooyoung's shoulder blades, like he had hurt Wooyoung with his words. How they turned around, Wooyoung coming up behind San, holding him by his arms, a change of situation that had happened at the beginning of the year. But they could see the dying desire to be close again, considering how Wooyoung pressed his mouth a tad more than necessary against San's nape at the other fought against this affection and let the younger run away. Now both standing and dancing in sync, showing that really, they were just two faces from the same coin.

And how they had separated again. San reaching for a light he cut himself from, while Wooyoung struggled with his own feelings in the background. Only to be in sync, once more. Their faces were unreadable, only because there was so much to read, to see, to understand. And finally, as Wooyoung stood in front of San's back, and reached to him, to hurt him one last time, and as San covered his ears as if to cover himself from hurtful words. Both looking down at their hands, painful realization of what they had done, and Wooyoung coming to a turning San, a hand grabbing the older's nape, and pushing him in a comforting embrace, until his forehead touched his shoulder, and both of them stood, in their bubble.

He wanted to cry. Of emotion. San had already let out a few tears, he could feel it on his turtle-neck. His own eyes stung as he tried to not let his emotions out on stage. Eventually they had to let go, but they grabbed each others hand tightly, intertwining their fingers, and bowing to the crowd. It had been silent after their performance, people too stunned, touched, to do anything. The Headmistress too was crying, and slowly, all the students started to applaud, and like a wave it grew, and grew until it was the only sound they could hear.

“Only them,” said Yeosang, shaking his head lightly with a smile.

“What ?” asked Jongho at his side, the only one close enough to have heard him.

“Only them could realize and confess their feelings by performing together,” he answered his boyfriend, kissing him right after.

Jongho was left stunned, but answered the kiss shyly. It was only a month since they had gotten together but he always got surprised by how easily Yeosang could swipe him off his feet, or more precisely, swipe his heart off his chest.

Hongjoong had shed a few tears too and when the two dancers got off the stage, the Headmistress came on to make a little speech to congratulate them and explain how the rest of the party would go : Seonghwa, Yeosang and Yunho left, knowing it'd be time for them to get ready.

Back in the changing rooms, Wooyoung and San were still holding hands, touched by their own dance. Only them could have felt it, but there was something in the air as they danced, way different than what was usually there when they had practiced. Wooyoung decided to take it upon himself to interpret it the good hope - or so he hoped : before they changed, he squeezed San's hand.

“Can I kiss you ?”

The older's eyes widened, and his heart raced.

“Why ?” he asked, suddenly remembering what Wooyoung had told him the day he got at the hospital.

_I loved you San ! Loved you like you love for the first time of your life !_

He couldn't believe it was still the case. Not after everything.

“Because I've been wanting to kiss you since I was 13 silly,” smiled the brunette, but did nothing in order to let San decide.

He did. He took the boy's head between his hands and kissed him. It was ten times better than what he had imagined. He had cursed himself, hurt himself for _thinking_ about it, but now he got to do it for real. It was insane ?! Wooyoung's hands on his hips burned his skin, his wet lips comfortable as they moved around with his own. It stayed gentle, not rushed or passionate, it was just discovery. The both had been waiting for so long, it was so weird to finally, finally, have it.

They barely heard the door opening before it was hastily closed. They broke apart a second after, needing to breath, but Wooyoung made sure they were still connected by their forehead.

“Hey San ?”

“Yes ?”

“I don't know about you, but I liked that very much.”

San raised his head and gifted Wooyoung with the widest smile he had, eyes closed a little and dimples out, and it was the best thing of the day ; after kissing San, of course.

“So did I.”

“Wanna date ?”

“What really ?”

“I won't lie, I never _dated_ , but I know I don't want you to be a fling. I loved you back then and I'm sure I still do now.”

“Wooyoung-”

“You don't have to say it back, I'm just making my point,” smiled the brunette.

San was left staring at him stunned before noises behind the door startled them :

“We're not going to be late just because they're making out !”

“Stop being jealous, Yunho, and let him get his man !”

“Seonghwa-hyung, I think you have no place to talk, at this rate you and Hongjoong will turn 20 before you even _speak_ about your feelings.

“Wow seriously Yeosang ?”

As their friends bickered they chuckled and San changed, opening the door to see Yeosang rolling his eyes.

“Hey,” he said as soon as he saw the new blond. Yeosang's hair had shortened, and fell in wave around his face, now a sort of honey brown that made him look like a Prince - Jongho's words, not his. “The performance was incredible, congratulations to the both of you.”

“Thanks hyung,” said San, hugging the other. “Mingi still giving you a hard time ?” he then asked to Yunho, amused at how he took the older aback.

“He's dumb,” grumbled Yunho, getting whacked by Seonghwa.

“He's not !”

“He's just slow when it comes to those things. He doesn't realize. You should know, he was like that too back in middle school, remember that girl that flirted with him 24/7 ? He was so surprised when she asked him out,” snickered Wooyoung.

“Not funny, she slapped him because she thought he had been playing with her,” complained Yunho.

“The point is, he also has his mind elsewhere, Hongjoong told me his parents are not easy,” added Seonghwa.

“That's an understatement hyung. What San's parents said at the hospital was nothing compared to the things Mingi's parents can and will say of they meet us,” cut in Yeosang. “We've never been at his house as kids.”

San nodded : “At least my parents didn't mind me having gay friends. They just didn't want me gay.”

“Glad that changed,” smiled Wooyoung, passing an arm around San's neck and loudly smooching his cheek.

“Alright that's adorable but we actually need to get ready here,” said Yeosang.

San had put back on his classic black suit for the night, but the four rock boys needed to wear something more ... edgy. The now lonely Junior went back to his friends, whom were also repeating what they'd sing.

When the lights came off the stage once more, the guys' instrument were already on place, ready for their player. The lights came back, and San swore Wooyoung was out for his heart. He was wearing a tank top - in fucking winter yes - with fingerless gloves that covered half of his forearms, a silver chain hanged at his neck, cargo pants, combat boots, and his black hair weren't straight like earlier but as curled at Yeosang's. Seonghwa had brushed his bangs in front of his left eyes, like he usually did, and was wearing a turtleneck underneath a short leather jacket with opened zipper on the sleeves, black ripped jeans, and Dr Martens. Yunho's peach hair looked really out of context with the AC/DC short-sleeved shirt he had on, large black denim jacket with ripped hems and chains hanging here and there to connect ripped pieces of the cloth, his black leather-like pants hugging his thighs nicely, and black converse as the finish touch. Yeosang was wearing a black buttoned-up with laces instead of sleeves, black ribbons puffing the hems and following the movement of his arms as he played with his drum sticks a bit, pants being very much the same, Jongho choking on his spit when he saw that the sides of the pants were connected by ribbons yes, but showed a line of Yeosang's toned and pale legs, he too wearing Dr Martens.

“Is Yeosang going commando ?” asked Hongjoong when Yeosang raised an arm, making the long silky shirt show a bit more skin right after, but not enough to know if his hips were visible too.

“I have no idea but God I want to find out,” answered Jongho.

Seonghwa also had his guitar on this time, and when the beat started to resonate in the gymnasium, it was the sound that the night was getting started. _Ready for It_ by Taylor Swift. Seonghwa's eyes overlooked the crowd as he sung, but when the chorus came, he made a point to lock his gaze to Hongjoong's.

“ _Are you ready for it_ ,” the singer winked at Hongjoong, making his heart skip a few beats. The younger Senior had no idea for what, but he was definitely ready.

The second part of the song was sung by Wooyoung, and he and Seonghwa exchanged place during the musical part between their two parts. San was entranced by his voice, and unlike the other students, he and the three others weren't dancing right away. They could spot Stray Kids not far from them, enjoying themselves at 100% like they always did, and they really realized how strong Matz power was over the crowd. It was always really impressive to see.

They had a nice change, and then, Yeosang was the one taking the mic, silence filling the room until he made a countdown by hitting his sticks on his drums, Yunho and Wooyoung going hard with their guitars. _Apocalyptic_ from Halestorm was a very fitting song to Yeosang's voice, the original singer's being pretty raspy and low enough for him to catch onto it.

“I can't believe it,” laughed Jongho.

“What ?”

“We _fuck_ on that song.”

“TMI Jongho ! I really did not need that mental picture !” whined Mingi with a fake disgusted face.

San only found that hilarious while Hongjoong seemed to wonder if he should try and lose them into the crowd now or later.

Matz sang a few more songs, and then it was the other four boys' turn. Jongho promised Yunho he'd be careful with his guitar while Hongjoong turned the synthesizer on. He wouldn't be rapping this time, leaving it to Mingi and San to rap and sing while he and Jongho would deal with the instrumental. They had chosen _In the End_ by Linkin Park as their opening song, and knew that in first few notes, they had gained hearts from the students. It wasn't particularly hard to play for Hongjoong, but he was stressed to mess it up, and so he didn't leave his eyes off his notes. San's vocals backed up Mingi's rap perfectly, making the sound linger in the air, but they knew the real challenge would come for the chorus : San didn't have a broken voice like Chester Bennington had, but he had practiced a lot to make it as roaring as he could.

It was a success. Matz was blown by it, unknowing that San could do that and truly impressed. They could hear how hard it was and that the boy wouldn't do it all night, but it didn't matter. He was as good a singer as he was a dancer and he was proving it right now. They only did this song, the evening being pretty started already and them wanting to enjoy the Christmas Ball, the DJs came back after the Headmistress once more congratulated her students and told them as amazing it was to have such talented boys. Blackpink had a little something they wanted to do at the end of the Ball as well, but for the time being, it would be laughs, fun, dancing ... enjoying a normal teenage life, and for all the boys, it was a breath of fresh air.

They all danced together, some getting bolder than others, Jongho not keeping his hands to himself since he had seen Yeosang in that outfit - no they had not changed, and Yunho thought it was worst it considering that Mingi had a hard time getting his eyes off him. Hongjoong couldn't look at Seonghwa in the eyes but they still spoke quietly, TXT joining at some point, Yeosang looking with wide eyes how Taehyun seemed too glued to Kai for it to be just friendship knowing the two boys. Yeonjun also seemed very determined to keep Beomgyu close to him.

One girl had not seem to see that Wooyoung was with his friends and clearly eyes on San, and kept talking to him. At first it was about the band, so he answered politely, but at some point she started to get touchy, annoying, and Wooyoung could see how San retracted by low confidence.

“Are you straight ?” asked the girl and finally, finally Wooyoung had enough.

“Yeah, straight from hell,” he said, stealing her drink, downing the juice and handing it back to her before he turned to take San into his arms.

The girl disappeared fuming and Wooyoung felt himself breathe again.

“Sorry,” he said to San. “She must be knew, normally everyone knows I'm gay, hell I have my rainbow flag pin on my top right now !”

San chuckled, putting his hesitations in the back of his mind and letting Wooyoung sway their body like two mad men, making his burst in laughing.

The DJs eventually switched to a slow when the party came to an end, making couples the center of the dance-floor as entire group of friends went away. Wooyoung and San didn't even stir, just getting more comfortable in each other's embrace and turning around more slowly, while Jongho bowed and handed his hand to Yeosang like a prince, smiling when he got a laugh out of his hot boyfriend :

“Your Highness,” he said, before taking Yeosang by the waist, the other settling a hand on his shoulder, their free hands holding one another with their arm raised on the side, really dancing like royalties.

“Dressed like this, I look more like a concubine than a King.”

Jongho gasped but pecked at Yeosang's lips.

“The prettiest concubine in the room. The only one I'd have, if I was King.”

“And if _I_ was King ?”

“Then I'd be whatever you'd want me to be.”

“You don't fit the concubine type.”

“Excuse you ? I can be a very satisfying concubine !”

Yeosang laughed once again, showing his pretty canines Jongho's shoulders and collarbones knew by heart by now.

“I'm sure you are. How about you show me then ?”

They changed their position so Yeosang had his arms around Jongho's neck while the younger grabbed his narrowed waist, and kissed him.

San smiled as he looked at them, before darting his eyes away to leave them their intimacy. He was resting his head on Wooyoung's shoulder, the younger humming to the music lightly in his hair. As they turned in the room he could see Han and Minho were pretty much like Yeosang and Jongho, Chan and Felix a bit more private like he and Wooyoung, Hyunjin and Jeongin were testing the waters, speaking quietly, while Changbin and Seugmin also seemed in a deep conversation, not really registering what they were doing ; it was cute to see them so innocently close. Seonghwa was being taken by a suddenly brave Hongjoong, who lost all nerves once he was on the dance-floor because a chuckled Seonghwa was the one who put them in place to start dancing slowly. At his pleasant surprise, he saw Mingi surprising Yunho by inviting him. They were so awkward, those two big guys. But it was sweet. They were a bit more traditional, holding hands like Yeosang and Jongho had done but with their arms bent close to their bodies instead of stretched, Mingi's hand on Yunho's shoulder but the older's hand on Mingi's back. It pressed them closer than if his hand was on his waist, but they didn't seem to mind, both looking in an opposite direction.

The rest of the night went quietly like that, Seonghwa and Hongjoong relaxing after having the results for the suneug. Seonghwa had been taken in Seoul National University, and they were waiting for Prom to be able to celebrate it like it should, as only 2% of students could get in. Hongjoong had applied for the Korean National University of Art, and had gotten it to. This University had a lot of different schools within its system, and it's without surprise that Hongjoong chose the Music school.

It made the boys remember that they too, would have to go through Suneug next year, making a new wave of stress they could drop during the Christmas Ball.

Rosé came on stage to make an announcement, and she was wearing a very particular dress, very different from the long black sequin one San had seen her in during the night : she and the other members of Blackpink had a sort of red dress, sleeveless with white fur at the bottom of the dress and the top of their neck line, a thick black leather belt hugging their waist tightly. They also all had a Santa Klaus hat on, black knee socks, and red heels.

“Thank you all for coming here tonight ! Congratulations to all our Seniors for succeeding in their Suneug, our dear Jisoo and Jennie as well, and Juniors, next year is our shot ! Until then, let's enjoy ourselves ! Reminder that the Prom Ball will take place the first week of February, before our Winter Break for the new school year. We don't force anything, but if you want to invite a date to Prom like in the movies, you can ! It'll be even more fun !”

People applauded, already talking about who they'd take to prom or not, and Yunho bit on his lower lip, feeling the headache come already of thinking if he should invite Mingi or not. Hongjoong and Seonghwa had mixed feelings about this too, not thinking it'd matter for the other but keeping the idea in the corner of his mind.

Then, Blackpink proceeded to dance break on Jingle Bell Rock, the same one from _Mean Girls,_ Seonghwa making everyone laugh when he jumped like a happy puppy saying he had the reference.

Of course when all the students left the gymnasium, there was only one subject on their lips :

“You have an idea who you'll invite to Prom ?”

“It's my last Prom it has to be super special !”

“God I have no idea, do you think he'll say yes ?”

“I need a new dress, I need a special Prom dress.”

“I wish we were in America, they have entire shop especially for this !”

Boys, girls, everyone was talking about it, and the eight boys also had their own thoughts. Jongho, still going in the inside joke he and Yeosang had when dancing, bowed as they left and took his boyfriend's hand in his.

“Dear concubine, would you do your King the honor of your presence during this special night ?”

“Oh my King, I don't think this is proper,” playfully answered the honey-blond.

“Definitely not,” gagged Wooyoung, getting whacked by his best friend for that.

“Screw you it's _romantic_.”

“Oh please, Seonghwa is romantic and even he wouldn't go this far !”

“You're right, it'd do worse.”

“Forget I said anything.”

“Do you think Hyunjin will invite Jeongin ?” wondered Yunho.

“They're dating I sure hope he does !” replied Wooyoung.

“Giving how long it took them to get together, I wouldn't be surprised if Jeongin is the one asking,” stated Yeosang.

“There's nothing wrong with being the younger and asking first, look I just did it,” smiled Jongho, making two of his friends think about it deeply.

“Does it mean you'll get me a flower on a bracelet ? Like they do for girls ?” asked his boyfriend truly curious.

“You want one ?”

“Oh yes, it'll make me a material memories of that night !”

“I'll get you one then.”

Seonghwa wished it was as easy for him as it was for his two friends. How could two people just go along so smoothly was beyond his understanding, especially when his last Prom was not his favorite memory.

San seemed to be wanting to say something but played with his fingers and decided against it, making Wooyoung hope they had the same idea in mind.

All their parents - expect the two childhood friends who'd share a car - had made the efforts to come pick them up, and Yunho was surprised when he saw Mingi, who has been so close their hand were brushing together, jump a meter away from him the second his mother's eyes fell on them both.

He quickly saluted all of them and took off, but Yunho frowned, not liking what had just happened.

“Don't take it personally. Remember how they are,” reminded Yeosang next to him, ignoring how Mingi's mother shot he and Jongho's intertwined hands a dirty look of disdain before she drove off.

“Hey Seonghwa,” Hongjoong's voice surprised the older as he was about to join his father, and when he turned to see a very shy Hongjoong his eyes widened in surprised. “Are you free tomorrow ?”

The Christmas Ball had taken place a Saturday, and so yes, he was absolutely fucking free.

“Yeah, not much to do since Suneung is over. Why ?”

“Well I promised you I'd let you listen to what I composed.”

“You don't have to if you don't want to-”

“But I do. I really do. So, you wanna come by ?”

Seonghwa's smile was controlled, and he nodded.

“I'd be happy too. Text me when you want me to drop by.”

“Sure ! See ya !”

“See you tomorrow Hongjoong,” he grabbed the boy before he could run to his own car, surprising him by gently kissing the knuckles of the hand he had grabbed.

Thankfully it was relatively dark outside, and the cars' lights were not enough to show the nice shade of pink their cheeks had taken. Hongjoong took off without another warning, and Seonghwa smiled to himself like an idiot.

_I feel like he's waiting for the right person too. When he'll be able to open his music to this person, he'll be able to open it to others._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those confused by the time line, this is happening a month after San was discharged of the hospital, so at the end of December approximately
> 
> Also, I definitely projected, I WANT - no NEED - WooSan to cover the Ten and Winwin's Lovely dance, it'd be so cool knowing them. 
> 
> Wooyoung's second outfit is inspired by the one he was wearing when Ateez performed On. Seonghwa's is from an aeroport fashion if I'm correct. Yunho's from the Diary version of their last album. For Yeosang's I invented. 
> 
> AAAnd for the Blackpink crack at the end of the Christmas Ball, you can find the video on youtube, I had no idea this existed until a few days ago lmao


	14. Chapter 13 : Confession(s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing much to say, except we'll have a Seonghwa's background with his explained, don't know if you thought about it much but it has a little place in SeongJoong's history. I have some finals tomorrow and Tuesday, so I don't know if I'll be able to post before Wednesday, I don't think so, but I promise the next chapter will be out before next weekend ! I didn't finish it or the epilogue yet so it'll ask me a bit more time ! 
> 
> In the mean time, hope you'll like this chapter,
> 
> Enjoy. 
> 
> TW : mention of abusive relationship  
> TW : homophobic language further in the chapter

Seonghwa could feel that the air was a bit different when he arrived at Hongjoong's house at 3 in the afternoon. First of all, the house was empty of every human presence but Hongjoong's. When asked about his parents whereabouts, he had stuttered something about visiting friends.

He had come with his guitar to train a bit, Jongho having taught him a few things the times they met in the music room. This was also the day Hongjoong would let Seonghwa listen to what he had composed, and he was nervous. Both of them were, for totally different reasons. Seonghwa because he knew it was a big thing for the other Senior, especially since no one had heard it before, and for Hongjoong, it was the stress of having the older's opinion on his productions. And as Seonghwa was important to him, it made sens that his opinion was also important.

It was a bit awkward to say the least. By now both of them had understood and acknowledge that there was indeed something going on between them, but as none made a movement forward, they were full of doubts. Something that lingered between them too was Seonghwa's smoking habits ; just like with the three Juniors they never spoke about it, but the gray-haired knew Hongjoong had a lot to say, as he always looked a him “discreetly” every time he came back smelling like tobacco. He had indulged him by not smoking before coming today, and he could tell that Hongjoong had noticed it - he always sniffed around Seonghwa a bit every time they met, a cute and also disturbing habit that made his pointy noise move in an endearing way for Seonghwa.

They didn't lose time walking around the pot : Hongjoong's computer was already on and his headphones plugged in, and all was left for the older to do was to sit and enjoy. The older saw the mic he had bought for the younger is a safe spot a little further on the desk and smiled.

“So, is there an order for me to listen to ?”

“Hm, not really ? Like, here you have the principal files. For each ... _track_ I had inspiration on. Each file has some instrumental, sometimes a few lyrics, written or sang, that I just didn't put together yet or started to play with. It's more than a one man job and I don't have the vocals to be satisfied with interpreting my own songs.”

Seonghwa had not realized that Hongjoong was not just composing music, but was putting on whole ass songs ! He was composing. He could get an album out of those if they were as good as he guessed they would be !

“O-Ok.”

“I know it's a lot, you don't have to listen to everything-”

“Hongjoong, it's fine don't worry.”

He put on the headphones and clicked on the first file, one that was untitled _Aurora_. Hongjoong was a very organized person about his work - not his room, that was a mess - and Seonghwa thought it was very satisfying to know exactly what he was listening to.

The composer had gone into hiding on a corner of his bed, head in his phone. The elder was stunned. It was only pieces of it, nothing _finished_ like Hongjoong had said, but it was incredible. He really had the feeling to listen to a song that had been separated in the different parts that composed it and it was incredible.

It went to a next one _Promise_ , and a next one _Utopia_ , and a next one _Stay_ , until he had done the dozen songs or so that Hongjoong had on his computer. He was speechless. All of this was too freaking good to not be out in the public. And the younger had been composing this since he began high school ? It was insane !

“Seonghwa ?”

He had taken the headphones off but was still staring with wide eyes had the computer's screen until Hongjoong stood by his side and put a hand on his shoulder. He turned to meet with his worried eyes, and he shook his head.

“You .. you didn't like it ?”

Hongjoong was biting his lower lip and Seonghwa saw his eyes just a tad wet, afraid that those tears were for a rejection from him ; God how could he ever reject Hongjoong ? He stood up suddenly, making the other jump and took him in his arms by the waist, making him swirl into his room. With a yelp the palish pink-haired grabbed around his neck and giggled, surprised.

“Hongjoong, these were amazing ! Aurora was so emotional, and Stay joyful, I could imagine the eight of us on the beach when listening to Utopia ! You have to do something with these, please you can't let them sit on your computer like that !”

Hongjoong's eyes had widened the more he talked, and his big eyes were still wet of emotions.

“R-really ? You're being honest ?”

“Of course I am ! You're right, you might need the help of other singers to complete was you feel you can't sing, or take the parts you placed in waiting, but the rest ... the rest, even just the schemes of it is incredible Hongjoong.”

Seonghwa had let the other on the floor but their were still very close to one another, his hands on the smaller's waist and the later's hands on his shoulders. Noticing how it was the closest they had ever been since a long time, their eyes darted to their lips, then back at locking sight just to see if the other was following, and without another word, they both broke the space between them and pressed their lips together.

It lasted a few seconds barely, before they both pulled back, a bit surprised by this outcome ; when really they should have seen it coming.

“Hongjoong ...”

“I'm sorry ! Just- forget about it if you want-”

“That's- not what I want, is it what you want ?”

“No !” he realized his answer might have been a bit too much and repeated quieter this time. “N-no.”

An awkward silence followed until Seonghwa remembered why he had called the other in the first place.

“I want to tell you about my ex.”

Hongjoong's eyes widened comically :

“Your ex ?”

“Yeah, I never mentioned it, but she's the reason I started smoking again.”

Hongjoong felt the story time coming and pulled them lightly until they were sitting on his bed, knees touching.

“I met her last year, at the beginning of the year, and we dated for six months before all went to flames. We both had a nasty habit of being very passionate with each other. You probably think _how is that a bad thing ?_ , well, when I say passionate really I should say obsessed.”

He took a deep breath.

“I was never like this with anyone, it took us a while to realize it - breaking up actually - but nothing about how we were attached to each other was healthy. We brought up the worst in each other. She became a jealous bitch who needed to know where I was and with whom constantly, while I became a violent jerk, not physically, never physically, but we fought a lot, and it ended in me insulting her more than once. She threw the words right back at me, and eventually, we tainted each-other : I became easily jealous too and she started to throw things around the room when we were fighting.”

Hongjoong saw how the other's hands were trembling, and how he made a point to not look at him, be it his face or directly in the eyes.

“I make it sound like we were fighting all the time, we were not. It just happened a few times but when it did, we tore each other apart. I was close to a boy at that time, and I knew that he wanted to be more than friends, but I stayed decent and told him off because I'm loyal, and I didn't want to cheat on my girlfriend.”

Hongjoong felt a _but_ or an _until_ there somewhere but kept silent to let Seonghwa finish.

“Until I caught her cheating.”

Bingo.

“I should have known. Her jealousy was only a reflection of her own doings. What hurt the most is that, yes we were tearing each other apart, but when we got along, when we were together, we could spend hours talking about everything and nothing, hours in bed, cuddling, just enjoying the other ... And I guess at some point, it was love. We loved each other. But she stopped loving me first. And instead of telling me about it she let me found out on my own.”

“How did you found out ?” dared ask Hongjoong for the first time.

“I had seen her with this guy a few times, thought nothing much about it until one of her friend told me that staying with her was maybe a bad idea. It got real when Rosé had a party with her and told me she had seen her kiss a guy that was definitely not me ; I couldn't go to that party so I didn't know.”

“I'm not saying Rosé was lying but did you have proof ?”

“Yeah, a picture she took. Rosé wouldn't lie. I stayed silent for a while, and decided that I wouldn't give her the satisfaction to break up with her. I wanted her to do it. So I cheated back with that guy I told you about. Right under her nose, I didn't even try to hide it. She was so outraged. The fight we had after this one, God Hongjoong it was so fucking messy, it was so violent.”

He had tears in his eyes at the memory, head falling in his hands. He felt a body press close to his on his side, an arm coming around his shoulder. The younger was taking it all in quietly, discovering a whole side of Seonghwa he had no idea existed.

“We said and did pretty bad shit. I slapped her. I had never led a hand on anyone before her ... She was smoking and she threw her cigarette at my face.”

Hongjoong let out a quiet gasp that made Seonghwa chuckle dryly. His hands were back in front of him and his thumb was caressing a small round scar that was on his palm. The pink-haired didn't know how he had never seen it before.

“You caught it to protect your face,” he guessed shocked.

“I had no other choice. The cigarette fell and we didn't really pay attention, her doing that made me even madder and I pinned her on the wall. We smelled something burning and that's when we realized the cigarette had not been choked down.”

“Nothing too grave happened.”

“You'd have heard about it, but no. We choked it down before it could do real damages, she just had a hole in her carpet and we were scared out of our minds. After this we agreed that it was better to just ... break things off, and never speak again. I know her parents had financial problems and they moved in the south last year. It's better like this.”

Hongjoong nodded silently.

“You started to smoke again after this, right ?”

“Yeah. Everything I thought about was this. What could have happen. The boys told me about it after, but they hated me when I was dating her. We didn't do good songs, and I was a ball of anger 24/7. I was an entirely different person when I was with her. It's a miracle they sticked around.”

“They love you.”

“I know. I realized then. They tried to tell me, that we weren't good for each other, but I didn't listen. Hell everyone, from my side or hers, tried to tell us but we didn't listen.”

He took a deep breath and turned to Hongjoong, a hand on his knee.

“I'm not afraid of this happening again because you're different, we're different people. But I'm still scared of what I'm capable of because I never knew I had it in me until she made it come out.”

Hongjoong smiled softly, and shyly, pushed a strand of gray-hair back behind Seonghwa's ear. The hand on his knee squeezed softly.

“I'm not scared of you, or what you can do. You bring the best in me Seonghwa, and I want to bring the best in you. There's no way I'll every push you so far that you'll want to hit me. I don't do that to people. And I'll make sure I don't do that to you.”

“No, you bring hope to people,” said the older, San in mind.

Hongjoong blushed lightly.

“I try to.”

Seonghwa came closer with the idea of kissing, but Hongjoong stopped him with a finger on his mouth.

“I think I need my little story too.”

“About ?”

“Why I don't like people smoking, or try to not stick with smokers ... _tried_ not too, I guess I failed in that.”

He also took a deep breath and his brows shot up in a pleading way.

“It's not a long and sad story. I just lost my uncle to smoking, and I don't want to feel the pain again. It's stupid, because it hurt just as much when my grandmother died, but my uncle “chose” his death by keeping smoking even after his first lung cancer. And I don't understand how someone can choose a slow death that might come closer to your natural death, just for an addiction. So Seonghwa, I know you don't like to hear about it, but if we want an _us_ , if we want _us_ to work, we're going to have to talk about it at some point. Because I will not stand by and watch you kill yourself slowly, not matter for how long we stay together. I'm sorry but it's not something I can do.”

Seonghwa looked at the man in front of him, the man in question slowly raising his eyes from the bed to his. He knew he was probably looking at Hongjoong like he held the world, but that's how he felt right now.

“I'll quit.”

“Hu ?”

“I'll stop smoking.”

“W-why ?”

“Isn't it what you asked ?”

“But- yes but-”

“Then I'll stop. And you'll help me.”

The smile he was rewarded with could have made him stop everything in life to see it again. Hongjoong was quick to throw himself at Seonghwa and kiss him breathless, half on his lap already.

“If this is an empty promise Park Seonghwa-”

“It's not,” chuckled the other before wrapping his arms around Hongjoong and making him tilt, laying him on his bed with his body on top, and dived back to resume their kiss.

The next time they stopped for a breathing break, Seonghwa asked :

“Wanna go to Prom together ?”

“Hell yeah.”

*

No one was surprised in the slightest when the two Seniors kissed to welcome each other the next day.

Screw that, none of them expected to discover it _like that_ but all expected it to happen at some point.

“I fucking knew it ! You've been too quiet all weekend !” cheered Yunho, jumping on Seonghwa.

“We were just like usual,” grumbled the elder.

“Hu, no you were not. Mingi and San talked about buying a fucking cheese factory and none of you even cut their joy by saying some adult shit,” said Jongho.

“You're spider-senses might have been broken by all the make out sessions,” provided Yeosang, earning himself a whack on the arm from Hongjoong.

“We never talk about what you and Jongho do, so what should we talk about us !”

The couple exchanged a glance but it was Wooyoung whom answered for them :

“They've been together for more than a month, and unlike all of us they dealt with shit immediately instead of making it linger on days !”

January came quicker than all of them expected, and then it was the Juniors' turn to be drowning in exams. Jongho was less available too, saying he needed extra credits for his file, but none really knew why when he was already a grade A+ student. All their activities slowed down a lot : the dancing class only happened once a week, their new band, ATEEZ, didn't have yet the opportunity to see its eight boys repeat all together, and for some, the question of Prom was just another problem to deal with.

Mingi especially, had already rejected two girls ; it was far from the dozen boys whom had asked Wooyoung out and the few who were brave enough to go past Yeosang and Jongho and ask the other's boyfriend, but still. It made him realize that unlike his friends, he had no one to go with, yet he rejected the ones asking him.

He didn't even know if he had someone precise in mind : well he did have an idea, but he didn't know why, he felt like it would be too much to ask. Yunho didn't seem to have this type of feelings for him, and they were friends, he wouldn't want to ruin that. And he certainly did not want Yunho to think he was abusing his kindness, the older had already forgave him for 8th grade, Mingi shouldn't be too greedy. But as the month went by, as his parents kept asking him if he had a date to Prom, and as he kept seeing Yunho refuse people too, the idea started to be omnipresent.

He didn't know if it was the knowledge that it'd piss his parents off - that was a risky plan considering they could throw him out if they wanted to - or if a part of his truly wanted to invite Yunho. Deep down he knew the answer.

He cared about Yunho. As he got the chance to be with the older male closer since their groups had merged, he realized that he was way more fucked than he thought he was. The last time he had a conversation about it, it had been with Hongjoong, San and Jongho at San's house after Lisa's Halloween Party. Now, he knew that it was beyond the crush he thought had left. He had a massive weak spot for the Jeong, and it was definitely more _liking_ him than crushing on him ; yes, there is a difference.

He made a plan : he'd go into a recognition mission tonight, telling his parents about who their friends were going with, see their reaction, not take it in count to speak to Seonghwa tomorrow, and then ignore him too to ask Yunho out.

Mingi understood his plan had a few flaws ... like how he would push any negative comment aside. His mind was set on one thing and it was going to Prom with Yunho, and he would not let anyone stand in his way ; friends or family.

The same night as he came back home, he was surprised to see his parents already home. They worked both very late usually and he only saw them right before they left work the morning, or during the weekends.

“Hi mom, hi dad.”

“Good evening son.”

“Good evening Mingi. Did you find a date for Prom ?” his mother only had that in mind since he spoke to them about it. The school had sent an email to confirm and they were thrilled.

His mother had been kind enough to ask if he wanted her to go with him to buy a new suit, or if he wanted to go with his friends. Mingi already had suits, so he thought he wouldn't need a new one, but she had insisted.

“ _It's a Prom Ball dear, like American teens have. We can offer you a new suit for the occasion.”_

Back to the present, he settled on the sofa, observing both his parents on the couch.

“No not yet.”

“No one has asked you ?” his father was surprised. Mingi didn't think he was that handsome, but he also knew he had a charm.

“They have, but they're not really my type ...”

“You've never dated anyone, this could be your luck to meet a nice girl !” said his mother.

“He's not going to jump on the first one that approaches him, he has the right to be selective,” laughed his father in his defense.

“Does Hongjoong found a date ? Or Jongho ? San ?”

“Ah yeah ... they all have.”

“Oh sweet. Who are they going with ?”

“You don't know them ...”

“You can still describe them. I'm sure handsome young men like them managed to score beautiful girls,” he had nothing against girls, but Mingi started to get sick of hearing the word come out of his mother's mouth.

“Hongjoong is not going with a girl ...”

Despite their eyes being on the TV and their body sitting on the couch, he saw them _freeze_ , their eyes narrowing so slightly only his trained sight could catch it, and his mother's smile got stiff.

“He's going with a boy ?”

“He is.”

There was a pause, and then his father spoke up :

“So finally, we found a flaw to this boy ...”

“Dad ! It's not a flaw !” immediately retorted Mingi.

“He's interested in boys isn't he ?!”

“Yes but-”

“Then it's a flaw ! I should have known ! Such a nice boy had to hide something terrible like this !”

“Oh God and we let him be close to Mingi,” added his mother with a horrified face.

“It's not a disease !” Mingi counter-attacked, standing up so violently the couch moved a bit behind him.

“Did he ever touched you in inappropriate ways ?!” ignored his father.

“What ?! No ! Hongjoong would never do that ! He's a friend, he only hold our best interests at heart !”

“Yeah right,” snickered his mother. “All he wanted was get into your pants and infect you with some STD's, I can't believe we didn't see that sooner.”

“Do you hear yourselves ? We're not in the 80's anymore ! Being gay is not a crime, nor it in an illness ! It doesn't make him a bad person !”

His parents had enough, and both stood up as well.

“It is _unnatural_!”

“How ?!”

“There is a reason why men and women can procreate and not _them_ !”

“It's not even a good reason ! We're not in a society that _needs_ children to be born every year !”

“Enough Mingi. We are glad you spoke to us about this, but you seem troubled.”

“It's Hongjoong, he must have put all kind of ideas into his mind,” whispered his mother with a thoughtful expression. “I'll come and get you after school, like this I can make sure he stays away.”

“You stay away from him as well son ! Do you hear me ?!” insisted his father.

It was Mingi's turn to look horrified.

“What ?! He's my friend I'm not-”

“Mingi !”

He knew the only way to get out of this was to say yes. He'd need to text Hongjoong about it but it didn't mean he wouldn't be able to see him at all.

“Yes dad. I'll stay away from him,” he said between gritted teeth, words tasting bitter on his tongue.

“Do you know who is the other boy he's going with ? You have to stay away from him too.”

At that Mingi's heart skipped a few beats. He couldn't stay away from both of them, he had to at least protect Seonghwa.

“No,” he lied. “He didn't tell us who he was.”

“I have to call San's parents, they'll be stunned to hear about him.”

What the Songs had never understood was that the Chois had never been as extreme as them. Mingi smiled bitterly knowing his mother was about to be told to fuck off considering the change that had operated in the Choi's house.

He didn't think it'd backfire :

“Stay away from San too. His mother just told me he was also going with a boy at Prom,” said the Song mother when Mingi came to diner.

“What ?” asked his father. “How can they accept this ?”

“I don't know what devil possesses them. She sounded far too happy, and got angry at me for condemning her acceptance.”

Mingi's father shook his head in disapproval.

**8 makes one Zoo (it's a family Seonghwa, not a Zoo)(Shut it Wooyoung)(This name is way too long)**

**Middle child**

_God guys_

_San Hongjoong I'm so sorry_

**Loud Child**

_What ? What's happening ?_

**Dad Hong**

_What's going on Mingi ?_

**Middle Child**

_My parents asked about prom and I told them about you going with a boy. They asked me to stay away from you. My mother called San's but she didn't like the conversation. I'm not suppose to see him too_

**Mom Hwa**

_You can't be serious ... What century are they in ?_

**Quiet Child**

_Not ours for sure. You won't say as they told you right ?_

**Middle Child**

_Of course not ! Might as well stay away from all of you at this point_ _!_

**Loud Child**

_Ah yeah, my mom just told me_

_She's shook that your parents are that extreme_

**Demon Child**

_Even they weren't ... that's understandable_

**Young Child**

What are you going to do Mingi ?

**Middle Child**

_I'll stay with you guys, always. Just, not before and after school. My mom wants to drive me from now on, to make sure you won't be around me_

_I apologize in advance if she comes to you_

**Old Child**

_It's a joke right ? She can't come and threaten hyung and San to stay away !_

**Dad Hong**

_There's a reason why we never went to Mingi's house Yunho ..._

**Middle Child**

_I told you about it Yunho ... They got ten time worst that what they were 3 years ago believe me ..._

**Demon Child**

_Not to sound only interested by shopping, but are you still up for Saturday ?_

**Loud Child**

_Saturday ? Tf goes on Saturday ?_

**Mom Hwa**

_Language San_

_We go for our costumes_

**Demon Child**

_I ain't wearing no suit at Prom, we go for *outfits*_

**Quiet Child**

_That's ..._

_Whatever_

**Middle Child**

_IDK_

_Lemme ask_

_OK it's fine, just ... God I'm sorry_

**Old Child**

_What is it ?_

**Middle Child**

_They want to check who will come with me. Which means that only Jongho can wait for me_

**Young Child**

_Yeah sure, I don't mind_

**Middle Child**

_Ty !! (T^T)_

The weeks that followed were hell for Mingi. He could not be seen with any of his friends except Jongho, and when the later was late the red-haired had to ignore Yeosang and Wooyoung sitting on the bench as his mother knew them and didn't want him near them either.

The hardest was when they got off school, because as they were in the same class and friends again, Mingi spoke a lot with Yunho and San about the dance club. And one day he forgot about his parents' stupid rules and had to explain to his mother why she had been speaking with the two boys.

“We were talking about math class mom, there's something they didn't understand, it was just me explaining,” he lied. He started to become a master in deceiving his parents at this point.

“Can't they find someone else ?”

“I'm the best of the class,” that was only half a lie. He was on the top three, after a girl named Hwasa and Yeosang.

His mother seemed satisfied by this particular point but still found something to say :

“Well next time tell them to go to the teacher directly. They don't need you and you don't need them. They'll probably end up being strippers anyway.”

Mingi turned in shock to her and didn't miss the quick glance she gave him, as if to check on his reaction. On the moment he was too stunned by the cruel words of the woman to really register, but thinking about it again later made him confused ; that had been a weird reaction to have, as if she made a point to be more cold, bitchy and heartless every time to see how he would react.

At the end of January, snow covered the streets and Prom was only a week away. Neither he nor Yunho had dates, but the day came for the eight boys to make a mall shopping date together to find their outfits for the party. Wooyoung never stopped talking to them about it, having thousands of ideas but not knowing on which to settle. His plan was also to influence heavily San's and Yeosang's choices, but he was not going to force them to wear what he wanted though.

He and San had taken things slow, like the older wanted. He kept the touching to only what San wanted and was comfortable with, leaving him the care to draw his lines and reach for him when he was ready for a bit more. His last therapy session had ended very well and San had almost been sad to realize with time how little he had to tell his therapists, but understanding it was his healing process coming to an end, it brought him more joy than sadness. They all saw how he bloomed : he was more comfortable around them, less faded, talked more in the conversations, laughed louder, dared to make jokes and act like an idiot to make them laugh. He had gained in confidence, and it was all they ever wanted to see. Being with Wooyoung did a lot to help of course, and with the younger, he also slowly started to be less ashamed of the scars he had imposed on his own body. It was a more difficult process, and he often had break downs because of those, hating his past self for leaving such deep and permanent marks on himself. Slowly, with a lot of love and care from his boyfriend, he came to accept them more easily. To not hide them when he was in the safe and closed environment of his house, or one of his friends'. His leather bracelet was only used when he was going out, his wrist visible to all when being with his family and friends.

They had only taken things to the “last step” - read _have sex_ \- and San could tell how happy it made him. Wooyoung had been extremely careful and cautious, his boyfriend's scars receiving a peck of his lips, to show him how he didn't care that they were here, how he still acknowledged them and accepted them like he accepted San. And the boy liked it : at first, he had thought that he'd prefer it they were ignored, but he realized he didn't. It would feel like Wooyoung didn't care at all, when it the case. And San told him, that he liked the little kisses when they were intimate, the thumb caressing his scarred skin distractingly when they were talking or watching a movie.

Their little heart to heart was always very genuine, spontaneous and welcomed, Wooyoung's and San's parents accepting the other with open arms.

The weather was a bit cold, but they still had gone to a few double dates with Yeosang and Jongho, and it was interesting to see how both couple were made of two people whom completed each-other perfectly, but as a whole were opposed to the other couple in a very satisfying balanced way.

Back to Mingi, whom was stressing like never before because he had his mother by his side and a plan in mind.

Jongho was waiting for him in front of the mall, the others already inside and hidden in shops to mama Song wouldn't see them.

“Text me when you want to come home, I don't want you taking the bus.”

“Mom seriously ?”

“We never know. They might be waiting for you somewhere.”

Her stupid paranoia started to be sickening to the boy, but all he could do was clench his teeth and take it all without a noise. He only realized when he got off the car and took a deep breath, but being with his parents, at _home_ , felt like drowning to him now. He felt like he couldn't speak, had to me irreproachable, and it was oppressing as hell.

“You OK ?” aked Jongho as soon as he saw him, understanding something was off.

“This is getting on my nerves. I swear I feel like a dog on a leash.”

Jongho stayed silent but he thought just as much. All the boys minus Mingi had spoken about this : they couldn't do anything but the poor boy couldn't go on and on. He was constantly being watched and monitored, and he was turning 17 in the year goddammit ! They just did the most they could and hoped everything would go well for him.

It's with more or less outfit ideas in mind that the eight boys finally reunited and started their shopping marathon. San already had lots of stuff at home, like Seonghwa and Jongho, so their main researches were for jewels. Wooyoung, Yeosang and Yunho had half of what they needed, while Hongjoong and Mingi needed new outfits entirely.

Mingi loved fashion and he and Wooyoung often agreed on stuff they checked out, helping the others when they needed opinions on what to wear with what. Yunho was glad because he was afraid that with three couples out of eight people, he and Mingi would be “stuck” together ; it's not that he would have minded, but he didn't have a heart-to-heart with the younger since San's accident day and he had no idea in what state of mind the red-head was. And he was still a bit angry and frustrated at him for being so dense ...

“Wow, that looks super fancy Jong',” commented Wooyoung, checking out the bolo tie in Jongho's hand. it had a simple black strand, but with a very round and bronze jewel, an amber the size of a thumb in the middle.

Yeosang whistled in appreciation.

“I'm going to enjoy pulling on that,” he smirked, winking at his boyfriend before focusing on the slacks he was checking out.

Another thing they discovered, Wooyoung and San were far from being the kinkiest couple : with the number of allusions both Yeosang and Jongho made about their sex life, one could only imagine how wild they were.

“Could you not, they are kids here too,” scolded Seonghwa while Hongjoong rolled his eyes.

“And if those kids get the subtext, believe me they can hear worse.”

If Jongho had doubts about buying the bolo tie before, he didn't anymore.

“Hey Mingi ! I found something, I think it's what you described ?” Hongjoong was showing a white shirt that had a folded sewing on the front, and was not a shirt nor a t-shirt. More like a top with a light v-line.

“That looks good, let me try it on.”

“Guys, if anyone has anything to try it's now or never !” called Hongjoong.

San went with Wooyoung to give him his opinion on a blood red shirt he had flashed on, Yunho had a button-up and a vest. Mingi's heart was loud, Yunho was in the cabin right next to his, and he still had his plan to put in motion. He just wanted to ask Yunho out for Prom, but he needed to have a moment alone with the boy and he hoped it could be before they ended the day with bubble tea in a few hours.

But as they went to more shops, he could never find the time to ask the boy out. When they were alone it was never for long enough, or people called either of them for their opinion. Yeosang finally saw that something was happening with Mingi and asked him about it when they were at the last shop for the ones who wanted to buy make-up.

“You look defeated. Is everything okay with Yunho ?”

“Yeah yeah it's me ...”

“You ? Did you do something ?”

“No, not like that,” the red-haired sighed and spoke in a whisper, seeing how San was eying them suspiciously.

“I want to ask him to be my date to Prom.”

Yeosang's eyes widened in surprise.

“R-really ?”

“Yes. But I can't find the right moment.”

The honey-blond understood and made a plan of his own.

“I know how to give you a hand.”

“How ?”

“Don't worry about anything and let me deal with it, just be ready to ask him out, alright ?”

Mingi nodded and their conversation ended right when the boys realized Wooyoung and Yeosang both had enough make-up for the entire city, and so they could always show up at their place to finish their outfit with a little touch.

Then, as planned, they moved to the coffee shop, and Yeosang spoke up :

“How about we go find a table and go order after ? It'll be simpler for all and my feet are killing me.”

“My bad is kind of hurting too,” said Wooyoung, stepping right into his trap.

Yeosang winked at Mingi from afar, and they all found a table to settle at. He ended in front of Yunho, Wooyoung and San on their left, Seonghwa, Hongjoong, Yeosang and Jongho on their right.

“We'll go order first, then we can go two at a time ?” proposed the Junior, everybody nodding and missing the satisfied smirk on his lips.

Mingi didn't understand right away how it was suppose to help.

He did when he and Yunho went to order after Seonghwa and Hongjoong though. At first they were silent, which was a bit weird, but then Mingi realized it probably was now or never, and so he held Yunho back before he could go back to their table.

“Yes ? You forgot something ?”

“N-no I just want to ask you something.”

Yunho smiled welcomely and nodded.

“Sure.”

They moved so they wouldn't block the line, and went close to the bar. Mingi tried to ignore the curious glances of their friends of their back, and focused on the big puppy eyes in front of him :

“Do you hu, do you have a date ? For Prom ?”

Yunho shook his head, and involuntarily, Mingi let out a relieved sigh.

“No I don't. Why ?”

“Well I was wondering if hu ... you'd like to go with me ?”

The brunette seemed taken aback and his eyes opened wide.

“You want to go to Prom with me ?”

“Yeah.”

“Why ?”

“What do you mean why ?”

Yunho shook his head again : “Like, why ? Is it because we're both without dates and you think going with a friend would be a good idea ?”

That was definitely not his thought, and it definitely did not sound like a good idea when Yunho spoke about it like that. He almost looked angry at Mingi's proposal, and the younger couldn't understand why.

“What ? No ! I mean, if you want us to go as friend then yes but I was not thinking about it like that ... I just ... I want to go to Prom with _you_. Not because you're my last option, far from it, but because you're my _only_ option. I don't want to go with anyone else.”

Mingi looked defeated, Yunho's outburst bursting the bubble around them, and his eyes trailed to the ground.

“But I understand if you don't want to. I ... was not the best of friends and it was wrong to assume you'd like us to be more than that.”

Yunho felt a pang of guilt hit him in the chest. He sighed longly, and asked :

“Why would you think that ?”

Mingi felt his cheeks turned pink :

“I don't know. We were friends but-”

“No. What would you assume that I don't want it ?”

The red-haired raised confused eyes at him.

“What ?”

Yunho sighed again : “I'm sorry if I was a bit ... aggressive. It's just ... you're very dense Mingi, you know that ?”

The other blinked in answer and made the older chuckle.

“I've been waiting for you to caught on to my feelings for weeks since the groups merged. And then you invite me to dance to the Christmas Ball, only to jolt away from me the second we're out.”

“I'm sorry about that. But my mother was watching us, and you know how she can be ... I didn't want her to assume-”

“Assume what ? Mingi this is going up the good road don't mess it up ...”

“I just didn't want to have her after my ass. I'm sorry but you have no idea what it is to hear you parents spit their venom on your friends just because girls aren't the only gender they like. I didn't want that venom to be spat on you.”

“I can handle it Mingi.”

“I can't.”

That surprised and touched the older Junior more than he let show.

“I just want to be sure why you're asking me out.”

It was Mingi's turn to take a deep breath.

“Because if you'd let me, I want to try something with you. I finally came at peace with my feelings but I can't just sit around and do nothing now that I know I like you.”

“I like you too Min, but ... I can't let you jolt away from me in public ... I know why you do it but it hurts.”

“I know. It won't happen again, I promise.”

“So ...”

“So ?”

“Prom ?”

Mingi smiled with all his white teeth and Yunho couldn't help but do the same, feeling the cage around his heart open for the first time in years.

“Yeah, Prom !”

The red-haired just prayed everything would go as well as he hoped, his major problem to deal with before the party being his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the group chat, just in case :  
> Dad Hong : Hongjoong  
> Mom Hwa : Seonghwa  
> Middle Child : Mingi  
> Loud Child : San  
> Quiet Child : Yeosang  
> Demon Child : Wooyoung  
> Young Child : Jongho  
> Old Child : Yunho


	15. Chapter 14 : Prom Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, this is the last chapter ... this is making me emotional. Anyway, after this there will be an epilogue of course, you will understand why it is necessary by reading this chapter. It is the longest (I like to make my last chapters long in all my fictions don't ask why) and a lot is happening, so I hope you'll like it.  
> Friendly reminder, I do try to be as realistic as possible for some issues my characters are going through but if you think it's too much, I'm sorry, I did my best.  
> This was a wild ride, the story sat on my computer for a while before I had the courage to publish it, I was afraid of the reactions people would have considering the subject I treat in this fiction, but I was happy to see many of you took it like any other story, and loved it the same, so thank you. Thanks to all of those who commented or will comment, liked or will like, and most importantly all of you who read it. I can't say for sure what my next fiction will be, I'll be taken by a writing contest in the next few days, and then University will start again so I have no idea how everything will go.  
> I paused the writing of my Mutant AU, and started to work on a Harry Potter AU, I already published a small story if you're curious, more like a prologue really of the story I'm preparing, and I've had other ideas for other AUs but I won't talk much about these ones as nothing has been done yet. 
> 
> Enough talking, enjoy this chapter, I'll publish the prologue before the end of the week, promise, and I hope you'll like it !
> 
> Hope y'all have a quiet life in those hard times, don't forget to take care of yourselves, I'll see you soon

“You haven't told them yet ?!”

Mingi slapped his hand on Jongho's mouth and shushed him loudly, eyes darting to were Yunho and Wooyoung were talking with San. Jongho had came to check on them at dance practice, and the Junior had used the opportunity to seek help from his friend. Clearly he should have picked a better timing.

He yelped when Jongho bit the inside of his finger to get his hand off, and hit him on the arm.

“Don't speak so loud !”

“I can't believe you haven't told them yet !”

“It's complicated OK ?”

“Is that what you're going to tell Yunho when you'll tell him ?!”

The thing was : a week had passed and Mingi's parents still had no idea their son had a date for Prom, and that this date was a boy. The red-haired was sure that Yunho would dislike this information very much, despite understanding the situation, and so Jongho was the only one who knew about it.

Everybody had been happy for the two boys, Yeosang winking at him non-stop for the help he provided, and now they were only a few hours before Prom and Mingi was stressed like never.

“I'm just scared of their reaction ! What if they keep me from going to Prom ?!”

“Then you call us and we'll break you out,” deadpanned the Sophomore.

Mingi stared at him in disbelief before snorting : “You and Yeosang truly are made for one another.”

“Thank you. Anyway, if they really go on full assholes and even take your phone just send us an email. Send _me_ an email, I can access it from my phone.”

“This is still not reassuring ... I don't want it to go this far ...”

“I know, but you're not going to keep yourself from having a good time with Yunho and us just because your parents have centuries of homophobia up their asses, are you ?”

“No ...”

“You didn't sound very convincing ...”

“You don't know what it's like ! You never had to go against your parents because they're understanding and accepting !”

Jongho lost a bit of his joyful expression.

“You have no idea how they reacted when I told them about Yeosang. It wasn't a bad reaction but they still questioned a lot about the way they educated me and how they did not see _the signs._ Nothing was said out loud but I saw the way they looked at him the first time he came. They were hostile. Silently, but still. It took me snapping at them for them to stop treating us like a couple of aliens.”

Mingi swallowed the lump in his throat with difficulty.

“I'm sorry.”

Jongho sighed.

“It's fine, it's nothing, but don't assume things, you of all people should know that assuming is not good. Don't !” he said quickly when he saw the other ready to apologize again. “The only thing you should focus on right now is telling Yunho that your parents don't know about you, and then tell your parents about you.”

“Sounds easier said than done ...”

Jongho shrugged and stood up, Jisoo calling the end of the break.

“That's how everyone's life always goes ! Easier said than done !”

And he left on that. Mingi was left alone with his fear and guilt, trying to smile through his wrecked nerves.

“You alright ?”

Practice was done and Mingi was surprised to see Wooyoung waiting for him. It had been weird between them at first, trying to go past what had happened, Mingi seeing the younger as responsible for San's last suicide attempt, while also trying to get forgiven for what he had told him in 8th grade, but they eventually made it work.

“I have to tell something to Yunho and I'm scared of his reaction.”

Wooyoung hummed quietly :

“Can I ask what it is about ?”

Mingi sighed and nodded as their made their way out of the dance classroom.

“My parents don't know I'm going with him to Prom. I'm just terrified of how they will react, I'm so scared that they'll forbid me to go because of this. But at the same time, if I go I want to come clean to them.”

Wooyoung frowned.

“Mingi, _coming clean_ would mean you have something to reproach yourself, something you said or did that was bad. Going with Yunho is nothing bad.”

“I know, but it feels like it because I know they won't accept it. For them it will be wrong.”

Wooyoung nodded, biting his tongue to swallow back the bitter comments he wanted to pour. He had learned his lesson with San, he should not judge without knowing the full situation, and even when he did, he should take in consideration how things were different for everyone.

“I can't tell what your parents' reaction will be. But I know Yunho will be more understanding that you think. He's worried about you y'know ?”

“Really ? B-but why ?”

Wooyoung's smile gave Mingi the impression that the answer was an evidence.

“He cares about you, and he doesn't like knowing you're so restricted about your likings. Of course he'll be frustrated that you haven't told them, but I know he'll go past that and help you if you need it.”

They closed their coat despite being still hot from training, knowing from experience that as soon as they'd start to cool down, the cold air of February would hit hard.

“I'll see you at Prom ?” said Wooyoung, Mingi seeing Yeosang wait for him from afar.

“I hope so,” he said with a sad smile, and Wooyoung hugged him tightly, whispering a _fighting_ in his ear before leaving with a wavy hand.

The red head spotted Yunho speaking with Hongjoong, but unfortunately did not have the time to go to him as his mother's car appeared in the parking lot behind the two boys.

“Shit,” he cursed.

Yunho had seen him from afar too, but understood that this was not a good time to speak with him, and so he made an almost imperceptible nod, taking his phone out to let him know they could text.

As if they hadn't every hour since Mingi had asked him out.

“So, tonight is Prom night,” said his mother as she was driving out of the parking lot.

“Yep.”

“Still going without a date ?” she was genuinely curious, and despite the fact that Prom Night was not a Korean tradition at all, Mingi couldn't help but feel the bitterness behind these words.

“Actually, I need to speak with you and dad about something.”

She eyed him carefully, brows frowned.

“OK,” was all she said before she focused back on the road.

He took his phone out and immediately went to Yunho's contact.

**Princess Minki**

_Yunho ?_

**Giant puppy**

_Yeah ?_

**Princess Minki**

_I have something to confess_

_Please don't be angry with me_

**Giant Puppy**

_Are you going to ditch me ?_

_For tonight ?_

**Princess Minki**

_Not a chance you're stuck with me_

_But about that ..._

_My parents don't know I'm going with you_

**Giant Puppy**

_Oh_

_OK_

_It's fine_

_I understand_

**Princess Minki**

_You're mad aren't you ?_

**Giant Puppy**

_I'm not mad_

_I'm sad, but not because of you_

_Will you tell them ?_

**Princess Minki**

_I want to tell them before tonight, I want to be able to go with you without hiding you_

_It's not respectful otherwise_

**Giant Puppy**

_Mingi, you know that I understand the situation and even if yes, it'd annoy me if you don't tell them, it's still a situation you're in, so you should have the final call_

**Princess Minki**

_My final call is that I want to tell them_

**Giant Puppy**

_Alright_

_I'll be there if you need anything_

_Don't forget we have to meet at Wooyoung's at 6_

**Princess Minki**

_I'll keep you updated_

_See you_

**Giant Puppy**

_See you !_

Alright, now it was all about taking a deep breaths, stop his shaking hands, make sure his heart wouldn't stop given how fast it was beating, and try to ease the knot in his stomach that made him want to throw up.

It felt worst when he realized he'd need to wait for his father to come back from work.

“Don't worry, he'll be here before you have to go for Prom, he made sure to come back earlier.”

He didn't know how to feel about that. He knew his father was going to be an asshole, but as the same time, he made sure to come back earlier from work for him ? The world didn't make any sens in Mingi's opinion.

He went to his room and started to get his stuff for Prom ready, taking his outfit out and carefully displaying it on the bed in a way that wouldn't make folds. He also took his jewel box out, not possessing a lot as his parents thought men shouldn't be wearing jewels ; it was miracle he had managed to get his ears pierced. After that - it had taken him barely ten minutes - he was passing back and forth in his room, until he settled for listening to music while laying on his carpet. His thoughts wandered and he could get his mind off the stress that would come in a few minutes, instead thinking back at how everything and everyone had evolved during the year.

Hongjoong had clearly said something to Seonghwa, because sooner than they realized, the oldest of the group stopped smoking. Of course they were all extremely happy by that, Yeoasng being the happiest, and despite his mood swings Seonghwa seemed to deal well with it. He always had a fruit in his back, and often ate lollipops to busy his mouth when he wanted to smoke, but they knew it'd take a little longer for him to be even disgusted by the smell.

San had been quicker to stop, he had as soon as he had left the hospital almost three months ago now. Three months. Time sure flies by. He and Wooyoung had been a bit awkward as first, despite both of them apologizing, San needed to wrap his mind completely about his attraction for the younger, and the other still seemed to walk on egg shells, making sure San would not say something that would make him regret their new relationship. It had lasted a little less than a month before they had a conversation, Mingi didn't know all its extend, but he did know that they had spoken in more details about 8th grade, and how San was doing mentally. It was a relief for Hongjoong, Jongho and him to see San doing better, be it with himself or with the others.

He and Yunho had also come a long way. All this time Yunho was weird around him despite their truce, Mingi having no idea that he was hiding his feelings. He almost laughed at himself for remembering how he had thought he'd spare Yunho's feelings if he asked to just be friends, while all this time, the older only waited for one thing : an evolution of this friend statue. Oh how blind had he been ... It was a thing they all had in common. They had a hard time seeing past their own heart ; sometimes it was in a good way, like his confusion and Hongjoong's doubts about Seonghwa, but sometimes it could lead to terrible things, like what had happened between Wooyoung and San.

Sighing, he thought that Yeosang and Jongho had been the only one with enough common sens to talk things out before they went out of control. It didn't make Mingi jealous, no jealousy was a strong word used to describe bad feelings. Mingi felt more envious, wanting, to have a relationship like this. They made it look so _easy_ , but he knew it was not. Jongho had proved it to him, Yeosang had to, they had struggled a bit, none of them in the group had it easy. But if he had to make a ranking, Jongho and Yeosang might have been the ones to struggle the less between the eight of them. And he was almost sure they'd agree.

He was ripped out of his peaceful thoughts by the sound of his front door opening and his father's voice greeting his mother.

_Shit_

“Mingi !” called his mother from the other end of the corridor.

His house didn't have several floors, everything was on the ground floor, meaning that if he had to jump through his window, he could without fearing to break his neck ; yes, he had thought about it before.

“Good evening Mingi !”

“Good evening Dad.”

“Your Mom told me you have something to say ?”

“Yeah it's about tonight ... I found a date ...”

Both parents were sitting on the couch, watching him expectingly.

“First I need to know ... you ... you love me ? Right ?”

His mother snorted, as if it was the most ridiculous question he'd ever ask. For him though, it was important.

“Of course we do honey. You make us proud,” it was his father whom answered, but his mother nodded along.

_Not for long_ , he thought bitterly. He took a deep breath, and knowing it wouldn't take long for his to chicken out, he blurted out :

“I am going to Prom with boy. Yunho. _I_ invited him to Prom.”

He had lowered his eyes in order to not see their reaction, but no hearing anything just made it worst.

“What ?” his mother's voice had never been colder and deeper.

“I'm going to Prom with a boy. That I invited.”

“Because you didn't find a nice girl to go, neither did he, and you want to go with him as friends,” she said, trying to make up a story in her head and that alone was enough for Mingi to feel his heart beat louder and louder in his chest.

“No Mom, I'm ... I care about him, a lot. And I like him a lot too. I'm not going as friends ... we're ... we're dates. He's my date for Prom, and I'm his.”

He finally looked up, heart skipping a few beats despite its speed when he saw the anger on his mother's face and the disappointment on his father's. A disappointment he expressed clearly :

“I'm disappointed in you Mingi ... I thought you had understood. Meddling with _these_ people-”

But Mingi had enough. A week ago he had stood by and listened to his parents insult his friends without saying a word, not again.  _Never_ again. 

“I am one of these people ! Stop saying it like they're sick ! Like they're worth nothing ! We're human, like you and Mom ! And we shouldn't be thrown away just because of who we love !” there, he had said it, he was proud of himself.

“This is not you. You are not _gay_ ,” the word was spat with so much venom it made Mingi shiver. 

“No, no I'm not. But I have friends who are. And there's nothing wrong with it. I'm not gay but I'm in love with a boy. And if you love me like you said you did, it should not matter.”

“This is not a question of love ! Mingi you can't !” said his mother, standing up.

“Why not ?!”

“Because it's not na-”

“Don't you dare say it's not natural ! It's not true ! Love is natural isn't it ?! Then loving, no matter the gender, shouldn't be tagged as unnatural just because it's not between a man and a woman !”

His parents were too shocked to say much, but he could see in their eyes that they saw him crazy.

“They put all these ideas in your mind. Hongjoong, San, it was too late to make you stop seeing them. We have to make you change school.”

Mingi's heart dropped in his chest and his face fell. He had not been smiling but he had been facing his parents with a determined expression that had crumbled over these seven words.

“What ?”

“It's the only way. Your mother is right. They polluted your mind with all their sinister ideas and values. This is not what we stand for.”

“And thus it's wrong ?!”

“ _This_ is, yes. We'll ... we can let you finish the year, but your last year of High School won't be at KQ, prepare yourself.”

“You can't- You can't do that ! Just because I like one boy !”

“We can't take the risk of this _attraction_ getting permanent. You think you like him but it's an illusion Mingi, he's not interested in you neither are you in him. Those you call your friends put this into your head.”

“They didn't put shit into my head ! You on the other hand, brainwashed me into thinking you were right ! I hurt some friends when I was younger, I insulted them and I pushed them away because of your stupid homophobic ideas !”

His father looked one second away to throw him out but Mingi was already scared. If they were going to disown him at least he'd make it count.

“I don't want to hear another word. You'll finish the year in this hellhole but as soon as next week we'll contact your previous Headmaster and beg him to take you back in. Clearly you had too much freedom since September and we'll change that,” said his father with a finality in his voice that made Mingi angry.

“Go to your room. You'll only leave it to go to school and to eat. And of course, you're forbidden from going to Prom.”

Mingi's eyes widened, his body feeling like he had been drenched in cold water in less than a second. He begged, but they refused to listen. So silently, he made his way to his room. They had not taken his phone, which was a relief, and he would make sure they forgot he had one so they couldn't have the idea. He sent a quick text to Yunho asking him his address, the older confused for a second.

But Mingi did not have time for this. He took a quick shower, and then, as if he knew it would end to this, he started filling the travel bag he had let open on his bed. He put a few change of clothes, everything he'd need for hygiene, his Prom outfit as well as his accessories. He had no idea what he'd do, where he'd go, even if he had an idea at least for tonight, and so he took his computer and battery, his school bag, and as soon as he was ready, put back on his shoes and dressed warmly.

He could hear his parents talking in the leaving room, and he answered Yunho.

**Princess Minki**

_Please Yunho, I need to drop by_

**Giant Puppy**

_Of course, here_

He checked the location on Google Map, the bus he'd need, and then he was opening his window as silently as he could, gently passing his bags out and then himself, closing it as much as he could. He didn't leave a note, figuring he'd let them call him and then he'd tell them he was somewhere alone and safe. He had to be careful as he passed under the living room's windows, and then he was making his way to the bus stop.

It felt unreal.

His bags full on his shoulders, headphones in his ears, going to Yunho's place.

His heart was beating furiously out of his chest, telling him how wrong all of this was, knowing that he was doing something he shouldn't, but had to. So he listened to his head and its peaceful state.

For the first time in a long time, Mingi felt at peace. He had no idea why had still been hanging to his parents when clearly there was nothing to save between them. It was sad, but he had his mind wrapped around the idea for a few years now, and so he felt more relieved than sad. For now, he tried not to think about how his life would go.

Twenty-five minutes later he was getting off at Yunho's stop, and making his way down the house. He had been there a few times as a kid, and he was glad to see nothing much had changed. The child's games at left the garden though, as even Yunho's brother, Gunho, was too old to play with them.

As if expecting him, the door opened on Yunho, and Mingi could see his mother behind. He suddenly realized that he was completely barging in the Jeongs' house without any consent from the actual owners.

“Mingi !” Yunho ran to him, grabbing his shoulders and looking at his face with worry.

“I'm fine, I'll explain. I'm ... I'm sorry I came in without warning-”

“You sent a text,” smiled the other reassuringly.

“I didn't ask your parents-”

“Mingi. Just come in.”

Yunho brought a shy hand to his face and brushed away a tear he had no idea had been there. Now feeling less numb he brought his hands to his cheeks and realized that he had been crying indeed. As soon as he step in, he bent to Yunho's mother.

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” she said, forcing him up with a hand on his shoulder. “It's so nice to see you again,” she smiled tenderly, guilt eating Mingi's stomach a bit more.

Yunho deserved his parents and his parents deserved each-other : they were all more selfless than the other it was insane.

“Ill make you boys hot chocolates, how does it sound ?”

“It's perfect, thank you Mom,” smiled Yunho, before he took Mingi's hand. “I'll settle Mingi in my room.”

“Of course. If you need anything you know where to find me.”

They both went up, Mingi feeling memories come back to him in waves of happiness, but melancholy too, as he knew he could still have memories if he had not been an idiot. Time to fix what he had missed.

“I guess you talked to your parents,” said Yunho.

He had been patient, waiting for Mingi to drop his bags - not commenting on how big they were - and take his coat off.

“I did.”

“I did not go well,” it wasn't a question, and Mingi had a dry laugh not even directed at Yunho. He felt more tears coming but before they could fall warm arms were wrapping around his trembling frame, and he was led to sit on Yunho's bed next to him.

“Take your time, breathe, you're fine. Whatever happened, you're fine Mingi.”

He followed the advise, and once he was ready, he told Yunho everything. Word for word what his parents had told him, and his current situation. Yunho's mother came with the chocolates a little after the end, and Yunho repeated all to her after Mingi gave his consent.

“Do you have somewhere to go ?” she asked, frowning.

Mingi shook his head. “I know it's not bad to the point where I  _can't_ stay home or I'll die, but they will never understand. I'm just trying to make them. That it's not- it's not a phase, or whatever, that it's not a problem, that it's not wrong but they just,” he sighed, closing his eyes and pressing his palms until he could see shapes forming behind his eyelids. “They just won't hear it.”

“Mingi, your situation is complicated, and you know you'll always be welcomed to stay here.”

“No, I can't, I'm not imposing myself-”

“You're not imposing, but you seem already aware of the fact that you will have to go home at some point.”

“Yes, I do don't worry my goal is not to parasite your house.”

She had a chuckle :

“You're not. I'm not saying this because you'll bother, I'm saying this because you're still a minor, your parents have a law authority on you, and they can force you to come back. Also, you can't just run away. You have not graduated yet, you don't work.”

“I know, I know, and I thank you for allowing me to stay for a short time, I'll do everything I can do go as fast as possible.”

Yunho sighed and his mother echoed.

“That's not what I meant. You can stay for as long as you need. Your parents might not let you. They'll worry, despite their weird way of loving you.”

“I'll tell them I'm safe.”

“It's never enough for parents. I'll talk with Yunho's father and we'll see what we can do to help.”

Mingi seemed horrified by the idea.

“You're doing so much already please don't, I don't want to involve anyone who doesn't have to.”

“Well too late,” concluded the woman, standing up and going to the door. “Take your time but it's 6 soon and Wooyoung will be mad if you're late.”

Mingi was left wide eyes and mouth looking at the door, Yunho quietly laughing at his side.

“You had forgotten she was like that, right ?”

“I suddenly remember who you got your personality from,” he answered. “I'm still sorry Yunho, after everything that has happened I'm still being a weight.”

He yelped in pain when a flicker was delivered on his forehead.

“I'll kick you out if you keep calling yourself that. Now come on, tonight is about making you forget. You can be sad all you want after tonight, but not right now.”

Yunho's smile was so bright and big, how was he suppose to say no ? So he smiled back and together, they started getting ready. The bathroom was currently taken by Gunho, but both already had taken a shower, and they changed in Yunho's bedroom, suddenly feeling very shy and showing their back to each-other. It felt so weird ... he guessed growing up was like that. Things that didn't seem a big deal a few years back - like showing a bit of skin to your friend - was now that they were older, and definitely crushing on each other.

Their outfit was pretty similar, and they knew that their friends also had a sort of _theme_ for their couple outfit, so somehow it fell well.

Mingi had bought the white blouse Hongjoong had found for him, and put on a black suit vest, black slacks, and oxfords. His red hair had faded to a sort of orange that he brushed to have wavy bangs, his roots growing back a dark brown. He had a little chain around his wrist, and also took out a few earrings he put here and there. The blouse had a tiny V neckline that let see the space between his collar bones, and as he faced Yunho's mirror he tugged on the clothes to make the neckline deeper.

He heard a curse and his eyes darted to Yunho's reflection, the boy wearing a white shirt, and struggling with what Mingi identified as a tie.

“You need a hand ?”

Yunho turned around and their eyes crossed in the mirror's reflection.

“If you don't mind.”

The younger turned around and smiled as he took the offending cloth frim Yunho's hand. His father had taught him how to tie a tie when they had to go to his grandmother's funeral two years ago. Gently, he wrapped the black material around the other's neck, and knot it. He had seen from the corner of his eyes a jewel that looked like a ruby on a pin, and took it, guessing it was suppose to go on the tie to decorate it. He pined it on the knot, and as a reflex, brushed Yunho's shirt to smooth it, smiling to himself in satisfaction.

Yunho had been staring at him the whole time, seeing how his sharp eyes had focused and moved behind his long lashes. He smiled gently, thanking the boy in a whisper and feeling bold, even pecked his lip sslightly. It was Mingi who had done that a few days ago, after Yunho had helped him with an English homework he had struggled with, and now both of them knew what it was like to feel butterflies. And that was just a peck on the lips.

Yunho had dated before, but for Mingi all of this was new, so everything he discovered was incredible in sensations. Yunho was just whipped.

The older put on his jacket, a bit like Mingi's but his had buttons, and turned to his mirror to brush his black hair, making one side fall on his forehead and brushing the other one on the side.

“So ?” he asked, knowing that Mingi had been looking at his every move.

“You look amazing.”

“You're not too bad yourself,” his eyes fell on Mingi's collarbones. “You miss something though ...”

He went to his desk and from under the mess of books and papers, found a very thin chain.

“Can I ?”

Mingi nodded and turned around, letting Yunho clips it around it neck. The cold feeling of the metal was quick to fade but it was enough to surprise him, especially when Yunho let it brush against the bones at his nape.

They turned around and stared at each-other, and would have probably kept staring if it wasn't for Yunho's mother calling them :

“Guys, are you ready ?”

It snapped them out of their little bubble and they both grabbed their coat and scarf before leaving.

As Yunho took his hand and wrapped their fingers, Mingi closed his eyes and decided that yes, he was in a hell of a situation right now, but he was also with Yunho, and he deserved to be carefree for at least one night.

*

“Hongjoong we're going to be late,” chuckled Seonghwa, eyes blinded by the towel on his head.

He was sitting on a stool, only dressed in sweatpants, Hongjoong standing between his legs and drying his freshly died hair. He had decided to go back to black, and his boyfriend had been really happy to help him dye them again.

“I'm going as fast as I can ! You don't have much hair but it's thick !”

The towel was suddenly removed as Hongjoong focused on the back of his head, Seonghwa's eyes opening to Hongjoong's body before trailing up to where his focused face was. His nose was frowned in the cutest way, and he couldn't help but lose himself in the boy's contemplation.

He should have find that scary, because every time he was looking at Hongjoong, it made sudden needs rise in him unexpectedly. Right now, he had this urge to hug him for example. And so he did, as soon as Hongjoong said :

“Alright, I think we're good.”

Seonghwa's hands settled on his waist and brought him closer until he had to move his legs - groaning as he did so - and could sit on the older's lap. He was used to it by now, even if it was barely a month since they had started dating, and he too should have found it scary, how much Seonghwa was dependent of him. But if he was honest, he was just as much. Unlike Seonghwa though, it didn't came as a very cuddly personality, but all the songs he had started to write where about Seonghwa.

They were terrifying. But together, so it did not matter. And, of what all the dramas he had seen told him, it was a reality that fresh couples were cuddly as fuck.

So when Seonghwa hid his shyness from his actions in the crook of his neck, arms tightly wrapped around his torso, he only wrapped his around the other's neck, and poked Seonghwa's shoulder with his chin.

They were in the bathroom, and even if Seonghwa's parents wouldn't mind them kidnapping the room as they needed to prepare, they actually had to prepare.

“Thank you,” only said Seonghwa after a while, flustered when Hongjoong could see his face again.

Smiling, he cupped his face and kissed him, the kiss very sweet and innocent. Yeosang had told him that Seonghwa wouldn't let him take care of him, but he had been wrong : the older had only been waiting for that. But he hadn't been waiting for anybody, he had just been waiting for the occasion to stop being in control for once. In was a real paradox : both of them had this need, and one could think that, for their relation to work, they couldn't both let themselves fall and expect the other to catch them anyway. Well those people were wrong. Because it's exactly what they did. They let go of everything they had to keep in check to the outside world, and fell together, making it impossible for them to be hurt. They kept each other safe during the fall.

That was probably why they found a rhythm so fast when they started dating.

They went back to Seonghwa's room, the older loving how, in one month, he already have half of Hongjoong everywhere in his room : the papers filled with lyrics, the materials for his clothes reforming activities, his sweaters and shirts all over his bed and bedroom floor.

He smiled as he took his outfit from his closet. His and Hongjoong's theme was velvet. He had a loose dark blue velvet turtleneck, tight jeans in which he tugged the top, and black fancy boots. He had a dangling chain on his left ear, a short one of his right, a few rings on his fingers and knuckles, and did a soft make-up : a very thin eyeliner line on his upper eyelids, and used a dark red eye-shadow at the end of his eyes and under his lower eyelids. He slicked back his black hair, only leaving a few strands to fall on his forehead, put on chains around his neck to fall on the velvet top, and he was ready to go !

He turned around and his jaw opened slack. He already knew Hongjoong had a little surprise but didn't know it'd be _that_ ! He had a sort of dark blue tuxedo like outfit, but instead of a high waist pants, he had a long high waist _skirt_. Velvet of course, and a navy blue, lighter than Seonghwa's. He had a black button-up he had let open a bit under his short tuxedo vest, and the older swore he fell in love all over again.

It was cold outside, so Hongjoong had black leggings underneath the ankle-long skirt, that had a fucking slit on the side. The slit didn't go up really high, barely above the knee, but it was still really hot. Especially as Hongjoong had on a black velvet choker with a black stone in the middle, silver around it like a frame. He was currently doing his eyes in the bathroom mirror, tip-toeing a bit to be closer to the mirror, hiding his sweet gaze under a heavy black eye-shadow. His whitish pinkish hair were wavy, and falling around his head like a halo.

“Seonghwa !”

He blinked, realizing Hongjoong had been calling him for suite a while now.

“S-sorry, yeah ?”

“You like it ?”

He had the _audacity_ to ask him that, while looking like _that_ and batting his lashes like a goddamn Disney princess ?!

“I love it, Hongjoong you're so beautiful.”

The other had a very very shy  _ giggle _ , yes a giggle, a 15 year old teenager giggle, but he didn't care. Seonghwa was telling him he looked nice. 

“I hope people won't say anything,” he suddenly said while cleaning the bathroom off his make-up material.

“They will, but you won't pay attention to them because only I matter,” he scoped Hongjoong in his arms, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“Seonghwa !” whined Hongjoong.

“I'm sure they'll talk, they'll be so jealous to see you so pretty, and to know that only I can have you.”

Hongjoong laughed, his joyful, loud laugh and it brought the blindest smile to Seonghwa's lips.

“As long as you're with me.”

“All the way darling,” there was way more weight between these words than just tonight's party, but he didn't need to precise.

*

“Yeosang ! Are you two ready yet ?” called Yeosin from downstairs.

The boy panted as a final kiss was led on his neck, Jongho smiling, his hot breath caressing his skin. He took a look at his clock, and saw that it was five after six. They were definitely late. Wooyoung would kill him.

Jongho rolled his hips, riping one last moan from Yeosang as he pulled out, he couldn't bring himself to care. Not when he just had his guts rearranged by his boyfriend. They breathed heavily, him trying to swallow fast so his dry throat would not hurt when he answered :

“Almost ! We need a few mores minutes !”

His sister - he didn't know if she had any idea what was happening in her brother's room or not - told him to hurry up and he rolled his eyes.

“That good ?” said Jongho with a chuckle, as he laid next to Yeosang, their naked bodies pressing together.

“Fuck off,” he said without any bite, smiling and eyes blown by the rush of oxytocin to his brain making him feel drunk. “You know it's  _ that  _ good every time.”

“Even if we only had half an hour ?”

He closed his eyes as another kiss wet his forehead. He hummed happily.

“Always. Even just a hand-job is satisfying, as long as it's with you.”

Jongho smiled, his rare gummy smile he only used a few times.

“We're late aren't we ?” he said after a while, when their breathing had gone back to normal and they started to get cold, bodies no longer covered in sweat.

“We so much are. Come on we have to take a shower.”

“Can you keep your hands to yourselves ?” asked Jongho with a smirk.

“Get going before I decide to take all the hot water.”

With the last sound of his boyfriend's crystal laugh, Yeosang chucked down the bottle of water he had next to his bed, and checked on his phone. Sure thing, Wooyoung had texted, saying only he and Jongho were missing.

He also said something about Mingi being in bit of a situation, and that made him frown.

“Everything alright ? You look upset.”

He turned around to see Jongho, watched, with only a towel around his waist. Yeosang raised a brow at that :

“Why aren't you dressed ?”

“You said we were late, I took a shower and got out so you could take one too. I can get dressed while you shower. So, what's wrong ?”

“Wooyoung just texted me, apparently something happened with Mingi.”

“Another argument ?”

“No, it's not really with him, more about him.”

Jongho took his own phone and checked his messages.

“He didn't text me,” he said confused.

“Maybe he told Wooyoung when they got here, come on let's hurry.”

Both of them were actually very fast to dress up, having chosen a sort of “royal” theme ; yes they had gone on with their crack.

Yeosang had stolen a top to Yeosin - who was not minding at all - and the gray silk with laces on its collar - a choker collar - and leather to belted the waist and his forearm was beautiful. It was very slightly transparent, making it possible for anyone who was close enough to see through it a bit. The collar was not only decorated with laces, but also a ribbon of white pearls, attached at the collar like waves, a big stone it the middle. Yeosin thought it was an opal but they never had any way to know. He was of course wearing high-waist slacks, with three thin buckles to narrow his waist even more, and black creepers. His honey-blond air had been parted in the middle, the strands falling in front of his eyes with the tip raising to meet his ears, and he had braided one lock of hair behind each ear.

_He looks breath-taking_ , was a very important thought in Jongho's mind at the moment. What was great, was that Yeosang had the same one about his partner. He also had a silk shirt they had found at the mall the other day, but a black one, with a sort of gray collar that expended from the neck to his shoulder. He had black slacks and oxfords to complete the attire, dangling rubies as earrings, and the bolo tie he had bought too. He had customized it and added pearls, almost similar to the ones on Yeosang's top so they'd fit, and it was very elegant.

He took a little box out of his bag, and opened it to reveal the flower bracelet Yeosang had wanted Jongho to gift him. The older gasped when he saw it :

“When did you get it ?!”

“When you weren't looking.”

“I can't believe you really bought one !”

“You said you wanted one, no ?”

The Sophomore gently took the bracelet out of the box and took one of the other's thin wrist. The flower was delicate and not too big so it wouldn't bother Yeosang when dancing. It was a white rose, the flower of his birth's month, and was decorated with a fake peacock feather, silver pearls and a black lace ribbon which Jongho wrapped around his wrist. Once it was in place Yeosang jumped in his boyfriend's arms.

“The others better be ready because we'll be the best couple out tonight,” he said, kissing Jongho with his freshly nude pink gloss painted lips.

“I'm sure Wooyoung and San would have tried to make a competition.”

“Of course they would, but except if one of them died their hair ...”

Both boys hurried out the door and soon were at Wooyoung's place.

*

San had been a bit nervous for tonight, knowing this was another big thing for the group. Social events always made him nervous since he had gotten out of the hospital, as he had the impression everyone knew who he was, what he had done, and felt like he was being observed 24/7 when at school. Needless to say, it was a bit stressing to live this way.

So even if he knew that tonight, people would most likely be focused on enjoying themselves, he was still a bit nervous.

“You don't have to be. No one will pay attention to you but us, relax Sannie,” Wooyoung came from behind to hug San, chin on his shoulder and arms around his waist.

“I know, but I can't help but think-”

“Stop thinking then.”

San deadpanned, looking at Wooyoung through the mirror they were standing in front of. The younger had a lot of mirrors in his bedroom, and if at first San had been disturbed by it, he eventually got used to them. As his mind healed, his ability to look at himself in the mirror got better, and now he was able to look through his own eyes without feeling disgust or cry. On the contrary, he only saw how far he had come and how much he had change since that day in his room before September.

“What ? Thinking gets you to doubt yourself, stop thinking only for one night. You'll miss something otherwise.”

San sighed and chuckled.

“Fine. But I need you to let me go, I can't put my shirt like that.”

Wooyoung whined like a child. “Whyyy you're fine like that !”

He was only wearing pants, his chest very much naked ... He was far from decent, be it for Prom or for the terrible weather of February.

“Wooyoung.”

“Fine !”

The younger let go and turned around to dress up as well - he was as far from being ready as San was. They also had decided on a velvet theme, and were more than ready to steal the spotlight to Seonghwa and Hongjoong. Wooyoung had a red velvet shirt more open than it probably should, with a thick black ribbon around his neck as a choker, and black jeans. San had a black velvet button-up shirt, the sleeves rolled to his elbows and high waist slacks that just made his waist even thinner. His shoulders were large and the shirt highlighted them nicely. He had died his hair back to black, like Wooyoung, but had a single lightening of turquoise in his front bangs.

He had let his eyes natural, only darkening his mouth a bit with one of Wooyoung's darker lipstick, a sort of gray one, while the younger had very slightly underlined the shape of his eyes with a blood red eye-shadow. San had of course his thick bracelet to cover his scars, but he had no rings on, unlike Wooyoung.

By the time they were ready, had the compliments of the whole Jung family, and made out a bit more, Seonghwa and Hongjoong were knocking on his door. Both San and Wooyoung opened their eyes wide when they same the skirt their smaller hyung was wearing, before they smiled widely :

“Wow hyung ! It's so pretty ! You didn't tell us you had that in mind !” said San, jumping around the see the whole outfit.

“I was not going to, it's a surprise,” winked Hongjoong, cheeks pink from the attention but a wide smile on his face showing he liked it.

“That's cheating !” said Wooyoung without meaning it. “Hey ! You and San both decided to be frustrating tonight !” he added, tugging on Seonghwa's turtle-neck.

“Just because I'm not showing skin means I'm frustrating Jung Wooyoung !” replied the older laughing. Then he saw San, both looked at the other's hair, and widened their eyes.

“Your hair !” they said at the same time, making their boyfriend laugh.

“Sannie did it better !” said Wooyoung.

“Seonghwa looks smoking hot with black hair and even you can't deny it Jung Wooyoung,” retorted Hongjoong.

Wooyoung pulled his tongue at him, the door bell ringing at the same time. Checking his phone, the younger yelled :

“That has to be Yunho, Yeosang isn't answering my text !”

They had no idea what had happened to Mingi, and so they were surprised to see him with the oldest Junior when Wooyoung's father opened the door. The red-head didn't want to explain at first, saying that it would only ruin their night and fun but after Hongjoong tickled him - not in the literal sens of the term - he spit out the truth.

“They want to sign you back to our old school ? They're insane ...”

“I can't believe they said that, it's ... God, I'm sorry Mingi but I'm disgusted,” said Wooyoung, hands holding his friend's.

“It's fine, I'm not disappointed, I expected something like that. I guess a part of me still hope it'd be better than this ...” said the boy in question.

“What are you going to do now ?” asked San worried.

“For now I'm staying at Yunho's house, but I can't do it for the rest of my life.”

“You know my parents wouldn't mind,” said Yunho with a shy smile.

“I would,” answered back Mingi with an apology on his face.

“You know that you can stay with me any time you need to,” said Wooyoung. “I'm sure Yeosang's parents wouldn't mind either, him and I are always switching house.”

“It's nice to all of you but I have to deal with it on my own. Legally I'm still dependent of them and they have the right to force me back home. I'll just ... I'll have to make them understand that this is not just about changing school or bad influence ... I have to make them understand I'm serious, and it's not a _phase_ , or whatever bullshit they think ...”

“What if they don't come around ? What if they throw you out ?” asked Seonghwa, silent until then.

“If they throw you out you come back home immediately,” said Yunho with a serious face that could only get Mingi to nod in approval.

“If they don't come around but don't throw me out, I guess I'll change school, what much could I do ? And if they throw me out, I'll have to find an apartment. But I don't want to talk about this ... not now ... It's Prom we should be excited and not depressed by me.”

“You could never depress us Mingi, you're our friend we care about you,” said Hongjoong hugging them.

Wooyoung had texted Yeosang a few minutes ago and was annoyed to see the other had left him on read.

“Is Jongho with him ?” asked San. “Maybe that's why they're late.”

“Who's late ?”

All jumped but Wooyoung and turned to the boy's window to see Yeosang and Jongho coming up from it. Despite wearing heavy coats for the cold they undressed to show their outfit.

“Sorry, this,” said Yeosang gesturing to his whole body, “takes time to get ready.”

Jongho laughed behind him, but the other six had to recognize they were a sight worth seeing. All of them got complimented on one aspect of their outfit, and after a while they noticed that time had flown by, and they were going to be late if they didn't hurry.

While in Wooyoung's parents' car, Mingi had a quiet conversation with Yeosang and Jongho about what had been going on and the two had missed, and of course the older was backing up Wooyoung's previous statement and assured that their doors would always be open for any of them if they needed it.

“Don't you want to call a social worker ?” asked the honey-blond.

“A social worker, that's a bit too much no ?”

“Mingi, you ran away from home. I don't want to make you depressed, but you ran away from them. And they're forcing you into things you don't want to, you're afraid they'll throw you out !”

“Making me change school isn't the worst thing that can happen, you said so, if changing school is what it takes to not be thrown in the streets then so be it.”

“But it shouldn't ! This is not-”

“Yeosang,” called Jongho quietly, looking at his boyfriend over Mingi.

It was neither the good place nor time for this conversation and the Junior knew it, but he was worried as hell.

“I'm sorry. Let's not think about it anymore.”

“Yes please,” agreed Mingi.

Jongho, usually one to complain about physical affection - if it wasn't from Yeosang - took one of Mingi's hand in his own, and smiled at him. He'd be fine, he had them.

They could already feel the party when Wooyoung's parents dropped them in front of the gymnasium. The entire building was decorated with lights, balloons, and from the outside they could see all the colorful spotlights. A majority of student had decided to respect the American tradition and had dates, but another big part were groups of friends. The eight boys were a bit of both.

A red carpet had been laid outside, et led to the inside of the gymnasium. It was insane but it was amazing : they all had stars in their eyes, happiness in their heart and euphoria running through their veins.

If in September, someone had told them they'd be going to Prom all together, they would have thought them crazy. Yet here they were.

There was a photo-booth, and a professional photographer as well for group pictures, and the boys decided to start there now that it wasn't too crowded. It'd surely be filled with people as the night would go by, and they didn't want to miss the opportunity to take a picture with Hongjoong and Seonghwa, as it was their last (and first for the younger) Prom. They also did couple pictures, and then separated by friend pictures. They took one as there previous group, then Mingi went with San, Jongho with Yunho and Wooyoung with Yeosang, both boys bringing a lot of attentions.

“I don't know who said that they never saw two pretty best friend, but that man ain't seen Woo and Sangie yet,” they turned to see Changbin, very elegant in a gray suit.

“As if you and Felix weren't two pretty best friends as well,” teased San.

“Changbin !”

Stray Kids had arrived, followed closely by TXT, and there quick time at the photo stand became a paraziting of the place, as Wooyoung wanted to take pictures with everyone.

“It's the first year we have a photographer,” explained Seonghwa to the other four.

Tonight, they had decided to enjoy themselves as much as possible, and chose to only sing one song, as ATEEZ. Blackpink had been surprised but Rosé was super excited when she understood that San was dating Wooyoung.

“Oh God I'm so jealous you guys are so adorable !”

She was wearing a beautiful black silk dress, sleeveless, with the front shorter than the behind. She had grabbed both of them in a hug as soon as they saw them, and the rest of the four bands sort of mixed with all together. Wooyoung left San with Rosé for a second, and the pink-haired girl was quick to say :

“I wanted to say, I have no idea what happened to you this year San, but I am happy to see that you look hundreds of miles away from the day we met in the girl's bathroom.”

San's heart warmed at these words. He and Rosé had been together a lot, but she always acted very sisterly when she saw him, and if at first he feared it was from pity, he soon understood it actually was compassion.

“Thank you. I'm happy to say that _I am_ , miles away from what happened that day.”

She smiled to him, and from afar they saw a new wave of students coming in.

“Come on. Let's find a table and grab something to eat,” she said, arms linked with San, both joining their group of numerous friends and changing their location.

Finding a table for 25 people was actually a bit hard, and they had to stick a few tables together for it to work. The school had a contract with a street-food cook, and the man was here tonight with other people to prepare trays for the whole school.

As the night went by, worries eased from their mind, and they cut ties with anything that was outside the gymnasium. They danced, sang their hearts out, enjoyed their time with Seonghwa and Hongjoong, knowing they would have a hard time seeing the two eldest next year with University. Jongho confessed having passed tests to jump a class, and that he'd be in Senior with the five others, making everyone even more happy and excited.

When the night died down a bit, people quieter, dances slower, couples more present, Yunho and Mingi ended up in the same position they were more than a month prior during the Christmas Ball. But this time, it felt less awkward, more natural. They were happier too, and there wasn't a huge misunderstanding like that between them.

“Hey Mingi ?”

“Yeah ?”

“You probably know that already, but I really like you.”

“I like you too Yunho.”

“Wanna be my boyfriend ?”

Mingi laughed, eyes closed and head thrown back, happy tears dancing in his eyes. It was ridiculous to cry for this, but after everything that had happened with his parents, he felt relieved that nothing damaging happened between them.

“God yes.”

He tilted his head up, and it was enough to connect his lips with Yunho's, both discovering each other's taste. It was sweet and gentle, discovering, enjoying their first kiss on the dance-floor, but it was perfect. Just like an American movie.

You have these moments in life, during which we're with the best people of our lives, doing something incredible, and it just feels like time is stopping. Everyone around you feels it too, everyone is feeling the same way, and it's just a sharing like nothing else. For one night you get to forget all about school, parents, life, it's just, your friends, music, and one of your life's best night.

And as ATEEZ got on stage for the first time, _Dazzling light_ , Hongjoong's song their first song as a group, they knew life could throw anything at them.

They were ready.


	16. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are. The prologue, finally. Sorry it took me a bit long, hope you'll like the conclusion of this story and this ending. 
> 
> Enjoy !

_**Exactly** _ **1 year later**

“I can't believe it's finally over !” screamed Wooyoung, letting himself fall on Yeosang.

“It's far from being over, it's just high school ending,” retorted his best friend with an amused smile.

“Don't ruin this for me Sangie, I can worry about University and being a responsible adult later.”

The two boys quickly hurried through the corridors of the Senior Wing, seeing a group of four boys already waiting for them.

They might all have been Seniors this year, but they had also been roughly separated. Yeosang and Wooyoung had ended in the same class, while Jongho, Mingi, San and Yunho were in another one. At least they weren't alone but it had been a bit weird to not be together 24/7. Jongho was already used to it, as he had been in different classes all his life before this year, but he couldn't hide that he had been disappointed to not be with Yeosang.

“What took you so long ?” asked Yunho.

He and Mingi had gone through a lot during the whole year. In a good, and bad way. Mingi had been extremely self-conscious about people's opinions and eyes on him, and more than once had acted cold and distant towards Yunho while they were on dates.

His family situation not helping, it had taken a rough waking up from himself to realize that what he was doing wasn't correct to the older, him, and their couple. Yunho had still been hurt, and doubted Mingi's feelings, and they had gone through a short break during which both took the time to think about their selves and what they wanted in a relationship. It had been a pretty tensed period during which the absence of Seonghwa and Hongjoong had been felt more than ever.

Eventually they talked it out, but they needed a few days to find their marks again.

Of course, they still had contacts with their two hyungs, but University was a bitch and their time was often split between assignments and seeing each other as a couple. They always looked like hell when they were able to see the rest of the group, and often fell asleep the earliest when the eight boys had parties or just casual movie nights. It had worried the six youngsters at first, but Seonghwa and Hongjoong had been reassuring : yes it was hard, but it was also the beginning of the year, and they needed to make their way around their campus. Both had been taken at Seoul and so both were in Seoul, the city was not that far from their home-town, and they were ranting an apartment together, so they were happy.

Mingi's family situation had been ... the biggest concern and worry all year.

After the ball last year, his parents had called him, demanding to know where he was. He had kept silent about it but assured that he was safe, with a rough above his head and food.

An argument had followed during which he had been very clear about his relation with Yunho, and that he wouldn't come home until his parents had seriously thought about his words.

Truth be told, he had been terrified that he'd be answered something among the lines of : “Don't bother coming home if you're really dating that boy, you're no son our ours.”

It had not gone this way. Clearly his mother seemed more pissed than his father, and he had the confirmation that the woman was not ready to come around when his parents accepted to not change him school as long as he'd let them talk to him. 

It was two weeks after he had gone leaving at the Jeongs. They had sit in the living room, his parents noticing that he had not came back with his bags, and they had talked. Sorry ... “talked”. It had taken a top of ten minutes for his mother to lose her patience and start yelling insults and threat if Mingi wasn't coming home, while his father surprisingly seemed calmer about this. Clearly he didn't like the idea of a son dating other boys, but he still gave the impression that he could work with it. After his mother had stormed out of the room like a furry, Mingi had a very calm and detailed conversation with his father.

By no mean would he accept and support his son's choice, but his duty as a father was more important to him - he and Mingi had both different definitions of  _parental duty obviously_ \- and promised that he'd talk to his mother about a possible arrangement they'd make. 

Mingi had been happy to see something could work out, but waited for the whole deal before getting too excited.

In the end, his relationship with his parents really reached a breaking point, but he was not thrown out in the streets ; yet : he'd be able to stay home and live around, but he'd had to make his food himself, clean his clothes, room and personal stuff. He'd be rooming with his parents. They'd also pay for everything he'd need, food, clothes, school, university even, but as soon as he'd be 19, they'd stop housing him. They'd still pay, but they refused to have any contact with him more than necessary and left him to deal with his life on his own.

Mingi already planned on taking an apartment with Yeosang, both having been taken to a Science University in the north of Seoul, so he wouldn't wait his 19th birthday to live his hell house.

It was better than what he hoped for, really. At least, he had a rough, and they'd help him financially. He'd work on this last aspect to stop depending on their money as soon as possible, but he could make something out of it for his life.

Following this, he had to go see a therapist. The situation was still “fixed”, but considering how it had fell between him and his parents, anyone would need a helping hand.

So, one year of laughs, tears, parties, cracks later, they were all ready to go to University, but with 0 idea what to do with their lives. Like 99.99% of teenagers actually ...

“Wooyoung had to go to the bathroom because he was sure his make-up was smudged,” Yeosang rolled his eyes annoyed and gladly bit in the apple Jongho handed to him.

“Even smudged it'd look good babe,” said San. He had gain a lot of confidence. Perhaps too much confidence. He and Wooyoung had totally pulverized Jongho and Yeosang as the kinkiest couple, it was official, but also as the shameless couple. If before you couldn't see one without the other because they were always around, now it was worst ! Because at least they kept a physical distance - tiny I'll give you that - between each-other when others were around, but now, they HAD to be touching the other when he was in eye range. It was insane ! They were always hugging, touching hands, leaving tender gestures on a nape, a thigh, an arm. They had to be in contact with one another _constantly._

“Alright before of y'all does something embarrassing let's go, they're waiting for us !” cut Jongho, already taking Wooyoung away from San.

They being Seonghwa and Hongjoong, whom had both a car and a license. As it was the boy's last day, they had decided to do something a little special. On a common accord they agreed that they'd miss this year's Prom, as it wouldn't be the same without Seonghwa and Hongjoong, but the oldest had felt bad for being the reasons their friends would miss the ball. So they had decided they'd take their friends to a bbq-restaurant, very famous in South Korea, and had even proposed to come and pick them from school.

“What good parents they are,” laughed Yunho when he saw the two boys sitting on the truck of Seonghwa's car, Hongjoong's parked right next to it.

“Hey, how was your last day ?” the oldest didn't miss a bit when Wooyoung crashed into his arms, Mingi doing the same to Hongjoong.

“Terrible, they made us work until the end hyung ! Can you believe that ?!”

“University will be rough on you Woo,” commented Hongjoong.

“Don't talk about that yet, Yeosang and San will both be away from me,” pouted the now brown-haired.

“We're all going to Seoul don't be so dramatic,” said San. “We just can't live all together because our Universities are on different sides of town, but we'll still be able to see each-other a lot. You'll come by the apartment too !”

“I am not getting sexiled by you Choi San,” warned Yunho, Jongho baking him up as they'd be respectively San and Wooyoung's roommates next year.

“Guys, enough of this, did they bicker all year ?” asked Seonghwa to Yeosang.

“You know they did.”

“My poor child, how could you stand them ?”

Yeosang sighed dramatically.

“I don't know mother. But Mingi was good to me, don't send him away too.”

All broke in a laugh after Yeosang's theatrical lines, before Hongjoong pressed them.

“You're classes ended late, let's go before it's too crowded.”

“How are we separating the cars ?” asked Mingi.

“We could do three and three, easy, balanced,” shrugged Jongho.

“Ouuh I want my three first born like before !” said Seonghwa.

“Technically, Mingi and I are older than Wooyoung ?” retorted San.

Seonghwa gave him a pointed look :

“They're my first born because I knew them before you. Doesn't mean I love you any less Sannie. Let's go now, yes ?”

The boys split but of course even that couldn't be quiet, because soon Yeosang was bickering with Wooyoung for who would call shotgun.

“I don't trust you as a co-pilot and neither should Seonghwa !” said Yeosang.

Wooyoung gasped loudly :

“Excuse me ?! I'm an excellent co-pilote !”

“I beg the differ. Last time you played my GPS we were thirty minutes late and Seonghwa arrived before us, when he had to go pick three people instead of one,” grimaced Hongjoong.

San immediately came to the rescue of his pouting boyfriend :

“Don't worry, you'll be my shotgun when I'll have my car.”

“Oh and we'll be like Bonnie and Clyde !” it was all it took to cheer up the boy.

“Or Thelma and Louise !” added San.

“God help anyone that goes into a car with them,” joked Jongho.

“I'll be Louise !” said Wooyoung.

“You're the one getting us in trouble the most so yeah, I see it,” said Yeosang, making his friend chase him.

“Yunho please, take shotgun,” asked Seonghwa with pleading eyes.

They managed to sort everything out and soon, they were driving to the restaurant. Yunho turned on the radio and Red Velvet blasted in the car.

“Seriously hyung ?”

“What, they're good.”

“Yeah they are but-”

“Nah ! Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake-hole !”

“Did you just quote supernatural on _me_ hyung ?”

“What if I did ?”

“I should have never shown you the show.”

“Jerk,” smiled Seonghwa.

“Bitch,” answered Yunho when he understood the reference.

“Assbutt !” yelled Wooyoung from behind, turning to Yeosang who had yelled it at the same time.

They had come a long way, everything had started with them four, but now, they were happy to say they had doubled-up. Driving, Seonghwa thought back to his and Hongjoong's first serious conversation. If he had refused to hear the younger, things would have been quiet different. Yeosang and Jongho would have been the only link between the two groups, and things would have been considerably harder for them for sure. Maybe they would have arrived to the point they were today, but Seonghwa had the feeling it would have been way longer and bloodier.

They never saw it like that and never wanted the six boys to see it like that, but they actually owed a lot to Hongjoong and Seonghwa.

After twenty minutes they finally made it to the restaurant, and with how many of them they were and how loud, you couldn't tell if the waiters wanted to smile or cry. Probably both, before they realized how much the eight boys would eat.

It was soon a chaos of talking, laughing, as the restaurant filled a bit more every hour, but they stayed oblivious to anyone that wasn't in the band.

Talking about band, ATEEZ had more concerts than they would have thought. When they saw how hard it was to keep contact with everyone, Hongjoong decided to sign them in some bars as a playing band, which was a way for all of them to make money, keep doing music, and see each-other at least once a week. They usually played on Friday nights, when they knew they'd have the most of the club's spectators, and if it was a slow beginning, they had their little success. They didn't gain much from this but it was enough to help Hongjoong and Seonghwa with some University stuff while the youngsters put everything aside to save for their own University years, but as the year went by, they made a bit more as the owner of the club was thrilled to have them : they weren't sure if that rumor was true, but apparently the club had gained more clients since they had started playing. Word-of-mouth did wonders.

Hongjoong - with the signed agreement of the other seven boys - used a lot of his song for his major at Uni, crediting them of course when he used entire songs for his assignments, and he seemed pretty excited to talk about it.

“My teacher is also a producer at this huge Idol company, and he told me that if I kept working like this, he'd make arrangements for my third year's internship to be moved to next year !”

“Congrats hyung ! You must be so happy !” said San.

“I am guys, but honestly, I never thought I'd let anyone listen to my music, let alone sing it and make a band out of it, so thank you all too.”

He turned to Seonghwa whom was of course sitting next to him, and whispered :

“Thanks to you, I would have never had the courage to pursue this if you had not been there along the way.”

“I told you didn't I ? I'll be there all the way,” answered Seonghwa, pecking Hongjoong's nose tenderly before they focused back on the others.”

“You'd have an internship as a producer ?” asked Yunho.

“Not sure,” said Hongjoong. “Normally yes, that's what I'm studying for, but Eden - my teacher - says my rapping skills could be successful if I wanted to do something of it.”

“Damn, look at you starting the Idol life,” laughed Mingi.

“I am _not_ becoming an idol Mingi-ah,” smiled the older.

“But you could ! And what if that Eden guy sees talent in us too ?!” Wooyoung started to get a bit excited and Jongho stuck a piece of meat in his mouth to shut him up.

“It is possible that he asks you to come by for some of my assignments one day, it had been done before. Students whom had their friends' help. We're a band, so Eden knows the only possible carrier for me alongside producing could only be solo.”

“Are solo rappers interesting for them ?” wondered Yeosang.

“Why wouldn't they be ? Lots of solo artists are rappers. Look at Agust D,” retorted Mingi.

“Ah yeah.”

“Anyway this is far from me, the only thing I want to focus on is making music, it doesn't matter if I'm not the one rapping or singing it as long as the world hears it. I'd be down for anything concerning my carrier.”

“I have no idea what I want to do,” confessed San.

“Me neither,” backed up Jongho.

“I don't either, but you guys at least have an idea to what you want, you wouldn't have applied to University otherwise,” said Seonghwa.

“Well, acting classes are vague,” said the youngest.

“They can get you to be an actor.”

“I'm sure you'll find something, both of you,” assured Wooyoung.

He had chosen to go into cooking, as it was something he had in mind for a while now and had been constantly annoying his parents with his since he was in High School. He was sure it was the road he wanted to take, and everyone supported him.

“You're going to make kids fall in love with you Sangie, you'll have the quietest class I'm sure,” joked Yunho about Yeosang's major. Unlike his shy and savage personality, he was very fond of kids and wanted to be a teacher, so he'd be able to share all the knowledge he had acquired for so many years.

“Good. A quiet class in a better working and learning environment for kids, especially the younger ones.”

“I'll be your hyung at Uni too Mingi,” remembered Hongjoong. It was really no surprised when the younger had applied for the same school as Hongjoong, also choosing a music carrier. Unlike his hyung he was essentially a rapper and a lyricist, not much interested in music production for now. But he was working himself around, slowly getting interested in Hongjoong's studies and hobby.

“Oh great,” fake groaned the other.

“Be nice,” laughed Yunho, pushing him with his elbow slightly.

“What did you chose in the end ?” asked him Jongho.

“A dancing major. I just love dancing so much I don't see what else I can or want to do.”

“You have amazing dancing skills,” cheered Yeosang.

“And choreographer skills !” added Seonghwa.

“Half of the choreo I taught the class were also Wooyoung's help.”

“Nope, you always did more than me,” counter-attacked the called one. “Just believe in yourself Yunho ! And who know ! Maybe Hongjoong's teachers will speak about needing a choreographer and Hongjoong will be like _hey I know a very very good one you want his name ?_ and boom you'll have an internship at the same studio as Hongjoong and you'll end up choreographing his raps !”

Everyone was amused and heart-warmed by Wooyoung's enthusiasm and Yunho could only chuckle.

“I'll keep that in mind, thank you Woo.”

The younger hugged Yunho tightly before letting go, smiling all along.

“What are you worried about San ?” asked Seonghwa like the good mother he was.

“Same I guess ... I ... I kinda took this major because I had to take one, but I'm not really confident in it.”

“Well, it you won't be easy, but difficulty has never stopped you before. Why would it now ?”

“It's not much about how hard it'll be, but about how I'll like it ? I just ... I don't want to change my mind along the way and change my course entirely. It'll feel like I lost time.”

“I know our society ain't really welcoming for reconsiderations of our life choices, but if it takes you 5 years to find what you want to do, you have to take those five years. You'll still learn and discover things, it won't be wasted time. It's only in your head that it'll feel that way,” comforted Hongjoong, understanding the problem all too well.

He had been afraid to chose music as his study subject, as it had been his hobby for most of his life. He feared that studying it would disgust him of it or that he'd have crossed the line of _doing what you like and you won't feel like you're working_ when he shouldn't have. He was happily proven wrong.

“I know ... it's just been running on my mind lately and I can't help but think about it ... Did I chose well, will I like it, what if I'm wrong ...”

“I'm not sure we can say enough to help you with it,” Seonghwa's browns had frowned with worry, but San was quick to reassure him.

“Don't worry. I've been going back to my therapist for two weeks now, I needed to tell her about this. I'm in good hands hyung.”

They were glad San had learned to call for help when he knew none of them could give it to him the way he needed. It actually taught all of them a lesson, especially after Mingi begun to see one too. Not all of them went no, but they all realized that if the world felt too much, this was a very valid option for them.

“I wouldn't worry if I was you. It's normal to doubt but, why you chose Psychology as your major is for me a reason solid enough that you'll find the motivation. Even if you can't see it now,” said Yeosang after a while.

San wanted to help people. He wanted to help people the way he was helped, and so he had decided that he wanted to understand people's mind. Understand why and how it worked, and maybe in a way, it was satisfying his own curiosity for all the problems he had to go through : he wanted to understand why his parents had needed to see someone to understand nothing was wrong about their son being bisexual. He wanted to understand how parents, like Mingi's, could push every family value aside and burn them to ashes for something as stupid as love interests. So he chose Psychology.

“I hadn't thought about it this way.”

“You're motivation is sly high, Yeosang's right. Don't worry too much about motivation,” came in Seonghwa.

“But even if you change your mind along the way, it'll be fine too. You'll always find what you want to do. And it doesn't matter if it takes a bit more time that other people,” concluded Hongjoong.

The stopped eating soon after, having eaten enough for at least the week to come, and they decided that they'd finish the evening by a nice walk in the park next to their old High School.

“It's so weird to think we will never come back,” said Yunho. “It was four years of our lives after all ...”

“It was only a year and a half for me ... but I guess it was enough to find everything I needed,” said Mingi.

They were walking hand in hand, like the three other couples were.

“Happy one year Mingi.”

“Happy one year Yunho.”

**Author's Note:**

> (yes I did an Amercian High School for them because unfortunately, the South Korean High School system is not flexible enough for a lot of things I need to do for this story, so sorry if you don't appreciate it - I still tried to keep the same school year timing, which means that they start in early March, summer break beginning of July- end of August, winter break end of December- beginning of February, end of school at the end of February) 
> 
> Just in case you lost yourself : 
> 
> Park Seonghwa Senior _ 12th grade  
> Kim Hongjoong Senior _ 12th grade  
> Jeong Yunho Junior _ 11th grade  
> Kang Yeosang Junior _ 11th grade  
> Choi San Junior _ 11th grade  
> Song Mingi Junior _ 11th grade  
> Jung Wooyoung Junior _ 11th grade  
> Choi Jongho Sophomore _ 10th grade


End file.
